38
Seeing Double
Q uinn thanked the barista for her Gingerbread latte. The tasty drinks had pretty much become breakfast lunch and dinner. In an otherwise gloomy mood, these lattes were a highlight. The little local cafe made them so sinfully delicious. Walking out of the café, she made her way back to the inn to do some writing.
The sunny glorious day and the mountain backdrop did little to warm her aching heart, but she still appreciated it. It was hard to believe the crazy snow and cold of the storm were just a couple of short days ago. God. It was like the whole thing had been a dream. The storm. Being stranded alone with Alex. She sighed, taking a sip of her sweet creamy coffee. The warmth of the sunshine on her face felt heavenly despite the sadness she felt inside.
As she rounded the corner and the inn came into view, her heart thundered. There was a police truck parked out front. She took some deep breaths and tried to calm herself. Even if it was him, which it wasn’t necessarily, he could be there for any number of reasons. She walked a little faster, needing to get closer to see.
Then she froze in her tracks when Alex walked out the front doors of the inn dressed in his black uniform. God, he looked good, and she couldn’t help the flutter low in her belly at the sight of him and all those muscles. The flutter was short-lived though when he got in his truck and sped off, lights and siren blaring.
She could have cried. Had he come to see her? Maybe not. Either way, he was gone now. The familiar cloak of melancholy settled over her again. Even her delicious latte was no longer cutting it, and she dumped it in the garbage just outside the inn.
As she walked into the lobby, she thought her eyes were surely playing tricks on her, and then she began to question her sanity. There, in one of the velvet wingback chairs, sat Alex. His handsome profile to her. She stared sure she was losing her mind. The man before her in a thick navy sweater and dark jeans was Alex, but then she thought back to the unmistakable Hot Cop who’d just driven off. She’d recognize that deliciousness anywhere. That was him. She was sure of it, but then how could he be here? Uneasiness washed over her as she stood staring at him.
As if sensing her, he tilted his head, looking her way with warm eyes. Her brain was stumped. It was Alex, but not Alex?
“Quinn?”
She stood stone still, staring. What the hell? “Alex?” she asked, wondering if she needed to get medical treatment.
“Lachlan.” He shot her a handsome lopsided grin as he stood. “Alex’s brother.”
Alex’s brother? His brother was a twin? Her brain was still processing as relief seeped over her. At least she wasn’t losing it—thank God—but what the heck?
“Lachlan,” she said, looking at him for confirmation or explanation.
“Aye.” He smiled warmly, standing up.
“I knew Alex had two brothers, but he never mentioned that you and him were twins.” She studied his features fascinated, stupefied by how much he looked like Alex. Upon closer inspection, she recognized he was more slight than Alex, although still heavily muscled, and there was something different about their eyes. Oh my God. Quinn’s mind flew back to the photo in Alex’s sporran. Was it Lachlan in that photo? With his wife and boys?
“Ach, lass, sorry if I gave ye a start.”
She nodded still uncertain as to what was going on. “Right, well uh, nice to meet you,” she said about to go past him to her room.
“Please, dinnae go. Are ye busy? Could we maybe go to the restaurant here? Have a wee bit o’ lunch?” He looked sweetly convincing. Jeez , it did not help that he looked just like Alex. The more she studied him, the more she could see the subtle difference not just in their eyes, but their smiles too. Both were ridiculously good-looking though.
“Does your wife have long blond hair?” she suddenly asked.
He looked dumbfounded. “Violet? Aye, she does. Why do ye ask?”
“I saw a picture with you and her, although I didn’t know it at the time.” She couldn’t believe Alex hadn’t just been straight with her. Why would he let her think it was him in the photo? And then it occurred to her. It was a wall that he could use to keep her at bay. It stung. Just one more barrier he’d try to use to keep her away.
“Come on, lass. Let’s go have a blether,” Lachlan said gently.
“Excuse me? A what?” Quinn said, wondering what the heck he meant, but there was a kindness in his eyes that made her think he meant no harm.
Lachlan chuckled. “A blether, a chat, lass. In the pub.” He gestured towards the inn’s restaurant.
“Oh right.” She wasn’t sure it was the best idea given the state of her heart. God, before everything went wrong with Alex, Quinn would have jumped at the chance to get to know his family.
Everything felt so different now though. She wasn’t sure what to think, but there was no way her curiosity would allow her to decline Lachlan’s invite.
