Chapter 14 Gillian #2
When I turned, she was standing awkwardly just inside the doorway, clutching the stuffed cat.
“Bottom,” I said. “Grace loves to sleep on the top bunk, even when no one’s here.”
“Nothing can get me when I’m up here,” Grace said, climbing up the ladder and settling under the covers.
“What would get you?” Bella asked, sounding worried. “Do you have spiders?”
“We have no spiders,” I said firmly. “Grace is just superstitious.”
Grace hung her head over the side of the bed. “I used to think there was a witch who lived under the bunk beds but she couldn’t get me if I was on the top bunk.”
“There’s no such thing as witches,” Bella said, giggling as she crawled under the quilt and top sheet. I tucked her blanket up around her shoulders, smoothing it the way I used to for Grace when she was smaller.
“My mom always did that,” Bella said. “She tucked me in every single night. And she read a story. Even when she was tired. Even when she had a million things to do. Even after she got sick.” Her lip trembled. “I miss her so much.”
The ache in her voice split my heart wide open. I sank to my knees by the bed, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead. “I understand.”
Her eyes filled, and she hugged the stuffed cat tighter. “Nothing’s the same without her.”
“It’s not, no. But I believe she’s still here with you, just like my sister is for me. We can’t see them, but they’re here, looking out for us.”
She gave me a searching look. “Sometimes she comes to me in my dreams.”
“See, there you go. Proof,” I said, smiling as I got to my feet. “Goodnight, lovelies. Sleep as late as you want tomorrow.”
Grace didn’t answer, other than a soft snore. The girl could fall asleep easier than anyone I’d ever known. So lucky. I was not that way. Thankfully, there were always books to read until I felt sleepy enough to drift off.
I turned off the lamplight and headed for the door.
“Gillian?” Bella called out from the bed.
“Yes?”
“This is probably weird, but would you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
Her question surprised me so much that for a moment I froze.
“I mean, you don’t have to,” Bella said.
“Of course I will.” I sank into the rocking chair by the window where I used to rock Grace to sleep. Bella’s breathing slowed after only a few minutes, telling me she was asleep.
I sat there for a moment longer, listening to the even rhythm of both girls sleeping. Something about Bella in my home felt right. As if she’d been here many times before. Thank you, God, for giving me a chance with her, I prayed silently.
I got up, careful not to make noise and slipped into the hallway, leaving the door open a few inches in case the cats wanted in during the night. My footsteps were careful down the hall, though the girls were fast asleep.
In the kitchen, the faint scent of popcorn lingered, and I leaned against the counter, pulling out my phone.
My thumb hovered over Alex’s name. I thought of the way he’d stood on my porch earlier, blanket and toy in hand, grief and uncertainty displayed in his eyes.
He was a kind man and a good father. It hurt me to think of him at home feeling alone.
Should I text him? He might like to know that Bella was asleep and safe. Yes, I would text him, I decided. He would want to hear about Bella.
Gillian
Hey you! Just wanted to let you know that all is well here. Bella was a doll. She’s now fast asleep. I think she’s warming up to me a little. She asked me to stay in the room until she fell asleep.
Alex
Thanks for letting me know. I remain in shock that she wanted to be there instead of here. Not that I’m complaining. It gives me hope that she’s finally moving on a bit. As far as sitting with her until she falls asleep—she used to ask her mother to do that. She must trust you.”
Gillian
It’s probably a little silly how happy that makes me.
Alex
Yeah, me too. Thank you for giving her a little space in your heart.
Gillian
No worries. There’s a lot of room in there. For all three of you.
Alex
There’s room in mine for you and Grace too.
Gillian
She was so happy tonight here with Bella. She always wanted a sibling.
Alex
I’ll pick her up in the morning.
Gillian
Stay for breakfast?
Alex
I’ll bring cinnamon rolls.
Gillian
Great. I’ll see you tomorrow. XO
Alex
XO
I quickly washed the popcorn pan and put the bowls in the dishwasher, then headed up to bed. It had been a long day, full of ups and downs. However, wasn’t that life? One never knew quite what to expect. Or, in this case, who to expect to fall right back into your life after fourteen years.
