Chapter Eight
Seth
I can’t sleep. It might be four-thirty in the morning, but my eyes refuse to close. I guess that’s because I’m still bemused about yesterday afternoon.
Everly refused to answer my question… although thinking about it, I didn’t phrase it as a question. I just told her I wasn’t giving up. But I said I wanted to make it work and dropped a hint about her being ready to forgive me. She could have said she was… or she wasn’t. But instead she said nothing, which might have been because she was struggling not to cry.
That confused me even more than her lack of response. I couldn’t be sure why my words would have upset her, or even if it was my words that had brought tears to her eyes. Was it my presence? Or that we were walking by the creek, taking the same route that we had all those years ago, on our first night together?
I didn’t know. And I didn’t want to ask, just in case I got an answer I didn’t want to hear.
I couldn’t hold her, either, even though I wanted to.
It didn’t feel as though I had the right… not when she hadn’t agreed to forgive me.
It all felt so up in the air… so inconclusive.
We walked back in silence for a while, but that became unbearable, so I asked her if Owen would be okay closing the coffee shop. I knew that time was moving on, and that we were unlikely to make it back there before noon.
“He’ll be fine,” she said. “He’s done it before.”
“Are Sundays still as busy as they used to be?” I asked.
“Not at this time of year, but it’ll get a lot busier in the summer.”
I nodded my head, recalling how she and Aunt Clare would split their shifts on Saturdays, but always worked together on Sundays, because they had to. When Aunt Clare died, I offered to help, but Everly declined, telling me she could cope, even though I think we both knew she was struggling. She just preferred to struggle alone.
And that hurt… although, walking by the creek, looking for ways to make things right between us, didn’t feel like the best time to tell her that.
I also didn’t particularly want to talk about Owen. He might not have been a threat, in the way I’d first perceived him, but I still felt like she’d allowed him to step up and help, when she’d refused to give me a chance. She’d refused to even listen to my pleas for her to employ someone… and yet there he was. It was probably a childish perspective, but I couldn’t help it, and rather than upset her any further, I buried it and turned the conversation around, recalling my meeting with Nate the previous afternoon.
“What surprised you most?” she asked once I’d revealed the content of our conversation. “Was it Dawson and Macy, or Laurel and Brady?”
“Dawson and Macy, I suppose. Not that I know Macy.”
“I don’t know her very well,” she said. “I’ve only met her a couple of times. But she seems lovely.”
“She’d have to be to break Dawson out of hibernation.”
Everly chuckled at that, and I had to smile, even though I was struggling to breathe.
“So, you weren’t surprised about Laurel and Brady?”
“I was, but I already knew about Mitch’s death, and I suppose they were thrown together after that?” I said, and she tilted her head slightly.
“They were, but Laurel told me just the other day that Mitch was cheating on her.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He was leaving town with his girlfriend when they were killed.”
“You mean the woman who was in his car was his girlfriend?”
“Evidently.”
“Wasn’t she pregnant?” I asked. I remembered hearing something about that at the time.
“She was. Laurel told me it was Mitch’s.”
“Jesus.”
“That’s not public knowledge,” she said, and I nodded my head, knowing she was asking me to keep it to myself. I had no intention of gossiping… especially as I knew I’d probably been the subject of many a rumor in my absence. There was no way I was going to mention that again, though. I’d learned that lesson already.
“Has anything else happened while I’ve been away?” I asked and although she glanced down at River, I didn’t think she was doing so to remind me of our daughter’s appearance in the world. It looked as though she was just checking on her… or I hoped she was. I didn’t need reminding…
“Did Nate tell you about Tanner and Cooper?” she asked.
“No. What about them?”
“They’re married now… although not to each other.”
I laughed, and she joined in. It felt good to laugh with Everly again, and we both stared at each other for a moment. It was enough of a moment to make me wonder if she felt the same… if she was enjoying being with me as much as I was enjoying being with her. I didn’t like to ask, though. Fear was still ruling my questions.
“Who did they marry?” I asked, sticking to safer ground.
“Tanner married Zara.”
“Who’s Zara?”
