Thirty-Four - Kieran
“Kieran,” she mutters when I take a few steps into the night, letting the stars shine above us. There’s a hint of storm on the horizon, but that only reminds me of the woman sitting next to me.
“River Blue,” I hum in return, settling us onto a blanket in the grass and holding her close. “I dreamed of you for five years. I was so mad at you. So fucking hurt that—” I shake my head. “That doesn’t matter anymore. I want to restart with you, Blue.” I swallow hard, looking directly at her. “I want to make up for my absence. Be there for you and Lyric. Can we restart?”
“One day at a time?” she breathes, brushing her lips against the edge of mine. My fingers work through her hair, massaging her scalp.
“Yeah, Blue. One day at a time,” I whisper, kissing her lips. I pull back. “But I have something I want to sing to you. Just a little something that came to me on the plane.”
River’s smile lights up my entire being when she flashes it my way with enthusiasm.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” I retort, gently setting her beside me.
I lay my acoustic guitar, which was set up beside the blanket, over my lap, strumming a few notes, letting them infect me with their melody. It’s been a long time since I picked up my guitar and felt inspired to write. For years it’s been someone else handling all our music. Sure, we performed it with ease, but we were never the ones to write it. Not after we came to East Point.
This is different. River’s different. Fuck. Everything is so different now, and I fucking love it.
As I strum and sing the rough words, she sways in tune. Those big moss-green eyes fill with happiness and disbelief.
“I never knew heartbreak until I walked away,” I sing softly, strumming lightly. “So, broken. Empty. Unloved. Second chances come and go. Third chances take your breath away. I’m on my third opportunity to make you mine. And I’ll continue to show you all my pieces. Mend me, baby. Make our puzzle one. No longer broken. I’m filled with third chances and love. Mend me, baby.”
“Oh, Kieran,” she mumbles with tears in her eyes. Gently she clasps my cheeks and pulls me down on top of her. I grunt, discarding the guitar to the side.
“You were my first heartbreak and my second. But never again will I walk away. Ever. You’re my forever girl,” I murmur in between manic kisses. “My fucking forever.”
“You’re a jackass,” she whispers, laughing when I pull away.
“That’s rude, Blue.” I raise a brow, staring down at her heaving chest and marveling at her breasts, begging to spill out and have my mouth on them. “God, I missed you.”
“Me or them?” she quips, gesturing to her tits as I run my fingers lightly over the swell. Goosebumps rise on her flesh as I trace my fingers between them, reveling in the plush, smooth skin beneath my fingertips.
“Both,” I say, grinning up at her when she groans, rolling her eyes.
I swallow hard, aching to sink my teeth into her. My brain screams at me to lift her dress and expose every inch I want to ravage with my tongue and dick. I’m practically drooling when I throw caution to the wind and get the first taste of my girl.
Leaning down, I run my tongue over her neck, nibbling her flesh between my teeth. Her soft moans fill the night air. Bravely, I run my hand over her breast, pulling the material down inch by inch until both pop from the confines of her tight dress. Fuck. They’re more fucking gorgeous than I remember. Bigger than I remember.
As my eyes eagerly take in her form, I marvel at the white scars stretching across her flesh, softly kissing every inch of them. These marks represent the human life she grew in her body. I’ll worship every inch of her stretch marks. I’ll show my devotion on my knees until she understands that I’m in love with whatever body she has.
“You’re more beautiful than you were the day I met you,” I whisper, running my tongue over her erect nipple and softly blowing on it, causing shivers to run through her body under my touch.
“When did you become such a sweet talker?” she murmurs, running her fingers roughly through my hair. I chuckle, sucking her nipple into my mouth again until she rolls her hips against mine. “Oh fuck, Knight,” she moans, holding my face against her tit.
“Never,” I quip, tugging on it with my teeth.
River’s breaths shudder in her chest, rapidly moving with her breasts until it pops out of my mouth, giving me a chance to take in her flushed expression. Lust drips from every ounce of her body, calling to me like a siren at sea. I ache to do so many bad things to her, but I intend to hold myself back.
For now, at least. Not until she’s ready for my cock. And me.
Once I thrust myself deep inside her and paint her with my cum, there’s no going back.
“Are you wet for me, Blue?” I murmur against her glistening nipple, running my tongue along the hardened flesh.
Pre-cum drips from my dick, soaking my boxers when I tweak her between my fingers, collecting my saliva on my fingertips. Repeatedly, I twist it between my fingers as she squirms beneath me, breathily panting.
“Maybe,” she moans when I tug it a little too hard, and her body fucking stiffens beneath me.
“Let’s see.” Her moans are music to my ears, filling me with every ounce of her pleasure.
My balls throb with need, begging for more friction. My damn brain begs to fuck her right here and now. How I ache to feel her wrapped around my cock. God, fucking damnit. Years of not being able to cum in the presence of a woman has royally fucked my brain into a scramble.
Stay focused, dickbag.
