Chapter 3
Chapter three
Vidar
The smooth leather of the punching bag gives way to my fists. But it does nothing to unknot my tight muscles.
‘Fight back!’ I want to demand with each blow. Grab a sword, grab an axe—for fuck’s sake, be a man and earn the air in your lungs.
But for a thing shaped like a blood-filled cock, it's as threatening as a corpse.
I crave a good fight. Flesh instead of synthetic leather, muscle instead of stuffing.
The thrill of not knowing if it’ll be my neck without a head, or theirs.
Rather fall to the glory of blades and blood, or even one lucky—or unlucky, when the blade sticks from your chest—blow.
Better all that than the vast unyielding nothing apathy brought.
It took ten long years to finally drag myself from the numb nothingness apathy had sunk me into, and how does Fate reward me?
A male soulmate, of all things.
“Vidar!” Ramy shouts from behind me. “Answer me, how could you say that to Kai?”
Grunting, I hold off the punching bag with one hand and level a look at my offspring, who’s been barking at my heels now for over ten minutes after I had to get out of the same room as my…soulmate.
Gritting my teeth, I bring my fist into the bag. “Rahim, enough. I’m in no mood.”
I want to demand that this is a mistake, a lie.
I’ve seen Rurik and Lucero with their soulmates, so I can’t deny there isn’t an inherent pull towards…
him. Soulmates crave closeness, but my offspring were happy with their soulmates.
I don’t want this, despite whatever this need is to chase the boy down and… and do what, exactly?
I scoff, frustrated.
Unafraid, Ramy gets in my space, his dark hair spilling wild around his pretty face.
“I don’t care!” he snaps. Despite my irritation, pride finds its way into my soul. My youngest isn’t backing down. Annoying for me, good for him. “Kai is your soulmate, Maker, and you rejected him based on how he looks? How could you!”
“And what should I have done?” Huffing out a breath, I push away from the punching bag for it to squeak as it swings back and forth. “When I think of a soulmate, he isn’t what comes to mind.”
A woman does, and I promised the only woman I’d ever turn into a vampire was my soulmate.
I never pictured my mate could be that slight boy with jade eyes and lips the shape of the finest bow.
He’s no warrior. His light brown skin showed no sign of it, even with the marbling of scars on his left side, and despite my disappointment, I was glad.
Someone so beautiful should be leagues away from battlefields.
Someone who smells of lavender and pencil shavings and…something else, should be in soft places. Eating marshmallows.
I crack my neck back and forth. If he’d been a woman, I would’ve celebrated. I wouldn’t even be arguing with Ramy, or, as he’s doing most of the talking, being shouted at by him. Not that I have much to say anyway.
“Maybe I’m being punished,” I grumble to myself.
Something flies through the air and bounces off my shoulder, tumbling to the ground with a soft slap. A shoe.
“Fuck you, you bellend!” Golden storms into the lacklustre gym, Lucero at his heel. “Kai isn’t a punishment. You’re the punishment!”
“Must I be tormented by my offspring today?” I demand. Not that it helps, now both he and Ramy are yapping at me.
I look at Lucero, who stares back at me, eyebrow raised. “What do you expect, Maker? You called Kai unattractive.”
I ruffle Ramy’s head affectionately as I walk past him. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did!” Golden tries to shove me, but with how frail he’s been since his transformation, I don't budge.
“This is why I told you to drink more blood, Golden,” I chide as he keeps pushing with all the strength of a wet kitten. There’s no need to push him away, I don’t need to prove my strength to someone weaker. Not any more anyway.
I’d been cocky to think I could carry the weight of immortality for over a thousand years, and due to that cockiness, I suffered the full crippling hollowing of apathy. For ten years, I became a thing so empty and bitter inside, I’m surprised I wasn’t blown away like ashes in the wind.
“This isn’t about me, you moron!” Golden snaps, face turning red with anger and aiming a weak punch at my arm. “You said you could never be with someone who looks like Kai!”
I take Golden’s hand and show him how to make a fist—thumb behind your fingers and arm a straight—so he can hit me with proper form.
“Yes, a man,” I reply. “Fight a man, drink with them, be friends. But love?” I cock my head to the side. “I can’t love a man.”
There's a moment of pause before Lucero’s low chuckle. “You're an idiot, Vidar.”
“Then why didn’t you say that!” Golden screams.
“Maker,” Ramy sighs, rubbing his temples. “You made it sound like it was his appearance that was the problem.”
I start to laugh, they’re joking, right? But when no one joins in, my laughter trails off. “I want a woman, not a man who smells like one.”
“What the fuck is he talking about?” Golden snaps.
“Kai smells like lavender,” Lucero tells his little mate, cupping the back of Golden’s head and gently strokes his dark curls.
“Why were you scenting Kai, Luc?” My back goes rigid, my muscles tight.
Lucero levels me with an unimpressed stare. “So you don’t want the boy, but no one else can have him?”
I step closer. “You want him?” I ask dangerously.
“You don’t.” Lucero flashes a daring smile. One that caused men to fall into his bed, and half of Spain's noble women to hand over their wealth.
“Do. Not—” I growl, getting into his face, “—Touch. Him.”
I should be surprised by this sudden possessiveness I have towards Kai. I know nothing about him, I don’t want to be his soulmate, and yet to lay claim to him is the most natural impulse in the world.
That lavender-scented boy might not be mine, but like hell he will be Lucero’s or anyone else's. Damn the logic.
Golden punches my arm like I showed him. Good, he’s a fast learner. “Why are you going all caveman when you said you didn’t want him, idiot? You’ve gotta apologise. Kai’s going to think it's about his scars.”
I lift one shoulder. “Who cares about scars?” I kick Golden’s feet apart and move his hips so he keeps a better stance while hitting me.
“Kai cares, Maker,” Ramy says softly.
“He doesn’t like his scars!” Golden adds. “You basically called him ugly—”
“I didn’t call him ugly. That's ridiculous. I’ve lived well over a thousand years, and in all that time I’ve never seen a beauty such as his.” I look at each of them, wasn’t that obvious? “When I gaze up at night, I’m never sad to see stars instead of a smooth sky. Perfection. And that is Kai.”
Golden’s mouth drops open.
Ramy clears his throat. “I never knew you could be so romantic…”
Frowning, I tell them, “It isn’t romance.
Sun rises, rain falls. His beauty is as undeniable as those things.
But I’ve only ever wanted women. Besides, I've just left my eight-year-long isolation. I have no time to deal with this.” Even if there’s something in the centre of my chest that tugs at me, telling me to go find the boy.
“This is why you’re an idiot, Vidar,” Lucero tells me, the conceited bastard.
I think back on what I said to Kai when I first laid eyes on him.
I was shocked to see the image of someone I must’ve dreamed about since my mother’s womb; it felt impossible to have never been in his presence before.
However, that shock had turned into anger, disappointment.
I’ve never wanted a man before, and I won’t start now.
“Surely he doesn’t think…” But when I look at those around me, I see my mistakes. “Fuck. I need to find him and explain.”
“No shit,” Golden grumbles, punching me again with much better form.