Chapter Eleven
Troy
People always said the key to getting ahead was to work harder. Always harder. I used to believe that—probably in high school, when “working hard” meant going to class, clocking in at my part-time job, rinse and repeat.
But now, I stood in my cramped apartment, staring at the floorboards, wondering where exactly I’d gone wrong.
There was now a leak in the kitchen. Did I expect maintenance to fix it?
Hell no.
Did I have the means to sue the landlord’s ass and make him fix everything like he was supposed to?
Hell no.
One thing was clear; somewhere along the line, I’d screwed up.
Oh, hell yes.
I pulled out my phone and sighed. “I think I’m having a midlife crisis in my early twenties. Is that possible?” I typed to Discord. Send.
Of course, Godofdiscord’s solution was always, “Lawyer up or move,” or, “I’ll send you money to throw at the problem.”
I wondered just how much money he had. Godofdiscord never bragged about money, but he was always ready to throw cash at everybody and their mother. Maybe he was rich like Seth.
Seth would tell me to lawyer up. I knew he would. Hell, knowing Seth, he might just offer his personal attorney to come and fix the problem. I couldn’t do that. No, I had to figure this out myself. Just work a little harder, and eventually, it would all pan out.
Work a little harder? Gawd, where had I heard that? Duh.
My phone buzzed, but it wasn’t Godofdiscord.
It was Skye, come to pick me up for our semi-frequent sibling get together.
I didn’t particularly like being summoned by my sister every couple of weeks, but it was easier to go along with it than to argue with her, about as productive as arguing with a brick wall.
“Are you coming down yet?”
“On my way.”
I sent the message before I gave in to the impulse to lie.
I could claim I’d caught the flu and leave it at that.
But that seemed mean-spirited, like I was punishing my sister for having the gall to care for me.
And after going and wandering around an antique shop with Seth, I did feel a bit better.
So maybe she and Godofdiscord were right.
I did benefit from going out more and not staying inside all the time, surrounded by four walls that were falling apart.
I needed to move somewhere else, but had no means to do so.
As I headed downstairs, I tried to silence my thoughts about money and my crappy apartment.
After all, I knew what Skye would suggest, to move back home, which wasn’t an option.
So, I headed out and climbed into her car, the cloying stench of vanilla cupcake air freshener hitting my nose.
Why she bothered with the thing, I didn’t know.
I didn’t begrudge her her air freshener, but this was still a fairly new car.
Why cover up that new car smell with Bath and Body Works?
I didn’t get it at all. But then, there were many things about Skye that I just didn’t get.
Like why she felt the need to dress all fancy just to have dinner with me.
There was absolutely no need for her fancy red dress or those giant high heels, Apparently, Skye hadn’t gotten the memo.
Here she was in stilettos that she probably could’ve mortally defended herself with.
Come to think of it, she was a bit like Seth.
Dramatic, with a desire to be the center of attention.
I wondered if she would get along with him better than I did.
My pulse quickened at the thought. I couldn't tell if the thought irritated me or made me jealous.
“Where to?” I asked.
Skye pulled away from the curb. “I was thinking Portabella’s,” she replied.
“That sounds fine,” I said.
She nodded and steered into Bluehaven’s traffic, heading downtown. I couldn’t help but think of the antique shops I’d visited with Seth. Skye would be driving right past them.
“So how was work?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Being a mechanic isn’t too exciting, you know. Nothing much changes with us.”
Skye nodded. “I guess.”
Yep, this conversation was going well.
“I have a friend you might get along well with,” Skye said after a moment. “She’s a nice girl. Works at the library.”
I arched an eyebrow. It was too clear where Skye was going with this. Of all the goofy things she could dream up to absolutely drive me nuts…
“That’s nice.”
My sister’s eyes cut to me briefly before turning back to the road. “She’s a very nice girl, and I think you’d really benefit from getting to know her.”
“Getting to know her…biblically?”
It was obvious what she meant, but I could not resist.
“Shame on your gutter mouth! I just think you need to be a little more social.”
Ah, there it was.
“I will have you know,” I said, “that I actually did go out and do something social earlier today. It was fun.”
My sister’s eyes widened. “Did you?”
I couldn’t help but smirk a bit at her surprise. “Yes, I did. It was fun. We went antique shopping.”
“Interesting.”
She was clearly more startled than interested, and it was seldom that I got the opportunity to catch my sister off-guard. “And before you say it—you were right. I’ve already heard the whole spiel from one of my friends online. Okay?”
Skye shook her head. “I just can’t believe you actually went out and did something. I am genuinely proud of you. Who is it?”
“Someone I met.”
“Oh. No kidding. I was thinking maybe you picked up a bum or something.”
“Yeah, funny. You should be on TV. Someone I…” I trailed off. “Someone I might be interested in. Romantically. So, thanks on the friend, but I don’t think I really need to meet her.”
Skye’s eyebrows rose so high that they seemed to disappear into her hairline. “You actually met someone? A real person? Not someone you’re just making up as an excuse not to be social.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not making it up.”