“She came here to work at the elementary school, although she didn’t stay there very long. I don’t know why that was. All I know is, she’s working with Tanner at the bookstore now.”
“How has Nash reacted to having a step-mom?”
“Really well, evidently. He was Tanner’s best man.”
“That’s sweet,” I said, smiling. “Did you go to the wedding?”
“Yeah. It was on Valentine’s Day, so River was less than two months old, but I took her along and stayed for a few hours.”
“What about Cooper? When did he get married?”
“Last weekend,” she said, surprising me. “I couldn’t make it, unfortunately.”
“Why not?”
“River wasn’t very well.”
I stopped walking and Everly copied me. “What was wrong with her? Is she okay now?” I could feel the fear rising inside me and Everly smiled, her hand resting on my arm, hoping to calm me, I think.
“She’s fine. It was only a cold… and not a bad one. Just enough to keep her awake at night.”
That reminded me… “You said you were awake all night,” I said, without referring to the reason for her wakefulness. “Are you okay?”
She nodded her head. “I’m used to being sleep deprived.”
We came out from the shade of the trees and onto the track behind the bar. I still couldn’t get used to it being called MD’s and not Dawson’s, but that didn’t seem important.
“Can I see you again?” I asked, reminding myself – and probably Everly – of our first meeting, when I’d had to leave town, and had asked a very similar question.
“Yes,” she replied, just like she had back then.
I was tempted to lean in and kiss her, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that she wasn’t ready… so I just nodded my head and thanked her, before seeing her to the back door of the coffee shop.
We said goodbye then, without making any formal arrangements. I knew we didn’t need to, but I wondered if she expected me to call, like I’d done all those years ago, and while I’ll admit it was tempting to relive the past, I had other ideas…
I returned here to the hotel and the first thing I did was to call Aiden.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I could hear the baby crying in the background, and wondered if it should be me asking him that question.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “That’s why I’m calling.”
“Because you don’t know if you’re okay or not?”
“No. Because I need some time to work out if I’ll ever be okay again.”
There was a moment’s pause and then he said, “Have you been drinking?”
“No. But I took your advice. I’m in Hart’s Creek.”
“You went to see Everly?”
“Yes,” I said, sitting on the bed and letting out a long sigh.
“And?”
“I have a daughter.”
“What the fuck?”
“I have a daughter,” I repeated, even though I didn’t need to. He’d clearly heard me, but it felt good to say it out loud, and I wanted to do it again.
“So Everly was pregnant when you left?” he said, putting the pieces together.
“Yes, but only just. She didn’t know herself… not until later.”
“She didn’t call you?”
“Obviously not. She said she was hurt and angry, and she didn’t want me to come back to her just because she was pregnant.”
I hear him suck in a breath and let it out again. “I guess that’s understandable.”
“Yeah. I mean, it wouldn’t have been like that, but she wasn’t to know.”
“How old’s your little girl?” he asked.
“Three months… and her name’s River.”
“That’s cute.”
“Yeah. She’s adorable.”
“How does it feel, finding out you’re a father like this?” he asked. He wasn’t prying. He was concerned, and I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“I won’t lie and say it hasn’t been a shock, but it’s one I’d like to get used to. I came here to get things back on track with Everly, but we’ve got so much more to talk about now. More than I ever imagined. I want to be a proper father to River, but the problem is, Everly and I have only had a couple of hours to ourselves. We haven’t been able to work anything out between us yet, let alone decide what we’re gonna do about being parents, and that’s why I need some more time.”
“Take as long as you need,” he said.
I wasn’t that surprised by his response. Aiden had always been the most generous of friends. He was a family man, too, so I knew he’d get it.
“I haven’t finished that project for Langstone Incorporated. Davina’s constant interruptions held me up last week, so there’s still a way to go.”
“Send me an email with instructions for what needs doing, and I’ll get it done next week.”
“Are you sure? I can probably work on it from here…”
“It’s fine. You focus on your family.”
My family…? Man, that sounded good. Although I knew I shouldn’t get ahead of myself, and instead I thanked him, and spent most of the afternoon typing out the email I needed to send him. I needed to make sure I included all the instructions, as some of them had been given to me verbally by the client during our meeting last month. Last month . That felt like another country… another life, before I knew I had a daughter… a family… a hope for something better.
