Chapter Twenty-Five
Niki sat down in a chair and then immediately stood up again.
Freddie, who had been about to sit too, straightened up with a frown.
They were waiting in one of the Ashton House sitting rooms and had been left cooling their heels for nearly twenty minutes now.
Niki wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to hold himself together.
“Are you all right, sir?”
Freddie was observing him cautiously. After last night, Niki couldn’t blame him. He felt cautious himself when it came to the other man. He hadn’t decided yet how to handle Tomas’s evidence, but he could not let it go.
When he had come downstairs to try to force down some breakfast before setting off for Ashton House, Freddie had already arrived and was finishing an obscenely large meal.
If Niki hadn’t known he had gone home early this morning, he would have thought he’d stayed the whole night.
Freddie had dabbed his lips with a napkin and said, “We are going to see Roberta?”
“I am. I have to. I am going to ask her to marry me properly.”
Freddie’s hazel eyes had turned serious. “Are you sure this is what you really want to do, sir? It was never meant to be a permanent arrangement.”
As if Niki did not know his own mind. “I am going to Ashton House, with or without you.”
“Despite what she said last night, I can’t promise Roberta will agree to marry you.” Freddie’s expression had been sympathetic, and Niki really hadn’t wanted his sympathy.
“I will have to persuade her then. Try to,” he’d added irritably.
After that there was silence, and now here they were, waiting on Roberta, and he had had plenty of time to wonder if his mind was disordered after all.
What if Roberta ordered him out and swore never to speak to him again?
She had agreed to the engagement—partially, at least—from the kindness of her heart, to protect him from danger, and she had said at the time that she had no intention of ever marrying.
And now he was forcing her into a union she clearly did not want…
Unless she did?
There was that glimmer of hope again. Sometimes when she looked at him in a certain way, he had felt as if she would genuinely marry him.
And then there were the kisses—he couldn’t forget them.
It was all very well to pretend they were practicing, but who kissed someone like that if they did not feel something for them?
So it was that glimmer that had brought him here to Ashton House, and now hope was waiting with him, somewhat impatiently, for Roberta’s appearance.
The door finally opened. Niki shot to his feet again, and with an audible sigh, Freddie followed. Roberta stood framed in the doorway, pale faced, shadows under her eyes, but as beautiful as ever. She saw Freddie and managed a half smile in response to his greeting.
“I would prefer to speak to Niki alone,” she said.
“Are you certain?” Freddie asked. “I am standing in for your brother in this matter, and I am not sure Gabriel would want to leave you alone right now.”
She smiled more genuinely then. “I am certain, but thank you, Freddie.”
Freddie nodded, shot a glance at Niki as if to warn him to behave, and closed the door quietly behind him.
Niki watched his friend and fiancée and future wife—unless she was not—sit down on the sofa by the fireplace.
It was chilly enough for a fire this morning, and she stared into the coals and the flames as if they were more interesting than him.
“I want you to tell me why you did it,” she said at last. “Because I cannot imagine what possessed you. Yes, I know the king may have pushed you into it, but you could have shrugged it off. Or told him it was over. I have been awake all night trying to understand, Niki.”
He came closer and cleared his throat. He knew what he wanted to say, but he was suddenly dry mouthed.
This was where his training came to the fore.
He had spoken to prime ministers and kings and queens, emperors and czars, and he had done it well.
He should be able to speak to the woman he wanted to spend his life with. Shouldn’t he?
His hands were sweating, and he wiped them surreptitiously on his pantaloons. “Roberta, I wish to apologize firstly for what happened last night.”
“Oh? So you’ve changed your mind now?” She eyed him curiously, a pinch between her brows.
“I didn’t say that. It might have seemed like a spur-of-the-moment thing—”
“You were forced into it,” she answered for him. “I understand that. And then that nasty boy…What a hateful child. Antonia had some colorful ideas on how to punish him.”
“Yes, well…As far as my family and everyone else is concerned, we are marrying a week from Saturday in a private ceremony at Grantham.”
She waited. “Is that your answer? We should go ahead with it?”
“Roberta,” he said softly and then stopped. “That is what I have come to ask you. Do you want to go through with it? What are your objections?”
“Other than the fact we were in a fake engagement that had an end date?”
Niki looked up at the ceiling. It was a nice ceiling with a mural on it, a goddess reaching out to some fat little cupids with quivers of arrows on their backs.
“I think we should go ahead and marry,” he said.
“Not to do so would bring down some very unpleasant comments on you and your family. Me too, but I am thinking of you.”
Did he really want to give that as his reason? Of course he didn’t.
Before he could manufacture more words, he heard the rustle of her skirts as she moved closer, and then he felt the warm grasp of her hand on his arm. She was right in front of him, gazing at him with serious blue eyes. Her wide mouth wasn’t smiling, and he missed that smile.
“I still can’t quite forgive you for Estelle. I understand why you did what you did, my mind accepts it was the right thing to do, but my heart hurts for my friend.”
In this, he was ready for her. “About that. I have arranged for a sum of money to be paid to your friend. It will not repair her reputation, but it will make her independent. Then whatever happens, she can make her own way in the world.”
She looked surprised and gratified. “Thank you,” she said quietly.
“Does that help you in some small way to make up your mind about me?” he asked her and waited. She seemed to be thinking very deeply, and he didn’t want to interrupt her.
