Chapter 10 Malachi #2
“You know that’s not true. Did that little girl singing “Jingle Bells” look like she hated it?”
Greer’s eyes burn into mine, and it doesn’t take a genius to see she’s attempting to shut down any emotions she was feeling a moment ago.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I do, Greer. I know the past well. This isn’t the only time you showed that you loved Christmas.”
“You’re only saying that to prove a point, but I’m not buying it.”
“You can deny it all you want, but think about what you just saw. That little girl was excited.”
“All I saw was a past version of me who learned she wasn’t good enough.”
“Is that really what you think even now?”
“How can I not think that? You saw my mom’s reaction to the ornaments, to the garland.”
“Was it you who wasn’t good enough, Greer, or was it your mom’s insecurities over money and material things influencing her reaction that made you believe that? Did you see she took the ornament?”
Her anger winks out before it returns. “It doesn’t matter. I never saw it again, so I’m sure she threw it out.”
“Greer—”
“I get what you were trying to show me, okay? I turned into someone worse than my mother. Can we go back now?”
I shake my head. “No, we can’t. There are still two things I want you to see.”
“If you’re going to show me another time that I wasn’t good enough for my parents, I’ll pass.”
I take a calming breath so I don’t get agitated.
It’s not uncommon for people to push back when they see things from their past that are painful.
But for some reason, Greer’s pushback is affecting me more than I would like.
Maybe it’s because she’s already made me feel different than any other human ever has or because she kissed me, but I’m doubly invested in showing her that while she made choices in the past that led her to become who she is now, she can make different ones in the future.
“I can’t promise what I’ll show you next will be easier,” I say with honesty.
Greer tucks her hair behind her ear and glares at me. “I really need to have a talk with my subconscious when I wake up from this nightmare.”
My cheek twitches, and I hold out my hand.
Her blazing eyes fall to it, but to my happiness, she takes it.
I squeeze it, waiting until her eyes meet mine, then I allow my energy to grow around me until it touches Greer’s.
Her gray aura pushes back against the caring and kind nature of mine.
Hers is cold, a sensation I’m not used to, but after a moment, her shoulders soften, and she accepts the bit of comfort that I offer.
“What you’ve seen and have yet to see is for a reason. Try not to judge it but observe it. Everything will make more sense in time if you let it.”
She doesn’t speak or outwardly react, but her throat works as she swallows down the emotions she’s fighting. Eventually, that wall will break—it’s a question of when not if.
I’ve already started to see the cracks. The little Greer we just saw is still inside her, begging to be loved, as I believe the Greer in front of me is begging for the same. She just doesn’t think she wants or needs to be. It’s how she got to where she is now.
I relish the presence of her hand in mine and speak again. “Hold on.”
I snap the fingers of my free hand, and the scenery morphs. To my surprise, Greer doesn’t pull her hand away. She simply grips it tighter as she gets her bearings.
“Do you recognize this?” I ask.
Greer looks around before she nods. “This is where I went to school. We’re in the University’s library.”
I nod and point to where a college-aged Greer is sitting. She’s got her hair up in a bun and is sitting at a table, furiously typing on her laptop. Present Greer lets go of my hand and walks closer, stopping a foot away from her younger self and waving her hand in front of her face.
Greer looks up at me with a sheepish smile. “Just checking.”
I smirk back at her, glad to see she’s not as angry as she was before. But I know that might change quickly, so I enjoy the reprieve.
Greer looks at the papers on the table then to me. “I’m applying for the paid internship at Northlight Capital,” she says.
I nod in confirmation as a young Avery walks through the library door with a man on her arm. “There you are, Greer!”
Both College Greer and Present Greer look up. It’s kind of trippy to watch how their faces transform into the same exact look. Their lips press together, and their shoulders roll back as their eyes flick to Avery, then to the attractive man on her arm, then back to Avery.
“Here I am,” Past Greer answers.
“Josh and I have been looking for you. There’s a campus Christmas party—a last-minute thing for seniors before break. You should come with us.”
“I’m in the middle of something.”
“It’s going to be fun, and Josh’s brother is here. He’s single—”
Greer’s cheeks flush. “No, thank you. I’m busy.”
“Come on! Once upon a time, you loved Christmas parties.”
Present Greer snorts at the same time Past Greer does.
“You did! When we were little, you used to beg our parents to let us have our friends over. Not to mention, you loved going to the mall to meet Santa.”