I ate early, in the dining room downstairs, having grown bored with my own company. Naturally, I wished Everly could have been with me, but it was too soon for things like that, and as I ate my maple glazed duck breast, I was just grateful Helen wasn’t there.
Tanner was, though, along with his new bride… a beautiful blonde. He’d noticed me when I walked in, giving me a smile and a nod of his head. It would have been churlish to ignore him, so I smiled back. They were just ordering their meal, and we ate separately, although he came over once I’d finished and asked if I wanted to join them for coffee. I wasn’t the best of company, and I had a lot on my mind, but I didn’t want to appear anti-social on my return to the town, so I agreed, escorting Tanner back to their table.
He introduced me to Zara, who looked up at me as we shook hands with a slightly wary expression. She was polite enough, but seemed a little restrained as we all sat down and Tanner ordered coffee. Her attitude struck me as odd. Okay, so she was young, but not that much younger than Everly, and yet, she seemed instantly distrusting of me, even though we’d never met.
“How did you meet?” I asked, once the waitress had poured our coffee and gone away again.
“I swept her off of her feet,” Tanner said.
“You knocked me off of my feet.” Zara shook her head at him, smiling. “There’s a difference.”
“You didn’t mind, though,” he said, and her smile widened before he looked back at me. “Sorry.” He didn’t look even remotely contrite. “What we’re not explaining very well is that I was walking down Main Street, and I sent Zara flying, because I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. Fortunately, I didn’t do her any lasting damage. I just forgot to ask her name, or where she lived, or to get her number.”
I chuckled, sipping my coffee.
“So, how did you end up together?”
“Because Zara had just started teaching at Nash’s school, and as fate would have it, Sabrina asked me to take him in on the first day of the semester… which was where I was lucky enough to bump into Zara again, with slightly less catastrophic results.”
They smiled at each other, holding hands across the table, and I nodded my head, remembering that Everly told me Zara had come to the town to start a job at the elementary school. She probably knew Helen, and I wondered if she’d heard something about me from her, and whether that was why she was being so offhand.
“Speaking of Sabrina,” I said, to keep the conversation going, “how are things with her these days?”
“They don’t improve,” Tanner said, shaking his head.
“Not at all?”
“No. That’s the main reason we came here tonight. We hadn’t intended to eat out, but I took Nash back to Sabrina’s place this evening, and she met me on the doorstep and announced that she’s taking him away for Easter.”
“Was that news?” I asked.
“Absolutely. Although that’s not the worst of it. Nash should have been coming to us, at least over the weekend of Easter itself, but Sabrina’s booked for them to go away for a week from the previous Tuesday.”
“So you won’t be seeing him at all?”
“We will, because Sabrina wants him to come here from the Wednesday after they get back until the following weekend. According to her, she’ll have too much work to catch up on, and she won’t be able to have Nash in the house at the same time.”
“Has she forgotten you work too?” I asked, shaking my head, feeling angry on his behalf.
“Of course not. The problem is, she doesn’t care. And just to make my day, she told me she wanted me to refund her for their tickets.”
“You’re kidding.”
He shook his head. “I told her I’d pay for Nash, but not her. She called me a few names, most of which I couldn’t repeat in civilized company, and I left. When I got home, we decided to come here for dinner.”
“Why here?” I asked, wondering if the hotel held some kind of sentimental value for them.
“Because I used to bring Sabrina here,” Tanner said, surprising me. “It felt like the perfect time to lay that ghost to rest. Heaven knows what she’ll do now. Either she’ll be forced to cancel the vacation because she doesn’t want to pay her own way, or she’ll just make my life a misery because I’m refusing to foot the bill for her lifestyle. Whichever it is, it won’t be fun.”
I noticed him squeeze Zara’s hand and wondered what it must be like to live that kind of nightmare. I couldn’t imagine Everly and me ever getting at each other like that, but Tanner had probably felt the same way. He’d probably thought he was happy… before he discovered Sabrina cheated on him.
