19. Bella
Chapter nineteen
Bella
Less than a week left to go.
I chew my lip and twist my hands. Imogen called me last night, saying she needed to see what I had ready now.
So, I came into work early and put my sewn designs on the dress forms.
Now, she’s inspecting my work as I stand here, twiddling my thumbs.
Thank Goodness she’s not one of those movie fashionistas who will slit my throat if she doesn’t like what she sees.
I just hope she doesn’t think my work has suffered because of this.
My position as her assistant means I don’t do the actual sewing for her work, but I am still responsible for checking the product before it’s ready for her.
This is my stuff, though. I’ve done everything on weekends, my days off, in the evenings.
Imogen lifts the skirt of the final dress and checks the hem. Finally, she turns to me with a grin.
“Before I say anything about this, how goes the production for my part of the show next week, and the one in Moscow?”
I gulp. “We’re running a little behind for Moscow. Everything is ready for next week, though.”
“If I gave you next week off work entirely, how many more of your designs can you prepare?”
My eyes widen. “The whole week?”
Imogen grins. “We’ve all been working hard. I want to pull half the designs for the show next week and put them in with Moscow so everyone can breathe a little easier.”
My head spins.
“Do you think you can make up the difference?”
I hold up my hands. “Give me a minute to pass out, and then I’ll answer you.”
Imogen laughs. She leads me to a bench, where she sits me down. Today she has her natural hair, twisted into elaborate shapes atop her head.
She looks phenomenal.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and while I’d hate to lose you as an assistant, you’re wasted in your current role,” she explains. “I want to give you a promotion to start your own line. At first, you’ll have to produce under my label but with full credit to yourself. But you’re going to need to have more designs out there before we can start.”
I ran the in my head. It’s a small show; I was originally meant to put in five of my own, while Imogen would do fourteen.
Her pulling half means I’d have to make seven more dresses.
One a day, and I could do it. Only, I need to have a couple of days in there for last-minute fittings on the models.
“I know it’s tight,” Imogen says. “But I believe in you.”
I chew my lip. If I accept, I won’t have time for anything else.
“A friend had a charity dance on the same day,” I say. I explain about Aaron and his plans.
Imogen nods slowly. “I see. So you can’t do both. Will Aaron be able to pull off the dance by himself?”
“Yes,” I say slowly. “But I promised to help.”
“Mmm. To launch your brand, we need to give you a wide variety of designs shown to the world. We can postpone, of course, wait until you have more time,” she says, her brows pinched. Then she grimaces. “To be fair, I don’t know how long that will take.”
My heart sinks.
“So basically it’s get seven designs ready in one week, or who knows when I’ll have the opportunity again?”
Imogen lifts her hands in the air. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” I sigh. “You’re doing me a favor. I just have to make that decision.”
“And by the end of the day, so we can make the necessary changes,” Imogen adds.
I understand.
As disappointing as it will be to pull out now, I don’t see any other choice. I’ve put off this dream for so long.
I can’t do that again.
And as much as I care for Aaron… I can’t cut down my career for a man. Not again.
My stomach is in knots.
“I’m going to do it,” I say, fighting against the panic constricting my chest. “Seven designs in seven days. And then a line of my own. I can do this.”
I’m not a fraud.
And I’ll prove it to the world.
***
“I’m sorry that I won’t be helping you any longer,” I tell Aaron, my hands cool and clammy.
He grins at me, not seeming to be bothered at all. “Are you kidding me? This is fantastic news! You’re getting what you want and deserve. I’m so happy for you.”
I search his face. He shows nothing but genuine excitement for me.
“I just wish I could see the show for myself,” Aaron adds.
My cheeks warm, and I glance downward. “I wish you could, too. But your event is too important, and it’s too close to try to change anything. So, I know you can’t come.”
Aaron puts his hand over mine. “I’m proud of you, Bella. You deserve to put yourself first.”
Some of the knots in my stomach loosen.
“I haven’t told Ellen yet,” I say. “But I’ll try to get her to go to your dance so that you can reach your goal for Castleton.”
“Bella, you deserve to have your friend with you,” he answers.
My cheeks grow even warmer. He keeps saying that I deserve these things. But doesn’t he see that his cause is more important than mine?
Well, I mean, mine is super important for me.
But his is helping people.
“Hey.” Aaron squeezes my hands lightly. “What’s going through your head?”
I shrug. “That I’m being selfish with this, I guess.”
“Selfish because you want to accept an opportunity that’s been presented to you, that will get you that much closer to your dreams?” Aaron shakes his head. “Bella, it’s not selfish to want to achieve your goals.”
“I know that. I just feel bad, leaving you in the lurch.”
He leans back and waves a hand. “I have a lot of help, and things are mostly put together already. The tickets alone have nearly gotten me to my goal for Castleton. You don’t have to worry about me.”
I let out a heavy sigh of relief.
Even though I know he’s genuine, there’s still that tiny sliver of doubt.
But here’s the thing—I can choose to trust him. I won’t kill myself worrying whether he’s lying to me.
Right now, this is exactly what I need. For him to encourage me to chase after my dreams.
“So you’re going to be busy this next week, huh?” he asks.
“Yeah. It’s going to be crazy.”
Aaron squeezes my hand. “I can’t sew, but if you need me for anything, I’ll be here.”
I smile my thanks to him.
We talk a while longer before I need to leave.
As I drive home, I reflect on our conversation.
Part of me wants to read into every detail of his inflection, his eyes, even the way he squeezed my hands.
I want to find the clue that he’s lying to me and will throw it back in my face at the first opportunity.
It’s a habit I’ve grown used to.
Now, I try to remind myself that he would want me to take him at his word.
His support means too much to me.
I know Ellen will be thrilled for me, of course, but Aaron is someone I have made a prior commitment to, a commitment I now have to back out of.
And he didn’t make me feel bad for it.
It occurs to me that saying I have a fear of commitment might not be the best way to put it.
After all, I’m committed to my work. I was reluctant to break my commitment to Aaron’s charity event…
I want a fresh start.
My heart starts to pound as I slow my car. It occurs to me, that even though I officially broke up with Steven, there’s still a lot of baggage between us.
I’ve been trying to forget him. Trying to break the of behavior that I fall into.
Now, I’m wondering if forgetting him is what I need to do.
He keeps sneaking into my thoughts. The comparison between him and Aaron is real.
I pull into a parking lot so I can stop the car. My hands are tight on the wheel as I churn over this thought.
He’s still a voice in my head. I thought I had to avoid him, otherwise I’d go back to him like I always do.
I’m too strong for that now.
But… there are still things I need to say to him. Things I need to confront him about.
I don’t want to play the blame game. But perhaps if I’m honest with him about everything he did that broke my heart, he won’t do it to the next girl.
My heart is pounding, but I put my car back into gear.
It’s time.