Chapter 33
I walked downto the water’s edge, leaving the frivolity around the bonfire behind. The ocean stretched out before me, an expanse bigger than I could imagine. Ethan lived at the edge of another ocean and in four months’ time he’d be returning to it.
Haven Bay was our haven, the kids and mine. We’d been safe here for years. Ethan had now become our haven too. But he would be leaving. The kids would be heartbroken when he left. They’d become attached to him in such a short time. It surprised me.
“Your turn,” Ethan said, appearing beside me. Where did he come from?
“For what?”
“To share your thoughts.”
What was I going to tell him? That I’d been thinking about him leaving? I deserved this; I’d called him out earlier. How the tables had turned.
I faced him. The wind picked at the tendrils of my hair, and Ethan reached out, moving it out of my face. His fingers lingered on my skin, a warm caress that heated my insides. His gaze roamed my face. Everything inside me was pulled toward him like a magnet, but I stood firm. My fingers itched to touch him, to feel him. I didn’t let them. It took all my power to keep my hands by my side.
His hand dropped. “Your turn,” he said, his voice husky.
Hot damn. That sent my female parts into a frenzy. This was nuts. I took a tiny step back to save my dignity.
“This is our haven, Ethan. Where we feel safe. You make us feel safe too.”
What the hell did I say that for? Would he retreat? Would he deflect?
He cupped my cheek. I could have melted into a puddle.
“Good.”
Good? Is that all he had for me? His hand retracted like he’d suddenly felt pain. I longed for it to return.
His eyes widened. “Good,” he repeated, nodding. Then he turned and walked away.
I stared at his retreating back, then spun around and stared at the water.
Havens aren’t always safe.
* * *
I neededto speak to Lily. These feelings I was having didn’t make sense. Last night was too much to bear on my own.
I walked into the store.
“Jasmine, darling,” Jack said in a jaunty voice.
I strode past him, holding up my hand. “Don’t start.”
A smart quip didn’t follow.
I found Lily in the lounge area out the back, watching a house renovation show. I slumped down in the armchair and stared at the television. Lily did the same.
“Are you here to talk about last night?” she asked.
“Maybe.” My determination had left me. I continued staring at the TV.
“Would you like me to start for you?”
I sighed. This was so stupid. My feelings were irrational.
“You’re confused about your feelings for Ethan.”
I stood and started pacing. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I mean I like him. Anyone would like him. He’s nice.” I stopped and shook my hands. No, staying still was no good. “Maybe it’s because we live together and work together. Being so close is mixing things up.” I paused. Even my thoughts weren’t making sense. “And then he pulls this protector thing. And he makes me feel protected. But maybe it’s just because I’m scared. And his knight in shining armour act got me when I was at my most vulnerable.” I sat back in the chair. “But what’s even the point of having feelings when he’s only here for six months?” I looked at Lily, imploring her to understand. “And the kids. God, the kids adore him. I think they do. Oh shit, I don’t know.”
Lily gave me a smile. “That’s a lot to digest.”
I ran my hand over my face, touched the place he’d lain his palm. “And I think I want him to kiss me.”
I didn’t think I wanted him to. I knew I wanted him to. Fuck.
“Maybe you should let him.”
“What?”
“You should let him kiss you.”
“Who even says he wants to?”
Lily turned her full body to me. “Even blind Freddy can see the man wants to kiss you.”
“And then what?”
Lily let out a quiet laugh. “You have two children; I don’t think I need to tell you then what.”
“Lily.”
“OK. OK. You and Ethan were getting closer before Max showed up. Even after he got his boat licence, you would go out with him to do his research.”
“It’s easier and safer with two people.”
She held up her hand. “And this protector thing is not for show. He had nothing to gain that night with Rose and the storm.”
“I didn’t mean it was just for show. I meant... I don’t know what I meant.”
“Stop overthinking everything. What will be will be.” She shrugged. “Jack proposed to me the day we met. I could have over analysed it. Instead, I said yes.”
“Not everyone is you and Jack.”
“Not everyone is you and Ethan.”
“Are you two OK back there?” Jack called out.
“Just talking about Sex on Legs,” Lily replied.
“They mean you,” Jack said, quieter this time.
Ethan was here?
I nearly fell off my seat. Lily laughed so hard she was crying.