I could see the bond between him and Zara, though, and how happy they were together. For a moment, I wondered about making my excuses and leaving them to talk. It felt like they probably needed to, and I gulped down my coffee, getting ready to make a move, just as Tanner said, “So, you’re back,” like he was stating the obvious, which he was.
“Yes.”
He nodded his head. “For good?”
“That’s for Everly to decide. She’s got a lot to forgive me for.” I noticed Zara raise her eyebrows, like she wasn’t at all surprised by my comment, and I suddenly felt the need to defend myself. “Plus, there’s the not insignificant detail of discovering I’ve got a daughter.”
Tanner frowned. “You mean you didn’t know?”
I shook my head. “No. I didn’t even know Everly was pregnant.” I decided against mentioning the fact that I’d known there was a possibility. I’d felt the same when I was talking to Aiden. Not just because I was ashamed of my behavior. But I wasn’t sure how Everly would feel about me discussing the circumstances of something like that with other people. To me, it felt wrong to talk about the intimacies of our lives. That was something personal… between me and her, and no-one else. “She had her reasons for not telling me,” I said quickly, making sure they understood it wasn’t Everly’s fault. “That’s one of the many things we’ve got to discuss.”
“In that case,” Tanner said, “I wish you luck.”
“Me too,” Zara added. I was surprised by her support, but I welcomed it with a smile. It felt like I wasn’t the bad guy in her eyes anymore, and while that shouldn’t have mattered, it did. I didn’t like the idea that people – even complete strangers – would have assumed I’d have walked out on Everly, knowing she was expecting our child. Just the thought of doing that… of being anything like my father, makes me feel physically sick.
“Thanks,” I murmured, getting to my feet.
We wished each other goodnight, and I thanked them for the coffee, heading for the stairs.
When I got up here, I switched on the TV, trying to distract myself, but it was no good, and after thirty minutes, I turned it off again and came to bed, staring at the ceiling, haunted by how much I got wrong with Everly. I wished we’d been able to talk some more, so I could have explained why I left, and so I could ask her where I stand with her… because that felt really unclear. I didn’t imagine us fighting like Tanner and Sabrina, but could we ever hope to get back to where we were? That question rolled around my head for hours… and it’s still there now.
I turn over, looking at the clock, and let out a groan. It’s just gone six, so there’s no point in trying to sleep now. I’m sick of lying here, too, and I get up and fix myself a coffee. It doesn’t taste great, and reminds me of how good the coffee is at Everly’s place. I suppose I could go there for breakfast, rather than having it here. She won’t be expecting me, but there’s no harm in letting her know I’m still here. Who knows? I might even get the chance to meet my daughter when she’s not asleep, and if I hang around long enough, Everly and I might be able to sit down and talk.
It’s gotta be worth a shot.
I’d like to say I feel refreshed after my shower, but the reality is, I just feel slightly less wiped out than I did when I got out of bed. Even so, I’m looking forward to breakfast… not because I’m hungry, but because it means I’ll get to see Everly again, and I walk along Main Street with a spring in my step, letting myself in through the door of the coffee shop.
Everly’s busy behind the counter and has her back to me, although I’m aware of attracting a few stares from other customers. I recognize a lot of them, even if I don’t know all their names, and I know they’re all wondering why I’m here. I also regret that I didn’t think this through properly. The coffee shop is always a hive of activity on weekday mornings, and I know the news of my re-appearance will be all over the town before most people have had their second cup of coffee. Already heads are bending closer, and there’s a hum of whispered voices. I might be paranoid, but I don’t think I am, when I guess I’m probably the hot topic of conversation.
Even so, I’m not turning back now, and I wander over to the counter and sit up on a stool, waiting until Everly turns around. It takes a few moments, during which I admire her divine ass, encased in tight denim as she stands by the barista machine, tapping her fingers on the countertop. Eventually, she finishes what she’s doing and picks up the drink she’s been making, turning around, her mouth falling open as she notices me and almost drops the cup.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Y—Yes. But what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Concord. You said you had to work today.”
“I know, but I called Aiden yesterday afternoon when I got back to the hotel and asked for some personal time.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna stay here for a few days, so we can talk and work things out.” I lean a little closer to her. “It’s important, Everly.”