“I am not sure you understand just how much of a change being your wife would mean for me,” she said at last, an edge to her voice.
“I was not born to be a princess, and sometimes I don’t think I was born to be a duke’s daughter either.
I do not want to be tied down to a long list of daily duties, Niki.
Being forced into some sort of protocol box I never wanted.
I don’t think I could bear it. I have heard Matilda talk about how stuffy Holtswig can be. ”
Protocol box? Niki refused to smile. “I promise you I won’t let that happen.
I don’t want a wife who will stand patiently in the background, obeying my every instruction.
” She gave a soft snort of laughter as if to say that was never going to happen.
“And as for Holtswig being stuffy…Your role could be to make changes, to make it less stuffy. Isn’t that a goal you might consider? ”
She lit up a little, and he could see that idea appealed to her. Until she remembered another objection. “Chamberlain Francis hates me.”
Niki sighed. “He doesn’t hate you. He believes my marrying you would displease many of my people, but that is because he does not know you as I do. When he does, he will love you. And so will my people.”
“Until I make my first faux pas. Blurt out something idiotic and make a fool of myself. And you. Niki, I would make a terrible consort.”
“I love your faux pas, and I disagree.”
She laughed aloud then, although it sounded shaky. “Tell me the truth, Niki. Do you really want to marry me?”
He didn’t look away, although he swallowed because his throat was still dry. “I do,” he said. “I cannot think of anyone else I would want by my side, other than you.” His voice took on an urgent tone. “Roberta, you will make a situation that is sometimes unbearable so, so much better.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “That is very flattering but—”
“If you do not want to marry me, then tell me now,” he interrupted before she could come up with any more problems. “I will explain to the king that we were not suited after all.”
“But we are suited!” she blurted out. Her cheeks were flushed a delightful pink. “Niki, we are.”
“Yes,” he said, sounding as relieved as he felt. “We are.”
On impulse, he reached out to take her hands in his. She stiffened a little and then relaxed under his touch.
“I think I have wanted to marry you since the moment I went down on my knee in that pretend proposal.”
Her voice was wobbly. “You did?”
“There is no one like you, Roberta.”
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her cheek, and then nuzzled against her ear, breathing in her warm scent. She shivered, and he did not think she was cold.
“Do you like that?” he asked her in a voice gone husky.
“Yes,” she whispered. Her lips were half-open, her eyes dark with desire, and he had no choice but to kiss her. She leaned against him, her mouth warm against his, soft and sweet, as his tongue traced its shape. He groaned.
“I want you,” he said. “I think you want me. Whatever else might go wrong with our marriage, I think our bed will be full of pleasure and joy.”
She stilled, as if about to say something, and then seemed to change her mind. She kissed him again, her fingers tugging at his hair, messing up his valet’s careful styling.
He felt out of control, something Niki rarely experienced, but he was still strong enough to pull back.
He took a step away, hands once more on her shoulders, and watched as she swayed, her eyes closed and her mouth swollen.
He knew then he could kiss her forever, and surely that meant he was doing the right thing? Taking the only possible solution.
He loved her.
Niki admitted it with a sort of wonder. Had he known it all along? At some level, he must have; he just hadn’t been comfortable accepting it. Well, he was past all of that now.
He loved this woman, and he wanted her. Surely that was an excellent foundation for their marriage?
Giddy with a happiness he had never felt before, he moved to kiss her again, just as there was a knock on the door and Freddie’s voice. “Sir? Roberta?”
What had been a private moment was about to become public.
Roberta’s eyes snapped open, and she turned away, tucking a curl behind her ear with a shaking hand while Niki smoothed his own hair and prayed his desire did not show too obviously in his tight pantaloons.
He thought of his father—that worked to cool his ardor.
“Come in,” he called, and the door opened instantly. Freddie looked suspiciously from one to the other, but whatever he saw, he did not comment. “Have you made a decision?” he asked. “Gabriel will need to be told—and if he has a wedding to plan, then the sooner the better.”
“Yes,” Niki said, then glancing to Roberta. “We will marry as stated.”
Freddie nodded but Niki did not think he was too pleased. His face was a polite disguise, but his eyes showed a degree of perturbance. “Roberta, is this so? I must hear it from you.”
She turned, and her smile was warm and happy. For a moment, Niki was dazzled by the prospect of spending his life with her.
“Yes, Freddie,” she said, “I want to marry him. But don’t worry, I will explain to Gabriel.”
He nodded again, but he still didn’t look convinced.
“It will be small; an intimate affair,” Niki said brusquely. “Only a very few people. Holtswig is where we will have the official ceremony, and my aunt is arranging that.”
The thought of all of Holtswig turning out to see him wed should have made him quake in his boots, but this time, it didn’t. He wanted to marry Roberta, and he was looking forward to sliding the heavy Holtswig wedding band on her finger.
“We will leave you now,” he said, making a small bow to her.
“Yes, I suppose I have a great deal to do,” she agreed wryly.
They stared into each other’s eyes a moment. “Thank you,” Niki said. “This is everything I want, Roberta. I cannot tell you how much.”
She searched his face as if seeking the truth of his words, and if Freddie had not been there, shuffling about and ready to leave, he thought she would have kissed him again.
As Niki followed the other man from the room, he almost felt as if he was walking on air.
He wasn’t even thinking about any of the many worries and concerns that had filled his life until this moment.
He was thinking about his future wife.