Three - Asher
“You’re dismissed. A limo will pick you up at your respective homes, and they will escort you to the Band House. There we will have another meeting of expectations, rules, and another six-month contract for you to sign,” River declares, turning her back on us with her head held high.
My heart sputters, threatening to pop out of my chest. Until she slips from sight out the back door, leaving the four of us to wallow in the anger brewing like a dangerous storm around us.
“Well, this has been entertaining. Said no one ever,” Rad snarks, lazily climbing to his feet. With ease, he grabs his motorcycle helmet from below the table and cradles it under his arm. “Apparently, I have a house to pack up. See you nut jerkers later.” Pulling his phone from his pocket, he stares at it as he walks out of the room without a backward glance.
Since we settled in East Point, he’s had this unaffected air about him. Almost as if River was just a blip on his radar and nothing more than some floozy, he messed around with on the Ferris wheel. Not the love of his life.
The thing about Rad is, he’s put a mask on since the moment we left Central City. And now, he never lowers it and lets us see the pain he’s hiding away from us.
The walls press around me. Over and over, I’ve lived with the damage I inflicted on four other human beings due to my selfishness. I, alone, crushed the love from Rad’s veins the moment I pointed my fingers at her with my cheating allegations. More guilt builds in my chest, crushing me where I sit rigidly in my chair, basking in the silence of the other two who stay in their seats.
“Does this not bother him?” Kieran asks with a deep scowl, watching as he disappears through the door leisurely. “We left for a fucking reason. We…” Kieran grunts, jumping to his feet and throwing the chair across the room until it bounces off the wall with a thud. We don’t even blink at his outburst. Kieran’s been nothing but fumes, waiting for the match to strike. And here it is…
“We left because she…she…fuck!” he shouts, pounding a fist into the edge of the table. Releasing a pained grunt, he stands tall, gathering his emotions. Emptiness fills his blueish eyes, and he shakes his head. “I’m out,” he says, clearing his throat and taking off out the door at a quick pace.
This is going to go swimmingly. The four of us, stuck in a house together. Throw in the girl they think cheated on them in the worst betrayal ever. What was past me thinking?
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I huff and climb to my feet. “You coming?” I ask Callum, who sits ramrod straight in his chair, most likely reliving the worst night of his life on repeat.
I swear I’ve never seen a man go from one extreme to another. From full of love and life, to an empty, speechless shell of a man. River’s ghost may have haunted me from the moment we leapt on stage at The KC Club and swept the competition, but the remnants of what I did stood right before me, slowly falling apart at the seams.
All of this is my fucked-up masterpiece of manipulation. I took good men and molded them into angry beings. I robbed them. I fucking robbed her of our promise. God. If I could create a time machine, I’d go and change the past. We may have our freedom and money, but at what cost? I take a deep, painful breath, begging the oxygen to fill my glass-coated lungs and squeeze my eyes shut.
Callum solemnly nods, slowly rising to his feet with the contract we signed years before clutched tightly in his hands. Slowly, he makes his way out of the room with his head hanging low, leaving me here in the silence of the conference room to suffer in the hell of my own doing.
Tears burn the back of my eyes as I stare at the tile ceiling with self-deprecating thoughts swirling a million miles a minute. I take a few moments to gather myself and push the looming guilt to the bottomless pit of my soul.
As I walk out the door, shoving my hands into my jeans and balling them, massive amounts of guilt swim in my gut, churning until bile hits the back of my throat. My only sensible solution after all these years is to set the truth free. I squeeze my eyes shut, assaulted by another memory lurking in the shadows and ready to strike.
“Are we ready for this?” I ask, flexing my fingers around the steering wheel of my Tahoe, eagerly awaiting the moment we leave Central City behind.
“Fuck this town,” Kieran grunts, shoving his middle finger into the air. “Fuck her,” he mutters with venom lacing his tone. Nothing but hurt sits on his twisted-up face. Proving to me that pushing River away was the best option for us. Eventually, I’ll have my brother back. Eventually, I’ll have my best friends back.
