Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“ I dinnae think this is a good idea,” said Blaine as he and Laird Stewart walked through the castle corridors.
Laird Stewart walked with his head high and his back straight, greeting every guard they passed, and Blaine followed him, glancing over his shoulder every now and then for any sign of Bran. No matter how many times he looked, though, there was no one behind them.
The latter would be a complication, as far as Laird Stewart’s plan was concerned. Blaine was not convinced about it anyway, and the fact that he could easily come face to face with a furious Bran Mackintosh only served to grow his apprehension .
“It is an excellent idea,” Laird Stewart insisted proudly. “An’ it is yer only option if ye wish tae see her, so I suggest ye follow me.”
Blaine still couldn’t believe there was a secret passage in Kathleen’s rooms that he had missed. Unlikely as it sounded, Laird Stewart was adamant that he could make his way inside through a secret passage, and if there was anyone in the keep who knew the layout of the castle, it had to be Laird Stewart himself.
“Me laird!”
The call startled Blaine for a moment, and as Laird Stewart stopped short, Blaine had to brace himself against the wall to avoid falling right into him.
“Me laird, we scouted the land an’ found camps,” said the man who had stopped them—a young soldier with an eager look in his blue eyes. “We are confident there are more enemies in our lands.”
Blaine was not surprised to hear that. He had expected it, as the attack on Kathleen and himself could not have been an isolated event. Now that her parents were there too, it made them all targets .
With a weary sigh, Laird Stewart nodded somberly. “I see. Arrange a meeting. I shall meet everyone in me study in an hour.”
“Aye, me laird,” said the soldier with a deep bow. Then he rushed down the hallway to fulfil the orders.
“Dinnae fash fer her,” Laird Stewart said before Blaine could even express his concern for Kathleen. “The castle is well-guarded. We have soldiers an’ we have natural protection.”
Laird Stewart was referring to the tide, but he and Blaine both knew it would soon recede. If the Campbells planned an attack, they would do so when Castle Stalker was at its weakest—when the tide was low and they could come and go as they pleased.
Just before they reached the laird’s study, the man stopped by a portrait of an older woman and glanced around them only to find no one there. Pleased by that, he pushed the deceptively heavy portrait aside with a grunt, the fingers of both hands hooked over the thick, gold trim. A draft blew through the opening in the wall, until the portrait was set aside and a dark passage was revealed behind it, one Blaine had never once noticed in his patrols of the castle—not because he hadn’t looked, but rather because of how well-constructed the door was.
Clever work. If I couldnae find it, nay one will.
Reaching for one of the torches that blazed on the wall, laird Stewart unhooked it from its rest and handed it to Blaine. Then, with a sweeping movement of his arm, he gestured to him to enter the passageway. “There are guards outside her door, so ye should be quiet.”
Blaine nodded, but before Laird Stewart closed the door behind him, Blaine paused and turned around to face the man with a frown.
“Why are ye daein’ all this?” he asked. “Why are ye helpin’ me?”
Laird Stewart gave him a small smile, a joyful huff of breath escaping him. “Because I think everyone deserves the chance tae confess his feelings tae the woman he loves.”
“Even in this case?” Blaine asked. “Even if?—”
“Everyone,” Laird Stewart insisted. “I’ve only regretted things when I’ve kept quiet. I’ve never regretted tellin’ the truth.”
It was what Blaine needed to hear for him to finally commit to the laird’s plan. He had to talk to Kathleen and make sure she knew he loved her dearly. He had to try to apologize, even if his apology would never be enough to fix all the mistakes he had made.
As he stepped into the narrow, damp corridor and the hidden door closed behind him, Blaine drew in a deep breath and took the first decisive step towards Kathleen.
“Kathleen?”
Kathleen jumped, her heart leaping to her throat. Her head swiveled wildly around as she tried to locate the source of the voice she had heard, but there was no one in the room with her. She was certain of it.
Perhaps I simply imagined it.
“Kathleen!”
She jumped again, her terror getting the better of her as she shot out of the chair where she sat by the fireplace. It was as though the voice had come from right behind her, but there was nothing there but the burning flames and the crackling logs. How could anyone be calling her name?