They sat by the window with a view of the festive street and people bustling by. Oddly enough, this was only the second time Quinn had been in the inn’s restaurant. The first time was with her girls, and that felt like a lifetime ago now. The very last thing she expected was to be here with Alex’s twin brother.
“It’s truly so lovely to meet ye, Quinn,” Lachlan said with a disarming smile.
Hmm, he definitely came across as nicer than his brother. She smiled awkwardly, not knowing what to say to him, and she was oddly grateful when the server showed up at their table.
“Hi, my name is Brittney.” Quinn didn’t miss Brittney’s once-over of Lachlan, not that she could blame the girl. She almost laughed. “I’ll be your server. What can I get you to start?” Her eyes landed squarely on Lachlan.
“Scotch?” he offered, looking at Quinn expectantly as if he hadn’t even noticed Brittney batting her lashes.
Quinn surprised herself with a nod in the affirmative. She could use a stiff drink.
“Two Taliskers, please. Neat.”
“Uh, I don’t think we have that.”
“Och, right. Well, how ‘boot an Oban then?”
Brittany shook her head no.
Realizing it may be a lost cause Lachlan finally said, “Well whatever single malt ye huv would be lovely, lass.”
Brittany blushed, naturally charmed by the handsome Scot. Quinn tried not to smile. The Mackenzie twins were seriously good-looking. Although one seemed a little more charming than the other…
“For sure.” She smiled brightly at him. “I’ll see what I can find for you.” Lachlan watched as Brittany turned and headed for the bar, and Quinn could see the doubt in his eyes.
“Well, as long as we get some kind o’ whisky at the very least,” he muttered, turning back to Quinn.
She smiled lightly at him, wondering if all Scots took their scotch so seriously or if it was just the Mackenzie clan.
“Alex was here earlier, too, but he got a work call and left in a hurry,” he said. “I assume it was something important.”
Quinn just nodded. She didn't know what to think.
“Alex had come to see ye,” he explained.
Quinn looked up at him. “Why?” she asked bluntly not even noticing the uncomfortable expression on Lachlan’s face. After the way things ended with them, she was surprised he wanted to see her at all. God, for all she knew, she'd left something at his place, and he was just getting his brother to deliver it.
“Well, I suspect ’tis better if he talks to ye about that himself,” Lachlan said gently, right as Brittany flounced up to the table, bringing them their drinks. “Jamison’s Irish Whisky.” She grinned, clearly pleased with herself for managing to find him a whisky.
Lachlan gave her a gracious smile. After confirming they didn't need anything else, she walked away. Lachlan took a sip and said, “’Tis no’ a single malt. No’ even scotch.” He shook his head, sniffing at it. “But will huv to do I suppose.”
That made Quinn smile, and she recalled thinking that Alex was Irish when he had given her that stupid ticket the day they met. It seemed so long ago now.
“I didn’t realize Alex was expecting any of his family to visit over the holidays,” she said, taking a sip of her whisky vaguely aware that she’d somehow grown accustomed to the taste and could almost say she liked it.
“He wasnae. My wife Violet surprised me on Christmas day with a ticket to come over here. I had no idea. It's been a long time, though, and I think she is hopin’ I’d bring him back home.”
“For good?” Quinn asked, feeling a pit form in her stomach. The thought of Alex leaving Canada was a heavy one. They weren’t together, but if he wasn’t here…it would mean the door would be closed forever. It seemed so final. And yet, wasn’t the door already slammed shut?
“Naw, just for a visit. I dinnae think he’s ready to come home for good. I’m not sure he ever will be.”
“Oh right.” Quinn felt oddly relieved. The restaurant was fairly quiet as it was mid-afternoon, and silence stretched between them. She fiddled with her white paper napkin on the dark wood table.
Lachlan studied her. “Ye huv a similar look in yer eyes as my brother did last night.”
Quinn almost scoffed. “The look of exhaustion?”
“I meant the look of sadness,” he said gently, and Quinn’s glance flicked up at him. “Lass, I cannae speak fer Alex, but believe me when I say he cares fer ye.”
“He has an odd way of showing it,” she muttered, anxiously tearing off little shreds of a napkin.
