15. JACOB
Chapter fifteen
JACOB
I am angry.
I have been in an almost constant state of anger for the past couple of days, and the only thing keeping me grounded and not searching for Emily’s sleazeball of an ex, so I can beat him into a pulp right now, is the fact that it would be nothing close to a fair fight and would only get me in trouble. Getting in trouble means that I could lose Maddie to Jeff or the state, and it also means losing Allison.
I dread the thought of either of those possibilities coming true and I know that they are just one angry action away. I have always thought of myself as level-headed; able to control the worst of my impulses, but Jeff is effortlessly capable of undoing all of that.
Breathe Jake. In and out.
I take a deep breath as I pause in the middle of my daily routine. I quickly finish up my bath and get dressed so I can pick Maddie up from Sherry’s. Allie had left for a work interview pretty early, and because I can’t trust Maddie unsupervised for even a moment now that she is close to walking, I dropped her off at Sherry’s while I got chores done, and wash up.
I can’t go pick her up when I’m in this state.
I take another deep breath, and another until I finally feel all the anger flow out of me, leaving me calm and in a much better mood than I have been since this morning.
Ringing her doorbell, I acknowledge Sherry's yelled invitation which comes a moment later. I push the door open, stepping into the foyer.
Like most days, Sherry’s home smells like freshly baked goodies and my mouth waters at the scent. Several weeks’ worth of interaction have built the relationship between Sherry and me into something that isn’t quite a maternal relationship, but something close enough to pass for it.
“What have you baked, you wonderful woman? I could smell it all the way from the front door.” I call out as I step in the kitchen. To my surprise Sherry and Maddie are not here alone.
Sherry is at the oven pulling out another batch of baked goods, and Maddie, who is comfortable in a high chair drops the muffin she has in a tight grip in favor of calling out for me.
“Un! Un!” She yells over and over as I come closer. It’s barely a sound yet, but Allie and I think it might be her attempt at ‘uncle.’ It fills me with so much joy.
The person who rounds up their trio is seated on a high stool and munching on a muffin. I know who she is; the lady from my run so many weeks ago and for the life of me I can’t remember her name. Her red hair is the most recognizable of all her features but even that doesn’t jog my memory.
“Hello Jakey!” Sherry calls. “I made muffins. Do you want some?”
“Sure do!” I grab one out of the basket, and pick up Maddie who is munching on hers now with her combined number of four teeth in total. “Hello, princess. Did you miss me?”
The only response she has is another round of “Un-uns” and it is the most beautiful sound I’ve heard all day. I press a kiss to her head before I take a seat and plop her in my lap.
“Hello, Jakey. You didn’t tell me this was another name I could call you.” The woman’s eyes have a slight hint of amusement and the sight of her smile brings our conversation back to mind.
Janice!
“I’m a man of many talents. And names.” I wink good-naturedly. “Nice to meet you again Janice. I didn’t know you knew Sherry.”
Sherry doesn’t give her the chance to answer. “Everybody knows me, Jakey. It’s a shame you can’t recognize my fame,” she interjects.
I see Janice hide a patronizing smile behind a bite of her muffin so I do the same. “Mmhmm… I know.” I answer, nodding attentively.
Sherry pats me gently on my back. “It’s a good thing you can accept the truth when it’s spoken. That’s a wonderful trait to have.” Perceptive as ever, she addresses Janice without even looking at her. “You had best get that smile off your face before I see it, Janice.”
“Yes ma’am,” she answers immediately and I give in to the laugh I’ve been holding in.
In no time, we are all chuckling, including Maddie who has absolutely no idea why we are laughing but doesn’t let that stop her.
I take a look at my phone, remembering that we have a park play date to get to and I need to pick up Allison.
“Where’s that girl of yours?” Sherry asks.
I look up in surprise. “Uh, right here.” I poke Maddie who giggles at me.
Sherry gives me a no-nonsense look. “I mean Allison.”