“Yeah, let’s roll,” Rad grumbles with less enthusiasm, staring out the window with a blank expression, losing all the spark he once held. Hell, he’s barely blinked since the night they discovered what River’s been up to. Or, what they think she’s up to.
Peering at Callum through the rearview mirror, I note the nod he gives me. Not bothering to say a word. Since he’s come back from watching Van kiss River, he’s spoken less than usual. Nearly turning mute in our presence. If I can get them out of this River funk and into our bright future, we could turn ourselves around.
I swallow thickly and pull out of the driveway, driving us toward our new destination—East Point Bluff, California. Where dreams come true. My mind endlessly wrestles with me on the rights and wrongs of this entire situation.
“Let’s start a new chapter in our life,” I say with confidence I don’t exactly feel.
The more distance we put between River and us, the more my heart aches in my chest, cracking from the wool I pulled over my friends’ eyes. Even though it’s for the best. It’s necessary. It needed to be done. Right? I had to do it. She would have just slowed us down. They would have turned away from our mission—the Battle of the Bands.
“Fuck,” I gasp out, clutching my chest as the pain engulfs me once again from the inside out, hollowing me further and opening the dark pit of despair inside me.
The world tilts when I collapse against the wall, holding my face in my hands. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was the right thing to do, I knew in my heart I had thoroughly fucked up and made a sticky fucking mess of the whole thing. I took each of their trust and crushed it in my hand. And for what? This? We’re fucking miserable together. Sure, we’re still making music, but apparently, we’re on our last leg. It’s only been five years. And our career is already in the damn toilet. Worst of all, we haven’t been brothers since we stepped foot in California, because we left our glue back in Central City.
And it’s all my fault.
They weren’t the only ones who fell for River’s whims and free spirit—I did too. I held off for so long, the fear of getting close holding me back. Once I got my hooks in her, it was hard to release her from my grasp. It tore me apart to run to Van Drake. It still tears me apart that I climbed into that vehicle and planned the ultimate betrayal against her with a damn predator. But I did what I did because I thought it was what was best for the band. For what I thought was for our own good. Selfishly, I erased her from existence and ran away like a pussy.
“Fuck,” I mumble, digging my palms into my eyelids, pushing away the pain of my past.
Silent, pent-up tears stream down my face at the reality of it all. In a few hours, the four of us will be locked in a house together for six months. I’ve held this secret for way too long, and it’s time I come clean. And maybe we can get back to the people we were before I ruined everything. It’s like fate came and slapped me on the head. And…
“You’re crying,” says a little voice from in front of me, getting a front-row seat to my breakdown.
Sucking in a breath, my whole-body jolts, and I’m knocked out of my spiral. My gaze snaps forward, locking on a little girl standing before me. Her tiny dark brows furrow, and a frown pulls at her lips. Discreetly, I wipe away the tears streaming down my cheek and shake my head. Looking up and down the long, empty hallways, a lone thought filters through my mind. Where the hell are her parents?
I swallow hard when she gasps, looking me up and down. A tiny smile lights up her little face, and she taps my shoulder, gently squeezing in a comforting manner. “It’ll be okay, Daddy.” She pats me again and leans her tiny head on my shoulder with a dramatic sigh. “No tears,” she coos, gently squeezing again, sighing contentedly on my shoulder.
I lick my lips, sitting rigidly beneath her grasp. “Uh, kid,” I say, clearing my throat and feeling an odd heat billowing up my neck. She has to be wrong. There’s no way I could be anyone’s daddy. I haven’t touched a woman since… River. That night at the castle house on the lake was the last night I ever sunk my dick into someone.
“I’m not…” I swallow my tongue when she raises her head, looking directly into my eyes. She smiles again, taking in my face as I take in hers. My breath leaves, and confusion swirls in my mind at the familiarity. It’s like looking at a small River with darker hair and… “Your eyes,” I mumble, unable to look away from the blue, mismatched eyes much like…like… Kieran’s. They’re so damn rare to have; I’ve only ever seen one person with them.
