Chapter 16 Freya
FREYA
Imight have been a nervous wreck who was seconds away from canceling this date, but the second I saw Levi waiting for me outside the restaurant he chose, I relaxed.
I’d forgotten how easy he was to talk to after the game. And again tonight, we fell into conversation almost immediately, and thankfully, it hasn’t stopped the whole way through dinner.
There’s just one little problem.
I don’t think I’m attracted to him.
He’s hot. He’s thoughtful and kind, he’s funny, but…he’s just not doing it for me.
Not in the way someone else does.
Internally, I cringe as I think about what I did earlier.
Sending Cole a selfie of me while I freaked out was not a part of my plan.
The moment he replied, I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
He’s already witnessed enough of my freak-outs. He didn’t need a front row seat to that one, too.
Although I must admit, his response did settle some of my nerves.
I’d blown through outfit after outfit, trying to settle on something to wear.
Mom had voted for the blue floral dress, and I was pretty sure Casey would have said the same if I had sent the selfie to the correct person. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t feeling utterly self-conscious about how fitted the dress was.
It’s the kind of thing I’d have worn in Vegas without thinking twice about it.
Even when I first went with Rowan, I’d have happily worn it out in public with him.
Bitterness drips through my veins as I think back.
I hate that he’s the reason I’ve lost my confidence, and I’m terrified that I’ll never be the girl I was before him.
Strutting around the club in Vegas in a little black dress, carrying a tray of cocktails above my head, is like a vision from a past life now. Looking at photos from those days is hard. It’s like looking at a stranger.
With a full stomach after an incredible three-course meal, I sit back laughing as Levi tells me a story about his friend with a terrible dating history.
I’m sure to everyone else in this restaurant, this date looks like it’s going amazingly.
I guess, in a way, it is. I’m just not fully invested.
I feel bad, because I keep catching him looking at me like this could be more than it is.
My stomach knots every time, because I know I’m going to disappoint him, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
Maybe you just need more time, a little voice says in my head.
Maybe it’s better that you haven’t fallen hard and fast.
Maybe it’s your heart trying to protect itself.
The conversation moves on to the Vipers’ next few games. They’re at home on Wednesday and then away again on Friday night. Levi talks animatedly about the players and their stats. Most of it goes over my head, but I’m starting to understand more and more from my time with Cole.
As he chats away, my mind drifts, wondering what Cole is doing right now.
Did he follow my instructions and warm his dinner up properly? Did he enjoy eating alone in peace or did he miss me? It’s wrong of me to hope for the latter, but the thought is there regardless.
“Excuse me,” I say when I find a chance. “I’m just going to visit the restroom.”
Just like he did the last time I excused myself, he stands as I do. After spending years with a man who only cared about himself, it’s weird watching someone be considerate like that.
My skin burns as I make my way to the back of the restaurant, where the bathrooms are. He’s watching me, I know he is, but I don’t look back. I don’t want to lead him on.
The second I turn the corner, I pull my cell from my purse.
Disappointment floods me when I only find messages from Casey and Parker in our group chat, asking how it’s going.
There’s nothing from Cole.
Silently, I chastise myself for not being romantically interested in my date, who, on paper, is everything I want in a guy. Instead I’m unable to get my boss out of my head.
I send them a quick reply before slipping my cell back into my purse as I approach the door to the men’s bathroom, lost in my own thoughts.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” I say, grabbing onto an upper arm to steady myself in my heels.
His scent hits me first, familiarity racing through me before I look up and confirm what I already knew.
“Cole?”
“Shit,” he curses.
“W-what are you doing here?” I ask, my brows pulling together.
“Umm…”
“I told you I was coming here earlier,” I mutter, mostly to myself as I try to figure this out.
“Yeah, I, um…” He trails off as he rubs his jaw. It’s weird, seeing him nervous and unsure of himself. That’s my specialty. “I wanted to come and make sure everything was okay. That he…that he was treating you right.”
His words hit me with such force, I have to take a step back.
“You’re…you’re checking up on me?” I don’t mean for it to come out quite so accusatory, because that isn’t how I feel about it.
