Chapter Seventeen
Everly
This is a really tasty dinner. It’s one that Seth and I used to have a lot, and we’ve both always enjoyed it. The problem is, my appetite has completely disappeared.
I can’t believe he’s left his job, or that he seems to think it was such a fantastic idea. More importantly, I can’t believe he decided something like that and didn’t talk to me about it first. He’s absolutely correct that I would have tried to talk him out of it, but surely I had a right to know, didn’t I? After all, we’re supposed to be in this together, aren’t we? I thought that was the whole point of being a family… or even just being a couple. Or have I read this all wrong?
“Can I ask you something?” I say, putting down my fork. I haven’t eaten a thing, and I’m not sure I can until I get some answers.
“Sure.” He looks across at me.
“Are we together?”
He smiles. “Of course we are. I love you. I’ve told you that, over and over.”
“Then didn’t I have a right to know what you were gonna do? It affects both of us… well, all of us, I suppose, and it seems odd that you didn’t drop so much as a hint.”
“No, because like I say, I knew you’d try to talk me out of it.”
“With good reason, Seth.”
He leans back in his seat, looking me right in the eye. “Okay. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t wanna be here with you, and not in Concord.”
“It’s not practical… and it’s not necessary.”
“Yes, it is. It’s the most necessary thing I’ve ever done.”
“No, it’s not. You lived with me before, and you worked in Concord. Why does that have to be different this time?” I sit back myself, gazing at him, trying not to be distracted by his perfect face. “I’ve been wondering all week why you had to go back there and couldn’t commute like you used to, and even now I know what was keeping you away, I still can’t work it out. You could have driven back here in the evenings, and stayed with me still, couldn’t you?”
“No. I had other things to do… things that didn’t relate to my job.”
I’m not sure what he’s talking about, but I don’t want to appear suspicious again, so I lean my elbows on the table and say, “Okay, but why can’t you do it moving forward?”
“Because spending my evenings and weekends with you and River isn’t enough.”
“And you couldn’t think of another way around it? We could have found a compromise, couldn’t we?” I ask, shaking my head.
“We tried that before, if you remember? It didn’t work out.”
“That wasn’t a compromise, Seth. It was an ultimatum.”
“Okay.” He holds up his hand. “But the thing is, I know how much you love the coffee shop, and I know your hours can be crazy. I just wanted to help… to accommodate that.”
“By giving up your job?”
“Yeah. Part of the reason things went wrong before was because I felt you were shutting me out.”
“I know. We talked about it.”
“Exactly. You’d inherited the coffee shop, and it had become your sole focus.”
“Not my sole focus…”
“Okay. Your main focus, and I realize that was probably to distract you from your aunt’s death, but whatever the reason, you wouldn’t let me in and I resented that.”
“I’ve apologized for that, Seth,” I say, shaking my head, wondering what I have to do to get him to understand. “I got it wrong back then. So did you. But it won’t be like that anymore. That’s what we said, wasn’t it?”
“It was. But this isn’t about the past, and what we did back then. It’s about us not making the same mistakes in the future. I don’t want either of us to end up resenting the other one for not being around… either me resenting you because you’re downstairs all the time, or you resenting me because I’m in Concord, working for Aiden, when I should be here helping with River.” He reaches across the table for my hand, and I stare at him for a moment, wondering what to do. Taking his hand feels like I’m accepting his decision, and I’m not. I can’t. But not taking it feels petty. I meet him halfway and place my hand next to his, letting our fingers touch. He nods his head, like he’s accepting my limitation, and then says, “You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to ask me to care for our daughter, and I shouldn’t have to feel like I need to ask for a moment of your time. We should be a team, devoting ourselves to what matters.”
“And what’s that?”
“Us, of course. The three of us and our family. I get that you can’t give up this place. It’s in your blood and you belong here, just like everyone else downstairs. You all belong here, and I’d never ask you to choose or expect you to walk away.”
“How can you say that? You gave me an ultimatum… you or the coffee shop.”
“I know, but I didn’t mean to. I’ve already told you, that came out wrong, and I was too angry to take it back.”
“Angry with me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you angry now?”
“No. I just wanna get it right now.” He glances down at the plate of food in front of him. “Are we gonna eat this before it gets stone cold?”
I suck in a breath. “I guess.”
He picks up his fork and I copy him, focusing on my food for a moment, taking a couple of mouthfuls, although I startle when I feel his hand move, covering mine. “I can’t lose you again,” he says. “And that means I have to be here.”
“I get that,” I say, swallowing down my mouthful. “What I don’t get is why being here or moving here means you have to give up your job? Like I said, we managed before.”
“Even if we did, that’s all we did. We managed. I want more than that for us. Things are gonna be different this time, Everly. Hell, they already are.”
“How?”
“I’m a father, and I wanna make sure I’m around for River… and for you.”
“I appreciate that, but how on earth are we supposed to get by?”
He smiles, nodding to my plate, as he picks up his fork. “Eat something.” I do as he suggests, unwilling to waste a perfectly good meal, even though I’m still not very hungry, and I look up at him as he says, “So it’s our finances you’re worried about, not the reasons behind my decision?”
“I’ll admit, I still don’t understand why you’ve done this, but yeah… obviously, I’m concerned about money. I mean, I do okay at the coffee shop, but…”
“You do better than okay,” he says. “You were always gonna make a success of it. I never doubted that. But don’t you ever get sick of it all being on you?”
“All the time.”
“Then won’t this make things easier?”
“How?”
“Because I think we both know your routine with River isn’t gonna work forever.”
“What routine? She doesn’t seem to have one anymore.”
“Exactly. She’s staying awake longer in the mornings, and based on everything Aiden tells me about George, it won’t be long before she’s stretching that even further. She’ll take up too much of everyone’s attention. Before you know it, she’ll be crawling, and walking, and things will be even more crazy around here than they already are.”
“So, what are you suggesting now?” I ask, pushing away my half-finished meal. “You think it’s a good idea for us to both give up work? Is that it?”
“No.”
“Good, because as master plans go, it’s not a great one.”
“I know, and that’s not what I’m thinking of. I want us to share the load, Everly.”
He finishes eating and I stare across the table at him, thinking about how much I want that, too… how much I’ve been thinking of exactly that, ever since he left on Tuesday.
“That sounds lovely,” I say, although I hadn’t meant for the words to cross my lips.
“It does.”
“I missed having you here,” I admit. “Especially in the mornings. With River sleeping in a little longer, it’s been crazy trying to get her ready in time to start work. That’s why I’ve had to rely on Owen opening the coffee shop for me every day.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mind.”
“Maybe, but that’s not the point, is it?”
“No, babe, and I understand that. I missed being here too, you know? Not just so I could wake up beside you, or so I could help you, but so I could be with River. I really enjoyed spending time with her, giving her a bottle and getting her dressed. It was lovely, and I wanna be around to do it every single day, without worrying about rushing out the door to the office.”
“I’d like that too, for both of us, but I don’t understand how we can hope to make this work. I get that the way things are now is far from perfect, but it sounds to me as though I’ll be the one downstairs, working my ass off, while you’ll be up here with River, and while I get that parenting is no walk in the park, I don’t see how this benefits either of us. We’ll be worried about money all the time, and probably fighting about it. We still won’t see each other, because I’ll be working and you’ll be parenting. I doubt it’ll be long before we find things to resent about that, and we’ll be no better off than we were before.”
“Are you done with the doom and gloom?” he says, shaking his head, although he’s smiling.
“I’m just being realistic.”
“No, you’re not. Because it won’t be like that…”