Lachlan sat across the table from her, sipping his whisky, looking relaxed. He was so like Alex but also completely different. Lachlan seemed kind and gentle. She had to admit he was also very easy on the eyes. All those lovely traits, but it was cold, moody Alex that her heart ached for. The truth was she’d glimpsed a big heart somewhere under Alex's gruff facade. Lachlan and Alex may be identical, but they were very different. Not once did she find Lachlan to be lethally sexy like his brother, and he certainly didn't make her pant with need the way Alex did every time he set his stormy blue eyes on her. She squeezed her eyes closed trying to push out those thoughts.
Christmas music filled the otherwise quiet atmosphere of the inn restaurant. For the first time, Quinn realized that Christmas music might forever be ruined because of her heartbreak over Alex. Normally, she loved hearing Michael Bublé croon about jingle bells and white Christmas', but currently, she’d prefer utter stone-cold silence paired with her heartache over the cheery blare of festive music.
When she opened her eyes, Lachlan’s lips were quirked in an almost smile, and he had a knowing expression on his face. “I hope my numpty brother has no’ wrecked yer Christmas. He can be a stubborn arse, I ken.”
Quinn saw the twinkle of mischief in Lachlan’s eyes, and she almost smiled. “He can be an arse all right.”
Lachlan chuckled.
“It’s like he’s determined to keep a wall up—keep people out. Or at least keep me out,” she said, taking another sip of her whisky and feeling its heat roll down her throat.
“I dinnae think it is ye. I think it is all women,” Lachlan said sadly. “He went through some very hard times in his life, and I think he was trying to protect himself somehow. I believe my brother has sworn off women like they’re the plague.”
“Great,” Quinn scoffed.
“That is until ye came along,” he clarified.
Quinn eyed Lachlan, gauging whether or not she believed him. “I’m pretty sure he’s put me in the plague category and sworn me off too,” she said, quietly fiddling at the shreds of napkin on the table.
“Never,” he quipped confidently.
Quinn shook her head, not convinced.
“I dinnae ken what to say, lass. 'Tis no' my place to speak fer my brother. I will say this, though; Alex has always been fearless in his life. Nothing shakes the man.”
Quinn snorted. “I’ve noticed.”
“Aye, well I think ye may have cracked that a wee bit,” Lachlan said, rolling the whisky in his glass.
“You think he’s afraid of me?" Quinn scoffed. She couldn’t fathom lethal Cold Mean Cop Alex being afraid of anything.
“I think he's in uncharted waters,” Lachlan amended.
Quinn didn’t know what to make of that. She wanted to ask more, but she also suspected Lachlan was not prepared to say too much on his brothers behalf. Quinn sighed heavily, leaning back from the table. “Honestly, Lachlan, I understand, in a way, why Alex has built impenetrable walls.”
“Not impenetrable, lass,” Lachlan interrupted her.
Quinn regarded him, not allowing herself to think on those words. “It kills me to think what Alex endured. The fact that Alex has found peace in his life and moved on is more than I think most people could do.” She paused. “But it also kills me to think about what he will miss out on because he still keeps himself so guarded.”
Lachlan eyed her like he wanted to say something, but held back.
“Maybe I’m not the one for Alex, but if he keeps himself and his heart locked in a fortress…” She shook her head feeling tears sting her eyes, but she swallowed them away. “He has so much to give. I saw it, he’s… he’s…”
Lachlan reached across the table, putting his hands reassuringly on hers as he looked at her helplessly like he didn’t know what to do. “He’s a damn stubborn arse is what he is.”
Quinn laughed despite herself.
He patted her hands. “Ye’re right lass. We all huv seen it, and we all huv tried to talk to him to tell him. It was like he couldn’t hear what we were saying. But ye got through to him, Quinn.”
Quinn shook her head sadly. “I don’t think so, Lachlan.” She was well aware that Alex was the most incredible man she’d ever met, but none of that mattered if he would throw up his walls any time he allowed himself to feel.
Quinn looked up at Lachlan’s kind eyes, so like Alex’s but a deeper shade of blue. Not the stormy blue piercing eyes of Sergeant Mackenzie. The ones that could reach right into her soul. The ones that didn’t even bother to look at her as she slipped out his front door for the last time. She pulled her hand out from under Lachlan’s and tucked her hair behind her ears.
“I didn’t get through to him,” she said pointedly. “Believe me, Lachlan, Alex’s walls are up and fortified. I may have cracked a window, but he abruptly closed it and pulled down the shade,” she snapped and gulped back the rest of her whisky.
