Chapter Thirteen
Everly
I wake to the sound of River crying. The apartment is too small to need monitors or cameras, or anything like that. Besides, my body’s tuned to the sound, although I don’t welcome it, especially when it’s still dark outside.
I glance at the clock, and let out a slight groan, when I see it’s just before two in the morning, and then I prize myself from Seth’s grasp, shifting away from him.
“Hey…” he murmurs, his voice filled with sleep. “Where are you going?” He tries to grab hold of me, and I flick on the light beside the bed, looking down at his disheveled hair, his eyes blinking against the brightness.
“To see to River.”
“Is she awake?” he asks, coming to his senses, and sitting up slightly, resting on his elbows.
“Yes. Can’t you hear her?”
He pauses for a moment, then nods his head. “I can now.”
“Unfortunately, she’s no respecter of an adult’s need for sleep.”
“Clearly.”
I turn slightly to look at him properly, my eyes drifting for a moment from his perfect face, to his divine, muscular chest, dappled with fine hairs, and I sigh, shaking my head. “This is what it’s like, I’m afraid, so you’d better get used to it.”
I go to get up, but he grabs me, pulling me back.
“Let me help,” he says and I pause, knowing he means well. He’s not criticizing me for being unable to cope. He just wants to be involved.
“Can you fetch a bottle for me?” I ask. “That way, I can go straight up to her.”
“Sure. Do you need it the same size and temperature as the one you made last night?”
“Yes, if that’s okay?”
He nods his head, and as River’s cries get a little louder, he throws back the covers and gets out of bed. He’s hard, and I can’t help glancing at him in all his magnificence.
“Sorry,” he whispers. “You have that effect on me… just like you always did.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Although you should probably put something on.”
“Why? You think River’s gonna be aware of my erection, or the reason for it?”
“No, but…”
He nods his head. “If it makes you more comfortable…” he says, glancing over toward the door, where his robe is still hanging from a hook. “You didn’t throw this away then?” he says, striding over and pulling it on, wrapping it around himself.
“No.”
He smiles, pulling it up slightly. “It smells of you.”
“That’s because I wore it during my pregnancy.”
“Because it was the only thing that fitted?” he asks, smiling slightly.
“Yes, and because it made me feel closer to you.”
His smile fades and he comes back to me, just as I’m pulling on my sleep shirt, which I left folded on the wooden box at the end of the bed. I’ve got several of them, all the same, and they’re basically like oversized t-shirts. This one is wine colored, and I’ve taken to sleeping in them, although for obvious reasons, I didn’t last night. I drag it over my head just as he pulls me to my feet.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” he says.
“So am I. But you’re here now, and I need to get up the stairs before our daughter thinks we’re ignoring her.”
“I don’t think she’d let us do that,” he says, smiling, and he steps aside, so I can put my sleep shirt on properly, raising his eyebrows as he looks me up and down, and then nods his head. “Very sexy,” he murmurs, raising it slightly so he can pat my ass. “Hmm… I like this,” he says, moving closer.
“Can you like it later?” I say, holding him off with a hand on his chest. “We can’t do this now.”
“Okay.” He steps away again, and I head straight for the door.
“Shall I bring the bottle up?” he asks.
“Yes, please,” I call over my shoulder, although I keep my voice down, and rush up to open the door, the nightlight giving enough illumination that I can see River, lying in her cot, thrashing around in her sleep sack. She’s clearly disgruntled, and I go over and lift her into my arms, although I don’t say a word to her, and just place her down on the changing mat at the end of her bed. She’s annoyed at being kept waiting for her milk, but I’ve found it’s better to change her first, regardless of her impatience, and I make quick work of it, zipping her back into her sleep sack just as Seth comes into the room, holding the bottle in his hand.
“Here you…” he says, although he stops talking when I hold my finger to my lips and shake my head. There’s a frown on his face, but he doesn’t say a word and just offers the bottle, which I take, settling in the chair and giving River what she wants at last. She gazes up at me, suckling hard, and I take a moment to glance at Seth, giving him a smile so he knows I’m not mad at him. He smiles back, leaning against the wall by the door, and watches us, his head tipped to one side.