“I don’t remember that.”
Avery crosses her arms over her chest. “Oh, please, you do, too. You may have been the first one to tell me Santa wasn’t real, but before that, you’d talk about Christmas nearly all year long.”
College Greer clears her throat and looks down at her computer before she starts typing again. “I said I’m busy.”
Avery walks to her and places her hands on Greer’s shoulders, gently shaking her. “Come on!”
She looks at the computer to see what she’s doing.
“You don’t need to get this application in now! It can wait! Come have some fun at the party. Meet a guy.” She waggles her eyebrows.
Greer stops her typing and glances up, a cool look on her features. “Some of us don’t have trust funds or savings to fall back on. Some of us need to figure out their jobs before they leave college.”
The library that was already quiet is deafening now. Avery’s hands pull back from Greer’s shoulders, and her boyfriend snags her hand, pulling Avery into his side for comfort.
“Let’s go, Avery. Your friend is clearly in a mood.”
Tears fill Avery’s eyes before she walks away while Greer clenches her hands at her sides, not saying anything.
Present-Day Greer follows Avery and Josh out of the room before I say anything, and I trail behind her. She stops when the couple does, just past the library doors.
Josh hugs his sullen girlfriend and rubs her back. “She’s not your friend, Aves. Friends don’t say stuff like that to friends.”
“She didn’t mean it. She’s just worried about the future. I found out from my parents that her parents couldn’t help her pay for school. It’s why she works so much and has no life outside of here and her job at the cafe. I’m sure she’s just overtired and stressed.”
“You’re too nice. To put it kindly, your friend is awful.”
Avery sighs and looks toward the library as if she can see Greer through the wall. “I just wish she’d let me in, you know? We used to tell each other everything.”
“People change.”
“I’m not ready to give up on her yet. We’ve known each other for too long, and I do love her. I’m also her only friend. Everyone needs a friend, Josh.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Like I said, you’re too nice. Now come on, let’s go. We don’t want to miss out on all the good alcohol and snacks.”
Avery chuckles. “You and your free snacks.”
The couple walks off, and I look at Greer.
The wall is still up around her emotions, but my heart quickens when a pulse of warmth radiates from her.
The bleak and unfeeling gray shifts, and even without being as attuned to auras as Remi and Sam are, I sense a spark of love reaching me, filling my chest with hope.
“Come, I have one last memory to show you.”
Greer doesn’t look at me, and the blip of love I felt slips away. In its place is something I was hoping she’d feel. Sadness. Some would wonder why I’d want her to feel that, but it’s better than feeling nothing at all. It’s a starting point for her.
I hold out my hand so she can see it, and she takes it without a word.
“You know…” I wait for her to look at me. “What you’re seeing isn’t to show you that you’re an awful person.”
Her eyebrow raises. “Then you’re just here to torture me, Angel Boy?”
I chuckle at the annoyance in her tone and her nickname for me. “Nephilim. And no, I’m not here to harm you. I wanted you to see that, despite how you treated her, Avery loves you.”
She snorts. “Yeah, that was love.”
“If it’s not love, then what was it?”
“Pity.”
“Greer—”
“Just show me the last thing. I’d like to wake up, or at the very least, get you out of my nightmare.”
I exhale. “And here I thought we were making progress.”
Her eyes narrow, and I snap my fingers. Laughter filters through the air along with Christmas music. A roaring fire and the glow of a Christmas tree lights up Greer’s unhappy features as she looks around.
She tugs on my hand. “No, I know what memory this is. I don’t need to relive it.”
“But you do. It’s important.”
She glares at me. “I know what happens!”
“Do you really?”
She tries to pull her hand away, but I hold it firm. “You can do this. Please, trust me.”
“And why should I do that? This is a nightmare.”
“It’s not a nightmare. I told you what this is. Everything you’re seeing has a reason. You can do this. You can face your past like you’ve faced everything else in your life.”
“And how would that be?”
“With strength.”
Greer goes to speak again but is cut off by a man entering the room.
Her hand is still in mine, and I don’t know if she realizes it or not, but she grips it tightly enough that my fingers begin to tingle.
This is going to be the hardest scene of her past she’ll have to face, but as I said, it’s important.
More important than all the rest. Because here, in this moment, is when she embraced what others said she’d become: an Ice Queen.