“Who’s Allison?” Janice asks. “Your girlfriend?”
I don’t really know how to answer that. So I ignore it the best I can. “Maddie’s godmother,” I say. “She’s downtown. She’s got interviews lined up this week, trying to find a gig now that she’s in town more permanently.”
“Mm,” Sherry says.
I raise my brows. “What?”
“Oh, nothing. That’s good! That girl used to talk about flying away from here. I’m glad she’s staying.”
I nod. Allison and Emily used to talk about running away to New York or Los Angeles when we were kids. “Life changes, huh?”
Sherry nods. Janice hums thoughtfully.
“Thank you so much for watching Maddie for the millionth time, Sherry. And thanks for the food, but we really need to get moving now. We have a playdate in the park for this little one.” I get up and clean crumbs and spittle off Maddie.
“And I’m ready to do it another million times, so anytime you need me you just come over Jakey. You hear me?”
“Sir, yes sir.” I reply jokingly. “Goodbye Sherry. Janice. See you both later.”
“Bye bye, Jakey. And you too, Maddie!”
“Only Sherry gets to call me that!” I warn Janice as I leave with Maddie.
“Bye!” Sherry calls out, and to my pleasant surprise, Maddie sends a wave her way.
When we get to the car, I buckle Maddie into her car seat and text Allie. She tells me she’s at the flower shop, where she still helps out part time while she’s looking for full time work.
Parking in the lot, we head to the counter of the flower shop to surprise her. “Wave now, baby!” I whisper to Maddie out of the side of my mouth the moment we’re in eyeshot, but she ignores me.
“Come on, Maddie, I’ll get you anything you want.” I plead with her, and finally she does it.
I strut all the way to the counter, proud of my accomplishment. “Hello Allie. What’s a flower girl like you doing in a pretty shop like this?” I ask.
Predictably, Allie starts laughing. “You’re absolutely horrible at puns or jokes in general, Jake. You might as well give up,” she starts before turning her attention to Maddie. “Hey, princess. How are you? I saw you waving at me, and just for that I got a flower for you.” She pulls out a single dandelion and hands it to Maddie who promptly tries to eat it.
“Stop baby, that’s not edible.” I warn as I try to gently pry it out of her grip, but just like all babies I have had the pleasure of meeting, she has a fist like a steel trap.
“I think you’re remembering daffodils. Dandelions are completely edible.” Allie supplies unhelpfully.
“Well, I wouldn’t go to a restaurant and order a plate of dandelions, so spit it out, Maddie!”
In complete defiance, she chews it with all four incisors of hers and swallows it while looking me straight in the eyes. I heave a sigh of despair in response and shoot an accusing look at Allie who is just as unrepentant.
“I’m actually the one who deserves these flowers. I was the one who taught her how to wave, and I was the one who got her to wave to you.” I protest.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Then you deserve a flower, too” she laughs, stretching another dandelion my way. Maddie tries to snag it midway, but I pull it out of her reach before she tries to eat that one too.
“Thank you.” I say with satisfaction. “Are you ready to leave yet?”
“Yeah I just need to get some stuff. Hold on, please.”
Maddie and I wait for her to grab everything she needs, and once she is ready, we pile into my truck and head to the park.
The closer we get to the park the more my mood darkens. Allie must notice it because she leans across to place a hand on my forearm. “It’ll all be okay, Jake, you’ll see,” she comforts me.
We haven’t spoken about exactly what to do about Jeff and I don’t honestly know what I want to do. Some part of me wants to pound him into a pulp, but the more reasonable part of me acknowledges that there is always room for discussion and a chance to resolve all this with words instead of fists.
And if all else fails, then I can always take more drastic action, but that will come last.
I slow down when we get close enough to the parking lot and I get everything we need from the truck.
The park is beautiful, and in no time we have the blanket spread out. Allie plays with Maddie while I keep an eye out for Jeff.
