CHAPTER 8
Maxie
Mortified. That’s what I was. Absolutely, horribly, mortified. That was all I was, too. An entire line of people at the store had heard and watched Shep manhandle me. There’d been gasps, and not just mine. Mine had been a gasp of shock and horror. Nothing else. I tried to convince myself no part of me had liked his touch or the way he lowered his voice and looked at me like I was a warm chocolate chip cookie.
“You scrub that table any harder and the legs are going to buckle, Maxine.” Rhett was laughing at me.
I could feel his eyes on me, waiting and watching for a response to The Great Slap. I wasn’t going to give any of them a show, however. Nope. I was just going to clean their kitchen so they could use it and then I was going to go home and take a very cold bath.
Crack!
The table leg buckled and I would’ve gone down with it if Rhett hadn’t been close enough to grab me. He set me back on my feet and rested his hands on my shoulders.
“You need to relax, Maxine. What do you do to relax?”
I wanted to kick and scream. The stupid table felt like a breaking point. A normal person would’ve taken a break and maybe talked about their issues. I’d just broken their dinner table, though, and I wasn’t normal so I was in an instant panic about replacing it. They were going to hate me if I didn’t fix it, the voice in my head shouted until all reason was lost.
“I’m so sorry. I’ll fix it. And if I can’t fix it, I’ll buy you a new table. I didn’t mean to. I shouldn’t have scrubbed so hard.” I tried to pull away from him so I could get a better look at the mess I’d made but his fingers tightened. “Rhett, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll replace it.”
Suddenly I was in the air and spun around so he could put me down on the counter. He stepped between my legs and pressed his hands down on my thighs so I couldn’t move.
“It’s a fucking table that came with the house, Maxie. We don’t care about the table. You don’t need to replace it and you don’t need to apologize.”
He looked angry. His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared at me. I told myself he wasn’t angry at me but it was like my mother was an ever-evolving disease infecting my brain.
“Breathe, Maxine. Breathe. Look at me. It’s fine. It’s just a table.” Gentling his voice and face, he shifted his hands to cup my face. His thumbs stroked my cheeks as he continued to coach me through my anxiety. “That’s it, sweetheart. Keep breathing. You’re okay.”
When my eyes tried to move back to the table, Rhett shifted to fill my gaze. I took more ragged breaths until it wasn’t so difficult. The whole time, he stayed with me, stroking my cheeks. It grounded me, feeling his rough thumbs over and over. I calmed down faster than I normally would’ve. It didn’t take long for the shame to hit after I could breathe normally again.
“I’m sorry. I don’t normally—”
“Don’t lie to me, Maxine. If you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say, don’t. You just had a panic attack and the way you’re acting now, I know this is far from your first.” He was serious but his face was gentle as he slid his hands down to my neck, just holding me there. “What’s going on with you? Something’s wrong and we can all see it. Just talk to us.”
Danger. I pushed off the counter and slipped away from him.
“There’s a lot to do here. We should focus on work. I’m fine.”
I could feel him behind me, his frustration growing by the second. He gripped my waist and leaned in.
“We’re going to take care of you, Maxine. Whether you like it at first, or not. The way I see it, the sooner you stop fighting, the sooner we can help with whatever you’re going through.”
He walked away and I heard the front door slam but I didn’t budge. He said it like he meant it but that was crazy. They wanted to take care of me? They didn’t even know me. They were talking and acting like they hadn’t rejected me with the swiftness and harshness of a bullet, like they still had permission to touch me and boss me around. Ten years had passed but that didn’t seem to matter to them. I didn’t understand it in the slightest.
I heard someone coming towards the kitchen and dropped to my knees next to the broken table, needing something to focus on other than whichever one of them was coming to interfere. I saw Rhett’s boots and braced for more of a scolding.
Instead, he knelt next to me and sighed.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be short with you, Maxine. It just feels like shit to see you hurting and not be able to do anything about it. You don’t trust us and I understand that. The way we left ten years ago was fucked up. We hurt you. What we should’ve done was stop and explain things. I can’t change that now but I wish you’d give me another chance. Even if you can’t stand the thought of us touching you again, at least let us help with whatever’s hurting you, sweetheart. We can all see that something’s wrong. You weren’t like this before. What happened while we were gone?”
I bit my lip hard and squeezed my eyes shut. How did they know? No one else knew. How could they see what my own family didn’t? It was the feeling of his thumb gently tugging my lip from between my teeth that almost undid me. The small act of kindness felt huge and how sad was that? When was the last time someone did something kind for me? Before them showing up, when was the last time someone touched me on purpose without needing something from me?
I looked up at Rhett and saw no judgment or anger in his eyes, only concern. Maybe I could tell him. Maybe I—
“Hey, where’s the—”
I jumped up at Shep’s intrusion and dusted my hands down my jeans while backing towards the door.
“I should get some air away from all these chemicals. I’ll just take a walk around the property and note down anything that needs done.”
I passed Arlo on my way out but didn’t stop. I walked the property and then I kept walking. The same path I’d ridden Bob that morning, I walked the several miles without slowing down to think about the fact that I’d just left work in the middle of the day without telling anyone. I just wanted to be inside my little cabin, safe and alone for a little while before I had to face the world again.