Chapter Sixteen
Seth
“About you? Yeah. I’m completely crazy. About everything else? I’m just starting to see sense.”
“You think?” she says, folding her arms in a fabulously defensive posture and I have to smile.
“You don’t need to protect yourself from me, babe,” I say, leaning over and unfolding her arms, pulling her closer to me. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”
“And your decisions?” she says. “Are they gonna hurt me?” I shake my head, pulling a little harder. She’s stiff and resistant, but I’m not having any of it. I’ve missed her too much during my enforced absence, and I lift her onto my lap, holding her tight.
“Relax, will you?”
“How can I? You’ve left your job.”
“Yeah, because it was the right thing to do.”
She stiffens still further, leaning back as far as I’ll allow her, and glares right at me. “The right thing?”
“Yes.”
“Because of Davina?”
I let out a sigh. I thought she was over her insecurities. We talked about this before I left, and I thought she understood. It even felt like a breakthrough at the time. I remember it. The fact that she kissed me so hard when I got back here just now suggested I was right about that, as did her invitation to stay… because that’s what it was. She didn’t phrase it like an invitation, not to start with, but she said I could see River during the night, and that’s pretty much the same thing.
It seems I was wrong, though… about her insecurities at least, and I reach out, caressing her cheek with my fingertips, hating the way she bristles against me.
“You think I gave up my job because of Davina?” I say.
“Why else? She was making things difficult for you, and you’ve obviously put some space between you, like you should have done with Helen.”
“I see. That’s how it was, was it?”
“It feels that way.”
“And if I had, wouldn’t that make you happy?” She frowns, looking at me like I’m completely insane. “I mean, wouldn’t you be pleased that I’d learned my lesson, and put you first this time around… even to the extent that I’d be willing to give up my job for the sake of our relationship?”
She sucks in a long breath, giving that some thought, and then shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe,” she says. “But I don’t like the idea of someone else having that kind of influence over you.”
“That’s okay, because she didn’t. My decision to leave had nothing to do with Davina.”
“It didn’t?”
“No. But I’d like to know why that was your first thought.”
“I would have thought that was obvious.”
“I guess it is, in a way, but we talked this through. I told you she meant nothing to me, other than as a truly annoying intern. So, why did you immediately assume my decision had something to do with her?”
She sighs deeply, her eyes glistening, and I pull her closer, surprised by her reaction, although I sense she’s got something to say and I wait until she looks up at me and whispers, “I kept seeing Helen around the town while you were gone. It… It reminded me of what it felt like before.”
I shake my head, turning her on my lap so she’s straddling me and I can pull her even closer still, holding her right against me. “Why didn’t you say something? We’ve been talking every day… several times a day. Why didn’t you mention it?”
“Because I didn’t wanna sound insecure, even though I am… even though I’m pretty sure I sounded every bit as terrified as I was when I called you on Thursday morning, right after I saw her.”
“So that’s why you called,” I say, recalling how weird that was. We’d only spoken an hour earlier, and seeing Everly’s name on my phone screen was a tremendous surprise. My first assumption was that something must be wrong, either with her or with River, and the moment I heard her voice, I knew it was her that had the problem. She sounded strained, even though she pretended to be fine. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask. “I’d have listened.”
“I know, but I hated myself for not trusting you.”
“Not trusting me? What did you think I’d done?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what did seeing her have to do with trusting me? We’d already spoken about Helen several times. I’d told you about her accosting me on the morning I left. She was history… she still is.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But what?”
“If you must know, she was talking on her phone when I saw her, looking happy and animated, and I—I…”
“You thought she must be talking to me?”
“It crossed my mind, yeah. The look on her face reminded me of how she was when she flirted with you, and I needed to know it wasn’t you on the other end of the line.”
“It wasn’t,” I say firmly. “It was probably some other guy.”
“Yes,” she says, looking embarrassed as she lowers her head. I place my finger beneath her chin, raising it until our eyes meet and she licks her lips, making me want to kiss her. “Are you mad at me?” she asks.