The truth is, I’m swooning hard.
“It’s not like that. You were worried about him pushing too hard and wanting too much and—shit. I’m sorry. It was a stupid idea. We’ll pay our bill and leave you to your evening.”
“We?” I ask, attempting to peer around him toward the restaurant to see who he’s with.
“Yeah, I invited some of the guys. They don’t know why, though.”
A soft smile plays on my lips as I stare up at this huge man. He’s still intimidating as hell, but in this moment, he’s so much more than the focused, intense goalie that so many see.
“Thank you,” I breathe.
He frowns.
“What?”
“Thank you for coming to check on me.”
His frown deepens.
“You’re not angry at me?”
I shake my head. “No, Cole. I’m not.”
He doesn’t look like he believes me. “It looks like it’s going okay,” he muses.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I’m just not sure he’s the one for me.”
“I’m not sure you’re meant to know that on the first date,” he says encouragingly.
“Maybe not,” I mutter as our eye contact holds.
“You should probably go. He’ll start to think you’ve abandoned him.”
“Yeah.” But despite agreeing, I don’t move.
“Freya?”
“Yeah.”
“Do...do you want to abandon him? If you do, just say the word and I’ll get you out of here unnoticed.”
My heart thumps hard in my chest in a way it hasn’t since the moment Levi smiled at me when I arrived.
“No, I can’t do that. He’s a nice guy. He’s been nothing but respectful. I’ve got this.” I’m pretty sure I sound a hell of a lot more confident than I feel, but I roll with it.
“Okay. If you need me, just call me, and I’ll be there.”
“I will, but I’m okay. Enjoy the rest of your night, Cole.”
“You too.”
It takes me a few more seconds, but I eventually drag myself away from him and slip into the ladies’ bathroom.
“Oh my god,” I breathe, the second the door closes behind him.
I rush into a stall and do my thing, all the while, my head spins with what just happened.
Cole came here in case I needed him.
He was probably right to think I’d be mad. Maybe I should be. But I’m not. I’m touched.
When I emerge, I’ve got a silly smile playing on my lips. I catch my reflection in the mirror and have a very firm word with myself. It should be my date making me smile like that, not my boss.
It takes every ounce of self-control not to scan the entire restaurant looking for Cole and whoever he came with. Somehow, I manage to get back to my table without locating them.
“Everything okay?” Levi asks.
It’s only then I question how long I was gone.
“Yeah, everything’s great.”
I take my seat, and for the first time tonight, I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
I’m hyper aware that right this moment, Cole could be looking at me, and I have no idea where he is.
I don’t know whether he can sense the shift in me, or if he’s just ready to end our time here, but Levi pushes his chair out and asks if I’m ready to head out.
Eagerly, I stand as well. I’ve had a lovely night, but yeah, I am ready to bring it to an end.
“We need to pay,” I blurt as I hook my purse over my shoulder.
“I’ve taken care of it,” he tells me.
I look up at him, wishing my heart beat the way it did with Cole earlier. “Thank you. I would have happily paid for my half, though.”
“Not a chance,” he states before pressing his hand to the small of my back and directing me toward the exit.
This time, I can’t fight it, and my eyes scan around the restaurant. At first, I don’t find them, but then, right at the back in the corner, I spot four huge guys. Three of them are in a deep conversation, but one of them is looking right at me.
My heart lurches in my chest as our eyes collide.
Disappointment floods through my veins that he’s not the one leading me outside.
Long before I’m ready, we get to the exit, and I’m forced to look away.
Coldness washes through me before I step outside into the cool spring evening.
“Would you like to go and get a drink elsewhere, or …”
“I really should get home. I’ve got an early start.”
Levi’s eyes dull a little in disappointment, but he doesn’t seem overly bothered.
“You’ve got it.”
I pull my cell out and open the Uber app to call a car. But just before I hit the confirm button, I hesitate and glance over my shoulder.
I don’t want to get an Uber.
I quickly switch to my messages and fire off one I may well regret later.