Chapter 32
I tookJasmine’s hand as we headed to the weekly bonfire together. Hers was relaxed in mine as if it was natural for us. But it wasn’t. It was only for show.
We all fit into an easy routine together. I felt closer to them than I had been to anyone in a long time. This was dangerous ground. What if I let myself go and the true me came out? What if I hurt them like Max had or I turned into my dad? Being close to people could make you think you had some sort of ownership over them, that they should bend to your will. I needed to be on guard, watch my actions. I couldn’t get distance even if I wanted to. If the house next door was finished just after Christmas like promised, I still couldn’t move out. I was trapped in this pleasure I’d created for myself.
“You’re quiet,” Jasmine said.
“Just thinking.”
“About?”
What was I going to tell her? Perhaps a little of the truth wouldn’t hurt. No, I couldn’t. Audrey knew the truth and had turned it against me.
Jasmine stopped and twisted towards me. The kids kept walking. They weren’t going to save me. Jasmine searched my eyes.
“Does it ever get hard hiding yourself all the time?”
Straight to the crux of it. She wasn’t accusing or belittling. Her voice was gentle. She saw me like no one ever had. There was no point hiding because she already knew. Somehow.
“I learned to do it from a young age.”
“Because of your father?”
I took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“You know our house, our family is a safe zone where we share without fear of retribution.”
“I know.” I’d witnessed it many times.
“Would you like to share with me now?”
I shifted from foot to foot. What was I going to say? I’d preferred to say nothing. Why did I do this to myself? I was the only one to blame here for putting myself in this position. But Jasmine shared with me. I should share with her too. Shouldn’t I?
I’m scared was a big statement. I couldn’t say the words. “I worry that if I let go of this facade, I might be just like my father underneath.” Oh God, I’d said it. I looked down at my feet. It was easier than watching her reaction. So much for being on guard. I couldn’t trust myself around her, telling her things I shouldn’t. But why did I? Was I trying to sway her feelings toward me?
She squeezed my hands. “Ethan.”
I forced myself to meet her gaze.
“I would tell you if I thought that was the case.”
We began walking again. She didn’t question me further, instead allowing me time to process. This woman who had been so damn tough on me at the start had insight I’d never experienced before. I smiled to myself. It must have infuriated her that I never spoke back.
“Well, look at you two,” Jack said. “You look like you’ve been sharing more than just lustful stares.”
He didn’t just say that, did he? What the fuck? My head whipped around to see if anyone had heard.
Jasmine shook her head. “Seriously, Jack, you need to stop reading those romance novels. Your imagination is running wild.”
He waggled his eyebrows. “I don’t need romance novels.”
“Maybe a psychiatrist then.”
Jasmine walked off, and I followed, Jack chuckling behind us.
We sat next to Lily. The kids were much more relaxed tonight, less on edge than they had been the week before. Jasmine’s decision not to tell them about Max’s last visit had been a good one. I still wasn’t sure if my opening up, even if a tiny bit to Jasmine, was a good decision. But it was done now. The use of my name drew my attention to the conversation.
Jasmine glanced at me. “He’s doing a six-month research project on the sea lion population here.”
“Oh really, what type of research?” one camper asked.
Before I could. reply, Jasmine said, “He’s recording data about their numbers, feeding, breeding, where they travel. It’s very in-depth.”
Was that pride in her voice? Audrey had never been interested in anything I did. Warmth spread through me.
“What are you hoping to find?” another camper asked.
Jasmine didn’t answer this time, but she smiled at me, inviting me to speak.
“Sea lion populations are decreasing around the world. I’m hoping to learn more about their behaviours in the wild. Get an understanding of what may be causing it.”
“You’re American?” someone asked. “What made you come all the way to Haven Bay?”
“The sea lions.”
“Not love?” an elderly woman asked.
Jasmine and I shared a look.
“Love was the furthest thing from my mind when I came here,” I admitted.
The elderly woman smiled a knowing smile. “And now that seems to have changed.”
My throat constricted. Love was a big word. I had deeper feelings for Jasmine than I’d felt in a long time. But it wasn’t love. More like a deep mutual respect.
Sara arrived at that moment with the fish and chips, saving me from having to reply. When she handed Lily her food, she whispered something in her ear. They both stole a glance at Jasmine and me and smiled. I shifted in my seat. These people and this town were too much sometimes. I suspected they knew more about Jasmine and me than we ourselves did.