Long, dark hair hangs over her shoulders, nearly down to the middle of her back, her mismatched eyes take me in, and her cherub face fills with light and love. Gently, she clings to a small white rabbit held against her chest.
“Bunny makes me feel better when I’m sad. Here,” she says, thrusting the tiny stuffed animal into my hand. “Now you’ll be okay,” she says with truth behind her words.
I scrunch my brows, staring down at the poor ripped rabbit, filled with light food stains and a ripped ear.
“Aunt Ode gave her to me,” she says, fiddling with the little ribbon secured around the intact ear. “She came out to see me. Do you know her, Daddy?”
I’m completely frozen, staring at this child. I shake my head, lifting a hand to touch her cheek almost out of instinct when a piece of her hair falls in front of her face. It’s odd to look into the eyes of a stranger and find comfort in the loving gaze she sends me. Like she knows me somehow. Like I should know her.
“What’s your name?” I ask cautiously, removing the piece of hair from her face. Her expression crumples from the beautiful smile she once held, and her brows furrow.
“You don’t know my name?” she whispers in a heartbroken tone, pulling at my heartstrings.
“I’m sorry, kiddo,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Where are your parents? Are they around here somewhere?”
She sucks in a breath, heavily fidgeting with her bunny until she snatches it out of my hand. “It’s okay,” she whispers. “Mommy said…”
“Lyric!” I drop my hand the moment a frantic voice echoes from down the hall. I swallow hard as River comes hauling ass in our direction with determination taking over her expression. And then she stops right beside us, silently shaking her head. Every ounce of color drains from her face when she sees my tear-stained face standing so close to…
“You,” I whisper, furrowing my brows, watching intently as she collapses to her knees and pulls the little girl away, shaking her head frantically.
“Lyric, I’ve told you before. You can’t go wandering off on your own, okay? Even here.” River’s voice evens out into a soothing one, something my mother used to coo at me when she tucked me in at night and told me she loved me.
“I love you so much, my Asher,” my mother’s soothing voice echoes in my mind. Her hazel eyes stare down at me filled with so much love, I beg her to lie beside me. “Just for tonight,” she murmurs, kissing my hair as her warm arms envelop me in a hug. “Stay my little Asher Bear forever,” she whispers one last time before my eyes flutter shut, and my chest feels whole.
“Mommy,” she whines, pointing a finger in my direction and making my body lock up. Lyric’s lip puffs out in a pout with puppy dog eyes that could give Rad a run for his money. “He doesn’t know my name,” she says with more sadness, breaking my fucking heart. “It’s Lyric,” she says through a pout, eyes threatening to spill tiny teardrops.
“I know,” River soothes, side-eyeing me with apprehension, but shakes me off. “Aunt Kaycee is waiting for you,” she says in her mom voice again, successfully steering the conversation away from her child and me.
Her fucking child. Jesus. My heart gallops so damn fast in my chest that I swear it’s going to finally take the leap and kill me. River has a kid. When the hell did that happen? Fuck. I run a hand through my hair, gripping the roots. She has a kid who has mismatched eyes and…
Every ounce of oxygen expels from my lungs. The entire world tilts on its axis and stops turning. Little pieces click together without her having to say a word. I snap my gaze to River, who swallows hard in my presence and silently shakes her head. Long gone is the woman who confidently walked into the conference room with her head held high. In her place is a woman scared shitless that I’m here in front of her daughter.
“And Maggie!” Lyric squeals with excitement, tightening her tiny fists, seeming to forget my mistake.
“And Maggie,” River confirms, shaking off my presence and taking the little girl’s hand in hers. With one last look in my direction, River drags the girl away from me with worry lining her face.
“Bye, Daddy,” Lyric says, waving with her bunny in her hand and a bright smile on her face, reminding me so much of the woman holding onto her for dear life.
