37
Four Letter Word
“M ornin’,” Lachlan said as Alex strode into the kitchen and filled a glass of water from the tap.
“Mornin’, ye sleep all right?” he asked between gulps.
“Well, it’s not the most comfy of settees, but to be honest, I slept like the dead.” He was sitting up and stretching his head from side to side. “My neck is kinked up like a bloody cinnamon twist.”
“Maybe ye should go shove yer head in the snow?” Alex suggested brightly.
“Fuck off,” Lachlan replied, and Alex’s lips quirked in a smile. It was nice to have his brother around.
“How long are ye intending to stay?” he asked, refilling his water glass.
Lachlan cocked his head. “As soon as ye pull yer head out of yer arse, I can think about headin’ home.”
Alex bit back a laugh. “I cannae begin to imagine wha’ ye mean,” he said sardonically.
Lachlan strode into the kitchen. “Where’s the coffee?”
“I’ll make it. Go sit,” Alex muttered.
Lachlan brokered no argument. He pulled out the chair at the table and plopped down. A few minutes later, Alex brought two mugs of coffee to the table and sat down across from his brother. They sipped in companionable silence.
“So?” Lachlan eyed at Alex expectantly.
“So what?” Alex said, leaning back in his chair, feeling exhausted. Even his bones felt zapped of energy. He sipped his strong black coffee—mud, as Quinn had referred to the taste—silently willing it to take the edge off. He knew better, though. It was a miserable sort of tired plaguing him. He hadn't slept well. Again. It wasn't so much that he felt sleepy; it was more an epic dismal mood he couldn't manage to shake. If anything, it seemed worse by the hour.
“Did ye think about what I said?”
“What?” Alex looked dumbfounded.
“Love,” Lachlan responded as if it was obvious.
Alex glared at his brother, his head beginning to throb. “Ye cannae be serious.”
“Christ, mon, listen, ye used to be a fun guy to be around, and I know ye went through yer shite. More than anyone should ever huv to go through,” he added. “No word of a lie, Alex, I huv been here for, ooh…” Lachlan looked down at his watch. “What’s it? About sixteen hours now? An’ in the first five, ye didnae come up fer air. Have ye no’ listened to yerself and the way ye talk about her? Ye havnae blethered about anything else,” his brother said, daring Alex to argue with him.
Alex looked stupefied. “It was a fucked-up week. One ironic run-in after another with the lass,” he said as if that explained it.
“Tha’ is no’ what I gathered from everything ye blethered about yesterday.” Lachlan threw him a challenging brow.
“Aye, well, it was bloody confusing,” Alex muttered rubbing his temples.
“Confusing how?”
“I dinnae ken why it’s confusing, only that it is.”
Lachlan rolled his eyes swiping his hands down his face as if trying to keep a grip on his patience. Crossing his arms over his chest, he said, "I'll wait." Then he looked at Alex expectantly, as if waiting on one of his children to explain themselves.
Gulping back the last of his coffee, Alex plonked his mug on the table and sighed in resignation. “I dinnae even ken what to say." He shook his head and raked a hand through his hair. "Part of it felt like the best time I think I’ve ever had in my life. Like our conversations and just the day-to-day with her—it was unbelievable.” He paused.
“And the sex,” Lachlan provided as if helping Alex sort out his thoughts, but Alex shot him a shut-your-face-or-I’ll-shut-it-for-you look. Lachlan put up his hands in a truce. “I’m only sayin’ tha’ part sounded like it was good too.”
Alex sighed. “Aye, tha’ part was… Christ, I dinnae huv words fer it.”
Lachlan looked like he wanted to say more but thought better of it. Instead, he stood, taking Alex's mug and his own to the counter, refilling them, and bringing them back to the table.
“Thank ye,” Alex said. “I dinnae ken about love.” He rubbed Bear's neck, his trusty pup resting his head on Alex's lap. "I mean, what the fuck is love anyway? It isnae a real thing, and if it is, I suspect ’tis fuckin dangerous. I’d rather stay the hell away from it.”
