Two - Asher
My heart drops into my ass when the ghost of my fucked up past strolls into the room with her head held high and stops right before us. What the hell is she doing here? In our domain?
Determination lines her sharp face, not giving any indication our presence affects her. No heavy breaths. No tears. There’s nothing hiding behind the face of the girl I purposely screwed over and forced my best friends to leave behind.
Shit.
Pain spreads across my chest as the repressed memories I locked away long ago flood back into my mind, released from the confined space I shoved them into. Everything about River I’ve blocked and purposefully forgot about her. Our time together. The moments I spent between her luscious legs and shared with my bandmates. She went so far to help us get here, and then, I shit all over her existence. Imploding everything she’d built by one single lie I had orchestrated.
How has she been? Why is she here? How bad did I fucking break her with my betrayal because I was so damn desperate to get away?
Familiar pangs of guilt churn in my gut, and burning bile rises in my throat. I’ve avoided everything River West for the past five years. I never sought her out.
Out of sight. Out of mind.
Besides, there was no trace of her anywhere, with all her social media accounts shut down after we left. For me, it was a godsend. I didn’t have to look at my mistake head-on and acknowledge the fact I fucked up. My refusal to think about her had me locking my memories away behind several heavy doors in my mind. My survival on this planet relies on her nonexistence. And today, I’m coming face to face with the karma I deserve by seeing her again.
Goddamn. What did I fucking do? Sometimes I don’t understand myself. But if there’s one thing for certain, it’s that I’m not worthy to be in her presence. Kick my ass and lock me away, it’s the least I fucking deserve for the vile actions I perpetrated against her.
Eyeing her up and down and taking in her appearance is its own form of torture. My heart pounds double time. My fingers fucking tremble around the arms of the chair. Staring at her is like looking too hard at the sun, and I’m bound to be burned. Not that I don’t fucking deserve it. I deserve every ounce of ire this woman has, even if she doesn’t know what I did. No one does except Gloria. Not a soul. Not even the men around me. I intended to purge my sins and confess them when we were famous, and she was long gone, but the words never left my tongue. I couldn’t—wouldn’t. We were good for so long, and then, we weren’t.
River’s long, brown hair remains the same as it always had, hanging past her shoulders. Only now, it seems smoother and more professional, framing the edges of her filled-out face. No longer does she look like the poor girl from Central City, barely eating and running herself ragged. She’s filled out and looks healthier than I’ve ever seen her. More defined curves fill out the professional black pantsuit, highlighting just how much she’s grown up.
Something beneath the surface of her calls to me again, much like it used to. River is a siren standing in a room full of sailors, begging them to come to her. Her aura hasn’t changed one bit. I shift in my seat, determined to, once again, not heed her call.
“Hello, boys. My name is River West, and I’m your new band manager. Congratulations,” she says, cocking her head.
I swallow the lump in my throat when all the oxygen leaves and suffocates me. Her voice drifts through the room with authority. Together, Callum, Kieran, Rad, and I sit like statues waiting for her to speak again. Every agonizing minute she stands there in silence, watching us with an eagle eye, is torture.
Her inspecting moss-green eyes take in the changes each of us has experienced in the past few years of a harsh rock star lifestyle. We’re rougher. Maybe edgier from our time in the spotlight, entertaining millions, but yet, slightly more damaged than before. I always thought if I removed myself from the beast roaming the halls of my home, I’d heal the demons darkening my soul inside me. Boy, how wrong I was.
A new demon followed me around, relentlessly taunting me. Guilt. Over the years, I’ve tried to lock everything away in a small box and forget my transgressions. Who could forget, though? I never realized what I had, until it was gone. It was too late. Now, everywhere I look, my stomach turns, and bile rises at the simplest of reminders.
The longer she stares, waiting for us to acknowledge her, I swear fucking sweat breaks out across my flesh. Instinctively, I reach for the package of antacids in my pocket and toss one in my mouth, discreetly chewing the chalky substance to settle the nausea swarming in my gut.
The more I look at her, the more I see the ghosts of what I left behind.
Flashes of our intertwined past roar through my mind, leading to the worst decision I’ve ever made. Her name sits in the back of my mind, chanting like a prayer, patiently waiting for me to acknowledge the peak of our downfall. The person who cleverly built us up and helped us to succeed by granting us the golden ticket, only for us to turn our backs on her and leave her in the dust like she never meant a damn thing to us all. And that’s the core of it all. I was young, stupid, and demented enough to think I could erase her from our lives without repercussions. But if there’s anything I know about karma, she always comes back to bite you in the ass and take back what you put out into the world.