“Who’s there?” she demanded, even as she felt foolish for even believing that someone could be there, instead of the voice being in her head.
I must be losin’ me mind after everythin’. That’s it, I’ve lost me mind! I am imaginin’ Blaine’s voice now.
“It’s me, Blaine,” the voice said, and Kathleen came to a halt, frowning to herself. “I’m in the wall.”
Kathleen’s frown only deepened. “In the wall?”
Her surprise was so overpowering that any joy and any anger she could have had at Blaine’s presence were quickly overshadowed. She approached the fireplace slowly, carefully, and even grabbed the iron poker from the fireplace, grasping it tightly in her hand. If it was truly Blaine, then she wouldn’t need it, but if it was someone else, its sharp tip could prove useful.
“Am I behind the fireplace?” the voice asked. “The wall’s warm.”
“How can ye be in the wall?” Kathleen demanded, the volume of her voice rising against her will. She quickly slapped a hand over her mouth, waiting one heartbeat, then another. But the guards outside didn’t seem to have noticed that anything was amiss .
“There’s a hidden passage,” the voice claimed. “Put out the fire an’ let me in. Please.”
It daes sound just like Blaine.
With some apprehension and with the poker still in her right hand, Kathleen grabbed the pitcher of water from her nightstand and poured it over the flames methodically, dousing all the logs. Once she was satisfied with her work, she stepped back and pointed the poker at the fireplace, ready to attack whatever would emerge from the other side.
“Alright!” she called. “They’re out.”
It took a moment for the wall behind the fireplace to part, revealing an opening just big enough to fit a grown man. Just as the voice had promised, Blaine was at the other side and Kathleen could hardly believe her own eyes.
“How… how did ye get here? How did ye get in there?”
She had stayed in the same chambers every other time she had visited Fenella, and yet she had never known there was a hidden passage behind the fireplace. How could Blaine have known when she herself had no idea ?
“Laird Stewart showed it tae me,” Blaine explained as he walked through the gap and dusted himself off, standing to his full height. For a moment, he looked around him before finally setting the torch down in the fireplace among the logs, which were too damp to catch fire now. And the more Kathleen looked at him, the more her surprise dissipated and was replaced by fury.
“What are ye daein’ here?” she demanded, waving the poker accusingly at him. “An’ why would Laird Stewart help ye get in me chambers like this?”
Blaine raised his hands up as if in surrender. “I only wish tae speak with ye.”
“An’ I dinnae wish tae hear anythin’ ye have tae say,” Kathleen said. There was nothing Blaine could tell her that would change the fact he had been lying to her for so long, deceiving her when he knew just how much damage he was causing. He had acted selfishly; he had lied to Kathleen again and again to get what he wanted, and he had left her not only heartbroken, but also ruined.
“I only need a few moments,” Blaine insisted, taking a few steps closer, only for Kathleen to backtrack immediately.
“Fast, afore I call the guards,” she warned him, tossing the poker aside .
It was a bluff, of course. If she called the guards, then her father would surely have Blaine hanged, and Kathleen could never live with herself if that happened. For all she didn’t want to talk to him, for all she sometimes wished she hadn’t even met him, she didn’t wish him any harm.
Blaine continued his approach and Kathleen continued her retreat in return. But Blaine was faster, grabbing her arms and pulling her close—close enough for her to lose her breath as she gazed into his green eyes.
“I cannae ask ye tae forgive me,” he said. “I cannae ever wish fer it. Ye have every right tae hate me, tae never wish tae see me again, an’ I’ll make sure ye willnae if this is what ye want. Our paths will never cross again. But afore that happens, I need ye tae ken I never expected this tae happen. However, selfishly I cannae feel sorry fer any o’ it, other than the fact that I wasnae the one tae tell ye the truth. Ye should have heard it from me. I should have been honest with ye. But never doubt I love ye an’ that I always will, even if we are apart.”
Kathleen was stunned into silence by Blaine’s words. She looked up at him, blinking in surprise at his confession, trying to swallow around the knot that grew rapidly in her throat. She didn’t want to believe any of it; she didn’t want to be drawn right back into his orbit when she was just starting to escape it .
And yet there was no escaping it, not really. Kathleen would always love him, just as he would always love her. They were far too intertwined now.