Alex stood and Bear plodded off to lay in front of the the fireplace. He strode to the kitchen, took a red bowl from an open shelf and a box of cereal from the cupboard and filled up the bowl to almost overflowing.
“Violet and I are in love. Madly in love.” Lachlan grinned in obvious defence of his brother’s denial of love’s existence.
“That’s different,” Alex muttered, not turning around as he grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge. “Cereal?” he absently asked, and Lachlan shook his head.
“I think I'm too bloody jet-lagged to eat.”
“Suit yerself,” Alex said plonking back down at the table.
Lachlan rubbed his forehead as Alex spooned a hearty helping of cereal into his mouth. Lachlan looked like shite, but he suspected it was more than just the jet lag. He knew his brother better than anyone, and he knew that it drove him crazy that Alex wasn't giving him the answers he wanted to hear. But Christ, love . The mon was obviously not thinking clearly.
“Yer no' thinking clearly,” Lachlan muttered as if he’d jumped into Alex's head. Although, he believed it to be the other way around. Alex held his spoon midway to his mouth. Lachlan did have an uncanny ability to read Alex’s thoughts, and it didn’t seem to matter that they hadn’t seen each other in over two years.
“Yer, the one with the jet lag," Alex quipped back, taking the spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
“Remember how ye were when we were kids?” Lachlan asked, suddenly changing gears.
Alex eyed him suspiciously. “What do ye mean?”
“Out of all of us siblings, ye’ve always faced danger head-on. In fact, ye’ve revelled in it ever since we were kids. Ye used to scare the shite outta mam.”
Alex chuckled. “Aye,” he said between spoonfuls of cereal. He had fond memories of growing up. He’d gotten up to some crazy antics. His poor mam. “Ye remember at Bluff’s Head when everyone dared me to jump ’cause they didnae think I’d do it?”
“Ye crazy bastard. Nobody forgot that one. The Coast Guard had to hunt ye down.”
Alex laughed. “It was a bit touch and go there, but I managed to stay afloat long enough to be rescued.” They’d definitely gotten into some crazy stuff as kids, but without a doubt, Alex was the trailblazer.
“Christ, our poor mam. If our boys ever pulled a stunt like that, Violet would go mental.” Lachlan shook his head before looking back at Alex. “Anyways, ye numpty, the point is ye ha’ never been a coward.”
Alex sobered eyeing his brother. “No, ’tis not who I am.”
“Then why the fuck are ye so afraid of this wee lass?”
Alex dropped his spoon in his empty bowl and sat silently contemplating. “Because I cannae lose her,” he said almost too quiet to hear.
“What?” Lachlan’s blue eyes lit with a glint of hope. “I believe ye told me yesterday, ye already huv. She’s gone, no?”
“Aye. What I mean is, if I—” Alex stumbled on his words. “Well, if I admit…that I… Well, that… If I admit that I have feelings.” Alex looked at Lachlan as if his own words stunned him. “Jesus.” He breathed. “If I admit that I have feelings, then I dinnae think I could handle losing her.”
Lachlan sat back in his chair, looking like he was about to fucking slow clap. “Then ye sure as hell better go get her.”
Alex felt like a reindeer caught in headlights. “Ye’re right.”
“Well, Jesus Christ, wonders never cease. I dinnae think ye huv ever said that.”
Alex suddenly broke out into a grin. “Aye, well, there’s a first time for everything, but dinnae expect to hear it again.”
“Ach, there's the brother I ken and love. I can tell by the look in yer eye, the lass doesnae stand a chance.”
“Aye," Alex agreed. When he wanted something, he would stop at nothing to get it.
"I'm excited to meet the wee lass who's brought my brother to his knees,” Lachlan teased with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
Alex shot Lachlan a warning glare as he stood from the table. His brother raised a challenging brow, goading Alex to deny it. He knew damn well his brother was testing him, and the truth was Lachlan was right. His little lass had Alex on his knees, and Christ, if he didn’t want to be there. He’d happily beg on his knees to worship his goddess.
“I suggest ye hurry yer arse up then, Lachlan. We're leaving within the hour,” he said unable to keep the grin from his face.