27. Ivy
Ilearned a lot about myself when dealing with a life-altering injury as a child. I had grit and was stronger than I knew. But when dealing with emotional roller coasters of the heart? I was a weak-ass bitch.
“No sniffing!” Esme swatted my arm. “No tears!”
“It doesn’t work like that.” I grabbed a tissue and dabbed my eyes for the millionth time. Every glance at my phone to find nothing from him sent me into another worry-cycle. Were we done?
Probably.
But I needed to hear it.
Then I’d replay the way he said get out and how he’d looked at me with nothing. It brought back the emotions from three years ago, where I had no idea what I did wrong and had obsessed.
Lo, Mack, Ale, and Vee all sat around our couch, holding various treats. The girl gang was such a surprise, and I felt bad to have them here concerned about me instead of with Callum. “You should head to the hospital room. He’d love to see you all. Don’t… don’t worry about me.”
“First off, I’m not sure I want to see him right now. I don’t love how he treated you, and I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because an injury like that is bad, but shit. He’s in love with you. Obsessed with you. He wouldn’t push you away unless there was a reason.” Lo glared at her phone. “He’s out of surgery. Doing well. Already mouthy, according to Luca.”
Thank god.
Going into surgery was terrifying. I knew that. Callum never had one, and he had to be so worried. I would’ve loved to have been there, comforting him, but he made it clear I couldn’t. I hated it so much. I felt helpless and useless to the one person I’d die for. “I’m glad he’s feeling like himself.”
“Oh, he didn’t say that.” Lo grinned. “Nice, okay, Dean, Mack, Luca and I are on a group chat. I guess Callum is freaking out about you. Good, this is solid news.”
“Freaking out?” My heart leapt in my throat.
Esme hit me. “I told you. He’s gonna lose his mind when he realizes he hurt you. He didn’t mean to. I’ve watched him around you.”
“You all didn’t see the expression on his face though.” It reminded me of the night three years ago, when he’d dismissed me and never looked back. I understood it wasn’t fair to compare the two moments, but how could I not?
“Wait. Oh, interesting. Oli thinks he has a plan to get you back.”
“Oliver? Our Oli? A plan to get back Ivy?” Vee arched a brow. “That’s interesting. He doesn’t strike me as that type. He’s too… goody-two shoes, too boring.”
“He’s just your opposite, Vee. He’s not boring.” Lo frowned. “Oh my god, Dean texting is the worst. How do you deal with this, Mack?”
“I’d say the same about Luca, Lolo.” Mack grinned and took another bite of the cinnamon rolls they’d brought over. “Okay, Oliver is suggesting Callum pretends to be needy and begs for help. You could be his nurse.”
“That’s a terrible plan,” Vee scoffed. “Super unromantic.”
“But it would work, right? Ivy. If Callum asked you to help him, you would, wouldn’t you?”
I nodded before my brain could catch up. I wanted to be with him, making sure he was taking care of himself, like he had done for me so many times. “I’d do anything he asked.”
“So not a terrible plan then,” Lo said, eying Vee. “Interesting you’re so opposed to Oliver.”
“I’m not opposed. He’s just boring.”
“Uh, you danced with him on a bar this summer at Callum’s summer house. You know, the one he named PettyPalace since his mom won it in the divorce.”
“That doesn’t sound boring,” Esme said, grinning. “Anyway, I vote we talk about Vee and Oli next Tuesday night.”
“I like you. Yes.” Mack pointed her coffee at Esme. “For now, we need to help Ivy. What do you need?”
“I don’t know. I guess… he pushed me away, so I want him to reach out first.”
“I’d agree, but he’s gonna be done playing the rest of the season. Just had surgery. He might need you more, and look, I’m sorry. I know he fucked up and was an ass, but if you two are for real and in for the long haul, there are times you’re gonna take the L.” Mack winced when I stared at her. “I’m on your side, but I love Callum. He’s a puppy and loves with his whole heart. I’d bet everything that he had a reason to push you away.”
“You said Henry was with him or near you, when he told you to get out?” Esme asked, her brows pinching together.
I nodded.