“How about we get started?” River hums with more confidence, not bothering to look up at us again.
“What-what are you doing here?” I swear I utter it without permission. “Why are you here?” I mumble again, trying to shake the specter from my vision.
“So nice of you to ask, Mr. Montgomery,” she says in a polite yet professional tone.
The mere mention of my name sends shivers down my spine and goosebumps down my legs. Fuck. No, she can’t affect me like this again. I can’t let River work her way under my skin as she did before. I resisted so well back then, but with my guilt currently eating me alive, I don’t think I can ignore the call she gives out.
“I’m working.” Shrugging, she spreads massive amounts of paperwork out on the table. Her eyes look through the pages, humming under her breath until she comes to one that shocks her into silence.
Kieran says something snarky. Rad retorts. The entire room moves on without my conscious mind present. The only thing I can focus on is the past, instead of the present or future—where my mind should stay firmly planted. She mentions numbers, and I respond, staring at the dismal view of our existence at West Records. We’re fucked. Kieran keeps babbling on, but I tune out his shitty attitude. The only reason he acts this way is because I’m a fucking tool and made him think she betrayed us.
Since then, I’ve lost touch with him. Hell—even myself. We aren’t the same people we were rocking out in Callum’s basement with stars in our eyes. We’ve changed. And we’ve ripped apart at the seams. I locked myself into music, focusing on the words and melodies. I tore myself away from the guys, promising myself I’d come clean. But I never did. In turn, they’ve collected their own vices, leading them away from the once tight-knit, brotherly bond we had.
My fingers white-knuckle around the armrests, hoping to choke the mirage standing before me from my vision. I blink hard, wishing her away. Many times before, my guilt chased me down with a vengeance. From the woman standing in the crowd of our performance to another walking down the sidewalk—she haunted every waking moment of my life, reminding me of the bullshit I pulled.
River tilts her head, looking us over with such confidence my heart aches in my chest. I swear someone utters a question of what she’s doing here, and why the fuck is she standing in West Records, but I don’t hear it. I hear nothing but the past calling back to me, forcing me to recall the bullshit I put her and my brothers through.
It’s the one thing that keeps me staring at the ceiling night after night, until my eyes are bloodshot and burning. It’s the rumbling in my stomach when I can’t keep the acid from burning me from within. It’s the itchy skin, pulling taut over my bones, and the patches of eczema reddening my damn flesh. An itch I can’t fucking scratch because my guilt manifests in unpredictable ways.
It’s consuming me whole. Before I know it, I’ll be nothing but hollow bones wandering this earth.
Fuck. My gut churns, praying the constant loop of my nightmare rolling around in my brain will leave me for good. Sometimes I wonder if this is how Callum feels, reliving everything in vivid detail with his photographic memory. Sinking further into the darkness of my wicked mind, the memories of the only girl I’ve thought about since the moment I put my stupid-as-hell plan into motion comes back to haunt me, seizing the breath in my lungs.
“She’s been cheating on us,” I growl, tossing down my phone as the video on my screen plays at full volume, filling the room with her illicit hook-up with Donavan Drake, the thorn in our side—but my secret ally.
The lie rests like sour milk on my tongue, begging me to break free and tell the truth. I suck in a breath. Am I doing the right thing for us? Am I doing the right thing for River? Would she be better off without us? Probably. We’ll do nothing but drag her down into our brand of fucked up bullshit if we stay. But this? Is this too much? Taking it too fucking far?
Quickly, I avert my eyes at the image of River climbing on Van’s lap and his low voice murmuring dirty words. Or it would be dirty words. God, he fucking sucks at everything he does. I fucking hate his face. My only hope is we never have to see his stupid ass again. From here on out, River is only his and… My eyes squeeze shut as Callum cries out in anguish. My heart fucking breaks as they grasp what I’ve laid down in front of them.
“No-no!” Callum sobs out, jumping to his shaky feet, nearly falling over. Fat tears well in his eyes, and he shakes his head, gripping the ends of his hair tightly in his fist. “That-that can’t be true! That can’t be her,” he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “That…” he trails off, covering his mouth with his fist, trying to hold back the rampant emotions surging inside of him.
“I’ve tried to tell you. Something was off,” I say, running a hand down my face like I’m exasperated with the entire situation. “That’s why we needed to stay away.” I swallow the lie over and over. If I do, maybe they’ll plant themselves inside my brain and sprout like it’s the truth. Then, I might believe the words coming from my mouth.