“Bye, Lyric,” I rasp, waving back as a multitude of emotions roar through my body.
“Mommy! Daddy said my name!” she squeals, breaking away from her mother’s grip and charges me with a grin. Her tiny body slams into mine, still seated on the ground. Her tiny arms wrap around my neck, and she nuzzles her face into my neck. “I knew you’d remember me, Daddy,” she whispers into my flesh. “Please, don’t forget me again.” My heart fucking cracks inside my chest and splinters into pieces. I don’t know what River has told her. Hell, I don’t know how the fuck this happened, but I’ll get to the bottom of it.
“Lyric, babe. We have to get you downstairs. Maggie is waiting,” River’s voice cracks when she says those words, slowly peeling Lyric off me.
“Bye, Daddy! See you tomorrow!” she says in a cheerful tone, waving to me one last time until they disappear around the corner and out of view.
“See you tomorrow,” I whisper a promise I can’t keep to no one but the empty hall.
I sit there for another five minutes, staring at the same spot they disappeared through. Rampant thoughts roll through my mind at hyper-speed, sending my heart into a damn frenzy. She called me Daddy. Daddy. Me? Fuck. I bring a hand up to my mouth, contemplating throwing up the acid still burning holes through my esophagus. This is my fault. Every ounce of this situation is on my shoulders. More tension mounts inside me, wreaking havoc. A pounding headache hammers through my skull, pressing me down onto the floor. The weight of the fucking world rests on me because I did this.
I’m to fucking blame. The guys have no clue River had a baby. Fuck. I didn’t know! And here she is, this beautiful little creature calling me daddy and begging me to never forget her. Goddamn. Kieran is going to break my face open when he finds out.
And I’ll deserve it.
I rub my eyes and lean my head against the wall. Fuck. I have so much to do, but I can’t seem to get myself to move from this spot. Just as I’m about to rise from my spot, a figure comes marching down the hall with gritted teeth and balled-up fists.
“Why’re you still here?” River asks with suspicion when she walks by, only stopping right beside me. “Shouldn’t you be packing? I’m sure you have a lot of stuff to do.” She raises a pointed brow, taking out a key from her pocket. Like a silent invitation, she opens the door I’m beside and walks in. It isn’t until I climb to my feet do I read the plaque outside the door.
‘River West–Manager–Fixer’
God damn. She really went and made something of herself, like she had always hoped. All her hard work and determination have paid off. How many days and nights did she work herself to the bone to achieve her dreams?
My heartbeat roars in my throat when I step into her office and stop short in the middle. River’s brow furrows as she leans over her desk, running her finger over a piece of paper. She swallows hard, turning to another page.
“You had a baby?” I question through a rasp, startling her from her stupor.
“Great deduction skills, Asher. You’re a regular detective,” she bites back. “You’re as smart as I remember. How long did it take you to remember her?” She scoffs, tossing whatever she was looking at back into a large envelope with her name on it. But I note the tremble in her fingers and the shiver that runs down her spine. Quickly, she picks up her phone and types out a message with pursed lips, not letting me see her emotions. Paleness erases all the color from her face, and she mutters a name under her breath, shaking her head. “Fucking, Kat.”
“Remember?” I ask, furrowing my brows. “What the hell are you talking about?” I ask, rolling my shoulders back.
She rolls her eyes and sets her phone back in a large purse. “Don’t you have more important things to do? Like pack and get your ass in the limo?” Cocking her head to the side, her green eyes narrow at me as she waits for my answer.
“Yeah, I have important fucking things to do. But you had a baby, and you’re evading the question, Little Brat. Is it his?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and matching her aggression. Her nickname feels foreign on my tongue, but yet, oh, so right. I don’t know what it is about River West, but she brings this side out of me. This demanding prick that begs to put her on a string and force her to my will.