She frowns and then remembers she’s holding a cup of coffee. “I just need to take this to table nine.”
“Okay.”
I watch as she carries the cup across the room, and then as she returns, I note the slight blush on her cheeks. She must realize we’re the center of attention, although I have no doubt she wishes we weren’t.
“What’s important?” she whispers, leaning over the counter so she can lower her voice. “Having a family?”
“Of course. We need to work out how we’re gonna do this.”
“Maybe we do, but I’ve gotta work, Seth, and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s kinda busy in here.”
“I know, but I’m happy to have some breakfast and wait until you’ve got time to talk.”
“That could be hours.”
“I don’t have anywhere else to be.”
She stares at me for a moment, and I wonder if this was a mistake. Am I making her feel crowded? I thought she’d be pleased to see me, but maybe I got that wrong. I’m just wondering if I should offer to leave, when she says, “Okay… what can I get you?”
“French toast would be great.”
“Bacon or berries?”
“What do you think?”
She smiles. “Bacon.”
“Exactly.”
“And coffee?”
“In the largest cup you’ve got.”
There’s an iPad behind the counter and she taps on the screen a few times, then grabs a cup from the stack.
“Flat white?” she asks, because that’s my usual, but I shake my head and she frowns, looking confused.
“Black, if that’s okay… and as strong as you can make it. I haven’t slept.”
“Oh? Is there a reason for that?”
“Yeah. I had something on my mind.”
She blushes, because she knows she’s the something in question, but before she can move away, I reach over and grab her arm, which makes her gasp.
“How did you sleep?” I ask.
“Would you be offended if I said I slept okay?”
“No. You needed it. Although surely River woke you, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, but she was only awake for around an hour, and the moment my head hit the pillow, I was gone.”
She makes a cute gesture, tipping her head to one side and closing her eyes, which makes me smile.
“Speaking of River,” I say, pulling my hand away at last. “Where is she? What do you do with her while you’re working?”
“She’s out back. I have a crib set up out there, and everyone keeps an eye on her. She’s perfectly safe.”
I sense a slight bristling in her tone and I hold up my hand. “I was only asking. It wasn’t meant as a criticism. But if you want me to, I could help. I could… I don’t know… take her out, or sit with her upstairs, or something.”
She shakes her head. “You can’t come back here without any kind of warning and act like a father.”
“ Act like a father?” I say, raising my voice. “I’m not acting, Everly. And I could have been a father way before now, if you’d told me…” I stop talking, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut as tears form in her eyes and she blinks hard, her bottom lip trembling.
“How could you? How could you say that?” she whispers.
“I’m…” I don’t get to finish my apology before she turns and runs toward the kitchen, sliding through the swing door. “Everly? Come back… I didn’t mean it,” I call out, countless heads turning in my direction. Fuck it . I let my head drop, wishing our lives didn’t have to be played out in public, as I get to my feet and turn toward the kitchen, right at the moment that the swing doors open once more, and Owen strolls out.
He takes one look at me and frowns, then walks over, getting in my way.
“Excuse me,” I say, but he shakes his head.
“No.”
“I need to see Everly.”
“I don’t think that’s the best idea you’ve ever had… and you’ve had some shitty ideas in your time.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“No. But I know the damage you’ve left in your wake.”
That stings, and I recoil from him. “I need to speak to Everly.”
“No, you don’t,” he says, and I notice him clench his fists just briefly. It’s not done as a sign of aggression, but more of anxiety, and I recall Everly’s words… about Owen having a history. So, while I could move him, I’m not going to, and instead I step away, resuming my seat. I hear his sigh of relief before he walks around the other side of the counter and stands in front of me, folding his arms.
“Everly’s upset,” I whisper, just loud enough for him to hear.
“I know.”
“It’s my fault.”
“I know that too. It’s nothing new. She’s been upset for a while, and it’s mostly been your fault.” He moves closer still, unfolding his arms now. “I get that you probably don’t think you need my advice, but for what it’s worth, I’d say you’re going about this the wrong way.”
“Oh? How do you know that?”