“No,” Callum says with conviction, shaking his head. “That can’t be true. She’d never do that to me…or us,” he whispers, letting the tears fall down his pale cheeks. Callum shoves past me, bumping my shoulder angrily with his, pacing near the front door of the home we’ve all made our own. I squeeze my eyes shut and grab my phone, mentally fighting with myself on the rights and wrongs of this entire scene.
I have to do this. We have to go to the Battle of the Bands without her. If she comes, they’ll never get over her and move on with their dreams. If she can’t go, then we’ll never have the opportunity to leave this town. We’ll live in this hellhole for the rest of our lives, wondering what our future would have been like if we had gone to California. And I can’t let that happen to them. This is all for their own fucking good. In five years, they’ll thank me for the sacrifice I made for them.
With my mental pep talk fizzling out into reason, I turn my back on my friends, as I’ve already done. I type out a single message to my stupid fucking ally and hit send. There’s no going back now. Even as an elephant sits on my chest and compresses my breaths. Sweat forms on my brow when I return to the anger-filled conversation happening around me.
Me
Go.
He doesn’t utter a word back, but I know he’s seen it and is all too eager to get to the girl he’s obsessively had his eyes on like a fucking stalker. Heavy iron sits in the pits of my stomach as I continue to tune out the mess I’ve created. My brows furrow as it all smacks me in the face at once. Van is a fucking stalker. We’ve had to fight him off her in more ways than one. And yet, I’ve fed the lamb to the mighty lion. Just like that. Gloria’s words about talking to him come back to mind. How the hell did she know what kind of videos he had? Burning bile singes up my esophagus, begging to expel through my tightly held lips.
What the fuck have I done? I’m doing what’s right. Shut the fuck up, mind! I’m putting this whole thing into motion. Fuck the consequences. Fuck everything else! We need this. This is our time to shine, and we can’t let some Central City girl hold us back any longer.
“Where are you going?” Rad rasps, interrupting the guilty thoughts rushing through my mind and dragging me back to the conversation at hand. Holding back his emotions as he stands, Rad blankly stares, giving nothing away.
“To see for myself,” Callum growls, clenching his fists. “You can’t just believe some video. He could…could be fucking her over. Again.” With those parting words, Callum shoves out the front door with a bang. The rumble of his car fills the air, followed by screeching tires, and then he’s gone.
It’s not him fucking her over—it’s me. I’m the one doing this to us. But it’s for the damn best. It’s for the damn best! My chest heaves.
If I don’t get them away from her, then we’ll never leave. I’ll be stuck with Nigel and his fists for the rest of my life. Our dreams won’t mean anything if I’m six feet deep at the hands of my father. And I can’t let that fucking happen. This is for the best. For all of us. We’ll be happier in a few years. And I’ll be fucking free.
“I can’t believe it,” Kieran says with a stunned expression, running a hand down his face. “This is fucking unbelievable.” His face pinches when he looks up at me for confirmation, and I nod. “But fucking why? I don’t understand why she’d go back to him so easily. There’s no way, man. She wouldn’t go back to him like that. There has to be something going on that we don’t know. Maybe he’s blackmailing her,” he grunts again, pulling at his hair. “I should go with Callum. I should…” He shakes his head, pacing the small living room with a pinched face.
“Fuck,” I grunt in false anger. “How’d we let it get this fucking far? Huh? This was supposed to be simple! We weren’t supposed to actually fall for her. How could you assholes let this happen? See what she did! I’ve been telling you for weeks that River has been up to something when she lets Van come into the record store. There’s more to their relationship than she lets on,” I growl, trying to weave more lies into the equation. Truth is, I’ve been doing this for the past few days, trying to implant false information into their brains. So, when it came time for this whole thing to go off, it’d be easier to make them believe.
“This was all your fucking idea!” Kieran shouts unexpectedly, with harsh emotions warring on his face. He’s torn between not wanting to believe what I’ve laid out and firmly believing what I’ve shown him. And the latter is obviously winning when, within three steps, he’s in my face and fisting my T-shirt. Kieran teeters on the edge of being a loose cannon and is minutes away from slamming his fist into my face. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it won’t be the last. When they find out what I’ve done, they’ll kill me. “You made us… I’m going to fucking murder Van for this.”
“I didn’t make you do shit,” I grunt, pressing my nose against his. “You all fucking agreed to this plan. Remember what we did it for? We wanted her for West Records and look at what we have now.”