“It’s none of your business now. And my name is River, River West to you,” she says with a simple head shake and collects her purse. “Now, get out of my office. I have a meeting,” she demands, pointing toward the open door and shooing me away.
“No,” I say, grabbing her arm and halting her retreat. “Is that little girl my brother’s?” I whisper, looking deep into her wide, moss-green eyes. “Tell me.”
“Why the fuck do you care now?” she grunts with emotions bubbling through her words, tinged with hurt and so much rage, it punches me in the gut. With defiance, she pulls her arm out of my grip and rights herself. “Five years of knowledge that, yeah, I kept our fucking kid. But why now? Why care now, Asher?” she growls, taking a step back, but keeps her eyes on me. “Explain it to me because I’d love to hear the words come out of your mouth.”
My throat constricts at her tiny admission, and I press forward, pushing through the confusion. “You seem to be under the impression that I know what you’re talking about. I didn’t know you had a kid, let alone Kieran’s baby. If we’d known…” I stop myself, running a hand through my hair and gripping the ends.
God fucking damnit! Guilt tears me in two, bringing fresh tears burning in my eyes. My stomach churns more, and I barely suppress the dry heave constricting my throat.
What? Would we have turned around? Giving up our dreams? Shit. Does Kieran know? Fuck. My heart sinks. Did he throw them away because of me? Did I… I heave a breath, tamping down the panic swelling like a surging storm in my chest. I did. I fucking destroyed a family. We could have had something wonderful, and I fucked it all up by being an asshole with my one little lie.
Not only did I fuck over River and my bandmates, but I fucked over his kid—our kid. Jesus, she called me daddy.
Time stands still around me as this pinnacle moment smacks me over the head, forcing me to see every mistake I’ve made flash before my eyes. We have a daughter. With River. Our time is running on fumes. I need to sew these wounds shut and fix our issues. For Lyric. For us. For River. I’ve been complicit in this for far too long and sitting back without opening my mouth. It’s time to set everything in motion and bring our family back together. It’s time I make this up to everyone.
She blinks a few times, staring at me, and shakes her head. “Out,” she barks with much less fire in her voice, and her shoulders slump.
With reluctance, I follow her out, staying close as she locks the door and watching her every move.
“River?” I ask when she turns to walk away without glancing in my direction.
“What?” she asks in a sharp voice, stopping in the middle of the hall.
“Why did she call me daddy?” I ask, furrowing my brows. She’s clearly not my blood, but I’d love her just the same, even if she wasn’t.
My heart pounds when her shoulders rise and fall with her heavy breaths. Without turning to look at me, she utters words I never thought I’d hear.
“Despite you assfaces deciding to ditch me for no reason or letting me explain. Even after the restraining orders and the fucking check I tore up, I wanted Lyric to know where she came from. She knows exactly who each of you is.” She shakes her head and turns on her heels, glaring at me when my mouth hangs open in shock at the tears rolling down her cheeks. So much hurt sits behind those beautiful eyes. My damn mouth goes dry.
“My mother never gave me the chance to know my dad. But don’t mistake her calling you daddy as a chance for you all to swoop in and play fathers of the year. I won’t let Lyric get hurt like you hurt me. Because you all discarded us like trash, and I won’t let you do that again. Not to her. She deserves better. I deserve better than some fuck boy rock stars who break their promises.” River’s eyes screw shut as she heaves a breath, collecting herself before she speaks again. When her mouth opens, every ounce of hurt and emotions wipes from her tone as she says her next words, “Now, go get your shit and go to the band house. Or your contract will be voided immediately.” Wiping the tears from her face and with one last huff, River marches away, leaving me in a confused-filled fog that threatens to send me on my ass.
The world spins as I move down the hall, attempting to find the exit and get the hell out of this place. River’s words live rent-free in my mind when I finally stumble to my car. Resting my head against the headrest, my thoughts continue to swirl. But there’s one thing she said that stands out and makes me question everything from before.
What fucking restraining orders? What fucking check? What the fuck is she talking about?