My fingers slowly drift up her bare leg from underneath her dress. Swirling around her bent knee and onto her silky thigh, basking in the feel of her under my fingertips, once again. Anticipation for what’s about to come holds my oxygen captive inside my chest. “Fuck. I can’t wait to worship every inch of your body. You’re a goddamn queen, River Blue. I’ll kneel for you every chance I get,” I murmur. Pulling her silky panties to the side, I work my fingers up and down her slit until I’m thrusting them home with a loud groan escaping my lips.
“Jesus,” she moans, throwing her head back into the blanket.
“No,” I rumble, slowly pumping my fingers into her wetness, basking in the sounds she makes as she arches her back into my touch. “Knight. Call me Knight, River Blue.”
“Knight,” she gasps again on the cusp of letting go.
My fingers pump harder until she clamps down on them and pulls them further into herself, spreading her cum all over my fingers. Her moans break through the night air, letting the world know…she’s mine. Fucking mine! Never again will I walk away from her. Or leave her side. Or do anything to jeopardize the best fucking thing I’ve ever had.
River West carved her name in my heart when I was seven, claiming ownership over my being. I just never realized it until now. I am hers. Forever and always. No matter what happened in the past. Or what our future holds, she’s mine. Until the day comes, and I take my last breath, and my heart stops pumping; she’s mine.
“Good girl,” I murmur, diving my tongue into her mouth, twisting with hers. She pants when I pull back, looking up at me with lust-filled eyes.
“And what about you?” she asks, cocking a brow.
I snort. “I’ll fuck my hand until I’m worthy of your pussy.” River flushes further, licking her lips. “Until then, we’ll meet your needs. Then, when you’re ready, I’ll get on my knees and wait for you.”
Always.
“You’ll wait for me?”
“We tore you apart when we left. It’s only been a few weeks. We can’t just jump in with both feet and expect not to fall. Starting over, remember?” She nods a few times, staring up at the stars above. Heaving a sigh, she runs her fingers through my hair as I fall to the side of her and fix her dress, so she’s no longer exposed to the elements.
“This was amazing,” she whispers. “Thank you for tonight. For the barbecue and the song. It reminded me of all the times we sat on the hill and just…were.”
“Those were the simpler days,” I mumble, resting my head on the blanket, continuing to stare at the rise and fall of her chest and the peace washing over her expression.
“We were just kids trying to make it through.”
“I’m sorry about your mom,” I murmur, resting my hand on her stomach. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there at the funeral.”
“It was beautiful. She would have loved all the people coming to see her,” she whispers, sadness clutching her voice.
“I’m sure she would have, River Blue,” I murmur, sweeping my fingers through her long brown strands. “She would have greeted each of them with a smile.”
Stella was never as terrible as my mother, but she still had her faults. As a kid, River often met me in the dead of night to listen to me learn songs on the guitar behind our worn-out apartment building. Her biggest fault was ignoring River when she needed her most, and that’s where I came in. Well, until my mother married a psychopath. Then we moved far away, forcing me to leave my girl behind. Somehow Nigel’s crazy ass made me forget all about her. For her protection, of course.
I swallow hard when lightning illuminates the sky, highlighting the darkening clouds closing in on us from a distance.
“Looks like rain, Knight,” she mumbles tiredly, gluing her eyes to the incoming storm.
“Maybe we should head inside.”
“Okay,” she murmurs as we slowly rise to our feet.
Tiny droplets pelt our skin as we gather our things. The wind howls all around us, blowing our hair in different directions. At the last second, before we’re safely nestled in Callum’s secret house, River captures my lips one last time, silently thanking me with one last heated kiss. In our finest clothes, the rain beats down on us, soaking us to the bone. The only warmth we feel is the heat between the two of us. She presses into me, shivering when I wrap my hands in her wet strands, holding her there. I never want this moment to cease. I’m never letting her go. When we finally pull back breathlessly examining each other, I notice the flowers floating in tiny puddles all around us, surrounding us in their beauty. It’s a picture from a magazine, something perfect to forever remember.
Lyric may be the hurricane that stormed into my life. But River is the tornado swirling around me, sucking up my feelings and love.
“Thank you,” she whispers, taking my hand as we enter through the back sliding glass door into the warmth of Callum’s house.
It blows my mind that the man ran away to Central City so many times and never told us. Granted, we weren’t exactly on speaking terms for the past few years. I can look back now and realize that it was, in part, due to my anger and all the tension bubbling between us that drove a wedge in our friendship. We were so damn close at one time, but now, we’re slowly rebuilding ourselves, too.
We stop dead in the living room, dropping the wet blanket and supplies near the backdoor. River smiles at the sight in front of us, fondly looking Asher over as he clings to Lyric’s sleeping body on his lap. Together, they’re in dreamland with their eyes closed and breaths even.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” I whisper, catching her arm before she scoops Lyric up and settles her down.
River bites her lip, staring between us, and nods. “Yeah. She’ll probably want in on the snuggles, though.” She grins, pointing to Lyric, who still hasn’t stirred.