River drinks down all her milk and I sit her up, rubbing her back until she burps a couple of times, and then I rock her a little, sitting in silence. It sounds odd, but I enjoy this time with her, even if it is the middle of the night… although I know I have to put her back in her cot and I get to my feet, lying her down. She grizzles a little, but soon settles, and I wander to Seth, grabbing his hand, and pull him from the room.
I leave the bottle at the bottom of the stairs like I always do, knowing I can deal with it in the morning, and then I lead Seth back into the bedroom.
“Sorry about that,” I whisper as he closes the door.
“That’s okay.”
“It’s just that I’ve found if I keep it dark and quiet, River’s less inclined to think it’s morning, and time to play, and the sooner we can get back to sleep.”
He smiles. “I kinda worked that out, although I noticed how much you enjoyed sitting with her.”
“I did. I do. It’s lovely, just cuddling like that.”
“Can I do it sometime? I don’t wanna spoil your fun, but I’d like to, if you’re okay with it.”
“Of course.”
I wander to the bed, as he takes off his robe, and I climb back in, pulling up the covers as he turns around.
“What are you doing?” he says.
“Getting into bed. What do you think I’m doing?”
He shakes his head, coming over and kneeling up on the mattress, crawling to me before he pulls back the covers and tugs at my sleep shirt.
“You’re wearing too much,” he murmurs.
I’m sitting on the fabric and he struggles to release it. “Sorry… I’ve just gotten used to wearing them in bed.”
“Then get unused to it,” he says, giving it a firm tug.
I giggle as he pulls it off over my head, my eyes settling on his erection as he throws my sleep shirt to the far end of the bed, and then drags me down onto the mattress with him, reaching over to turn off the lights before his arms tighten around me. I can feel his arousal pressing in to me, as his hands roam up and down my back, his lips meeting mine, and while it would be easy to get carried away with this, and with him, I can’t.
“Seth,” I say, pulling back. “Please… we have to stop.” He leans away, but before he can go too far, I rest my hand on his chest. “It’s not that I don’t want you. It’s just that I’m tired. River’s sleep pattern might be all over the place, but she’s bound to wake up again in less than three hours, and even if she doesn’t, I have to be downstairs by…”
“You don’t have to explain,” he says, loosening his grip on me just slightly.
“I think I do.”
“You really don’t, babe. I get it.”
“But are you okay with it?”
He flexes his hips into me and kisses me gently, brushing his lips over mine for a second or two before he pulls back. “What do you think?”
The smile on his lips, just visible in the moonlight, tells me everything I need to know, and I nestle in to him, my head against his chest.
“This feels so good,” I whisper, and he turns us slightly so I can get comfortable.
“Shh… go to sleep,” he says.
“Do I have to?”
“I thought you said…”
“I know, but I’m not feeling anywhere near as tired as I was a moment ago.”
“Is there anything I can do to help with that?” he asks.
“Maybe.”
He chuckles. “There’s no ‘maybe’ about it, babe.”
He turns me, so my back is to his front. I’m wrapped up in him, but then he shifts down the bed just slightly, and raises my right leg, hooking it over his arm. By now, I’m breathless, desperate to feel him inside me, and I wriggle my ass backward, feeling the tip of his erection as he enters me.
“Oh…” I sigh, turning my head to face him, our lips meeting as he starts to move. He’s taking it slow, but with every thrust, he lets out a heartfelt groan, directly into my mouth, and I cling to his arm, needing something to ground me. There’s a need in him… a need he’d obviously been willing to set aside, in favor of sleep, but which we’ve re-awakened, and I’m loving every second of it.
“Take my cock,” he urges, leaning over me slightly and going even deeper. He stares down at me, pauses, and then slams into me really hard, groaning out, “Oh, fuck… yes.” I see stars before my eyes, tipping into ecstasy at the same time as a sudden realization dawns.
“Don’t come… please,” I whisper, as I fall, pleasure claiming me. “Please, Seth.”
“You’re safe, babe.” He keeps moving, harder, deeper, taking me to newer heights, despite my fear, and I clutch his arm, grinding my way through the final throes of my climax, before I finally come out the other side. “You’re safe,” he murmurs again, pulling out of me.
I turn over, facing him, cupping his face in my hand. “I’m sorry. That was very selfish of me, telling you not to come like that.”
“No, it wasn’t. I could have used a condom.”
“Why didn’t you?” I ask.
“Desperation,” he says simply. “Just tell me it didn’t take the edge off.”
