Chapter 17 #2
I wince and turn away from him so he doesn’t see my shame. It was more than a misunderstanding, but it’s not like my moody stepbrother will understand or care. He’ll say I’m overreacting and that what Justin said and did wasn’t that bad.
Nibbling on a piece of loose skin on my bottom lip, I glance around the empty park. No kids playing on swings with their parents watching. No dog owners walking their pets. It’s a ghost town here, which makes being alone with Ryder that much more nerve-wracking.
“Why did you bring me here?” I say while still avoiding his gaze.
Ryder cocks his head. “Because your fiancé would look for you at home. It’s safer being here than where he can find you.”
I wince. Why did he say it like he holds a grudge against Justin? Ryder doesn’t know him, nor does he know what happened.
“I would have been fine at home.” The lie tastes like ash on my tongue, and the panic from earlier creeps to the surface at the thought of Justin finding me.
Ryder’s correct. Being at home isn’t safe right now.
I could hide in my bedroom, and Justin would still barge in and pick up where he left off.
Dad wouldn’t keep me safe. Carolyn wouldn’t either.
The only person I can depend on is my aunt, and she’ll give him hell.
Ryder raises an eyebrow.
My cheeks burn with a blush. “It’s not like you want to be here with me. You can barely stand me.”
His lips thin—the only sign of his displeasure—and he strides toward the picnic tables beneath a gazebo.
“Where are you going?” I chase after him.
Ryder stalks forward without sparing me a glance. He settles on the bench with his back resting against the table. As he relaxes and stretches out his long legs, he folds his arms over his chest and closes his eyes.
I can’t stop myself from checking him out, even though I know better. He’s dressed in his usual goth clothes—a black hoodie clinging to his form like second skin; loose-fitting black cargo pants with pops of white straps weaving through the fabric.
Looking down at my attire, I’m reminded of just how different we are. Instead of all-black everything, I’m a veritable neon sign. With my bright-pink top, a lightweight jacket, and designer jeans, I look like Hannah Montana standing next to the lead singer of Satan’s Priest.
“What are you doing?” I say.
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Like you’re about to take a nap.”
He pops open an eyelid and gives me a pointed look, then rolls his eye and closes it.
My spine straightens when I realize that something isn’t right. I creep closer to get a better look at him. Dark circles hang beneath his eyes, and lines of exhaustion appear beside his mouth. His chest rises and falls with deep, even breaths.
Did he really fall asleep? And why the hell was he riding his motorcycle if he was this tired?
Knots form in my stomach as the events from this morning and last night play in my head. I mentally swat away the memory of the blonde sucking my brother’s thick cock, but my sex-deprived mind keeps focusing on it. And how I was dying to be in her place.
What I don’t understand is why he texted me to come to his room. It’s why I caught him in the first place and couldn’t make my legs work to leave.
“Did you get any sleep this morning after you...?” I trail off, too afraid to say the rest out loud. It’ll make what transpired real.
Ryder cracks open his eyelids. The light-blue irises darken, and hunger flares as he refuses to look away from me. “No.” His voice comes out deep and raspy.
I break the staring contest and check our surroundings for anyone who might catch us together—not that I plan on doing anything with him.
I settle on the bench beside him, keeping a safe amount of space between us.
It doesn’t matter how much distance there is; he still feels too close to me and yet so far away.
“So you’ve been riding around with no sleep?” I shake my head and mimic his posture. Folding my arms over my chest, I lean my head back. “God, you’re an idiot.”
Ryder huffs an unamused laugh and closes his eyes. “You don’t need to tell me what I already know.”
My eyebrows pinch together. “You really think that about yourself?”
His pierced lips flatten, and his dark eyebrows dip with his frown. “I’m taking a nap. Then I’ll take you back home.”
I stare at him in silence while a turbulent storm of questions ravages my thoughts. The last thing I want is to get on his nerves, but I’ve clearly been on his bad side for a long time now. What’s the worst he can do if I keep him talking for a little longer?
He’ll spank you again.
I shudder at the memory.
“Am I really that annoying to you?” I whisper.
Ryder remains quiet, likely already fallen asleep so he doesn’t have to listen to me anymore. Yet here I am, selfish and wanting his time and attention.
I sigh and turn my face toward the gazebo’s ceiling.
“Sometimes I really wish I were a ghost so I could have control over my life. At least then, no one can force me to do things I don’t want to do.
” I mutter the confession like no one is around.
It’s not like Ryder will hear me. I expect the vise around my chest to loosen with the confession, but it only tightens until I can’t breathe.
I focus on anything other than Justin and what happened. If I go down that path, it’ll end in another panic attack. Instead, I think about what life will be like when I get away from my father’s rule.
When Ryder takes me home, I’ll snap new photos and record a video for my subscribers so I can get more money to add to my savings. Things will be so much simpler when I’m out of my father’s house. I can start a new life and make it how I want it.