“Hey Jake, I want to take Maddie to play with some kids. We’ll be right over there,” Allie assures me, and when I give her an affirmative nod and a kiss to Maddie’s head, she leaves.
I stroll around the park, watching families play and I see a woman who I almost mistake for Emily. Her hair is the exact same shade of chestnut as hers and Emily’s name is already on the tip of my tongue before I take a closer look.
It isn’t you, Emily.
When the realization that I won’t get the chance to see her ever again hits me, I feel a squeezing feeling in my chest that just won’t go away no matter how many deep breaths I take.
I won’t get a chance to see you laugh, or see the sun bounce off your curls again, and it’s all my fault.
After some more minutes of thinking negative thoughts like this, my mood is too dark to take any more of it. I take a seat on a bench close to Maddie and Allie’s new location and I continue my watch for Jeff.
I spot him long before he gets into the park despite the fact that he no longer looks anything like the picture I have of him. His long blonde hair is pulled back into a ponytail that screams sleaze, and his sunken eyes, paranoid darting gaze, and jittery gait are a testament to his recreational drug use.
Carefully, I pull out my phone and click record before placing it in my coat pocket. Just in case.
He takes a puff of the cigarette he is holding between two fingers, and when he catches a glimpse of me, he tosses the butt to the ground, crushing it under his heel, and puts on a sickening smile as he heads straight in my direction.
“Hello, Jeffrey.”
“Soldier boy.” He drawls, taking a seat right beside me. “I’m here because your sister owes me a large amount of money, and the way I see it, that debt is transferable. She owed me, and now you owe me, too.”
I have never wanted to end someone’s existence as much as I want to right now, but I can’t. And he knows it. My fist clenches, and when he sees it, his smirk grows.
He thinks he has me trapped in a corner, and that’s his first mistake.
“Tell me about this debt.”
He falters. “Huh?”
“The debt. What did my sister owe you?”
He scrambles quickly. “$50K.”
“$50,000?” I confirm.
He nods.
I scoff. “My sister didn’t have 50k. Ever.”
“Who do you think paid for that little brat?” He asks, nodding his head towards the playground. I grit my teeth, knowing he’s talking about my niece. His daughter.
No, not his. Emily’s.
“What do you mean?” I fight the urge to throw a punch.
“Emily couldn’t afford her stupid medical bills. Called me all boo-hoo-ing about it. Actually, called my parents’ line.
Pathetic bit—”
“Watch your tongue.” I cut in sharply. Inside of me, a rage boils. If my every action wouldn’t be used against me to get full custody of Maddie, I’d have this guy buried in the dirt.
Jeff looks at me warily, sensing the anger simmering just beneath the surface. He shrugs, shuffling a bit. “Anyway, the way I see it, I paid her all that money to get out of child support, but now, there ain’t no child support. No one to pay it to.”
I grit my teeth, rolling my eyes towards the sky. Idiot. I could point out that isn’t how child support works. I could point out that he’s a monster for even thinking this. I could bash his teeth in.
I choose another option.
“Emily didn’t owe you anything. If you—well, your parents—I’m guessing, actually. If your parents decided to help the mother of their grandchild with medical bills, good for them on one good choice, considering they must have made about a hundred shitty ones to make you.”
Jeff’s face goes red. He scowls.
I lean in. “I’m not paying you a dime.”
“Then I’ll come and get my kid. Let’s see what the court says about my rights as her father.” He has a sick smile on his face as he turns to look at Maddie playing with the kids around her, but this time it doesn’t even move me to anger.
I know that it is a bluff. I know that he doesn’t actually want the responsibility or the bills that come from raising a kid. But… It still feels like too much to risk. It feels like Emily wouldn’t want me to take a chance.
