40. Wren
I’d let Titus taxi me back to the dorm with every intention of taking some medicine, taking a nap, and sneaking out later when he was busy.
Instead, I took medicine, napped, and slept until the next morning.
I swear I set an alarm, but when I checked my phone, there was nothing.
Maybe I just thought I did?
Despite sleeping for nearly fourteen hours, my head still aches, and I’m debating going back to sleep when I realize I have a message from a number I don’t recognize.
Strange, I haven’t given my number to anyone but the guys.
Meet me by the tree after your advisor meeting?
I read it three times before something clicks, and I’m not sure how I know it, but I know that it’s from Felix.
Yes!
I type my response and hit send as fast as I can, feeling my heart race at the very thought of us texting, let alone seeing him.
Some might think it strange, but I’d grown used to his company; even strong and silent, he was a presence there with me most days.
It’s going on two weeks now without seeing him, even in passing, and it’s weighed on me more than even I realized.
With a pep in my step I didn’t know was possible with this migraine, I make my way to the bathroom to grab a shower before I go to meet Dimitri.
Today is going to be a good day.
The dorm was empty, which is rare, like really, really rare, with how many of us there are, but that just means I got out of there faster and without having to explain why I was so giddy.
They would just try to stop me, and honestly, I’ve had enough of it. Them all working together to keep me so busy was smart, I’ll give them that, but also bullshit.
I’m not sure if I’m more upset that they did it or that I fell for it.
It’s early enough that the halls are still mostly empty, and while I don’t technically have a meeting with Dimitri until nine, I know he won’t mind me being early; he never has before.
I hardly get to press my knuckles to the door before it all but flies open, and I’m yanked inside, the thud of it closing behind me the only indication I get as I’m pulled into his warm, hard chest.
The scent of him surrounds me the same way his arms do, and I’m safe.
He pulls back far before I’m ready for him to, peering down at me with an arched brow.
“What?” I ask, fighting the urge to fidget under his gaze.
“How are you feeling?”
I don’t really want to lie to him, but I also don’t want to tell him that my headache has just become a part of who I am.
I’ll deal.
“Better.” Not a complete lie, I do feel better now after sleeping a million hours, but not perfect.
He watches me for another very long second, and I get the feeling he isn’t buying it, but just before I can cave under the pressure, he looks away. His gaze moves to my hair, and suddenly, lying isn’t my biggest concern anymore.
What if he hates the purple?
Is Dimitri my boyfriend? Should I have asked him before I dyed my hair?
Shit, I’ve never had a boyfriend before, unless you count the elementary school ones where we said we were boyfriend and girlfriend out on the playground and then never spoke again.
Yeah, I don’t think those count.
Shit.
He doesn’t look upset.
“Do you hate it?” I force out the question, sounding small and pathetic.
“What?” His brows pulled together, and the smile all but wipes from his face as he looks down at me in confusion. “No. I think it’s very fitting. You look beautiful, Wren.”
I don’t need to see myself to know my smile is wide at his compliment; I can feel it in the way my cheeks ache. With my happiness comes a need for me to explain my behavior, born from years of trauma, I’m sure, but I’ll worry about that later.
“I was worried because I just did it. I didn’t say anything or ask what you thought, and if we’re…” I stop talking abruptly, snapping my mouth closed before I say something silly.
What if that’s not how he sees us?
Dimitri stands before me, ever the gentleman, waiting for me to get it together.
Yeah, you and me both.
“If we’re what?” He asks when it becomes clear I’m not going to continue on my own.
“Nothing!” I squeak, shaking my head and praying to the gods of old and new that he will drop it.
Of course, the gods have never done me any favors, though, and they don’t start now.
Dimitri’s lip quirks up as he takes a step toward me, the space between us already so small that he’s nearly on top of me, and I take a step back in order to be able to hold his gaze.
“Wren,” he says my name like he’s here to worship me, like it’s a prayer, and I feel the ache for him everywhere but mostly in my pussy.
He moves forward once again, and I move back, but this time I’m met with a door at my back and nowhere else to go.
His arms come up to cage me in on either side of my head as he leans in so that we're at eye level.
“Come on, baby, you can tell me.” I feel his words roll off my skin as he leans in, lightly pressing his lips to my cheek in a teasing yet still intimate kiss.
Baby.
Jeez, these nicknames are going to do me in.
“I was worried because what if you hated it, and if we’re dating, then I probably should have asked you about it first, because now you’re stuck with me looking like this, and what if you hate purple? Oh God, you don’t hate purple, do you?”
Fuck me.
The smile that pulls at his lips is breathtaking, but it also makes me want to melt into the floor because with him still towering over me, I can’t go anywhere else.
“Hmm, if we’re dating, huh?” He leans in, dragging his nose up my jaw and making goosebumps erupt everywhere. “I must not have been clear enough if you’re worried about if.”
He pulls back but doesn’t go far, just enough so that I can look him in the eye.
“First, I love purple, and it looks amazing on you. I don’t think you could look bad if you tried, though, not even if you shaved your head.
” I pull a face at the thought, and he chuckles but keeps going.
“And there’s no if. So long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.