“It didn’t. I don’t think anything could.” He chuckles. “Although I wish I could have felt you come.”
“No, you don’t. Not inside you.”
“Maybe not, but…” I let my voice fade and slide downward until I come face-to-face with his erection. It might be fairly dark in here, but I can see what I’m doing, and besides, I know him well enough that I don’t need a map.
“You don’t have to…” he whispers.
“Yes, I do. I want to.”
I take him in my mouth, loving that he tastes of me, and he sighs out the longest moan, clamping his hand around the back of my head.
“Oh, yes…” he hisses. “I wanna fuck your mouth.”
I nod my head and he raises his hips, taking it slow, giving me a little more each time until he hits the back of my throat. He knows that’s my limit, and although he doesn’t go any deeper, he goes faster… much faster. This is so good. It always was, and I love what he’s doing to me. I love it so much, I reach down between my legs, my fingers finding their destination and my body convulsing as I touch myself, intimately.
“Are you fingering your clit?” he asks, struggling to breathe. I nod my head again, dipping a finger inside my entrance and gathering my juices before I go back to rubbing myself. “Come with me,” he says, barely in control. “I wanna feel you come.”
I rub harder, breathless with need, and as he stiffens, swelling in my mouth, I tip over into another orgasm, my body shuddering, as I squeal and moan and I feel a spurt of hot liquid hit the back of my throat.
“F—Fuck, yeah, Everly,” he groans in a stuttered whisper. “Oh, babe.”
I try to focus on swallowing, even as my climax consumes me, and he moans through the final spasms of his own ecstasy, both of us sighing our way to the end.
“Come here,” he whispers, releasing himself from my mouth, and pulling me up his body. “That was incredible.”
“It certainly was.”
I’m limp with exhaustion and I lie on top of him, sated, but too tired to move, his arms tight around my body as sleep claims me.
I wake with a start to the sound of River crying.
“What? What’s that? Who…”
I chuckle at Seth’s obvious confusion, taking a second or two to enjoy the feeling of waking in his arms, before I lean up and smile down at him.
“It’s River,” I say, and he nods his head, rubbing his hand down his face, while the other caresses by back.
“Oh… okay.”
“Don’t pretend you’re awake when we both know you’re not.”
“I had a busy night,” he says, giving me the most perfect smile.
“So did I.”
“Hmm… I remember.” He leans up, kissing me, and while I reciprocate, I keep it quick.
“River won’t wait, I’m afraid,” I tell him, pulling away and turning around to get up, my eyes catching sight of the clock beside the bed, a jolt of panic rushing through me, as I launch myself to the floor, almost falling over.
“Are you okay?” Seth looks up at me.
“No. The coffee shop opens in forty-five minutes. There’s no way I can…”
He kneels up, revealing himself in all his aroused glory, and I stop talking as he sidles over to the edge of the bed, standing up and taking my hands in his.
“Calm down,” he says, like this isn’t a problem. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”
I can’t think straight, partly because I’ve only just woken up, and my brain isn’t functioning, partly because I’m running late and I’m panicking, and partly because Seth is standing in front of me… and all I want to do is stare at him, for the rest of my life.
That’s not an option, though, and I quickly run through my morning routine in my head, thinking about the elements of it that I might be able to hand over to him.
“Can you get a bottle ready for River?”
“Sure. If you like, I can go get her, and get a bottle ready for her, and feed her while you take a shower. How does that sound?”
“It sounds like heaven. But are you sure you can manage?”
“You’ve been managing for the last three months,” he says. “I’m sure I can take the load for one morning.”
I lean up and kiss him, keeping it brief, and then turn and run toward the door.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he calls, and I turn, just as he throws me my sleep shirt. I catch it and throw it back.
“No,” I say and he chuckles, catching it and grinning at me as I dash from the room.
The shower feels lovely, and I can’t stop smiling, or thinking about last night, and how Seth took my fears and my nerves and all my worries about my appearance, my stretch marks and how I might feel to him, and he turned them into something beautiful. He took us back… and yet he didn’t. There were reminders of how it used to be, but just like I’m different, so were we. I think, if anything, we were better, although I have to say, I was relieved we’d talked first. It meant there were no doubts. There was nothing to cloud our love, or overshadow the joy of being joined to him again. I’m glad we talked about forgiving each other, too. He may have said there was nothing to forgive, but I feel as though we’ve crossed the divide. We’re back where we belong, and even though I haven’t told him I’m still deeply in love with him, I know I will…
And in the meantime, I need to hurry. It might be luxurious for me to have someone else to help with River, but there’s more to getting her up in the mornings than just giving her a bottle… and I’m running out of time.