“I’ve done my research on you, Jeff. I know you owe someone money—someone even sicker than you. And I know, for a fact, that Emily didn’t owe you anything. So, you should be begging for my help right now, not making demands. You should be begging me to help you keep your pitiful life instead of ending up in a ditch in the back of an alley.”
Time to pull out the big guns.
“And if you even think of fighting me for custody for a single second, then you’re stupider than you look.”
The combination of a reminder of his debt and my threat must be too much for him, because his eyes widen even more and spittle flies out his mouth when he responds.
“I’ve done my research on you too, soldier boy. The fact that you’re living in her home and playing house with her friend doesn’t change anything, and it doesn’t make you anything other than what you are. A killer.” He spits hatefully, but despite his intentions, his venom has no effect on me.
I wouldn’t kill you even if I was paid a million dollars. You aren’t worth it.
My time in the SEALs isn’t something I’m ashamed of. Even the mission that went wrong—the missions that haunt me—they aren’t anything I need to cower over. And certainly not from an asshole who did a single Google search.
So I step forward, my expression (and conscience) clear. I shrug.
“Maybe. I’ve killed a lot of men, some of them very much like you. Evil, callous and selfish men.” I tell him calmly. I know his game and his plan. He has no power over me, now. “But now I have a daughter, and you had better believe she is my whole world. So if you think for a moment that you could ever take her away from me, then you’re obviously not thinking clearly. Try using your brain this time.”
I see him thinking it over, and when he finally reaches the only logical conclusion, he visibly shrinks in on himself.
“I don’t wanna die,” he whispers. I realize he’s talking about whomever he owes money to. “I really was going to pay him, Emily said she’d help me, and now—if I don’t do anything—he’ll torture me before he kills me.”
My left eyebrow creeps to my hairline. “Who wants to torture and kill you?”
“Santiago,” he sobs out. “It started out as an advance for a couple of pills, but he said it was a loan and I’d have to pay compounding interest. Now I owe over fifty grand even though it started at just five.”
Jeff doesn’t deserve my help, and if it wasn’t for the fact that there was a part of him that was once good enough for Emily to see something in him, I wouldn’t lift a finger to help his miserable life now.
“Why would Emily want to help you?” I ask. Even as I say it, I know why. Emily was a good person. She would have helped him just because he was Maddie’s dad.
At least, she would have if he’d actually asked her.
Considering he hasn’t come knocking once since she died, I am doubtful. Considering he didn’t even come to the funeral, I am furious.
“I don’t know,” he cries anyway.
Pity surges within me. So does disgust. What a miserable man; a miserable life.
“You won’t die.” I decide. If twenty years from now, Maddie wants to know about her dad, she won’t know that I left him to rot, even if he does deserve it. “I’ll take care of your debt, if you give me all the information; all of it.”
“Thank you.” He mumbles over and over as he breaks down sobbing, but none of it is my concern.
I pull out my checkbook. “And you’re going to sign this.”
Out of the back of my pocket, I pull out the paperwork that has been sitting in my top drawer since the day after Jeff first called.
He picks it up, eyes wide. “Termination of parental rights?” he reads, brows high.
I nod. “No more child support,” I remind him scathingly.
He nods, though he does shoot the park another long look. I don’t offer to introduce him. Emily didn’t want them to know each other. So they won’t, at least not until Maddie gets a say.
When he signs the paperwork, he gives me the name and information to put on the check. I ignore the part of me that still wants to pummel him, to call him on his bluff, and I give him the money against my better judgment. This seems like a small price to pay for Maddie’s future. I’ve got enough saved to handle whatever comes. For Maddie, I’ll always make it work. I wave away all his attempts at gratitude. I reach into my pocket, clicking the side button on my phone. It turns the recorder off.
“I want you to remember what I’m saying now, Jeff. If you ever come close enough to Maddie to be within walkable distance, then you won’t have to worry about anything ever again. Because everything about you will end that day.”
I walk away, leaving Jeff in a sobbing pile on the bench.
Time to take my girls home.