“IVY LEE EMERSON!” Esme jumped up. “He was protecting you. Don’t you see? You mentioned to me and Callum a hundred times that he can’t mess up your internship or job opportunity. You told him you’d never forgive him if he ruined this for you.”
“Oh shit.” Mack clapped. “Yes, I told you. This makes sense. Henry is your boss, right?”
I nodded as the cobwebs faded. Holy shit. He was protecting me. Relief, guilt, and desperation all combined into a horrible adrenaline-fueled frenzy. I had enough energy to sprint to the hospital this second. “Oh god.” I bolted up. “Henry was there as well as Mr. Allpress, the guy I have the interview with tomorrow.”
Lo’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “He did that to protect you. He didn’t want Henry or that Allpress guy to think you were involved with him.”
“Because I asked him to.” I closed my eyes, my gut churning with regret. “Oh my god, I left him alone this whole time because I thought he wanted to end this.”
“He was doing what you asked, and it was probably insanely hard for him.” Esme grabbed my hand. “You have to go to him.”
She was right. All those times he said he loved me, he meant it. I felt the words every time he said them, and for him to think I didn’t believe him now? When I asked him to hide our relationship at work?
The selflessness of him to do this, when he was at a low point, was beyond me. His sacrificing his own wants for me was… I couldn’t put into words how much that meant for me. It meant everything.
“I have to see him.” My voice shook. “Right now. I need to talk to him.”
Where the hell was my phone? Where was my lip balm? Did I have money? Who could drive?
“I’ll take you. I gotta get Luca anyway.” Lo jingled her keys. “Girls, this has been a massive success. I knew our boy wasn’t a fool. He loves Ivy way too much to be an idiot.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t see it.” I sniffed as I laughed, almost giddy with relief. I had some groveling to do, but it felt different knowing he wanted me still. We were more than okay. Better than we were before. Because I truly, without a doubt, knew how he felt about me. I just had to convince him I felt the same and always would.
“We’re all blinded by our own shit.” Vee shrugged. “I’m glad you’re both okay though. You’re perfect together.”
“How fast can you drive, Lo?”
It took less than five minutes for everyone to say goodbye and for Lo and I to get into her car. I was a nervous mess. My insides quivered with worry, and my palms were like Niagara Falls, sweating so much it dripped down my hands.
“Let’s call Luca to get some intel.” Lo hit dial before I could respond. It rang twice before Luca’s voice filled the car. “Hey, babe, are you alone?”
“Phone sex?”
“No. Fuck off with that.” She laughed. “I’m with Ivy right now, and we’re heading to the room. Give us some info. How is he doing?”
“He’s tripping about Ivy.”
“Tripping how?”
“I feel weird sharing this.”
“It’s okay, Luca, you don’t have to. I’m coming to him. Do you think he’ll let me see him?” I asked, suddenly nervous.
That was my insecurity. Right there. I couldn’t survive him pushing me away a third time. But I’d respect it.
“Yes, Ivy.” Luca’s voice softened. “He’ll be so fucking happy.”
Lo hung up and smiled at me. “Callum has been one of the girls the last few years. He’s also one of the guys, and it’s wild how he can transcend one friend group to the other. He’s amazing and so loveable, but Ivy, you own his heart. I think he’s been this chaotic ball of energy just waiting to find a home again, and you’re that person.”
I swallowed the emotion in my throat. He was my chaotic ball of energy, motivating me and pushing me outside my comfort zone. I was his safe place, and he was mine. “You’re such good friends to him.”
“To you too. I know it’s messy because we’re all dating and friends, and there’s potential to be problems, but the joys of relationships are worth the risk. I’ve never seen Callum this happy since you reentered his life.”
I squeezed my fists together, the urge to see him overwhelming me. “Thank you for having the girls come over. I needed that. I now have more courage to do this.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
“I’ll drop you off here. Luca is on his way out. Give Cal a hug for me, okay?”
I nodded, my feet leading me toward the elevator. Luca texted Lo directions to the room that I followed. I’d see him in two minutes.