“No. I’m not mad at you, but you can’t keep bringing this up, babe. I thought we’d agreed on forgiveness, and leaving our mistakes in the past.”
“We are.”
“Then you can’t keep suspecting me of something I’m not doing. You can’t keep checking up on me, when you know, deep down, I’ll never hurt you.”
“Don’t keep saying ‘can’t’,” she says, biting on her bottom lip.
“Okay, I won’t.”
“Will you tell me what I can do instead?” she asks, and I have to smile.
“You can kiss me.”
She giggles, leaning up and clamping her hands around the back of my neck. I crush her body against mine, flexing my hips up into her as our lips meet. We grind against each other, breath for aching breath, until she pulls back, staring at me, struggling to fill her lungs, and I bring my hand up, cupping her cheek.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“What for?”
“For being so suspicious. Again.”
I shake my head, smiling at her. “It’s okay. I get that, even if you’ve forgiven me for my past misdemeanors, I still need to regain your trust, and that you might occasionally doubt me, even if you have no need. It’s gonna be a long road back. I understand that. But I promise you have nothing to fear from me, Everly. Nothing at all.”
“How can I be sure of that when you do crazy things like quitting your job, without even discussing it first?”
“It’s not crazy. And I didn’t wanna discuss it first.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’d probably have given me a hundred reasons not to do it, even though it’s one of the most sensible things I’ve ever done.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Even Aiden agreed with me about that.”
She frowns at me. “Aiden? You mean you’ve spoken to him?”
“Of course I have. When I told you I’d left my job, I meant it.”
“So, it’s official?”
I wonder if she’s looking for me to find a way out… a way back, but I nod my head. “It’s completely official, babe.”
She looks bemused, which reminds me of the expression on Aiden’s face when I sat down with him in his office and explained my intentions.
“I can’t afford to fuck it up again,” I said once I’d outlined my plan. “And that means I need to be there, not here.”
“I get it.” His reply surprised me. I’d expected more of an argument.
“You do?”
“Of course I do. I’d hate for Jordan and the kids to be miles away, and I love the fact that I can go back there at lunchtimes, and sometimes collect the girls from school. It’s important.”
“Yeah, it is. But it’s not just about River. It’s not just about having a daughter I didn’t even know existed, and wanting to build a life with her… for her. It’s about Everly, too.”
“Have you worked things out? Or is this about being on-hand so you can be a part-time dad while you try to win Everly back?”
“No. I’m pretty sure we’re okay.”
“Only pretty sure?” he said, tipping his head to one side.
“I’m not taking anything for granted.”
He nodded his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand what you’re saying, and why you wanna leave, but I don’t really see why you can’t play things like they were before. I mean, you lived with Everly then, and you still worked here, so why can’t you do that again?”
“Because it didn’t pan out very well, did it?”
“Was that because you worked here?”
“Not necessarily, but things are different.”
“Because you’re a father?”
“Partly. But it’s mostly because I’ve realized what’s important to me. I have different priorities now, and as much as I love working here, and I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, my job doesn’t even make the list.”
He nodded his head, and we got down to discussing the finer details of my imminent departure, which took a lot longer than I’d expected, dragging on into the next day, and even part of the day after that. We both had other things to do in between. It wasn’t wall to wall discussions, but it was pretty full on.
It was worth it, though. Even if I was away from Everly for longer than I’d have liked, I had responsibilities to Aiden, and by spending a little time working those out, I know I’ve done the right thing… not just for us, but for him, too.
“There’s no going back?” Everly asks, surprising me back to reality.
“Why would I want to go back? This is the best decision I’ve ever made.”
“For whom?”
“Us.”
“I honestly don’t see how,” she says, and she shimmies backward. I try to hold on to her, but she shakes her head. “Dinner’s ready.”
“Oh… okay.”
I let her get up, and stand myself, bringing our wine back to the kitchen, where Everly dishes up the gnocchi, while I fetch us some silverware from the drawer. We sit opposite each other, just like we did on Monday evening, although I notice she doesn’t seem very hungry. She’s just shifting her food around the plate and gazing at it, and I know I need to explain.