I shut off the water, wrapping a towel around myself as I quickly brush my teeth, and then I step out of the bathroom, into the living area, my hair dripping over my shoulders as I smile at the sight before me.
Seth is sitting on the couch, facing me, with River in his arms. The bottle on the table before them is empty, and he’s whispering something to her while playing with her fingers. She’s gazing up into his eyes, like he’s the most precious thing in her world, and while I know I could feel jealous of that, I don’t. It feels like all my stars have aligned in this one perfect view.
I’m not aware of making a sound, but Seth suddenly looks up, his eyes meeting mine, and he lets his gaze roam lazily down my body before wandering up to my face again.
“Yep…” he says, giving me a smile. “Still got it, babe.”
I chuckle, feeling myself blush, and I wander a little closer. “What have you been telling our daughter?”
“How much I love you,” he says. “And how much I love her… and that she’d better get used to me being here, because I’m never gonna leave either of you.”
A lump forms in my throat, and try as I might, I can’t swallow it down. The room’s a blur, and I raise my right hand, biting on my thumbnail, just as I feel Seth’s arm come around me.
“Hey…” he says, as I blink back my tears, and notice he’s cradling River in one arm, and me in the other. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. But I promise, you have nothing to cry about.”
“Not even being happy?”
He smiles. “Are you? Are you happy?”
“Yes.”
He leans down, kissing my forehead, and whispers, “Then cry all you like.”
I nestle in to him, feeling safe in his arms, until River’s gurgling brings me to my senses. “What are we doing?” I say, pulling away from him.
“Enjoying a family moment?” he says, and I stop and look up at him.
“You’re gonna make me cry again if you say things like that.”
“Okay… in that case, we’ve got three bottles that need cleaning, but I don’t know how.”
I laugh and he joins in as I take his hand and lead him toward the kitchen. “Remember I told you I got a sterilizer when I bought the formula mixer?”
“Yes.”
“That’s how you clean the bottles.”
“Oh, I see,” he says, although I’m not sure he does, and I quickly collect up the bottles, rinsing them and showing him how to load them into the machine, explaining how it works. “Usually, I’d put in six bottles, but we’ll just do three this time, so you know how to use it.”
“Okay.”
He watches closely, while gently swaying River from side to side, like he’s been doing it all her life, and I find myself getting tongue-tied, and fumbling over the lid and switches, simply because I love having him here so much.
Once it’s done and turned on, I look up at him and smile, and he smiles back.
“If we’re sticking to practicalities, rather than making you cry, would you like me to dress River while you fix your hair?”
I check the time on the microwave and see I’ve only got twenty minutes until I’m due to be downstairs.
“Could you? Her diapers are in the changing unit, and her clothes are in the closet.”
“I’ll find everything. Don’t worry.” He leans in and kisses me as he finishes speaking, and I stare up at him, dumbfounded. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I just can’t believe you’re back.”
“Believe it, babe.”
I turn toward the bedroom and he pats me on my ass as he walks to the stairs, making his way up. I’m about to open the door when I realize something, and dash back, looking up at him.
“Don’t leave her on the changing mat by herself, will you? I know she can’t roll over yet, but…”
“She’ll be perfectly safe,” he says. “I’ll put her in her crib while I get everything ready. Don’t worry.”
I feel guilty now for not trusting him, and I bite my bottom lip. “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”
He turns, coming back down the stairs. “It’s fine. You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I know I’ve got a lot to learn, but I’ve been watching everything you do, and anything I’m not sure about, I’ll ask… I promise.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, and he bends over and kisses my cheek, before I turn and rush to the bedroom, wishing we had more time… to talk, to kiss, to be a family together.
