Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Leena
My office door flings open, and just as I look up, I’m hit in the face with a pack of laparotomy sponges.
“Hey!” I shout, startled at the unexpected interruption only to relax when Charlie smirks at me.
She hops up on the corner of my desk, bumping my tumbler with her hip, reflexes quick enough to catch it mid-topple.
“Case got canceled. Patient ate.” She pauses to open my candy dish, shrugging as she fishes out a few gummy bears.
“So I grabbed the laps and towels for home. I know how much you love them for cleaning.” She tosses the towels in my lap with the sponges.
“Awesome.” I tuck the pilfered goodies into my bag, then I sit back up. “So, then what are you guys doing?”
“Nothing else scheduled . . . Yet,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “We’re going to lunch early though, so put whatever you're working on away and let’s go.” She grabs my arm to tug me up.
Laughing, I grab my phone and check the screen before tucking it into my back pocket with a frown. Charlie tilts her head at me, but I ignore her unspoken question, looping our arms together.
On our way to the cafeteria, my eyes are on a constant swivel, searching the hallways for the face that has been haunting my every waking thought.
At a table tucked into the corner of the still quiet cafeteria, I push food around my plate with my fork.
Tapping my screen once again to see if I missed a message notification.
Still. Nothing. I flip it over, pushing it away with a rough flick of my fingers.
Charlie sets her soda down with a weary sigh. “Okay, you have to talk about it already. Especially because he’s going to be here soon.”
Biting at my lip, I glance at her before looking around the room to see if anyone is close enough to be listening to us. Besides a few people wearing visitor badges, I don’t see anyone we know because we came down before the lunch crowd.
With my thoughts racing, I’m unable to respond right away.
I know Julian officially started at Palmetto Regional yesterday, getting settled in with all the mandatory onboarding rigmarole.
He’s supposed to follow Connor for a few days starting tomorrow before he takes his first week-long shift starting next Tuesday.
That is almost two weeks of interactions looming before me.
I’m not ready.
Not to mention, I’m currently crashing out because he’s been texting me daily, mostly early in the morning, for the last couple of weeks since I used his number from the note card.
But today has been radio silence. His light hearted text messages always bring a smile to my face, and even though I was hesitant to reply at first, he never failed to send another no pressure message the next day.
They quickly became a part of my morning routine, leaving me with a giddy feeling for the rest of the day.
I bring my hand up to nervously chew on my cuticle, but Charlie grabs it, firmly pressing it to the table.
She implores me with a concerned look. “Leena, I haven’t pushed you this whole time to talk about whatever happened between you guys.
But you’re making me anxious with your worrying about him! ”
“He hasn’t texted me,” I blurt out.
Reeling back, she exclaims, “What? Wait! I was sure you guys have been talking with the amount of time you spend smiling at your phone.”
“Uh . . . No, I mean today. He hasn’t texted me today.
He’s texted me almost every morning. But, there has been nothing from him today.
” This time, Charlie bats my hand away when I reach toward my mouth.
I stuff my hands under my thighs, hoping my weight holding them in place will prevent me from tearing my cuticles to shreds.
“You know orientation and all that crap takes forever, and being on your phone isn’t the best look.”
“But I heard from him yesterday.” Wincing at the whine in my voice, my eyes sweep the cafeteria again.
Spinning the cap off her drink, she takes a long sip before saying anything.
“I don’t know the reason he hasn’t texted today.
But the fact that he has texted every day—” She bounces her head with each word.
“—is pretty telling, Mama.” Replacing the cap on the bottle, she tilts her head and looks at me questioningly.
“I thought you told him nothing could happen with you two. Have you changed your mind?”
Averting my eyes to my mostly untouched food, I mumble, “No.”
Crossing her arms, she tries—and fails—to hide her smirk. “Then why does it matter if he hasn’t texted you?”
“It doesn’t,” I snipe. In my haste to escape this conversation, I stiffly gather my trash and stand, my chair almost toppling over.
I’m able to right it but not without knocking my fork and napkin to the floor.
Huffing, I pick them up and stalk to the trash.
I don’t look back to see if Charlie is following, I can hear her shuffling to catch me after disposing of her own trash.
“Leena, come on. Wait!” she hisses. Falling into step beside me, she lowers her voice. “It was a valid question, and you know it. You're just in denial about what you want and deserve. It’s twisting you up in knots.”
My shoulders stoop and I wrap my arms around myself. Without looking at her, I focus on navigating the busy corridor as the lunch crowd begins to descend on the cafeteria. “Trust me, I know it doesn’t make sense.”
My teeth catch my lower lip, and I wince as they pull at a peeling crack my constant worrying won't allow to heal. I lick the metallic tangy bead of blood away and suck my lip to staunch the flow.
Charlie wraps her arm around my shoulders, drawing me in tight to her side. Our heads tip toward each other as we make our way back to the OR. I swallow against the sudden tightness in my throat.