There were so many things she wanted to say to him. She could tell him how much she loved him, too, how much she wanted to be with him, how much it would pain her to lose him. But none of those thoughts materialized in the form of words.
“I dinnae think I can ever trust ye again,” Kathleen confessed instead.
It was the truth, plain and simple. And she felt the same when it came to her parents—Kathleen doubted she could ever trust them again, and she didn’t know how to move forward from that. With Blaine, it was inevitable that he would disappear from her life. With her parents, it was different. She could not avoid them. Even if she tried, she would be stuck in the same castle as them for the rest of her life if she never found a husband now.
Blaine drew a deep breath as if preparing to speak, but he made no sound at first. He dropped his gaze to the floor and began to pace back and forth before her, brimming with an anxious energy that seemed to infect her across the space between them .
“I’ll dae anythin’ tae regain yer trust,” he said after a long stretch of silence. “Anythin’. I ken it willnae be easy an’ I ken it could take a long time, but I can dae it, Kathleen. I can prove tae ye that ye can trust me.”
“How?” Kathleen asked. “How could ye ever claim that? Ye had so many chances tae tell me the truth an’ ye never did.”
“I have nae reason tae lie tae ye again,” Blaine said. “I have naethin’ tae hide anymore. Afore I felt loyalty tae yer faither.”
Kathleen desperately wished to believe him. It would be so much easier, giving in to the belief that he would never betray her again. But no matter how much she tried to convince herself, the suspicion lingered like poison in her mind.
“Ye cannae promise me that,” she said. “An’ I cannae trust it.”
Slowly, Blaine approached her, giving her enough time to pull away from him if she so desired. But Kathleen didn’t. She remained rooted to the spot and simply watched him as he reached for her hand, holding it in his own.
“Anythin’,” he said. “Name it an’ I’ll dae it.”
Kathleen didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what she could possibly request of him to make this better, and so she remained silent. Even so, as she gazed into the deep green of Blaine’s eyes, she found herself mesmerized, unable to pull away.
So, when he kissed her, she didn’t try to fight it. She only gave in, melting into his arms.
It was a kiss that tasted of salt as Kathleen’s tears streamed down her cheeks unbridled. She couldn’t control them. She couldn’t bring herself to stop crying or kissing Blaine, so many were the emotions warring within her. On the one hand, she didn’t want to lose him. She had envisioned an entire life with him, a marriage, a family. On the other, she knew she could never have that with him, and now that she knew the truth about his origins, there would be no excuse for her to give in.
No excuse other than the fact that she desperately wanted it.
One last time. What difference will one more time make?
She couldn’t think of a better way to say goodbye to him, but knowing this was the end turned every passing moment into a lance to the heart. Never again would she be held by him, kissed by him. Never again would she hear the sweet words he liked to whisper in her ear.
But he would always love her; he had said so himself .
Wrapping her arms around Blaine’s neck, Kathleen pulled him closer, finally giving in entirely to her desire. If this was the last time she could have this with him, then she wanted to make it count. She wanted to etch every moment in her memory—every touch, every brush of his lips on her skin, every soft breath that escaped him as they writhed against each other. Dragging one hand around his neck, Kathleen traced the contours of his jaw with a gentle finger, feeling the rough stubble under it. Then, she traced the sharp bridge of his nose, the arch of his brow, the slight curve of his hairline over his forehead.
It was an attempt to commit every single detail to memory. Eventually, all of his features would fade in her mind, leaving nothing but the vague shape of him and the knowledge that they had once loved one another.
Strong arms wrapped around Kathleen’s waist and Blaine lifted her off her feet, carrying her to the bed. He laid her gently down onto the mattress, his lips still burning a path down her neck and over her chest as she ran her hands through his hair, tugging at the dark strands. When Blaine pulled back to tear off his shirt, Kathleen reached for him, dragging her hands down the length of his torso, all the way to the trail of soft curls on his stomach. He arched into her touch, his hands coming to rest over hers for a moment, before he brought them to his lips to press a tender kiss to her knuckles .