Lachlan had a gentle smile on his face as he listened.
“Honestly, even if he did leave the window open, it’s not enough,” she said, feeling fired up now. She wasn’t going to settle for little scraps from Alex.
“I understand, lass, and ye are right. He’s either invested or he’s not.”
“Exactly,” she quipped.
“I hope ye will give him another chance though,” he said quietly, giving her an imploring look that she suspected was very effective at getting what he wanted.
“Ha! It’s not like he’s given any indication he even wants one,” Quinn bit out not taking the bait.
Lachlan looked at her as if he wanted to say something but seemed reluctant.
“Here’s the thing, Quinn. I huvnae even been here for a full day yet, and I huv seen the walls. I know what ye are talkin’ about, but I’ve also seen the brother I’ve always known.”
“Well, I’m glad for that. Truly, I am.” She shifted in her seat.
“Since I’ve arrived, I’ve also seen a side of Alex I’ve never seen before. I dinnae ken everything that happened between ye, but I do ken my brother is different. Something has changed, Quinn.”
Quinn didn’t know what to make of what Lachlan was saying. She knew Alex hadn’t seen his family since moving to Canada. Of course, he would be different. Or did Lachlan mean something more?
“Let’s leave it at that, lass. I dinnae want to speak fer him, but I hope that ye will hear him out.”
“It’s not like he’s here asking to be heard,” she muttered.
Lachlan chuckled. “Aye, well, he may be a bit tied up at the moment. He came here to see ye, Quinn, but work pulled him away.”
Quinn sniffed as if she still wasn’t convinced. “Hmph.”
“Right then, how about some scran?” he said, picking up the menu. “I’m starved.”
“Scran?” she asked reluctantly.
“Grub,” he said without even looking up.
“Food,” she clarified as Lachlan studied his menu. Her mouth quirked in a smile, and she picked up her own menu.
They ordered a charcuterie board and spent the afternoon chatting or “blethering” as Lachlan had called it. Quinn found she quite enjoyed herself, and it somehow took her mind off her sadness despite the fact much of the conversation centred around Alex. Talking with Lachlan was like getting an unbidden view into Alex’s life.
Lachlan told Quinn about his wife and boys and spoke about them with such love and adoration that Quinn couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy. They sounded like such a loving family. Lachlan also talked about growing up with Alex. Quinn found herself so immersed that she’d all but forgotten her heartache.
The sky began to darken outside the window. Lachlan looked down at his phone. No word from Alex.
“Haven’t heard from him?” Quinn assumed so from Lachlan’s expression.
“No, he must still be tied up with work. Ach, Quinn, I’m so sorry, lass, but I’m going to huv to get on my way. I’m thoroughly enjoying our chat, but I confess the jet lag has caught up to me.”
“No, no, that’s fine. I can drive you. I have my car just out front.” Quinn was happy to offer Lachlan a ride back to Alex’s. She did feel a bit nervous about being back at his place. Even if it was only to drop Lachlan.
“I dinnae want to put ye out. I can take a cab it’s fine,” he said through a stifled yawn.
Quinn smiled. “I learned the hard way that cabs and Ubers don’t go up Alex’s way. I’ll take you. It’s the least I can do.”
The drive was just over half an hour, but Quinn was glad for the distraction. She wasn’t in a rush to get back to her stewing heartache. Lachlan drifted to sleep as they drove, but Quinn didn’t mind. It was still better than being alone at the inn right now. Alone with her thoughts. It had been nice getting to know Lachlan and learning more about Alex. Really nice, but also really shitty. Just a painful reminder of all the lovely that was not hers.
Quinn gave Lachlan a nudge when they got to Alex’s cabin. He awoke with a start.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. We’re here.” She nodded towards the cabin. It was a relief in a way not to see Alex’s truck parked outside, but still, it was hard to see his place again. A surreal feeling settled over her as memories from only a couple of days ago flooded her. That time had come and gone. It was over now.
“Thank ye, Quinn,” Lachlan said getting out. “It was truly such a pleasure spending the afternoon with ye. I hope to see ye again soon, but if for some reason we do not cross paths, I wish ye all the best, lass. Truly, I do.” His expression was warm.
Quinn nodded, trying not to feel sad for all that she knew could have been, but likely wouldn’t. “It was a really great afternoon. Thank you, Lachlan.”