Fuck, I was nervous and excited and overwhelmed. My heart had never beat this hard before. We’d come so far in our trust and relationship, but my fear this entire time would be going through another heartbreak. I knew he loved me, and he did back then too. Love wasn’t always enough, and being turned away had gutted me. Even despite the chat, I was worried he’d push me away, but what had Lo said? It was worth the risk. I’d let my own pride and hurt get in the way last time. I’d regret it forever if I didn’t try.
“Ivy, honey!” Callum’s mom ran up to me and squeezed me into a hug. “I am so happy to see you. I’m so sorry I had you leave. I was just worried about my boy.”
“I get it. It’s good to see you.” I smiled shyly.
She cupped my face before hugging me again. “Thank you. You’ve made Callum so happy, and that’s all I want. I’m so glad you’re back in his life, and I hope we can catch up soon. I’ll give you two space for a bit. Have him text me when I can come back up.”
“I will, yeah.” That had to be a good sign. The ball of emotion in my throat eased so I could swallow without pain.
She smiled at me once more before disappearing down the hall, which left me outside his door. I swore I could smell his cologne from here. My skin buzzed, like it knew he was near me.
The door was cracked, so I wasn’t sure if I should knock or walk in.
“She’ll forgive you, man. Stop worrying. You need to focus on healing.”
Oliver.
“I just need to talk to her. Explain. Do you know where Luca went?”
“Lo picked him up.”
“Lo! I can call Lo. She’ll know what to do.”
I tried not to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help it. The worry and franticness of his voice reeled me in. He was worried about me when he just had surgery. That wouldn’t do.
I shoved the door open and waltzed in, stopping both Callum and Oliver in their tracks. “Oliver, you are right. He should be concerned about himself. Do you mind giving us a minute so I can properly yell at my boyfriend?”
“You betcha.” Oliver grinned and patted my shoulder. “He’s been real whiny, so make sure you go hard on him.”
Oliver shut the door on the way out, leaving Callum and me alone. My skin prickled with awareness, with unease and temptation all at the same time. Callum blinked slowly, then ran a hand over his face. The parted lips, the pure shock and joy on his face, did a lot for my ego. His entire body shifted around me.
“Did they give me more pain meds? Am I dreaming?”
“I can’t speak on the meds, but you’re not dreaming.”
“You’re here.” His brows pinched together as his mouth hung open. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he whispered, “You came to see me.”
I swallowed as my eyes watered. “Are you okay? I’ve been worried.”
“Worried? I’ve been fucking distraught.” He pushed up and winced, making me step toward him.
I hated that I hadn’t been here for him while he was in pain, thinking about me. I’d spend the next decade making up for that. I had to. Just seeing the joy on his face erased any ounce of doubt I had.
“Stay seated,” I scolded him.
“Then come over here. I need to touch you.” His voice was raspy, hoarse, and rang with desperation. It was the sign I needed to get over my nerves and go to him. The second I got within reach, he yanked me against his chest and buried his face into my neck. “I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you. I’ve been going crazy without you. Are we okay? Please tell me we are. I’m not sure I can survive it, baby.”
“We’re okay, more than okay.” I squeezed him back, my heart righting itself from the mess it had gotten itself in. His heart pounded in a continuous thud, thud, thud against mine, the rhythm matching my own. Dragging my fingers through his hair, I massaged his scalp, and he groaned. “I love you. I know?—”
“I only said that because of Henry being around. I promise.” He glanced up, his gorgeous blue eyes swirling with emotion.
I cupped his face, my eyes welling with tears. “I know, Callum. I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve been there for you the entire time, holding your hand, calming you. I chose the internship, and I hate myself for it.” I sniffed, and his face softened.
“No, you don’t need to be sorry.”
“Yes, I do.” I kissed his forehead, lingering for a second before pulling back and meeting his gaze. “I should’ve said fuck it. I should’ve been there with you from the second you were off the field.”
“I wouldn’t have let you, Ivy. Not with your dream just within reach. I was fine, really. Annoyed I’m done for the season, but I was okay. Having Henry find out wasn’t worth it.” He gave a half smile, his eyes twinkling. “He’s been in and out, and you have your interview Monday. Oh my god, have you had it?”
