24. Callum
We won our game last night, and while that feeling was good, I had a new thing driving me. My future with Ivy. I’d already been on the fence about football, not quite sure that was what I needed. But moving across the country, away from her? Only seeing her a few times a month during the season? Nah. That sounded fucking terrible.
The guys at the house all had plans today with their girls, since it was the only day off during the whole season. Dean wanted a team dinner that night, but that meant I had the entire day to spend with Ivy.
We could go to the shelter, but that wasn’t new. She’d enjoy it, but I wanted her to love it.
Her comment about visiting our hometown had stuck with me all weekend, so I made plans. I was taking her back to our hometown, where no one else from Central State would be. She and I were always seen together there, so it wasn’t news.
That way, I could take her on this date and show her how much I loved her. Cause my dumbass said it too early, and she didn’t say it back. It was fine.
Liar.
You want to hear the words.
You’re a greedy, selfish bastard. You want her to return the words.
Of course, I do. I’m not a robot. But she’s not ready.
Which is your fault cause you ghosted her, and she’s scared of that happening again.
How are you so unhelpful?
I’d read about how some people had the voice of reason in their mind. I had the opposite. The voice of utter chaos. There was no rationalizing with it, and I knew better than to try. Sure, yeah, who wanted to admit their love and not have it repeated? No one. It sucked. But I knew her heart. She’d say it when she was ready.
“What are we doing today?” Ivy dressed in cut off denim shorts, a black crop top, her high-top chucks, and her signature black bow in her hair. Her toned stomach and sexy legs would kill me. She was so beautiful and utterly perfect, and my pea brain couldn’t fathom how I didn’t realize how I felt about her in high school.
“I have a surprise, but you look incredible.” I wiped my hands on my jeans and placed them on her bare waist. “You’re fucking gorgeous.” Then I kissed her. I tugged her ponytail to tilt her head back and sucked her bottom lip. “I love this mouth, how you taste, and all the attitude you give me. It turns me on.”
“The attitude?”
“Oh yeah.” I smiled and pulled her against me in a hug. I wanted to breathe her in. Yank her close. It was like I was so afraid she’d slip away that I wanted her as close to me as possible. “We’re gonna take a little drive, but I bet you can figure out where we’re going.”
Her green eyes sparkled. “Mysterious. I like it. I’ve always wondered what it’d feel like to have someone plan a surprise date for me. That’s what this is, right? A surprise date?”
If it wasn’t before, it would be now. She scrunched her nose so her glasses slipped, but she looked so hopeful and cute I nodded. “Damn straight it’s a surprise date.”
“Ah! How romantic. I love this side of you.” She grabbed my wrist and squeezed it. It egged me on when she said shit like that because I wanted the whole thing. “I really like learning this version of you, Callum. This is so different than just hanging out or eating pizza or driving in corn fields.”
“I still like doing those things with you baby, but yeah, I like doting on you. We’ll be out of town, so I can touch you all I want. I can dip my fingers in your waistband or do this.” I kissed the shell of her ear and waited for goose bumps to explode all down her arms. “I fucking love that that works every single time.”
“You’re too sexy for your own good, Callum.” She dug her fingers into my chest and pulled me closer. “You smell so good I want to lick you.”
“Open invite for that, baby. Seriously. You can lick me anywhere, any time.”
She laughed like I wanted her to, and I guided us from her apartment to my car. I opened her door for her, shut it, then hopped in the driver’s side. “Now, a part of me wants to blindfold you for this, but I figured that could be like year two of us together. We could explore some kinkier things.”
“Why wait a year?”
“Ivy Lee!” I gasped and then laughed. God, that was hot. “You rascal.”
“Shut up.” She snorted and swatted my arm. “You want me blindfolded? Do it then.”
“Shit. Today was supposed to be romantic, not… you filthy girl. Was last night not enough for you?” My mind wandered immediately to her spread out on her bed and me on my knees again. I was addicted to eating her out.