The thing is, we don’t. Not this morning, and with that in mind, I quickly dry my hair, putting it up into a ponytail, before pulling on some underwear, followed by jeans and a blouse. I take a moment to pick up our clothes from where we either dropped or threw them last night, and I leave them on the box at the end of the bed, alongside my folded sleep shirt. It’s the work of moments to pull up the covers and straighten the pillows and I hurry out of the bedroom, running to the bottom of the stairs and getting ready to climb up them to see what I can do to help Seth, just as the door opens above me and he steps out, carrying River.
She’s dressed in her pink leggings and the top that goes with them… the one that has unicorns printed on it, and I smile up at him as he notices me, and says, “That was confusing. She’s got so many pairs of leggings and tops that kinda match all of them.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “That’s because they come in sets, so you can mix and match them.”
“And why so many?” he asks, getting down to my level.
“Because she can sometimes go through three or four sets of clothes in a day.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Just like a woman,” he says.
“I imagine baby boys are just the same.”
“Probably worse.” He leans in and kisses me. “Now, if my reckoning is right, you’ve got about three minutes to get downstairs.”
“I have.”
I take River from him, only now realizing that he’s still wearing his robe, which is gaping more than slightly, my eyes wandering, which he clearly notices, as he pulls me close to him.
“I should get dressed, so I can head back to the hotel and put on some clean clothes,” he says, and I lean back, looking up at him.
“You could shower here, if you want.”
He smiles. “Thanks, but my clothes are all at the hotel, so it’s probably easier to go back there.”
“Okay. As long as you’re sure… although you’ll come back for breakfast, won’t you?”
“Of course,” he says, placing his hand on the back of my neck and bending his head until our lips meet in a bruising kiss. He keeps it brief, knowing I have no time, and then he releases me.
“Can you lock up?” I call, heading for the door.
“Sure. I’ve got a key, after all.”
I glance back at him, smiling as he winks at me, and then I dash down the stairs, River cradled in my arm. It’s a lovely sunny day, and I close the door behind us, turning to see that Owen is already outside the coffee shop, fumbling in his pocket for his keys.
“I’ve got mine,” I call, and he turns to face me, a smile forming on his lips.
“Did your human alarm clock fail again?” he says, reaching out and caressing River’s cheek as I put the key in the lock and turn it.
“Something like that.”
I let us both in, and while Owen switches on the lights and goes over to the counter, firing up the barista machine, I wander through to the kitchen, where I’m greeted by Sandra, who’s just taking her coat off. There’s no sign of Lyla yet, but she’ll be here, and as Sandra brushes a hand over River’s head, Owen joins us.
“You’re looking very pleased,” Sandra says, and I glance at Owen before I realize she’s talking to me.
“Especially considering you overslept.” Owen moves closer, tipping his head at me and raising his eyebrows.
“That’s not like you,” Sandra says.
“It is when River keeps changing her sleep pattern,” I point out.
“Babies do that, I believe.”
I smile at her. “So I’m discovering. I mean… look at her. She’s as bright as a button. How on earth am I supposed to get anything done?”
“This was always gonna happen,” Sandra says, shrugging her shoulders. “But we’ll work around it.”
“How?”
“I can set up out front,” Owen says.
“And I’ll take care of things back here.”
“And what am I supposed to do?” I ask, looking from Sandra to Owen, both of them grinning at me.
“You’ll work it out,” she says, and spins around, grabbing her apron from the hook, and pulling it on over her head.
Owen’s already disappeared through the swing door, and I’m left feeling superfluous. It’s not the most comfortable sensation, and I wish I’d brought down River’s baby carrier, so I could have strapped her to my front, and been of more use. But rather than standing around doing nothing, I follow Owen, feeling sure there must be something I can do… even if I’ve only got one free hand.
“Did you have a good evening?” he asks, as I glance around, and I turn to face him.
“I had a good night, thanks,” I say, wandering over to him.
“I’m not sure I needed to know that, but I’m pleased things worked out okay.” He rolls his eyes upward toward the apartment. “Is he still here?”
“Yes. He’s just getting dressed, and then he’s going back to the hotel to take a shower and change his clothes.”
Owen nods his head. “You should tell him to bring his things back with him.”
I stare at him for a second or two, wondering about that. I should have suggested it to Seth earlier, and I don’t know why I didn’t… other than being in an enormous rush to get down here. It would certainly make things easier. Not only that, it might help us, too. It might make things feel more like they used to… make Seth feel less like a guest, and more like he belongs. I’d like that. And I think he would, too.