“No. It’s tomorrow.” I intertwined our fingers, my eyes prickling with how much I loved Callum. He was being too relaxed about this, and I wanted him to yell at me or demand something. His acceptance just proved how much he cared for me, and I was a damn fool for not realizing it. “It took a minute, but I realized that’s why you pushed me away. Your eyes caught me off guard though because you I never considered you a good liar. Plus, I felt like we were off a little before the game.”
“Off how?” He tilted his head and kissed the back of my hand. “We’re not off at all.”
“It seems silly.” I gulped as shame flooded my face. “You’ve had major surgery, and I’m worrying about something that doesn’t matter.”
“You and me always matter. Ivy, tell me. Tell me so I can clear it up. It kills me to see the ache in your eyes, the fact I might’ve done something to upset you.”
I sniffed, regretting bringing it up at all.
“Please tell me what happened?”
“Princeton saw my scars and touched one, and you saw and glared at me. We were in the tunnel, then you didn’t look at me any part of the game, and it clawed at me.”
“I was pissed, but not at you. You were about to fall over, and he caught you. That’s my job, forever, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.” He picked up my arm and pushed up my sleeve, running his fingers over the mark. “I love this about you. It’s one of my favorite things, and he touched it, and I wanted to charge at him. But the Chicago guy was there and Henry, and I’d rather suffer in silence than ruin your shot at your dream. That’s all this was, baby. Me putting your dream first. I didn’t mean to upset you, and I’m sorry you doubted me for even a second.”
“I’m so incredibly sorry too.” I sniffed and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I don’t want you doubting my love for you either, not for a second. If I had to choose between you or the internship, I’ll pick you. You know that right?”
He smiled but rolled his eyes. “Baby, I love hearing those words, but I’d never let you do that. That’s the thing.”
Tears welled over, and a love so fierce, so strong overwhelmed me. He was okay. We were okay. “I need a Callum hug.”
“Get in here then.”
We rocked back and forth as we pressed chest to chest. He smelled like a hospital, but his typical cologne and bodywash lingered, reminding me of safety and home. “I’m so sorry about your ankle.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize the impact it’d have on you. My mom pointed out there was a few moments there where she was terrified?—”
“You didn’t get up Callum.” I almost shouted. “There are too many freak accidents in sports that cause brain injuries, and in those seconds, I couldn’t fucking breathe. If something happened to you…I wouldn’t survive it.”
“Nothing is gonna happen to me.” He flashed a smile and ran a hand over my head, jaw, then shoulder. “I promise. But if something were, you’re a fighter. A survivor. You have more grit and resilience than I do.”
“You’re the toughest person I know.”
“No. I’m not. You are.” He glanced at my scar, then at my ankle. “I’m not gonna argue a pointless fight because I know who you are.”
“Are you mentally doing okay?” I swallowed the ball of worry in my throat. “No more football?”
“It sucks. I want to finish the team with my guys, but I can do that in another form. On the sidelines, talking shit. The pain is gonna be the worst. I’m a baby. I need a super good nurse to help me. Know any?”
“It’ll only be me.” Jealousy flared in my body, and I was ready to fight…only to realize he was teasing. My tense muscles relaxed.
“That’s my girl.” He grinned and settled back into the bed. “Can you stay here? I know you have to prepare for tomorrow, but after I nap, we can look at example questions for a possible interview and go over them together. It’s selfish of me, but?—”
“Callum, I’m not going anywhere.” I squeezed his hand. “Not selfish at all. You’ve had a career-ending surgery and are being way too chill about it. It’s not normal. I have to stay here to make sure you’re not losing your sanity.”
He chuckled. “I’m as sane as ever. I needed my person, and you’re here. I can finally relax. And fuck, I’m tired.”
Guilt hit me quick and fast that I wasn’t here before. But, to model after Callum’s refusal to feel regret, I’d learn from this and never repeat it.
“Sleep then.” I grabbed the flimsy blanket and tucked him in. He stared at me with so much love it seemed ridiculous that I’d even questioned it for a second. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“Love you, Ivy Lee.” He closed his eyes, and the grip on my hand loosened. It didn’t take more than a minute before his breathing leveled out, and he was fast asleep. I didn’t dare move my hand. There was nowhere I’d rather be than here, with him.