Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Blaze stood outside in the park, staring at the image on his cell phone. He traced his finger over the faces of his two nephews. His heart broke into a million pieces. Images of his brother taking his last breath filled his brain. His chest tightened. He swallowed. Hard.
But he had to do this.
No matter the pain it caused himself, Pandora was right.
Axel wouldn’t be proud of how he’d planned on living out his days. Or how he’d ditched out on Brenda when she needed him most.
No. Blaze had been a coward. Too fucking scared to face the truth, whatever that was, because he still wasn’t sure.
He’d stood there next to Brenda at Axel’s funeral when they handed her the flag. She’d wanted to give it to him, but he’d refused, which had been the right thing to do. That fucking flag belonged to Blaze and Marvin. To remember their father. To remember how brave their dad had been in the face of war.
But what had been wrong—what had been the most cowardice thing Blaze had ever done—was to drive away that very day, leaving Brenda standing at that gravesite with her two young boys. Blaze had every intention of never seeing them again.
He’d told himself they were better off without him.
That everyone was.
There was a small part of him that still wanted to believe that, but he couldn’t. Not anymore. The only people who got hurt by him disappearing were Brenda and those kids. Not Blaze.
He was a selfish fucking prick for that dance and he wasn’t going to do it a second longer, even though he still wasn’t sure he had much to live for. Even after all he’d gone through last night. But searching out death wasn’t the answer. He wasn’t sure staying in Fallport was either. A part of him wanted to. A part of him would always belong to Pandora. He’d given her his whole heart and he’d never been able to take it back. Not that he’d tried. Not even when he’d married Ashley.
He’d wanted to love her like she deserved, and for the first few years, he tried.
But he loved being a Marine and he loved his memories more.
That hadn’t been fair.
But would it be right to stay here while he was still a broken man? Could he ever be whole again? That was the burning question that had plagued him all night. He wanted to be. He wished he could be that man for Pandora. And he would follow through with this horrible plan to the bitter end, to ensure her safety. He believed he owed her that.
After the mission was over, he knew only one thing. He’d return to North Carolina and visit with Brenda and the boys. He couldn’t see past that and he should have never given Pandora false hope that he could.
“Hey.” Pandora came up behind him, curling her fingers around his biceps. “It’s getting dark and Rocky just called to say Sully and the rest of his jerk friends just rolled into town.”
“I need a minute,” he said a little too tersely.
“Blaze? What’s wrong?” She gripped his arm, digging her nails into his flesh.
He sighed. “Nothing, babe. I just need to make a phone call.” He held out the image, in hopes that would be enough of an apology. “I’ve been ignoring them long enough. Can I have five minutes? Please.”
“Of course.” She turned, taking one step toward the park bench.
“Nope. Besides not wanting you to be too far away because I don’t trust Sully as far as I can spit, there’s no reason for this conversation to be private. I have nothing to hide from you, nor do I want to.” That was mostly true. As much as he wanted to give her all that she had given him, half of him died with Axel.
She smiled. “This is your family. I don’t want to?—”
He hushed her with a kiss. “The only reason I even have the courage to call them is because of you. I want you to stay.” More like he needed her to be by his side because Sully was only two miles away and that distance could be closed in only a few minutes.
“Okay.”
Taking her by the hand, he led her to the park bench. He sat down and hit the call button, placing it on speaker.
It rang once.
Then twice.
Maybe Brenda was so pissed she wasn’t going to answer.
He couldn’t blame her.
“Blaze?” Brenda’s voice bellowed over the airways. “Is that you? Are you okay? Where the hell are you? I’ve been trying to reach you for months.”
“Do you want me to answer all those questions?” He chuckled.
“Damn fucking straight I do. Right after I ream you a new asshole. The boys have been begging me about when you’re going to come and visit and I’m running out of excuses. I can’t believe you’ve ghosted me. When I see you, before I hug you to death, I’m going to pop you right between those damn fucking gorgeous eyes of yours.”
“I deserve to be slapped.” Blaze leaned back, wrapping his arm around Pandora. “I do want to come visit, I just don’t know when I can. I’m in Fallport, Virginia. I’m helping Pandora with a problem and there’s no way I can leave until this is sorted out.”
“Pandora? As in Pandora Maxwell? The only woman you ever really loved? The woman Axel always believed you let slip through your fingers because you were too proud and stupid to?—”
“Yeah. That one.” He closed his eyes and wondered if he’d made a mistake by putting the call on speaker, but it was too late for that now. He might not have said the words out loud to Pandora and he wasn’t sure he could. Loving her was the easy part. That flame had never gone out and never would. It was the truly living part he struggled with. Talking about Axel had been cathartic, but the only thing it changed was that he didn’t feel the urge to crawl under a rock.
That wouldn’t honor his brother.
“How did you end up finding her?” Brenda asked.
“I didn’t. I came to see Brock and ran into her,” he admitted. “I’m hoping that this situation is dealt with in the next day or two. Once it’s wrapped up and she’s safe, I’ll hop in my truck and head toward you. Promise.”
“Don’t make me a promise you have no intention on keeping, Blaze. I know you’re hurting. We all are. But I can’t bear to sit here with the boys and wait, so I won’t tell them because, dammit, it will break their hearts.”
Blaze threaded his fingers through his hair. “I’ll be there. I can’t promise you when. But I will call you when this is over and I’m on my way.”
“What’s changed? Because when you drove away, you told me?—”
“I know what I said and I’m sorry.” He didn’t want Pandora to hear those horrible words. He didn’t need to hear them repeated back. He was an asshole for even saying them. “I get that’s not good enough. The only thing I can do now is be present and I will.”
“I love you like a brother, Blaze, so I’m only going to say this once,” Brenda said. “My door is open to you, this time. But if you don’t show up, don’t come or call at all. Those boys have needed you. I needed you. And you left us standing at your brother’s gravesite. For all I knew, you were dead too. I won’t go through that again.”
“I understand and trust me, I know I’ve been a prick. I’ll see you soon.”
“You better make good on your word.”
The line went dead.
He lifted his cell from his knee and tucked it in his back pocket, letting out a long breath, knowing he deserved Brenda’s wrath, and more.
“That was harsh,” Pandora whispered.
“Not really. Not when she begged me to stay and help with the boys. Help them get through the first month. She told me I could postpone my death wish a few weeks. That’s all she wanted. But I couldn’t even give her that. Instead, I drove off. I spent a week with my ex-wife’s best friend, which really pissed off Brenda. I signed my divorce papers. Sold everything I owned and went to Key West before I made good on my promise to come here and see Brock.” He shifted his gaze. “Which I almost didn’t do.”
“But you’re a man of your word.” Pandora cocked a brow. “You’ve always done exactly what you say. I admire that about you.”
He chuckled. “I don’t like making promises I can’t keep and Blaze and Marvin deserve better than what I did. I will keep my word on that just like I will see this thing through with Sully.” He stood, taking her hand. “Come on. Let’s go poke that ugly bear some more so I can go wrap my arms around my nephews and honor my brother like I should have.”