Chapter 40
Chapter forty
Vidar
Since coming into this new home, I hadn’t bothered to look through my possessions, and I was more than happy for Kai to snoop to distract him from the growing pain at his centre.
I only intervened when he discovered my weapons trunk. My blood chilling when he swung my axe around with no regard for the very sharp edge.
“Vidar?”
“Sorry, little prince,” I say, shifting so I can give him my full attention from where I’m seated in an armchair. “What did you ask again?”
While he’s been busy, I met with Summer, and she confirmed that while unpleasant, his pain is expected, and he needs time to recover before we cut him open again.
My hands itch for Emma’s throat—and worse, I know exactly where she is. Summer easily located the blood mage in a two-storey house on the outskirts of the city. I sent Rurik and Sen to keep watch for any movements, which happened to be none.
If it wasn’t for the foul, rotted scent of blood magic, the place would’ve appeared abandoned.
“Why do you have over a hundred of these magazines?”
Grasping his slim waist, I slip my fingers under his beige hoodie and draw circles at his hip.
“Vampires like to collect, a quirk of our species. We slip into communities quietly, picking up languages and customs as if we’ve always been there, then leave without a trace.
An innate camouflage. But this can create cracks in our core personalities, and collecting things that remind us of who we are soothes our psyches.
Even at the depth of my apathy, my instinct was to stay close to my family, those who knew me best. Even though I treated them terribly. ”
“So this collecting is like an impulse?” Kai leans into my touch.
I nod absently, half my thoughts still with Emma.
“And you like figure skating?” Kai asks, no judgment.
“I’ve never really watched it.” I shrug and tug him between my spread thighs.
I glance away from the box and up at Kai to find his bright smile, like he’s figured something out.
Kai places the box down on the side table, and for half a second my lungs seize up when he reaches for one of my magazines. But then Kai handles each glossy, icy blue magazine as if they’re precious. I let go of my exhale, warmth spreading through me.
“You’ve really got a lot,” he says, sounding impressed.
“I’d search for every edition, even if I didn’t buy them all. Something called to me about these specific ones,” I tell him, proud Kai noticed my hard work.
Kai perches on my lap; he winces. But before I can ask if he’s okay, he quickly says, “When you were in the other mansion, what made the apathy start to recede?”
I’m so surprised by his sudden change of subject, I pause.
“Well…” I begin, trying to gather my thoughts. “Golden had broken in, and I was curious about him.”
Kai nods wisely, like more pieces are coming together. I want to ask what he’s up to, but if this keeps him distracted from the discomfort, then I’ll gladly let him tangle my mind into knots.
“Did no one else try to sneak in before?” he questions, voice soft.
“A few homeless, I suppose. A couple of teens wanting a place to drink.” I sort through those long, empty years. “No one else that really stands out.”
Kai strokes my hair with his long artist fingers, nudging closer so I can breathe in his calming lavender scent.
“You treat Ramy really differently from your other offspring.”
“He’s my youngest,” I reply automatically, my head spinning from another sharp turn.
“So you treated the others that way when they first turned?”
“Of course not,” I scoff. “They’re all rough men. Ramy is different.”
He grins, one of the magazines cradled on his lap. “How so?”
I let out a confused breath. “Well, he’s kind. Soft…”
“And…?” Kai asks, tone encouraging. Eyes twinkling.
“Well, beautiful, of course,” I add, chuckling lightly. Isn’t it obvious?
“Ramy really is, isn’t he?” Kai leans in, as if we’re sharing a naughty secret. “And Sen, Lucero, too.”
He purposely doesn’t mention Rurik, and I’m glad for it. While it might be stupid to be angry that they slept together, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to bare my teeth anytime they're close.
“I suppose they are,” I reply, disinterested. “I didn’t make them into vampires for whatever looks they apparently have.”
“So…” Kai runs a distracting finger around my shirt collar. “Has Lucero always gone for pretty boys like Golden? And Rurik with Apollo? And Sen really has a thing for Ramy.”
I sigh, laughter trailing after it. “Where is this going?”
“I just wanna know! Couples gossip, right? Let's gossip.” His eyes twinkle mischievously.
“Very well, I’ll indulge you,” I reply, tilting my head with a faint smile, remembering the leagues of men my offspring bedded. “I suppose most were beautiful in their own way.”
“Did you ever look at them?” Kai grins playfully, and I can’t help but return it. “At all those pretty, slender boys they’d bring home?”
My eyebrows knit. “How’d you know they were slender?”
“Just guessing,” Kai asks, palm running over the sleek magazine covers.
“I…sometimes, yes. I suppose,” I tell him, unsure why my shoulders have suddenly stiffened. “I doubt anyone could resist looking.”
Kai brushes his lips against my temple.
“Resist men like…” Kai glances at the magazines, and my gaze follows, “All the male figure skaters on these covers?”
Confused, I reach for the box and sift through the magazines, the paper cool under my too-warm skin. “I guess I never noticed…”
How, I have no idea.
I’d taken great pains to hunt down each edition, only calming the insistent need to collect when I held a new copy in my hand. But why, as I tenderly shift through my collection, does it feel like I’m seeing all these lithe male bodies, wrapped in skin-tight leotards, for the first time?
“Golden caught your interest. Ramy, too. Maybe some other men in the past?”