“You take her and get settled. I’m in the back bedroom.” Thankfully, the bedroom had a big enough bed for us to share.
When I promised River about waiting for her, I meant it. It might be a year from now until she can fully forgive us, or it could be tomorrow. No matter the wait, I’m here for them. I may not have done the manipulating myself, but I was compliant in leaving her alone.
As only a mother could, River lifts Lyric into her arms without waking her. She sends me a soft smile and leaves the room.
“Good date?” Asher rasps, peeking an eye open.
“Good date,” I confirm with a nod, eyeing the multitude of healing bruises lining his chest and ribs.
Some are tinged green, and some are already yellowing and entering the healing stage. Finally, Guilt slams into me. He may have fucked up so royally and deserved our fists, but violence, to me, is never the answer—unless genuinely called for. Like that time Van and I had a discussion with our fists. The fucker deserved it. But Asher? He’s my brother. We’ve been through a war together on the home front, fighting Nigel off and taking his blows. We’ve been through so much together. He’s more family than I ever had. And Gloria fucking ruined that by pitting us against each other. She just had to stick her nose in something that was none of her business and contort the situation in her favor. She knew what she was doing every step of the way, and that includes playing Asher like a lost little puppet.
“Sorry about your face, bro,” I say, running a hand through my wet strands. “I shouldn’t have hit you like that. It was just… I couldn’t stop the feelings.”
Asher’s brows raise. “No need to be sorry. I needed it.”
“Nah, man. You fucked up. Like so thoroughly fucked up. But we all did, too. You may have led us to leave and manipulated us into believing lies, but Gloria was the man behind the mask. It’s her fault, too.” I shake my head, hammering the point home that Asher alone isn’t at fault. This wasn’t totally his doing. “She did this to us. But I want to put it behind us. For them. For us. For everything. What do you say? Can we move past this together?”
Asher blinks several times when I reach a hand out, wiggling my fingers. Hesitantly, he grabs on, and I pull him to his feet, shaking his hand. He swallows hard, shame tightening his face.
“Thanks,” he croaks. “I don’t really deserve it.”
“Yes, you do,” I say without hesitation. “But you did what you did. And I get it after thinking about everything that happened. This isn’t solely on you, Ash. You were fucking used.” It’s true. I get why he was so damn desperate to leave. I was, too. But not at the expense of River. That’s the part that fucks me up the most. That we left River without even knowing about Lyric.
“If we would have stayed, we would have been stuck with Nigel and then…probably gone to jail with him.” Yeah, he would have lifted us in his company to the highest regard and then sent us to the slammer in his stead after all that shit the FBI found out. I’m thankful we skipped town. “I was desperate and obviously not thinking.” His eyes fall to the floor, and he heaves a breath. “I’ll say I’m sorry a million times.”
“I get it. Fuck, do I get it. I didn’t really want to stay behind. I just wanted to be with her. Imagine where our life would have been…” I trail off as several scenes rush through my mind. Lyric being born. Hell, River confiding in us that she was pregnant. The baby shower. Moving her in with us at Callum’s because that’s where we would have been despite Nigel’s iron fist. So many possibilities. And yet, here we are.
“We would have survived,” Asher says, squeezing my hand.
“Like we always did, brother,” I murmur, squeezing back.
Finally, our hands drop to our sides.
“I bet Callum has some cream for those bruises somewhere in this place. It will help take some of the pain away if you still have any.”
He shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck.
I know what he’s thinking by the sadness clouding his eyes. He doesn’t want it. He wants to suffer because he wants the remnants of what we did to him to remind him every day that he fucked up.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says, waving a hand. “Have a good night. I’m heading back to bed.”
“Thanks for taking such good care of Ly,” I say, catching him before he leaves the room. “You’re not a bad guy, Asher. You just made a shit decision.”
He gives a humorless laugh. “Yeah. I am a bad guy, though. That’s the problem.”
“But you wouldn’t do it again, right?”
His shoulders stiffen, and he shakes his head. “Fuck no. Never again.” He scratches his neck. “I’ve felt empty as fuck, and I finally feel full again just being around them. Being with Ly and having her call me daddy. It’s bringing me back from the grave I put myself into.” He heaves a breath as his watery eyes meet mine.
“You and me both. I love ya, Ash. I know we still have a lot to work out,” I say, giving him a respectful nod and heading to my bedroom.
When I enter, I stop dead at the dress pooled on the ground and River sitting on the edge of the bed in my oversized T-shirt. How the fuck am I supposed to keep my hands to myself all night long?
My heart fills with so much love when I change into my sweats and climb into bed. Lyric’s sleeping form rests between us, snoring.
“Should I tell her she snores, too?” I murmur, marveling at her little face.
River snorts, snuggling close to Ly. “She’ll fight you tooth and nail,” she murmurs, giggling. “Like father, like daughter.” I swear my chest puffs out a million times more at the thought of Lyric gaining my stubborn streak.
“Night, River Blue.”
“Night, Knight,” she whispers with a whimsical smile crossing her lips. “See you in the morning.”