14. Aaron
Chapter fourteen
Aaron
I roll my shoulders as I exit the arena. The contrast from the sub-zero temperatures on the rink to the full heat of summer striking.
“Coach ran us hard today, didn’t he?” Mike says, coming up beside me.
“He sure did. You think he’s upset I didn’t tell him about that charity dance until I got the location booked?” I ask with a laugh.
Mike rolls his eyes. “He doesn’t care.”
“True, but he did give us that lecture about keeping our heads in the game.”
“I think that was directed at Jasper. He’s been distracted lately.”
I frown. “Has he? Is there trouble with his wife?”
Mike glances around. “Don’t tell anyone because they haven’t announced it yet, but she’s pregnant.”
“Ahh. So he’s freaking out about being a dad.” I chuckle, but a pang of jealousy hits me.
I know that I’m not in any state to have kids right now.
I have a plan. I’m soon going to retire from this life, and then I’ll have the time and energy to devote to someone else.
But even still, there’s that jealousy.
We reach my car and toss our gear into the trunk. Mike lives near my apartment, so we usually carpool.
“You heard from Bella lately?” Mike asks, overly casually.
I smirk. “We message each other. Her boss is throwing a show for her to debut her designs and she’s excited.”
“Right, right. Ellen said something about her maybe not being at the Castleton charity ball.” Mike gives me a sideways glance.
He’s hinting around at something. Fishing.
“It’s a big break for her.” I might be a little disappointed that it was scheduled for the same night.
Okay, a lot disappointed.
But she made it clear to me that she wants to progress with her career.
Besides that, she already sent me money to help set up the charity dance in the first place.
I can’t ask for her time when she has so much on her plate already.
I get into the car.
Mike is a little slower, but as he puts on his seatbelt, he says, “Would it be in bad taste for me to publicly propose to Ellen at your charity dance?”’
“What?”
Mike holds up his hands. “Okay, I won’t.”
“No, that’s—” I splutter. He grins.
“You’re going to propose to Ellen?” I finally manage to ask. “So soon? You two only met a few weeks ago!”
Mike laughs aloud. “I know. And if it was anyone else saying this to me, I’d think they were crazy. But I love her. She loves me.”
How could they know it is actual love so quickly, though?
“We’ve talked about it, and we want to be engaged. Ellen wants a big public proposal,” he adds. “If you’re okay with it, we thought it might be some nice drama for the dance.”
“I don’t think an event like that needs drama,” I say, still struggling to understand what’s happening.
I turn on the car and start driving.
Mike nods. “I’ll organize something else, then. I thought it might be .”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t understand this at all,” I finally say. “You two don’t even live together, and you want to jump into marriage?”
Mike shakes his head. “No. We’re jumping to the engagement. We plan to be engaged for four or five years. We’ve looked at a few venues, and the wait times for the ones we want are astronomical.”
My mind reels over this as I merge into traffic. “I mean, if that’s what you both want, I’m happy for you.”
“It is. I know it’s a damn short time. Sometimes you just know, though.” He shrugs. “It wouldn’t have been that short two hundred years ago.”
“Two hundred years ago you could be arrested for kissing someone you weren’t married to, too,” I retort.
Mike shrugs. “Honestly, we didn’t really want to get engaged at the event. Mostly I just wanted to let you know.”
I nod in answer. While the timeframe is shocking, I can’t really say that I didn’t see it coming.
My thoughts turn to Bella again. When I think about how it would be if I showed up and proposed to her, I wince.
Yeah, the timeframe might work for Mike and Ellen. It won’t work for most people.
I drop him off and go to my place, but I keep thinking about Bella.
She says that I don’t really know who she is right now.
She doesn’t know who she is.
Is this space necessary for that to happen, though?
I assumed it was, at least from her perspective. It’s why I’ve been keeping my distance.
But it is still an assumption.
I check the time. She should be off work by this time, so I grab my phone and call her.
It rings a few times before she answers. “Hey, Aaron.”
She sounds pleased to hear from me, so that’s a good sign.
“Hi. How’s it going? You done with work for today?”
Bella laughs. “Oh, I’m not going to be done for the next month or so. But I’m at a point I need to take a break. How was practice?”
“It was fine.” It’s easy to keep talking about these inconsequential things, but I did reach out for a reason. “Hey, would you like to meet up somewhere? I wanted to talk to you about the charity dance and your show and stuff.”
There’s a moment of silence. “Uh, well…”
“I could meet you at a park or something,” I suggest. “You said you needed a break. Maybe a walk?”
“Well… you know what? Yeah. Getting outside does sound nice.”
She gives me the address of a nice little park near her building. We agree to meet there in half an hour.
We meet at the appointed time. She’s already waiting for me at a picnic table.
As I walk up to her, the sunlight gleams gold off her hair.
My heart skips a beat. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
Maybe space is needed after all.
She greets me with a smile. Dark smudges circle her eyes, but they’re still bright.
To my surprise, she gives me a quick hug. “Thanks for calling. I just realized I haven’t been outside in like, a week.”
We fall in step together, following the park’s winding path. There are plenty of trees to give us shade, which is welcome on this sweltering day.
“So, I know your show is the same night as the charity dance,” I say. “I just wanted to make sure you know that I won’t hold it against you if you can’t come.”
Bella gives me a small smile but this time, it seems distant. “I’d like to make it work, but I’m not sure.”
“You need to do what’s best for you,” I tell her.
“I also need to make sure not to be selfish.”
I shake my head, reaching for her hand. “It’s not selfish to prioritize such a huge event in your life. You’ve already helped me with this dance. You can’t help others swim if you’re drowning.”
The feeling of her hand in mine is nice.
Too nice.
I loosen my fingers, waiting to see if she will pull away.
She does, and we continue our walk.
As we walk, Bella asks me how the event planning is proceeding. I describe all the things I have planned.
The conversation is easy. That’s what I love about talking with Bella. It’s just so easy to be with her.
When we come to a small pond, I take a deep breath. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
A guardedness comes over her expression. “What’s that?”
“I made assumptions about what you meant when we talked in Castleton. So I want to be clear about what you need from me,” I tell her. “Whether that means I need to keep my distance, or if I need to wait for you to always make the first move, or if you want me to be only a friend.”
She bites her lip and looks away.
I want to kiss her so badly.
And that’s a problem—for me. I turn my face away as well, relaxing my shoulders. “I want to be here for you, whatever that looks like. Even if it means I need to not be here.”
“Thank you, Aaron.” She gives me a vague smile, but it still seems sad. “To be honest, I don’t know what I need. I don’t want to string you along. I just know that I need time.”
I nod. “Do you know what that looks like?”
Bella shakes her head slowly. “I suppose it means that I need to figure out what I mean… I know that doesn’t give you any answers.”
“It does, though. It means I need to make sure I’m not accidentally pressuring you. It means that you want me as a friend, nothing else until you have time to figure this out.”
“That’s the problem,” she whispers. “I want much more than friendship. But I can’t.”
“I understand,” I tell her softly.
She laughs. “Can you explain it to me, then?”
I chuckle with her. “I understand that it means that we aren’t dating. It means that I have commitments, too, ones that have to take precedence. It means,” I grin at her, “that we’re going for dinner to keep talking. But we’re each paying for ourselves.”
Bella laughs again, the sound musical. “Alright,” she agrees. “I can work with that.”