“You’ve made me obsessed with your body, so no, it wasn’t. I wake up with your body pressed against mine, and I imagine you rocking against me. It’s… becoming a problem.”
“When can we live together?” I blurted out as I pulled onto the highway. “Hear me out. It’s not too soon. Apartments are a bitch to rent, and it’s efficient to have a plan for the end of the year.”
“Sure, but we don’t know where we’ll be after this year. I try not to think too hard about it because it freaks me out. But I don’t know where, or if, I’ll get a job, and you could get drafted across the country.”
Her voice dulled, and she twisted her fingers in her lap. Her nerves traveled through the air, gripping my throat. She’s nervous.
Oh shit. Is that why she’s holding back?
You know she thinks in years, dumbass. You need to reassure her location doesn’t matter.
“Ivy, I don’t even know if I want to get drafted.” I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. My sister had been on my mind a lot, but between her and my mom, they refuse to let me help them financially. My dad was still on my ass to meet and talk, but it was the lowest on my priority list. I knew my grudge had carried on for three years, and some could say I needed to let it go, that my anger would consume me. Blah, blah, fucking blah. It hadn’t consumed me. I was just pissed at my dad. He hurt our family and my mom, and yeah, there were parts I missed about him, but hearing his reasons and excuses wouldn’t help shit.
Even that morning he texted a few dates to meet up. I responded with I’m busy with the season now.
He countered with once the season ended.
He was persistent. I gave him credit there.
Someday, I’d have to speak with him, but it wasn’t top of mind. Not with my mom and sister and soon to be nephew or niece… my focus was Ivy and finishing the season.
Dean and Luca were diehard footballers where I would be content without it after this year. Hell, I secretly was looking forward to eating whatever I wanted and not staying on a strict-ass diet.
“Of course, you do. You talked about it all the time in high school.” She frowned and crossed one leg over the other. “Plus, your sister…why wouldn’t you want to go into the draft? Just to see?”
“My goals are wildly different from high school, my sweet Ivy.” I squeezed her knee and let my fingers linger on her smooth skin. “Like, I want to spend all my free time with you, between your thighs.”
“Don’t you flirt your way out of this. Seriously, Callum. I’m trying to enjoy the moment between us, but I know there is a chance you’ll be in California, and I’ll be in New York. We just don’t know and can’t predict. And it’s not like you can just… follow me with an intern program.”
“And why the hell can’t I?”
“Because your dream is the NFL, O’Toole. Come on.”
She’s wrong.
My dream changed. It’s been shaky lately. Real fucking shaky.
Ivy is my dream.
Don’t tell her that, doofus. She still hasn’t said I love you.
You’ll freak her out, and she’ll jump out of the car.
Okay, yeah be dramatic, would you? That’s helpful.
I crackled my knuckles before sparing a glance at her. The worry wrinkle was between her brows, and her jaw was tighter than normal. “Ivy, I have a business administration degree and a shit ton of experience with NILs and leadership, I might go straight into a career. You and I are different when it comes to careers. I want a job to provide a lifestyle I want, but I don’t care what I do. You need a passion. We’re going to follow your passion because my job could be anything.”
“But—”
“Playing in the NFL was once a fantasy, but I don’t have the numbers Luca or Dean do. I wouldn’t go in a round where I’d make a big sum of money, which is the only factor. So being across the country from you for an average chunk of money? Nah. Not worth it.”
“But it’s the NFL!” Her face reddened, and her voice went an octave higher.
I knew her dream was to break into it, but mine wasn’t. I loved her passion for me and her confidence I could handle it. Everyone thought they could, but that shit was hard.
“Yeah, but you’re gonna be my future wife, and I already know what life feels like without you. I’m not doing that again. I don’t know if you believed me or not, so yeah. We’re gonna see where you get a job offer. I follow you. End of story. So maybe that answers my question…when you get an offer, then we find a place together.”
Relief flooded my veins, now that I had a damn decision. Talking it out with her felt right, good even.