I was just putting the coffee on when Bella appeared in the kitchen. She was already dressed, with her hair pulled back into a neat braid.
“Hey, Gillian,” Bella said.
“Morning. How’d you sleep?”
“Good. Even though I rolled over once and smacked my hand on the wall. I was afraid I woke Grace, but she didn’t move an inch.”
“If there was an Olympic category for sleeping, Grace would be a gold medalist. But she’s a bear to get up for school in the morning.”
“My dad texted that he’s coming over to get me, but something came up and he won’t be here for an hour.” She sat at the kitchen table, resting her cheek against the heel of her hand, watching me. “Do you think it’s the attorney that’s keeping him?”
“Could be.” I poured her a glass of orange juice from the pitcher on the counter. She looked better this morning—less pale, more rested, and not so jumpy. “I’m assuming he’ll tell us when he gets here.”
The doorbell rang. Glancing out the window, I saw Esme’s little car in the driveway. “That’s my friend Esme. And she has Madison with her. Do you want to meet them? She’s one of my best friends.”
“Robbie’s mom. Grace told me about everyone.”
“You’ll love Esme. Everyone does.”
I hurried to the front door to find Esme on my porch, her arms full of a wicker basket lined with a gingham cloth, the heavenly smell of muffins wafting up from inside.
Beside her, Madison clutched a stuffed unicorn almost as big as she was, her brown ponytails bouncing as she beamed up at me. “Hi, Gillian.”
“Good morning, sweetie,” I said, pulling her up for a quick hug and kiss.
“We brought muffins,” Madison said. “Mom wants to know the scoop.”
“It’s true. I’m dying to know what’s going on with you.” Esme’s eyes twinkled.
“Well then, come on in.” I stepped aside, and Madison darted in like a puppy off its leash.
“Where’s Grace?” Madison asked, stopping at the stairs.
“She’ll be down in a minute. But we have a friend here. Would you like to meet her? She’s in the kitchen.”
“Sure,” Madison said, already running in that direction.
Esme gave my hand a quick squeeze as we followed the little one into the kitchen.
Madison spotted Bella at the table and stopped short, her big blue eyes widening. “Hi. I’m Madison. Do you like unicorns?” She hoisted the stuffed animal onto the table, nearly knocking over the glass of juice.
Bella blinked, then smiled. “Yeah. Doesn’t everyone?”
“No. My brother thinks there’s no such thing as unicorns.
” Madison shook her head, as if it were the saddest tale ever.
“He has no imagination. But I have a huge one.” Madison plopped the unicorn onto the chair beside Bella as if introducing a friend.
“Her name’s Cupcake. Want to hold her? Do you want a muffin?
My mom made them from a box but they’re still really good.
Lila makes cupcakes from stuff in her cupboard, but Mom has a flower shop and she’s very busy. ”
“I like any kind of muffin.” Bella reached out, her hand smoothing over the unicorn’s pink mane.
Something in her posture loosened, the worried pinch around her mouth softening.
Madison scrambled up into the chair beside her, chatting away about her collection of stuffed animals while Bella listened intently, nodding at all the right places.
Esme set the basket on the table and told the girls to help themselves. Then, she leaned against the counter, sighing. “I don’t know where she gets her energy.”
“That’s what some people say about you.” I poured her a cup of coffee and motioned for her to join me on the small balcony off the kitchen. “Let’s talk outside.”
“Great idea,” Esme said. “Girls, if you need anything, we’re out here.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Madison said, around a mouthful of muffin.
We sat in the twin chairs on the balcony that faced east, the sun rising above the hills in a flash of orange. A few of my roses had started to bloom, hosting tight, pink buds that promised full blooms soon.
“I’m sorry I’ve been kind of MIA,” I said. “This thing with Alex has taken me completely off guard.”
“Tell me everything.”
Happy to talk to someone about it, I shared the events of the last few days, keeping my voice low so the girls couldn’t hear. By the time I finished, Esme was shaking her head. “I cannot believe Darren showed up to her game.”
