Chapter 5
ALEX
The kids weren't home yet when I returned.
Peter had driven them to the movies, and, given the time, I expected them back soon.
I headed upstairs to change, humming to myself as I climbed the stairs.
In my walk-in closet, I stripped off my jeans—now damp with salt water—and my button-down shirt, tossing both into the laundry basket.
With Sonya around, they'd be washed and back in the closet by tomorrow afternoon.
I paused for a second at the photo of Mattie I kept displayed on the closet island.
It had been taken in the bride’s dressing room on our wedding day, just before she got into her dress.
A friend had snapped the photo of her smiling and glowing, hair fixed in an updo and makeup perfect, holding a glass of champagne.
Of all the photos taken on our wedding day, this one was my favorite.
She had been so beautiful and young. It was hard to imagine how cancer had robbed her of all that vitality.
It was not fair. It should have been me.
The children would be so much better off if their mother had lived and I had been the one taken.
I picked up the photo. “What do you think, Mattie? Is this okay?”
She didn’t answer back, obviously, but a sensation of warmth spread throughout my chest and into my limbs.
I thought back to her final weeks. I’d not left her side, other than to shower or eat.
Two days before she passed, she’d woken after sleeping most of the afternoon to see me sitting in the chair by the bed.
She had reached her frail hand toward me.
“Hey there.”
I’d jumped to my feet, perching on the side of the hospital bed hospice had brought. “Hey. You need anything? Are you thirsty?”
She’d nodded, and I’d helped her to sit up and take a few sips from the ice water I kept on the table.
Then, she’d fallen back onto the pillows, her eyes watching me from a face so thin I could see her cheekbones.
She’d always had a round, soft face, but cancer had robbed her of the robustness she’d had all her life.
“I was dreaming about you,” Mattie said. “I feel like it was the future. You were on a beach. Walking with a woman. Laughing.”
“You and me?” I asked.
“No. Someone else. Very pretty. Slender, with long legs.”
“I like your legs.”
She’d laughed softly, shaking her head. “I was something, wasn’t I? Running all those miles with these short legs.”
“Seven marathons,” I said. “I’ve always been so proud of you. Of your toughness.”
“I’ve had a good life, Alex. You’ve been everything I could have ever hoped for. But it’s time for both of us to let go. Maybe the dream was telling us something. Maybe you should move the kids to a beach town. Maybe Willet Cove? They have good schools.”
I shook my head. “I’m not ready to think about that yet.”
“You and the kids are going to be fine. You’ll miss me, of course, but don’t let it define everything about our family. We’ve had so much joy together. Don’t let all of that die with me.”
I’d started crying, not even bothering to wipe the tears from my stubbled face. “I’ll do my best. But they need you. Not me.”
“You will step up, just as you always have. Taking on all three of us when you were so young? You’re the best thing that ever happened to all three of us.”
“I’m the lucky one.”
“You’re young, Alex. I want you to know you have my permission to love again. Please remember that. But if it’s some skank out for your money, keep them away from my children or I will haunt you.” She’d smiled, perhaps knowing I would never risk bringing the wrong woman into their lives.
Before I could answer, she’d drifted back to sleep. That was the last real conversation we’d ever had. She’d passed away a little over forty-eight hours later.
Now, I set her photo back on the island. “Wherever you are, my love, I hope you’re resting easy. We’re okay. Just like you said we’d be.”
I heard voices coming from downstairs, telling me the kids were home.
I put on a pair of socks and then went to join them in the kitchen.
By the time I got there, Peter had already pulled out the leftover lasagna from last night’s dinner and was in the middle of cutting a large chunk for himself.
Bella was in the pantry, rummaging through the snack drawer, coming out with a bag of chips.
“Hey, guys, how was the movie?” I opened the fridge to pour myself a glass of wine.
“It was stupid,” Bella said. “With a whole bunch of car chases.”
“I loved it,” Peter said. “How was your night?”
I hesitated, unsure about how much to say. “It was nice.”
“Where were you?” Bella crinkled her nose, as if she smelled something bad.
“Well, I did a thing,” I said. “As we’ve already discussed, I put my profile up on a dating site, per Sonya’s instruction. And I went out with a woman tonight. Someone I knew from a long time ago. Coincidentally, she’s here in Willet Cove.”
Peter, who knew this, stayed quiet.