“You talk about this like it’s no big deal. This is the NFL we’re talking about. You can’t… I can’t be the reason you don’t play.” She frowned hard.
“You’re not, Ivy. I’m choosing me and what I want. Seriously, think about what I enjoy. I love being on the team and leading the guys, but the workouts? The meal plans? The constant push of my body? It was a great way to come to college, but I’m tired. I don’t have that aggressive drive to keep doing that, not when life could have other things planned for me.”
“Have you always felt this way? Like, if we didn’t become friends again?—”
“We’re dating now,” I interrupted her and pinched her side. “More than friends.”
“Right.” She playfully rolled her eyes. “If we didn’t get together, would you still do this? Please. I want you to think hard about it.”
I ran a hand over my jaw, trying to imagine my goals pre-Ivy this season. Have fun. Play hard. Help sisters and mom. Hang with the girls. Watch Ivy from afar. Figure out where I was going next. There was nothing about football in there. “When we won the last game, I remember thinking it felt addictive to be on the field and win, but there was a moment where I thought, damn, its gonna feel good to have these memories. Like my subconscious knew we were on our last leg.”
“You love it though.”
“I love a lot of things. My personality is to love things hard, but not everything I love is my future.” I pulled her against me, kissing the top of her had. She wrapped her arm around my side, and man, she felt like home. “I love the idea of mentoring high school football players. Or doing stats for a team someday. You mentioned I did stuff behind the scenes, and I still plan to do that in my own way. Just not on the field. You seem to like my body, and I want to keep it healthy and safe.”
“Yeah, I do like you safe. I’m just asking you to not make a choice because of me.”
“You’re not preventing me from doing something I love, but if it’s not clear, I’m choosing you. I’m always going to. Now, enough serious talk. I didn’t plan this to argue about potential wedding dates. Best memory from high school, go.”
She eyed me, her tongue tracing the side of her mouth before she sighed. “Fine, I’ll accept the topic switch. My best memory was the time we randomly had a huge mud wrestling tournament. Or wait, the puddle!”
“Ah, when we bought the tarp and fifty cans of vanilla pudding? A classic! My neighbor was so damn pissed.”
“Yeah, cause a hundred teenagers next to a retired cop was a great idea.”
“It was an open lot. Free country!” I cackled and hit the wheel.
Ivy snorted. “I loved that though. I felt like part of the cool crowd.”
“I remember just holding onto you the whole time. I didn’t want anyone to fall on you or hurt you.”
“Yeah, your girl didn’t like that at all.” Ivy chewed her cheek. “She glared at me.”
“Don’t let that remain in the memory. I don’t even know who I was seeing at the time, but I remember watching you laugh and then I dumped a whole can on your head… that was great.” I smiled at my girl. “All my best memories involve you, Ivy. That’s why I’m taking you back home.”
“Home?” She sat up straighter, her tone slightly off. “Home-home?”
“Yes. But don’t worry, we won’t see your parents. I wanted to take you to the school. Visit our old stomping grounds.” I held her hand in mine. “I’ve always loved you, Ivy Lee, but being in love with you is a new, insane feeling. I want to kiss you where we spent hours hanging out. Call me cheesy?—”
“Romantic. This is romantic.” She kissed the back of my hand. “You’re such a softie, and I love it. You’re like a golden retriever. I just want to keep you.”
About damn time.
It’s not I love you. But close.
I’ll take it.
An hour later, I parked on the side of the road. The stadium looked the exact same it did four years ago. I’d visited a few times during football games to say hi to the guys and the old coach, but there was always this gaping hole in my chest that was now filled.
No one was there on Sundays, and yeah, the gates were locked. “Feel like breaking in?”
Her eyes flashed with a challenge. “You know I’m down for that, but I don’t want you getting hurt. Not mid-season.”
“Baby, I’ve scaled so many fences in my life. This is nothing.” I wouldn’t lie though, I liked her concern for me. “Come on. I’ll help you up first.”