“But we didn’t need her,” Rad whispers, running his hand through his mullet. “We just…”
He fell in love; that’s what he did. Head over heels with his ass in the air, his heart in his hand, and blood on his sleeves. They fucking love her, and I’m…fucking destroying them. I’m dismantling their love for her brick by brick; they never saw it coming. Day by day, since we’ve separated from her, I’ve been planting things in their heads. Hint by hint, I’ve been forcing them to conclude that this is what she did to us—betrayed us in the worst possible way. And this video? This is the nail in the coffin for our relationship.
No matter how badly I want to pull back and prevent this from happening, I can’t stop myself. It’s a necessary evil in my plan for our future. One day, when this comes out, I hope they can all forgive me for what I’ve taken away from the five of us. I’ll get on my knees and fucking beg for their forgiveness. But for now, I must keep pushing through before it’s too late. We have one week to get to California for the competition, and I need their heads in the game. Not on her. Not on their hopeless love. Us—the band—Whispered Words.
“And see where it got us?” I snark, knowing the quicker we move on, the faster we can get out of here and never have to think about this godforsaken town again. Goodbye Gloria, Goodbye fucking Nigel. And Goodbye River—may your life be what you always wanted it to be.
My chest squeezes when Kieran’s expression falls, hurt lining every inch of him. “I just don’t fucking understand, man,” he growls, squeezing his eyes shut. “I need to fucking see for myself. I need to fucking talk to her and square this away. This can’t be the fucking end.” His fingers squeeze into fists, glaring at the front door.
Rad plops down onto the couch again, gripping the roots of his hair, muttering words I can’t understand. “She wouldn’t go back to Van,” he says, scrunching his crumpled face and shaking his head with disbelief. “She wanted nothing to do with him. He’s a stalker. Why the hell would she sleep with him behind our backs?” he asks, trying to rationalize the situation. “I’m with Cal. We need to talk to her and figure this out. There’s something so fishy about this. We need…”
“It’s all true,” Callum says through heavy breaths, shuffling in through the front door. Deep, soul-crushing despair paints his long expression with tears staining his reddened cheeks, and his gray eyes darken in anguish.
“What’s true?” Rad asks, lifting his head to meet Callum’s eyes.
“Van was there,” Callum mumbles through quivering lips. “He fucking kissed her. Before I left, I saw it. I…I saw it. They were there together. He brought her dinner, and then they fucking kissed. I couldn’t-couldn’t stay after he leaned in. How could she?” he gasps out, clutching his chest as mine tightens, feeling his misery from where I stand. Reaching into the depths of his pocket, he pulls out his phone, displaying one picture of Van shoving his tongue down River’s throat.
Kieran leans forward with a scowl, taking the phone from Callum’s hand. Without a word, he throws it back into Callum’s hands and storms out of the house without a glance back, going to do whatever it is he’s doing.
My dinner threatens to come up my throat and out my mouth for everyone to see. From where Callum stood, she looked so willing and compliant to Van’s advances. That’s all it takes for them to never question the accusation again. It is the nail in the coffin and all the motivation they need to pack their bags and turn their middle fingers up to the city we are leaving behind. There’s no going back now. I’ve set everything in motion to get us to the Battle of the Bands without a distraction. Without the woman who helped get us there.
So, why do I feel like the human equivalent of a pile of shit in the front yard on a rainy day? This is my shining moment. The point I’d hoped to get to when I discovered that they’d stay behind and live normal lives for her. Only it’s not.
By the time we made it to California and won, I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life, leaving her behind. A wide crevice developed behind my ribs. Nothing in this world could fill it besides her. The love I gave her, without knowing it, shattered the moment we left town, leaving my insides a mess. I prided myself on not developing feelings and keeping my distance, but I was not only a liar to my best friends, but to myself. After our departure, something fundamental changed within the guys and in me. Almost as if they developed the same black mass inside them that ate away at everything it could get its hands on. We were never the same as we were in the small town of Central City, where we became famous.
Monumentally, I fucked up the best thing in our lives with one single lie that blew everything away. That tiny white lie was only the beginning of our story. Staring at River now has more thoughts and plans formulating in the back of my mind. I epically fucked up their lives by tearing them apart in the worst way possible. Maybe now that River is in front of us, I can fix this all. Maybe, just maybe, I can weave our lives together again and confess my bloody sins.
Even if they hate me—they’ll still have her.