Kathleen had to fight back the tears. She swallowed in a dry throat, shutting her eyes firmly for a moment to rid herself of the thought that they would soon have to part. As Blaine began to undo her dress, pulling it down her shoulders and off her body, she drew in a deep breath and steeled herself, but nothing could have prepared her for the adoring look in his eyes as he gazed at her, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered. His hands roamed all over her body, his touch like a branding iron over her breasts, her torso, her hips. When he reached her thighs, he spread them apart and settled between them, dragging his gaze down to her core.
Any other time, Kathleen would have squirmed uncomfortably under that gaze, too embarrassed to be seen like that. But she let Blaine look at her as much as he pleased, knowing he was doing the same thing she was trying to do—commit everything to memory in the hopes that he would always remember her.
No words were exchanged between them. Blaine only leaned down to press a soft kiss to her lips, then kissed his way down her chest and the swell of her breast to draw one of her nipples in his mouth. Kathleen arched against him, the sudden jolt of pleasure finally easing some of the pain inside her. Heat pooled deep in her core, her desire enveloping her like bright flames, and when Blaine finally reached between her thighs to drag a finger over her damp opening, she couldn’t help but shiver in response, that mere touch enough to coax more wetness out of her .
Slowly, Blaine plunged that finger inside her, and Kathleen couldn’t stop the moan that tumbled past her lips. Her back arched off the mattress, her body seeking out more pleasure, her mind desperate to be freed from the shackles of her sorrow. When Blaine draped his body over hers, his free hand sliding under her waist to hold her close as he pleasured her, Kathleen wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on to him for dear life, her nails digging into his skin. It was this closeness which she desired more than anything—more than the pleasure, more than Blaine’s body on hers. It was these last few moments of proximity that she could have with him and the intimacy that came with them. The physical pleasure, though very welcome, was secondary.
“I want ye inside me,” Kathleen said, gathering all her courage to admit those words. “I want… I want tae feel ye inside me one more time.”
Blaine groaned against her neck, nodding fervently. “Let me get ye ready first,” he said as he pushed a second finger inside her. Every drag of his fingers against her walls, every push of them against that sensitive spot deep inside her had Kathleen gasping for air and shaking with need, every part of her craving more.
She endured that sweet torture, her legs opening wide as Blaine pumped his fingers deep inside her, intent on making her fall apart first before he gave her what she wanted. Under those skillful fingers, it didn’t take long for Kathleen to reach her peak—not when Blaine pressed insistently against her sensitive spot both from without and from within, his palm slamming repeatedly against her mound.
As her orgasm crashed over her, Kathleen shook and moaned his name, pleasure coursing through her entire body. Blaine worked her through it, one hand extending her pleasure as the other held onto her, and Kathleen could do nothing but surrender to the warm feeling of contentment as the aftershocks crashed one by one over her like the waves of the sea.
By the time she came back to herself, Blaine was pressing soft kisses to her shoulder, his hand petting her thigh soothingly.
Still, it was not enough for Kathleen. With trembling hands, she reached between them to tug at Blaine’s trews, desperately trying to push them down his hips. With a soft chuckle, Blaine pulled back to undress himself completely, his manhood straining against his stomach as he took himself in hand, stroking his length. Kathleen watched him with lidded eyes, reaching out to brush the tips of her fingers over his torso and hips, feeling every slight twitch of muscle as Blaine leaned down to kiss her once more.
Kathleen embraced him tightly, arms wrapping like a vice around him as Blaine finally gave her what she had craved for so long. Ever so slowly, he lined himself up with her entrance and pushed inside, her walls parting with ease for him. By the time he was buried inside her to the hilt, Kathleen was gasping for air, clawing at his back as she was filled to the brim .
Blaine groaned against her lips, pulling her into a hungry kiss as he began to move. There was no hurry in his movements—if anything, he was working slowly, languishing in each thrust as if he never wanted the moment to end. They were both trying to prolong the inevitable, Kathleen knew. They both wanted to be lost in the moment forever, to hide from the world and not let anyone separate them.
This is all we’ll have. This is all we get.
And if she ever managed to find a man to wed, someone who would accept her despite the fact that she was ruined, then she could only hope Blaine’s ghost wouldn’t linger forever between them.