“Do you remember when you helped me escape that house party by practically throwing me up over the brick wall?” Ivy laughed as she gripped the top part of fence and hoisted herself up.
She let out this little baby grunt, and I wanted to record it and wake up to it every day. It was so fucking cute.
Look at our girl pulling herself up.
She’s so perfect.
Don’t let her fall, dumbass. Stop staring at her ass.
I shook my head and hoisted her hips, balancing her. The scars on her arm were on display, and I admired them for a minute. She once thought those scars would define her, but I cherished those wicked lines. They were a part of her and so fucking beautiful. I admired her every time they caught my eye. “Scars are hot, Ivy. Have I told you that?”
“Oh?” She had one leg on the fence, the other on my side. She arched a brow as I grinned up at her. “Like, how hot?”
“The hottest.” I ran a quick finger over her arm, loving the raised skin there. “You okay to jump down, or do you want me to hop over real quick and catch you?”
“I can handle a small drop, Callum. I’m not that fragile.” She used her sassy, bossy tone that I loved.
She reserved her attitude for me most of the time.
“I know you’re not, but you could twist your ankle and ruin your internship, right? How about you pause a second, and I catch you. I’m a selfish man and want to cop a feel. Appease me. Put me out of my misery.”
“So dramatic, you.”
I chuckled as I quickly jumped over the fence and landed with ease. My muscles didn’t even strain. Okay, brag much? My god.
“I got you.” I held out my hands, and she fell into them, flashbacks of us doing this a thousand times replaying through my mind.
The time I caught her jumping off the swing set in third grade.
The dance in junior high when she needed to get off the bleachers but they were too tall for her.
Sneaking into the stadium in high school to celebrate big moments—her receiving an academic scholarship, me going to D1 school. I’d catch her every time and always would. My heart raced, and my palms sweated.
The dumb voice in my head spat off rapid fire concerns, all coming out of nowhere.
Does she even like this? Does she want this? Does she feel good about us?
The insecurity and fear annoyed me.
I tightened my grip, a sudden, aggressive rush of feelings hitting me. “Does this feel okay with me?”
“What do you mean?” She kissed my nose before blushing. “Sorry, that was weird. I don’t?—”
“I love when you touch me or kiss me first.” I set her down and brushed some of her hair out of her face. “Kiss me every time the thought crosses your mind.”
“Mm, that might become excessive.” She snorted and ran a hand over my jaw. “I feel more than okay with you, Callum. I…“ She sighed and stared over my shoulder for a moment before a ghost of a smile crossed her face. “It feels right being here with you now. This field. The memories.”
“Let’s go to our spot.”
My stomach fluttered with a stupid herd of butterflies. I wanted my girl in our spot. What was I gonna do there? No idea, but I was ready for it. I took her hand and dragged us along the track, up the first set of stairs before I said fuck it. I hoisted her in my arms. She smelled like home, lilac and coffee, and it comforted me as much as it turned me on.
Holding her while standing here, where it all started, settled a deep need I never knew I had.
I saw her face painted with my number. I saw her cheering me on or consoling me after a bad game. I saw how I’d avoided everyone else, my family or flavor of the week and sought her out every time. “It’s always been you,” I whispered against her neck. “Always been you.”
She sucked in a breath as I sat us down on the bleachers. Her black hair hung on either side of her face, her pillow lips were pursed, and her eyes glistened. “You sure you want to give this up?”
Of course she wants to talk about football and not feelings.
Is this irony? Me, the king of no feels, is in love with someone refusing to tell me theirs.
“I’m sure. The question is, am I willing to gamble losing you, and that answer is absolutely the fuck not. I just got you back, and I can’t survive being away from you all year.” I fisted my hand against my thigh, channeling my stress there. “What do you think about when we’re here? What’s going on through your mind?”
Her cheeks reddened, but she met me head-on. “How good you look. How I shoved all those romantic feelings down for you all these years. How you’d play the best game of your life, and I fought the urge to kiss you. You come alive on the field, Callum. I don’t want you walking away from that for me. We can withstand some distance.”