If you want me to quit to prove it, just say the word, and I will. ”
I’m shaking my head even before he’s finished because, as sweet as that might sound, I don’t want that for him, for us.
“I don’t need that. I’m sure you like your job, and I…” I purse my lips, fighting against the embarrassment at what I’m about to say. “I like having you here, being in your classes and our meetings.”
This time, the smile that pulls at his lips is full of pride as his eyes blaze, and when he leans in, it’s not just for a kiss like I thought, though he does kiss me.
His arm snakes around my waist, and he pulls me up into his arms without breaking our kiss, that is, until I laugh, and he pulls back with a smile of his own.
“Sorry, I just can’t seem to keep my hands to myself,” he says, though he doesn’t sound sorry at all. “Must be my smoking-hot girlfriend.”
Girlfriend.
I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend before. My breath catches at the thought: what if I’m terrible at it?
“Whoa, where’d you go?” I blink hard and find we're now on the couch, with me on his lap.
“Sorry.” I’d zoned out for a second there, but I need to get it together.
“Don’t apologize. I just hate seeing you like that.” He reaches up, cupping my cheek with his much larger hand, and gently strokes his thumb along my cheekbone. I can’t help but lean into him; the warmth of his skin on mine, the soothing pressure—it all feels so good.
“I know life’s been hard on you, but I have to ask you an important question, Wren, and you don’t have to, but I’d really appreciate it if you answered me honestly.”
I freeze as dread washes over me, and I fight the urge to flee. I’ve grown better at it out of sheer necessity over the years, but my first instinct has always been to run, even if Auntie did her best to beat that out of me.
Some things just don’t go away.
“When you get that look,” he nods at me, and I didn’t know I had a look, but I can guess what it has to do with now. “Does it have to do with your guardian? Your aunt?”
“What? No, of course not!” The words are out of my mouth before I can even think about what I’m saying—years of conditioning, years of fear.
I’m off his lap and halfway across the room the next second, nearly stumbling over my own feet.
“Hey, Wren, be careful.”
His hand closes around my wrist and holds me steady, his gaze holding mine, and even though he doesn’t say a word, I see the pleading look in his eyes.
“I just want to help you.” His voice is so quiet, as if he’s afraid to spook me, and I guess that makes sense after the way I just reacted.
I try, really I do, but when I open my mouth to tell him, nothing comes out.
He slides his hand down to mine, lacing our fingers together, offering me a squeeze that grounds me a little more.
“You don’t have to tell me right now. Hell, you don’t have to tell me ever, if you don’t want to, but I do hope that someday you can.”
I’d love to never talk about any of it again, but I’m sure that’s not exactly healthy, and he probably deserves to know at least some of my past.
We both should probably talk more and maybe kiss a little less if I’m being honest, but the past is so hard, and something tells me it’s not just for me either.
“Someday.” I manage to force out the word, and while it feels like a knife coming up through my throat, it’s the best I can do right now.
He seems more than happy with it, though, as he pulls me back into his arms. I hesitate a moment before I cave.
I really could use a hug right now. Jordan used to be the one to squeeze me back together when I needed it, and it’s been a while since I had a nice hard squeeze like this.
It soothes something in me that I didn’t know needed soothing. His hand runs up and down my back, and I listen to his heart pound in his chest.
I pull back slightly so that I can look up at him, and when he meets my gaze, I know something is wrong.
“You’re not going to like this, but there’s no real easy way to tell you.”
He blows out a breath, and I stand waiting, wondering what he might be about to say and why he looks so worried.
One unfortunate thing about being smart is the fact that my brain never really stops.
Which is how I arrive at the answer a moment before he says those dreaded words aloud and solidifies them.
“Your aunt was invited to the showcase. All parents and guardians are, but as of last night, she’s accepted.”
The world stops, and with it, my lungs seize.
No, no, no, no!
This can’t be real.
She can’t be coming here; I was supposed to be free. Here, where she couldn’t get to me, where I could be myself and be safe.
“Wren.” I hear Dimitri, but I can’t make myself give him my attention as I spiral. “Hey, I need you to breathe.”
I suck in a breath at his words, and the burn in my lungs lets me know it’s been too long since I last did.
My grades are nearly top of the school; only Gavin is above me, and after semester tests get put in, I’m confident that won’t be the case anymore.
Maybe if she sees me perform in the showcase, she’ll just go away.
No reason to stick around; it’s not like she actually likes me, not even in public.
She never liked me or Jordan, never even wanted kids, but she was the only one who could take us, and if she turned us away, she would lose out on the money and status that came from our parents.
Yeah, I’ll practice harder, make sure I represent her in a way that ensures she’s not let down.
I’ve damn near got my breathing under control when I realize all of it will be for nothing.
“How long until the showcase?” I wheeze, turning to find Dimitri’s concerned gaze boring into mine.
“Two ?and a half weeks.”
The world narrows down to a point, and panic wins, so I do the only thing I can think to do: I run.
“I—I have to go…” I push to stand, feeling like I’m in a tunnel, hearing Dimitri’s voice but unable to distinguish his words. “I forgot I have…”
I don’t even bother finishing my lie as I reach the door, tearing it open and flying down the hall.