As he buried himself deep inside her, Blaine’s hand found Kathleen’s and he laced their fingers together. His other hand cradled her cheek tenderly, his green eyes boring into her own as he took her, and with every passing moment, Kathleen was confronted with the deep sorrow and regret that Blaine carried inside him. She was desperate to soothe him. She was desperate to tell him that in the end, everything would be fine, but she couldn’t find the words or the actions.
After all, it would be nothing but another lie .
All she could do was hold tightly onto his hand and wrap her legs around his waist, clinging to him for as long as she could.
Pleasure flowed and ebbed inside her, every thrust of Blaine’s hips bringing her once more, closer and closer to the edge. Her core throbbed with need, Blaine’s heated gaze only serving to intensify her desire until it was all too much to bear. Her second climax washed over her, tearing a cry out of her throat that she immediately muffled with her hand as she clenched tightly around Blaine’s length. In return, Blaine moaned her name, his next thrusts turning erratic as he, too, chased his release, finally reaching it with a grunt as he pulled back to spill over her thighs.
Afterwards, he collapsed next to her, slinging his arm over her waist. Kathleen lay there, staring at the tall ceiling above with an unseeing gaze, lost deep in her thoughts.
Any other time, she would have curled up against him and accepted the warmth of his embrace, the comfort of it. This time, though, her limbs felt as though they were made of lead, heavy and immovable—and so did her heart.
Slowly, almost reluctantly, she pushed herself up to a sitting position, avoiding Blaine’s gaze. Then, she took a deep breath and stood, gathering her clothes to quickly put them back on. She was too vulnerable now to be seen like this; she needed an armor, something to protect her from more harm .
“I’d like ye tae leave,” she said with her back turned to Blaine. She didn’t think she could bear it if she turned around and caught another glimpse of him. She didn’t think he could bear it either, and so she decided to show them both some mercy by trying to make the separation as painless as possible. “I… I’m sorry, but I’d like tae be left alone.”
For a long time, Blaine didn’t speak. Kathleen couldn’t even hear him move, but she didn’t turn around to check what he was doing. She counted her breaths— one, two, three, four, five . It was only then that Blaine spoke.
“If this is about yer faither?—”
“It’s about more than me faither,” Kathleen said. “Obviously, he will never allow us tae be together, we both ken that. But I also cannae trust ye after all this.”
“I’m still the same person,” Blaine said. “Naethin’ has tae change.”
“But everythin’ has already changed!” Kathleen pointed out. “Everythin’ is different now.”
“It daesnae have tae be. Kathleen, I will fix this, I promise ye,” Blaine said. “Give me one chance an’ I’ll fix it. ”
As much as it pained her, as much as the tears stung her eyes, Kathleen shook her head. “There is naethin’ left tae fix.”
“Then why did ye just lie with me? What did it mean tae ye?”
“It was a goodbye, Blaine.”
Silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating. Kathleen still refused to look at him, knowing that the moment she did, she would give in against her will.
“I see,” said Blaine, and Kathleen finally heard the bed creak as he moved, followed by the sound of rustling cloth as he gathered his garments. She remained still, standing with her back to him, facing the damp logs in the fireplace instead, where the torch had already gone out. Memory washed over her. She remembered the first time she had seen those green eyes—the first time she had heard that gravelly voice. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It seemed to her like she was an entirely different person.
Blaine called her name again, and then again, but she would not turn to look at him. She couldn’t bear it. He begged her one last time to give him a chance to fix things, but she stood still and silent, her back turned to him.
Thus, he didn’t try to convince her any further. He dressed and shuffled over to the fireplace, where Kathleen had to face him one last time. But now it was he who avoided her gaze, who rushed to push the opening in the fireplace open and step through it.
Kathleen’s voice was caught in her throat, her fingers twitching as she barely managed to stop herself from reaching for him. For a moment, Blaine paused by the entrance and her heart leapt as she began to think that maybe, just maybe, he would turn around and say something. She didn’t know what difference it could possibly make. She didn’t know if there was anything he could say that would change her mind, but she desperately wanted it.
In the end, though, he said nothing. He only pushed the hidden door shut behind him, the passageway closing with a decisive thud.
And just like that, Kathleen had to accept that it was all over.