“All I’m thinking about is how much fun we had. How much you made my life better. My best memories from high school are with you. Not on this field.” I scooted closer to her. “If there’s a possibility your internship is with a team I could sign with, then yes, I’d consider it.”
“That is such a small chance, Cali. There’s no way.”
“I can see if it’s possible.” I shrugged and stared out on the field. I waited for a pang or a fire that alerted me that football was my future. It just didn’t come. My chaotic energy needed something else, a new challenge. Football had provided me a life I wanted and taught me amazing things, but it wasn’t my everything.
“Hey.”
Her normally sassy voice had a softness I wasn’t used to hearing. I stared back at her and smiled. Her large green eyes were so expressive, and I loved knowing every shade of them. Literally every shade. They darkened when she came.
“Yes, baby?”
Her eyes crinkled on the side. “I’m ready now. Okay.”
Frowning, I squeezed her wrist. “Ready for what? What do you mean?”
“Callum.” She gripped my chin. “I love you too. I’m in love with you, madly, and I want you to know that. So if your hesitation about?—”
“I need to kiss you.” I interrupted her and yanked her on my lap. My woman, my best fucking friend, loved me too. We’d come so damn far and learned so much about each other. Holy shit. Fireworks burst throughout my chest, going off a mile a minute. I’d discovered new sides of her and a different kind of happy I’d never experienced. Kissing her wasn’t enough. My chest swelled. I could fly. If I jumped off the bleachers right now, I’d spread wings and fly like a damn bird. Guaranteed it.
“I love you, this, us, your mouth,” I blurted between kissing her. She tasted like lip balm and gum, and I swore I could feel her heart pounding against my chest. “Thank you. I’ll take care of you, Ivy. I swear it.”
She groaned against my lips and straddled me, her tight body leaving no room between us. “I know it took me a while to tell you. I think I was scared, but I’m not anymore.” She grinned, and her eyes watered. “Loving you is as easy as breathing.”
My heart skipped a beat as I squeezed her against me. “I can’t tell you how good this feels. I’ve never said these words or heard them when they meant this much. It’s overwhelming.’
“I know what you mean.” Ivy swallowed and ran her thumb over my bottom lip. “So, now that you know I love you, does that change your mind about football?”
A rock settled at the base of my gut as I stilled. Did she say it just to talk about football?
Was she playing me?
Uh, no, hello, its IVY. She doesn’t do that.
After taking a fucking second to not go off the deep end, I shook my head. “It doesn’t. My sister and own mother have insisted they won’t let me pay a penny for them. I’ll get creative and help another way.” I shrugged and took her hands in mine. “I want to eat what I want and do what I want. Set my own schedule. I want to watch football on TV and yell and drink. Preferably, with you by my side.”
“This sounds… nice, but what if… if we don’t work out? I can’t live with myself if you did this and then we realize we’re not a good pair?”
Why the fuck is she even thinking about this?
Only death would keep me from her.
Don’t say that, you idiot. That’s too extreme.
Heat rushed my face. “First off, that will never happen. There is nothing you could do that would push me away. I am yours forever. I will never feel this way about anyone else. I couldn’t possibly. So if we … don’t ‘work out,’ then I’ll work twice as hard to rectify whatever happened. “
“You can’t know that.”
“I can and do. You have to trust me on this, but if it makes you feel any better, I’d still walk away from football.”
Not the time.
“So you’re gonna get your internship, and I’m gonna follow.” I shrugged. It was that simple. That easy for me. “You don’t have to agree, so I’ll just out-stubborn you. It’s one of my biggest strengths.”
Ivy smiled, and her eyes softened. “I remember that silly quiz. You were stubborn, charismatic, and an influencer.”
“And you were creative, loyal, and brilliant.” I kissed her softly. “Now, want to visit our old stomping grounds like the café and drive-thru?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” She giggled, and I couldn’t think of a more perfect moment.
I just had to make sure we had a million more of them.