Chapter 39
Chapter thirty-nine
Kai
Irub the middle of my chest.
The empty space where my soul used to be doesn’t hurt as much as missing my birth parents does, or as much as feeling like I’m a shitty son to my adoptive parents for not being grateful enough.
“Dad taught me how to appreciate art, how to look and think deeper. But it was Mum who taught me how to draw.”
I go for my scars, for once not to hide them, but to feel the mottled skin under my fingerprints.
“Looking back, I think she was teaching me demon Script. Magic. It wasn’t something that happened overnight, and my childish brain would get so frustrated when I couldn’t make the same shapes she could.”
Vidar offers his unwavering silent support, his hands on my thighs keeping me grounded. Something I’ll be forever grateful for as I break all my secrets open for him.
“Then, one day, it all clicked.” I swallow. “And it’s my biggest regret.”
“Kai.” Vidar takes my chin, gentle but firm. “It was an accident.”
I want to turn away, but he won’t let me. Instead, my shoulders drop.
“I was so fucking stupid to practice my fire magic without them. When I started the fire, it got out of control so fast. Panicking, I tried using the paper I was drawing on to put it out—of course, I only made the flames worse. My parents came running in when the alarms started screaming, and it was just everywhere…so fucking hot, Vidar.”
He watches me, no judgment, just steady reassurance.
“Dad grabbed my duvet cover to try and fight the flames back, but it caught fire and the flaming corner whipped across my face.” I swallow. “The pain of my skin melting was… excruciating.”
Vidar runs knuckles over my scarred jaw. “An accident.”
I nod.
“He apologised and promised once we made it out, he’d make it better…” I want to tug my braids as the memory of searing agony invades my mind. “He never needed to. I wanted to tell him that but my lungs got choked from the smoke.”
For a moment, I’m there, not staring into Vidar’s grey eyes, but in a small, burning room that wants to eat my family and me, and leave nothing but charred remains.
“And now he’ll never know.”
Wetness drips down my cheek, and I realise I’m crying as Vidar pulls me into him.
“Then Mum let out this scream. Not scared, more like…I dunno. She picked me up and charged through the fire, towards the window and punched a fist through the glass with her bare fucking hands. I was terrified; there was blood everywhere. Either she didn’t feel it or didn’t care, but once the glass was smashed away, she hurled me out the window without a word.
The last thing I saw before darkness was her—” My voice hitches. “...she smiled.”
“A warrior’s cry, Kai.” Vidar brings up his fist and gently pounds it against his bear tattoo, a sign that screams respect. “She died protecting you and was happy to make that sacrifice. Your father, too. They’ll find honour in Valhalla.”
I cough up a wet laugh, my shoulders shaking. “That is…” I sob, laugh, sob again. “Thank you.”
He takes the hand I hadn’t realised was tugging at my braids, and kisses the inside of my palm. “There is nothing I can say to bring them back, or take away this hurt, but nothing could take me from your side.”
It hurts, yet I can’t help a small, trembling smile.
“I woke up in the hospital five days later. Two broken legs, a broken wrist. Concussion, smoke damage to my lungs, a scarred face and no parents. And now I gotta figure out this demon bullshit. What are demons even like?”
“Territorial, stubborn bastards. But if this isn’t something you don’t want to explore, then don’t. You have your fire under control.”
I level him with a look.
“Fine, you have it somewhat under your control.”
I rub the scar on my chest, the ache blooming into something more uncomfortable.
“Am I a bad person for wanting to learn more about my fire? Even when it stole my parents?”
“No.” Vidar cups my face. “No, love. They wanted you to learn. They saved you so you could live; you honour them by living.”
My chest deflates, and I lean on Vidar for support. I’m not sure what my feelings are, but I’m lighter than before.
“It’s going to take time to figure out all my bullshit.”
“Good thing you’ll be a vampire and have plenty of time.”
I scoff, my tears forgotten. “So confident I’ll want it?”
He smirks, leaving no room for me to doubt what he thinks.
“Will it even work with me being half-demon?”
“I’ve already spoken with Summer. You are half human, so it’ll work.”
I roll my eyes, nudging him away. He doesn't budge; if anything, he crowds in closer. “Fine, I do. But I’m writing a list of questions I want to ask.”
“So prepared,” Vidar laughs. Yet it slowly tapers off. “Losing a family is hard, especially how you lost yours. We will work through this together, Kai. For as long as you need.”
If only I could swallow a mouthful of Vidar’s healing blood and be done with all this pain, but life has never been that simple. I don’t forgive myself yet, but I know Vidar is right—it’s time to live my life, fully, to thank my parents for saving me.
“Xeni and Maxwell,” I whisper. “My parents’ names were Xeni and Maxwell Hadji, and…they named me…Kairos Hadji.”
“Tau dóu mee saemd.” Vidar pulls me into a tight embrace, pushing my head under his chin. “Thank you, Kairos Hadji, for trusting me.”
“W-what did that mean?”
“They died with honour,” Vidar says, tucking my head in the crook of his neck.
For a long time, Vidar simply holds me. Naked, and our emotions exposed, however, I don’t feel like a newly opened wound. More like I’ve got scars, proof that Vidar and I have gone through a lotta shit, yet we’ve made it through to the other side.
“Come, let’s get comfortable.” Vidar drapes my jacket over my shoulders and leads me into the bedroom, my toes digging into his expensive carpet
Without worrying or overthinking, I head over to the table by the closed window and grab the candle set in a glass bowl, happy to find it scentless.
The magic from my jacket flows into me as easily as an inhale, and with the smallest of exhales, a purple flame sprouts from my pointer finger.
There’s movement beside me, and I don't even need to look to know it’s Vidar. My anchor. My one true love.
Fire can be so many things. Danger and destruction, but also…light, heat. Comfort.
I hold my finger to the wick, pulling away when the flame doesn’t turn red. It remains a small purple flickering light.
“I never know how to put it out,” I admit, gaze lost to the candle. A flame still on my finger.
Despite it all, I’ve always longed for my fire. The heat was something I needed, like air or food or…
I glance to my side for Vidar.
Like love.
“Maybe try how you summon it, but in reverse?” Vidar shrugs, also looking like he doesn’t have a clue.
I dip into the steady stream of magic, and instead of pushing out, I push in, focusing on the flame on my finger.
Nothing. So I tug, squint, and finally—I just blow it out.
“Still not an expert, I guess.” I shrug, smiling. “Bet I’ll get there one day, right?”
“There is no doubt in my mind.”
I laugh as Vidar sweeps me into his arms.