Bella stared at me, her cheeks paling. “What? What do you mean, someone from a long time ago?”
“A woman I used to date when I was still in college. She moved west and we lost touch.”
“So you were just catching up, then?” Bella asked, pointy chin jutting in my direction, brown eyes wary yet hopeful that I would agree.
“Yeah. Just catching up. But I’m going to see her again. Tomorrow night.” I drew in a breath and held it, praying Bella would not lose her temper.
I shouldn’t have. Because she did.
“You’re going on a second date? Who is this person?” Bella asked, her voice raising an octave.
“Her daughter’s friends with Annie—from your soccer team,” I said. “Grace Horton.”
“The one in the play?” Bella asked.
“Yeah, that’s her,” Peter said, clearly trying to help me out. “Her mom’s actually her aunt. Grace’s real mom died when she was a baby and Gillian adopted her.”
“When Gillian was only nineteen,” I said. “I was about to start my last year of college, so, obviously, we broke up. Our lives were headed in very different directions. And it had just been a summer romance type of thing.”
“Wait a minute. She just turns up here?” Bella asked. “That seems like too much of a coincidence. Is she following you? Hoping to get your money?”
“She’s been here for fourteen years,” I said. “So I don’t think she followed us here.” I pushed aside my irritation, knowing this must be hard for Bella.
“Dad, you can’t trust her,” Bella said. “All of these women are going to throw themselves at you because you’re rich. You have to be so careful. I mean, this Gillian person, what does she even do for a living? I bet she’s some single mom on food stamps.”
“First of all, your mother was single and on government assistance when I met you guys,” I said, unable to keep my temper in check. “So you be careful before you throw aspersions on anyone struggling. Especially a single mother.”
Bella looked down at the floor, a flush crawling up her neck.
“Second of all, Gillian happens to run a very successful business and does not need financial help.”
“What kind of business?” Bella asked in a small voice.
“She owns Grace and Motion,” I said. “The dance and Pilates studio.”
“We’ve walked by there a bunch of times on our way to the coffee shop,” Peter said.
“I know where it is,” Bella said, snapping like a cornered turtle. “And I’ve seen her in there teaching. She seems like a total snob.” A scowl replaced her recent chagrin. “Do you know what I mean, Peter?”
“Actually, no,” Peter said, fear in his eyes. He might outweigh his little sister by thirty pounds of muscle but he was afraid of Bella. “She seems really nice. Maybe a little shy and quiet. Very pretty too.”
“Oh my God. No, she isn’t,” Bella said. “She’s like one of those waif types Mom always made fun of.”
“Your mother was never unkind,” I said. “She just joked about how she would never be willowy herself.”
My late wife had been athletic and muscular but never what one would describe as delicate. Both the children took after her, naturally physically gifted.
“I don’t care,” Bella said. “You cannot date her. Especially not Grace’s mom. We have to like see her at school every day. It’s mortifying.”
“Bella, it’s not that big of a deal,” Peter said. “Dad likes her. You don’t get to decide everything about this family.”
Bella’s eyes filled with tears. She made angry swipes at her face, as they spilled down her cheeks. “I’m the only one who cares about this family. About Mom. She wouldn’t want you to bring anyone else into this house. Think about that.”
I drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, counting to ten. “Bella, your mom told me she wanted me to move on—to find someone to share my life with.”
“She did not.” Bella glared at me, eyes still leaking tears. “She would never say that.”
“She did. Just as I would have—had it been me who was sick,” I said.
“I wish it had been, and I wish you were the one who was dead,” Bella shouted, then ran from the kitchen.
For a moment, I just stood there, stunned, the ache in my chest so fierce it might as well have been a heart attack.
Peter put his hand on my shoulder. “Dad, she didn’t mean it. She’s just freaked out.”
“I know,” I said.
But she’d hit a nerve. She’d zeroed in on the very thing I often thought of. It should have been me, not Mattie.
Peter gave my shoulder another squeeze before pulling his hand away. “She’ll calm down, Dad. Just … give her time. You know Bella. She feels things so deeply.”
I nodded, unable to find words.
“I’ll try and talk to her tomorrow,” Peter said quietly. “When she’s not so upset.” He grabbed his plate of lasagna. “Try not to take it too hard, okay?”
I managed a smile for him, though my chest still ached. “Thanks, bud. Bring that plate down before you go to bed.”
“I will. ‘Night, Dad.”