Over the last few weeks, I have found myself losing time thinking about Julian, constantly waffling between this undeniable pull to him like an invisible string is drawing us together.
And then I reprimand myself because how can I so strongly crave this man I barely know?
I’ve been reluctantly soaking up every detail about him, hesitant to let myself really know him when I already like him so much.
I break out in cold sweats at the prospect of being under intense scrutiny from people at work if I were to decide to give in. I also feel sick to my stomach thinking how much it would hurt if he realizes I don’t live up to the memory he has of me.
My voice comes out in a rough whisper. “I’m so confused about it all. My feelings. His. How sudden and intense this all is.”
Squeezing me, she whispers back, “That’s okay.
Just see what happens. Maybe you won’t feel anything when you see him again, maybe it will feel so right that you will know what to do.
But maybe you need time to see how deep these feelings really run, and that’s okay, too.
” Pulling me to a stop outside our locked unit doors, she looks me in the eye and tells me, “You are on no one’s timeline but your own.
You are in charge of the decisions you make.
If he can’t respect that, he is going to have to deal with me.
And we both know that I will make working with me really uncomfortable. ”
I choke out a wet laugh. “Mama, this is why you’re stuck with me forever. I need you to help me put my head back on straight.”
“You know I’m not going anywhere,” she says, hugging me tightly.
Stifling a yawn, I slip out of my office with my water bottle clutched under my arm and the staffing and call sheets under the other as I head to the charge desk for the daily clinical supervisor handoff with Chelsea, my counterpart in the afternoons and evenings.
She is the high to my low, a ball of burning energy ready to go while I’ve hit the sluggish part of my day before my second wind hits as I get home.
“We should be down to two rooms by fi—”
I’m cut off when someone calls both our names. “Just who I was looking for.”
Looking up from the call sheets, I see Connor walking towards the charge desk. He isn’t alone.
I’m frozen in place with my eyes wide, jaw slack, and heart racing. Because strolling alongside him is the man I’ve been anxious about seeing again.
Julian.
Snapping my jaw shut, I try to appear relaxed.
“Hey, Dr. Walsh!” Chelsea exclaims with surprise. Surprise that is much different from mine. “What are you doing here this early?”
“I wanted to catch both you and Leena together. This is Dr. Ian Jacobs, Ortho’s newest surgeon,” he says, patting Julian on the back. “Though, I believe you and Dr. Jacobs have met, Leena.”
“We most certainly did.” With a dip of his chin, he smiles, then drawls, “But it’s a pleasure seeing you again.”
The hairs on the back of my neck rise at the way the word pleasure rolls off his tongue in that deep voice that’s been replaying the filthy words he whispered in my ear that night at Nonna’s.
“Likewise,” I reply, focusing on his left ear before quickly darting my eyes away in an attempt to remain composed.
Seeing the two of them side by side, I can’t help noticing how much taller Julian is than Connor, who I tend to forget has to be around five foot eight, maybe nine.
But his presence makes him seem so much larger.
I’ve seen him manipulate extremities on very large patients and hammering away with no problems. However, right now he looks small in comparison to Julian.
Looking directly at Julian for the first time in weeks, I’m once again struck by his good looks and how immense he really is.
Like huge. My eyes run up his towering frame, admiring his wide shoulders and muscular arms. He isn’t bulky like a body builder, but I’m guessing he’s no stranger to the gym since he appears fit and toned to perfection.
His eyes are more blue than gray under the fluorescent lighting, but no less breathtaking.
A black skull cap hides his hair but accentuates his beard, making the few grays sprinkled throughout look more prominent.
It’s really unfair how attractive this man is. I have a feeling my vibrator’s disappointing streak will continue.
Shaking myself, I shuffle from foot to foot as Connor goes on. “I wanted to get him properly acquainted with you both since we work with you and the charge nurse most frequently when it comes to posting our cases.”
I choke out a cough thinking about how well Julian and I have been acquainted. Wheezing into the crook of my elbow to hide my furiously overheated cheeks and clear my throat.
“Are you alright?” Julian asks, leaning towards me, reaching his hand out before quickly dropping it back to his side.
With a final forceful exhale, I stammer out an affirmative.
After a moment to be sure I am fine, Connor continues talking.
I hear nothing but the murmur of his voice being drowned out by static.
I’m participating in the conversation on autopilot, nodding along or providing the necessary verbal responses though I’m not really sure what I say.
My eyes repeatedly bounce to Julian, and each time I find his already on me.
Though Julian seems to be absorbed in the discussion, his steady regard lances through me, warming my blood and sending it pulsing to my core.
To relieve the pressure, I sip from my water bottle and shift on my feet again to hide how I clench my thighs together.
But Julian’s eyes dart down my body and slowly move back up, missing nothing and intensifying the ache with his hot perusal.