“Well, good. I’m proud of you. She’s a very lucky lady.”
A “lucky lady?” The phrase tied my stomach in a knot. Of course, Skye thought that I had found a woman. She didn’t know that I was gay. I’d never told her.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and considered saying something.
She was my sister. She was overbearing and sometimes abrasive, but she was only that way because she cared.
And surely, she’d accept something like I’m gay.
Surely. But if I told her, I’d have to tell my parents, and I just wasn’t up for that noise.
If I told Skye, I knew she’d nag me into an early grave going on and on about how I had to tell our parents. I didn’t exactly want to set myself up for that either.
“Yeah. I guess. Lucky. She’s a real cutie-pie.”
I felt a spark of guilt for lying to her, but really, I had more at stake with this issue than she did. I weighed the odds. Did I feel like opening this can of worms here and now, with everything was going marginally better than usual?
Probably not.
I sighed.
“I’m happy for you,” Skye said. “When do I get to meet her?”
God, not for a very, very long time. Not ever, maybe.
“Someday,” I said. “I don’t want to rush things, you know? Our parents can be a bit much sometimes.”
Skye huffed. “You’re telling me. Mom can be suffocating.”
I smiled to myself. Skye said that, not realizing she was just like Mom. It was pretty obvious where Skye got her personality, and not from Dad.
“She was asking about you, by the way,” Skye said. “You could at least give her a phone call, you know. It’d make her happy.”
“I’ll call her later this week,” I said.
Not happening.
“Do it, or I’ll remind you,” Skye said. “I’ll be like your own human AI device, sending you reminders to call your parents.”
“I don’t doubt it,” I replied dryly. “Where’s your ‘off’ switch?”
Skye pulled into the parking lot. “Well,” she said, shooting me a broad smile, “I just want you to know that I’m proud of you. I know it’s hard for you to branch out and make new friends, so I’m happy that you’ve found someone you like.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “I’m happy I have, too.” And I instantly regretted opening my mouth.
Even if I couldn’t imagine exactly how it would work out.
I was still in the closet. Even if I wanted a relationship with Seth, there were some clear boundaries that I was unwilling to cross.
And I didn’t know how long Seth would be willing to have a relationship like that.
I wasn’t sure if I could keep doing that either.
I got out of her car and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket. Before my parents moved us all, we’d lived in Bluehaven. Back when Skye and I were kids—and this restaurant was still here.
I nudged my sister with my elbow, feeling a wave of nostalgia sweep over me. “Do you remember that time I pushed you into the fountain?” I asked, nodding to the now significantly larger pond.
She smirked. “You were a serious pain in my butt. I hope you know that. I told all my friends how awful it was having you as a brother.”
Okay, so I didn’t really have a defense to that.
I had made my sister’s life harder than I had to, and our parents had always taken my side over hers.
'Boys will be boys.' In hindsight, that really wasn’t fair because most of the time, Skye had been in the right.
She was the angel, the one who never bothered anybody. I was the spawn of Satan.
And Lance was…
Fine. The older brother who learned to drive first and always got roped into taking Skye and me places. And he always hated it. Complained that he was forced to be our babysitter and unpaid chauffeur. But Mom and Dad always made him relent.
“You also threw breadsticks at me,” she pointed out, “No matter how many times I begged you to stop, you just kept it up. You were an asshole. You do realize that.”
“Oh, I do. Hindsight, though. At the time, I was just doing my job, you know, ‘Little Brother’.”
Skye rolled her eyes as we crossed the tile patio. Her heels clicked smartly, accompanied by the dull thud of my tennis shoes. “That’s one thing I do like about Bluehaven,” she said. “It never changes. It’s nice to come back and know where everything is.”
I guess that was pretty cool. But sometimes, change can be good. I glanced at my sister, thinking about just dropping the bombshell; telling her I was gay and calling a waiter before she could formulate a response.
Although, considering we were in an Italian eatery, maybe the better approach would be to order a bottle of wine, get her sloshed, and then spring it on her.
As we were seated, I grabbed the menu right away, to have something to do with my hands.
Otherwise, I’d fidget, and damn Skye would ask why.
But it was so hard to untangle all these feelings and emotions.
I felt guilty for not telling her, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her.
God, this was more difficult than it had to be.
“Maybe we should invite our parents down,” Skye mused. “For Christmas or something. I think they’d like to see the place again. Don’t you?”
“I guess.”
The last thing I wanted right now was our parents coming down, but maybe by Christmas, I’d have sorted everything out. Literally everything. And then, I’d come out of the closet, and everything would go well.
Yeah, right.
Things had never gone that easily for me, and I didn’t expect this to be any better. I skimmed over the wine list and the collection of cheap beers, making me think of Seth.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I tried—which was probably a sure sign I was in love. Absolutely besotted. And God knew why. I didn’t really have any qualities that Seth would like, or so I thought, anyway.
Maybe I ought to ask.
Because if a man like him saw something in me, there must surely be something there. Maybe I was too hard on myself, and had been, for a really long time.