“It was awful. The poor kid’s so embarrassed.”
“I would be too,” Esme said.
“Alex will take care of it. One way or another.”
“I certainly hope so. Isn’t it just like that type of cockroach of a man to show up when no one needs him whatsoever, especially after all those years they looked for him.”
“I know. It’s terrible.” I tilted my head, taking a good look at my friend. In the bright light I could see that her eyes were red and puffy. “How are you? Everything okay?”
Esme blew on the steam from her coffee mug before answering.
“The truth? I’m tired. And broke.” She gave a rueful laugh.
“My ex hasn’t sent child support in six months.
I keep thinking maybe this week he’ll get his act together, but then it’s just another excuse.
I’m running out of patience. I’ve had to dip into my savings the last few months to keep food on the table. ”
“I’m so sorry, Esme. Do you need a loan?”
She shrugged, but her eyes shimmered. “Not yet. But thank you. I’ll figure it out. I always do. But it feels good to talk about it. Pretending I’m fine for the kids all the time is exhausting.”
I reached over, squeezing her hand. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
Her smile wobbled, then steadied. “Without my friends, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“I feel like that pretty much every day,” I said.
Esme blew out a long breath, cradling her mug in both hands.
“Some days I feel like I’m trying to tread water but there are bricks tied to my ankles.
Between the shop and the kids and worrying about money, I don’t have much left over for myself.
” She gave a small, humorless laugh. “When I think about all the years I wasted trying to make my marriage work—only to have it end in such an ugly way—the bitterness almost overwhelms me. I don’t know if I can trust anyone again.
Not that there’s a line of eligible men waiting for me anyway. ”
“You deserve a great man, Esme,” I said.
“Someone worthy of you.” I thought about Grady and Esme.
Would their friendship ever lead to more?
I’d caught him looking at her a few times during gatherings over the last few months.
The look in his eyes made me think he cared deeply for her.
But he wasn’t really a good choice for a woman with two children.
Except he was one of the nicest men I knew.
However, his surf shack didn’t exactly bring in enough money to help raise a family.
And there was his apparent refusal to grow up and realize that there was more to life than riding the next wave and the latest bikini-clad beach girl.
As much as I liked him, he would not be the one I chose for her.
Yet, I’d suspected she might wish for more than just friendship with Grady Nash.
Her eyes softened. “So do you. Do you think Alex could be the one for you?”
“He was once. For one perfect summer, he was my everything. Then life happened.”
“But he’s here now. That must mean something.”
“Maybe so. I just don’t know what exactly.”
We shared a laugh, but her eyes were serious as she gazed toward the rose bushes. “I hope you’ll be open to love again. You should be happy.”
“We all should,” I said.
Esme smiled, dipping her head for a moment. “You’ll laugh at this. I opened up that dating app the kids put us on—just to see for myself what it’s all about. Before I had Robbie turn off my profile, I had a few suggested matches. One of them was Grady.”
“I thought he was seeing someone?”
“They broke up. He said she was too young for him,” Esme said.
“Well, she kind of was.”
“It’s what he does, though. Gets involved too quickly and then gets cold feet.”
“Did he see your profile on there?” I asked.
“No, I asked him about it and he said he hadn’t known I was on there. I told him what the kids did, and he laughed so hard I thought he was going to choke.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “It wasn’t so funny to us.”
Esme rolled her eyes. “Right? Robbie showed me his original profile before the others made him change it. That was a good laugh.”
“I can only imagine,” I said.
“These kids keep us on our toes, that’s for certain,” Esme said.
“They really do.”
We sat quietly for a few minutes, sipping our coffee and listening to the birdsong coming from the trees, a gentle breeze lifting our hair.
My thoughts returned to Alex. If he and I were to truly be together, it would require a tremendous amount of love and support to blend our families.
The odds were against us. Even so, Alex and I had both taken in children who were not our own and he proved that blood is not the only binding ingredient for a family.
Perhaps we were made for this. And for each other.