Memories flash by. I’d be balls deep inside a stunning curvy woman, but I can’t deny my focus wouldn’t sometimes drift to the men my offspring fucked in the same room, sometimes bed, as me. My need would grow as I watched those alluring men.
So fucking tempting.
But when all was said and done, I’d brush those odd feelings aside, convinced it meant nothing.
“I’ve always liked women,” I tell Kai a little too defensively.
“I know,” Kai replies softly.
Kai tucks his head under my chin, and I bury my nose into his hair to breathe him in. Calming racing thoughts going in directions I have no control over. But also protecting him from the cold outside, because that’s who I am—a shield for the ones I love.
That will never change. But…Kai’s probing, my magazines, make me wonder…
“I know other men can be gay, bisexual. Trans. More. I know this…” I tell Kai, my voice unsteady.
Kai’s lovely fingers run around to the back of my neck, massaging the tightness away.
“You said ‘other men’, ya know,” Kai says, lips at my ear and gentle as his massaging fingers. “What about you, love?”
Since the moment I was born, I was expected to succeed, and I fought with grit and determination to achieve them all. But no one becomes a raider to stay hidden in their corner of the world. And my world expanded further when I became a vampire.
I explored every land. Prided myself on learning how different—yet oddly similar—all people are.
I always thought I knew myself, but maybe there are still parts I need to uncover.
“Am I…” I clear my suddenly dry throat. “Am I bisexual?”
“How does that word make you feel?” Kai lays a hand over my erratic heart.
We fall into a silence Kai’s created, where there are no right or wrong answers. Like, even if the silence stretches for another thousand years, my soulmate has no plans to move.
“I’m unsure,” I finally answer.
“That’s alright. Labels are tricky. They can be good, ya know. But also limiting. A bit like not having enough room to properly shake your hair out.”
“Did you always know you were gay?”
“Yep,” Kai replies, grinning big and so beautiful for a second, I fall even deeper in love. “But that’s me, and we’re all different. Sometimes it takes a bit longer to figure shit out. Even a thousand years.”
The light in Kai’s eyes dims, and I realise he must be exhausted after everything he’s been through, as well as battling off near constant pain.
“Let’s get some sleep—”
Kai doubles over, and a blood-curdling scream rips free of his throat.
“Kai!” A cold blade of panic slices between my ribs, freezing my useless body as he collapses into himself.
“My chest!” he cries, body shaking. A sudden subzero wave leeching away his warmth.
“Show me.”
It’s a struggle not to use my full strength on Kai’s thrashing body, but soon enough, I’ve got him lying over my lap and ripping up his hoodie.
I suck in a sharp breath between clenched teeth.
His scar is no longer a slightly raised line.
An angry, pulsing white rope of scar tissue has replaced it. Thin, spindly veins shoot out from the infected middle, spreading out like clawing, ravenous fingers.
Spitting out a curse, I lift Kai in my arms and shoot towards the door, ripping the thing off its hinges as I dart through the house.
“SUMMER!”
I find her already running up the stairs, Golden and Ramy behind the shadow mage.
“Show me,” she demands, all business.
Gently, I lay Kai’s trembling body on the floor. His brown skin leached of colour, his eyes unfocused and roaming.
When Summer reveals the mess of Kai’s chest, Golden visibly recoils and grabs hold of Ramy’s arm for support. “What the fuck is that?”
“Damnit!” Summer spits out. “I thought we had more time.”
“He’s already turning into a ghoul?” Ramy shouts, frantic.
Summer ignores them both, her face twisted with something that resembles angry guilt as she looks Kai over. “Why didn’t you just tell me you had the fucking spellbook…” she whispers, voice shaking and eyes wet.
“Summer! How long do we have?” I shout, having no time for the blame game, while I’m losing my mate.
She sucks a breath in, then shoots me a hard look.
“Hours,” she says between gritted teeth. “Three if we’re lucky.”
Golden releases a strangled noise and pushes past Ramy to fall to his knees, holding my mate's tear-stained cheeks in his shaking palms. Unsaid words passing between the two friends.
“You said we had longer!” I snarl. My fist collides with the wall, and pieces of plaster rain down.
“If he were human, yes,” Summer replies. “I thought the same rules applied, b-but—” Summer squeezes her eyes shut, Ramy lays a hand on her shoulder, and she seems to gather strength from him, laying her hand over his. The next time I see her eyes, there’s fire within the brown. “We’re out of time.”
My fangs slide out, and a growl, deadly low, cracks free from my chest. “Ramy, call Rurik and tell him we’re coming. This bullshit ends now.”
“Kai won’t survive putting his soul back!” Summer screams. “This can’t be happening, I thought we had more time!”
Ignoring her, I drop to my knees beside Golden and lean my face to Kai’s. Kissing his clammy forehead.
“My little prince,” I say, voice filled with as much love as I can gather, and he looks at me, forehead wrinkled in pain and eyes swimming. “I’m so sorry, but you’ve got to make the choice now.”
I can’t live without Kai. I will not. Whatever his choice, I’ll respect—and follow. To the bitter fucking end.
Kai shudders, face drained of blood and drenched in a cold sweat. His pale jade eyes locked with mine.
He nods once, and I release the breath I’d been holding.
“Let’s go,” I say, picking Kai up bridal-style.
In a few short hours, Kai will be better, his soul restored. While Emma’s body rots in the trash, her filthy blood on my hands.
There is no room for any other possibility.