“Because I know you fucked up. I might not have known Everly when you left her, and she may not have told me every little detail of what happened between the two of you, but I know you fucked up.”
I could ask him how he knows that if he doesn’t know the detail, or my side of the story, but there seems little point in pretending, or denying the obvious truth.
“Yeah,” I say. “I did.”
“And I’m guessing you’re here because you wanna make it right again?”
“I am.”
“In which case, you’re going about this the wrong way.”
“Once again… how do you know that?”
“Because the first time you came here, on Saturday, you quizzed her about me.”
“She told you that?”
“Yes. She also told me she’d put you straight about me yesterday, when you went for a walk. But the point is, why were you asking?”
“Because I was jealous,” I admit, and he nods his head.
“I get that… even if you had no cause. But did you honestly think the best way of working things out with Everly was to question her like that? Considering you were the one who walked away, what on earth made you think you had the right?”
“Nothing, and I apologized for it.”
“It sounds to me like you do a lot of apologizing.”
“I’ve needed to, but what gives you the right to judge me, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“The right of being Everly’s friend. She’s been my friend, too. She gave me a chance when no-one else would, and I’m grateful to her… which is why I’ve made a point of being here for her when she needed me.”
“Unlike me, I suppose?” I say, the truth hitting me like a sucker punch.
“Yes.”
Truth or not, I still don’t like being judged by a stranger, even if he is a friend of Everly’s. “And has it occurred to you I could have been here, if she’d told me she was pregnant?”
“Yes. But has it occurred to you that you could have come back of your own accord?”
“Of course it has. But she had nine fucking months in which to tell me she was carrying my child, and three months since River was born to let me know I have a daughter, and I only found out because I came back to work things out with her.”
“I get that,” he says, nodding his head. “It might surprise you, but I really do. The problem is, Everly’s in the kitchen, crying all over Sandra, because she thinks you’re judging her about River… not just that she didn’t tell you about her, but also over how she cares for her.”
“All I did was offer to help with River… to sit with her, or take her for a walk, and she shut me out, just like she used to. She accused me of acting like a father.”
“And don’t tell me… you told her you wouldn’t need to act like a father if she’d told you that you were gonna be one in the first place?”
“Well… something like that.”
“Are you gonna throw that at her every time you have a fight?” he asks, tipping his head to one side and raising his eyebrows.
“No. I didn’t mean to throw it at her this time. I was going to apologize, and I would have done if you’d let me.”
“And if I had, what would you have said?”
“I don’t know… maybe that I wanna help her?”
“What with?”
“River, of course.”
He waves his hands above his head. “And that’s my point. You’re going about this all wrong. You can’t make it about River.”
“Why the fuck not? She’s my daughter.”
“I know, but unless you wanna be a part-time dad to her, and have no relationship at all with her mom, this is not the way to do things.”
“Then what is?”
“You need to make it about Everly. She needs to see it’s her you want. My understanding of the situation is that she didn’t tell you about being pregnant, or about River, because she wanted to be sure you’d come back for her, and not the baby.”
“Yeah…”
“In which case, you need to prove to her she was wrong… and that you’re here for her, and no-one else.”
“Of course I’m here for her. I didn’t even know River existed when I got here, did I?”
He lets out a long sigh, shaking his head. “No, but what I mean is, now that you know about River, you need to show Everly that it’s still about her… and only her. You need to show her she’s your priority, while letting her know you’re gonna be there for both of them.”
I shake my head, his words spinning round and round. “I know you’re making sense, but I haven’t had any sleep, so you’ll need to give me a moment.”
He smiles, nodding his head, and then he goes and clears one of the tables, going out to the kitchen before he returns to me again. I’m still wading through quicksand and I look up at him.
“Is Everly okay?” I ask.
“She’ll be fine.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“She’s not crying anymore.”
I nod my head. “Can you give her a message for me?”
“Sure.”
“Can you tell her I’m sorry?”
“Okay.”
“And can you say I’m gonna go to my hotel room for a while, so I can think things through?”
“That sounds kinda ominous,” he says, frowning.
“It’s not. Honestly. Tell her I’ll be back later, and… and tell her I love her.”