Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Leena
I’m flipping papers on the clipboard so quickly in my agitation that I almost rip the staffing sheet.
I loosen a breath in an attempt to get my nerves under control, tossing the sheet to the side.
My shaking fingers grip the edge of the front desk counter.
Then I step back and let my head hang down, taking an even deeper breath in for a count of four and out for the count of four.
Groaning, I glance up at the clock on the wall.
I have put off making the usual morning call to the ortho surgeon on duty so I can finalize the day’s surgery schedule as long as I dare.
But, of course, I'm stalling because Julian is supposed to be with Connor today. Today’s AIC—Anesthiologist In Charge—will be making their rounds soon to discuss the schedule and contingency plans if anything insane happens that blows up our schedule.
With a weary sigh, I reach for the phone.
Muffled masculine laughter floats towards me from the semi-restricted substerile corridor right before the double doors swing open. Hand extended, my head snaps up just as Julian and Connor walk through.
My gaze immediately finds Julian’s before my eyes dart away. I shakily reshuffle the papers in front of me for anything to do to seem busy.
“Morning,” Connor says as he stops in front of the desk, knocking his knuckles on the counter.
“Good morning!” I say, then immediately cringe at my overly enthusiastic reply. I avoid looking at Julian, but out of the corner of my eye, I make out the twitching of his lips when he rests those corded forearms I’ve been dreaming about against the desk.
Connor eyes me speculatively but thankfully doesn’t comment.
Instead, he calls me out on not calling or texting this morning.
“I was wondering if you weren’t here today.
You’re usually punctual with your five-thirty-on-the-dot call.
Running a little behind this morning, Leena? ” He exaggeratedly narrows his eyes.
Shaking my head, I glance at the computer screen and reach for my coffee cup, but grab the mouse instead. “Oh—um, no. I spilled a little coffee and needed to change.” I start randomly clicking around on my screen, not wanting to get caught in my lie.
Glancing at Julian, I find him slowly pursuing my upper body. My cheeks warm under his appraising stare. But his otherwise passive expression brings a small frown to my face.
“Ahem.” Connor pulls my attention back to him as he hands me a piece of paper with two patient stickers and handwritten details for each.
“Alright then. The case currently on the board is on hold for now—the hospitalist has some concerns and wants to wait on an EKG. I have two new cases to add on, though.”
My gaze bounces between the two men as I reach for the paper. After confirming the order, I pull out the keyboard.
Connor turns his attention to Julian as I navigate through the scheduling steps.
“That’s basically it,” Connor says. “But like we went over yesterday, if our patients are already on the board, I’ll send Leena a text saying ‘no changes’ or send the patient initials in the order I want since patient info isn’t needed.
Otherwise, I will wait for her to call.”
Julian nods. “Simple enough.”
Trying to stifle a growing uncertainty, I tune them out as I finish scheduling the cases, then hit enter to start printing the surgery schedule for staff when they arrive.
I have a few more tasks to complete before they start trickling in.
Gathering my paperwork and tidying up the desk, I move towards the back.
They fall into step with me as they most likely head back to the physicians’ lounge to hang out or round on their patients.
Julian’s arm brushes mine. I glance down and find his hand extended in front of me, palm up as if to say “after you.” My eyes trail back up to find his, and I catch a small smile on his lips. I quietly thank him and hurry through.
Julian’s head is turned away as he talks with Connor, and I use the opportunity to covertly study him.
My eyes roam his strong features and the flexing of the muscles in the column of his neck as he speaks.
Today, his black skull cap is printed with long bones.
The long hair of his sideburns above his beard peeks through.
My neck tingles with the phantom feeling of how that beard felt scratching against me as he whispered filthy things in my ear while he made me come on his hand.
I need to get away from him. Maybe then I can stop these inappropriately horny thoughts.
“Have a good day,” I say in a breathy murmur as I’m about to turn while they continue down the hall to the lounge.
“You, too.” Connor waves.
Julian nods his head politely. I force my feet to keep moving.
I do not have time to linger over the threatening vortex of turmoil.
I hate to admit it, but I’m thrown by his kind yet aloof behavior this morning.
Surely I didn’t imagine his furtive flirting yesterday, did I?
There was definitely smirking and a wink.
It would appear he was serious about being on his best behavior.
The disappointment hits hard. Could his interest have waned so quickly despite him texting me daily for the couple of weeks while he was away?
I did tell him I wasn’t interested in anything further happening between us. I guess he’s following my lead.
Ugghhh! This is why I didn’t want to get involved with him. Here I am obsessing over his every word and microexpression when he is doing exactly as I asked. I oscillate between wanting to let go of my own rules for him while also keeping as much distance between us as possible.
God, I’m exhausting. So why would someone want to waste their time on me?
Upset and frustrated with my waffling feelings, I angrily push through the door into the sterile inner core. I march toward the white board and start assigning break and lunch reliefs, but I am interrupted by my vibrating phone.
It’s the AIC asking to huddle.
I complete my current chore in a hurry, then head back to the front desk. When I finish up meeting with them, I tackle as many of the unending tasks I’m swamped with as I can, determined to drown out the constant noise in my head with work.