8. Savannah
SAVANNAH
I 've been staring at the same page of my anatomy textbook for twenty minutes, and I still have no idea what it says because my brain keeps replaying last night by the fountain.
I really wanted to kiss you. I really wanted you to kiss me.
Oh my God. I can't believe I actually texted that. What was I thinking?
"You're doing that thing again," Jess says from her bed, where she's supposedly doing marketing homework but actually scrolling through TikTok.
"What thing?"
"The thing where you stare at your textbook while your brain is clearly somewhere else entirely."
"I'm studying."
"You're daydreaming. There's a difference."
I close my anatomy book with more force than necessary. "I can't concentrate."
"Because of hockey boy?"
"His name is Colin."
"Right. Colin the hockey boy who you definitely don't have feelings for."
"I never said I don't have feelings for him."
"AHA!" Jess sits up so fast she nearly falls off her bed. "You admit it!"
"I don't admit anything."
"You totally admit it. You like him. Like, like-like him."
"Are we twelve years old?"
"When it comes to boys, we're all twelve years old. So spill. What happened?"
I consider lying, but Jess has this way of getting information out of people. Plus, I kind of want to talk about it.
"We almost kissed last night."
"WHAT?!" Jess literally shrieks, and I'm pretty sure half the dorm heard her.
"Shh! People are trying to study."
"People can study later. Tell me everything right now."
So I tell her about studying in the library, walking around campus, sitting by the fountain, the moment when it felt like he was going to kiss me and I wanted him to.
"And then what happened?" Jess asks when I finish.
"Tyler showed up."
"Ugh, roommates are the worst. Well, except for me. I'm an excellent roommate."
"You are an excellent roommate."
"So what now? Are you going to make a move?"
"What kind of move?"
"I don't know. Tell him how you feel? Kiss him yourself? Do something other than pine dramatically?"
"I don't pine dramatically."
"You've been sighing every five minutes for the past week."
"I don't sigh."
"You literally just sighed."
I realize she's right. I did just sigh.
"Okay, maybe I sigh a little."
"You sigh a lot. It's getting depressing."
"Thanks for the pep talk."
"I'm serious, though. You should do something about this."
"Like what?"
"Like be honest with him about how you feel."
"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"
"What if he does?"
"But what if he doesn't?"
"Savannah, the boy literally texted you that he wanted to kiss you. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way."
She has a point. But the thing about having feelings for someone is that logic doesn't really apply. Even when all the evidence suggests they like you back, there's still that voice in your head that says you're probably wrong.
"What if it ruins our friendship?"
"What if it makes your friendship better?"
"What if it makes everything weird between us?"
"What if it makes everything better between us?"
"You're just going to keep doing that, aren't you?"
"Until you stop asking what-if questions and start taking action, yes."
My phone buzzes, and I grab it hoping it's Colin. Instead, it's a text from Madison, my friend from high school.
Madison:
Girl, the hockey gossip is WILD. Are you seeing any of this?
Me:
What gossip?
Madison:
Check Jake Morrison's Instagram story. Like, right now.
I open Instagram and find Jake's story, which is a video from what looks like a team party. There are hockey players everywhere, and I can see Colin in the background talking to some of the upperclassmen.
But that's not the interesting part.
The interesting part is the caption: "New guy's got game "
And there's definitely a girl in the video who's standing really close to Colin.
My stomach drops.
"What's wrong?" Jess asks, reading my expression.
"Nothing."
"That's your 'something is definitely wrong' face."
I show her the Instagram story, and she immediately grabs my phone to watch it again.
"Okay, first of all, you can barely see anything in this video," she says. "Second of all, that girl could be anyone. Maybe she's someone's girlfriend. Maybe she's just being friendly."
"Or maybe Colin's moving on."
"Or maybe you're overthinking this."
"I'm not overthinking anything."
"You're totally overthinking this. Also, when was this posted?"
I check the timestamp. "Two hours ago."
"So while you've been sitting here agonizing about whether to tell him how you feel, he's been at a party with another girl."
"That's what I'm saying."
"No, that's what you're assuming. There's a difference."
"What if I waited too long? What if last night was my chance and I missed it?"
"Savannah, you're spiraling."
"I'm not spiraling."
"You're definitely spiraling. Put the phone down."
"I can't stop looking at it."
"Put. The phone. Down."
Jess literally takes my phone away from me, which is probably for the best because I was about to watch that story for the tenth time.
"You know what you need to do?" she says.
"What?"
"You need to go find him and talk to him. Right now."
"Right now?"
"Right now. Before you lose your nerve."
"What if he's still at that party?"
"Then you'll know where things stand."
"What if he's with that girl?"
"Then you'll know where things stand."
"What if?—"
"No more what-ifs. You're going to put on something cute, march over to his dorm, and tell him how you feel."
"I can't just show up at his dorm."
"Why not?"
"Because that's weird. And desperate."
"It's not weird, it's bold. And desperate isn't always a bad thing."
"It's not?"
"Some of the best relationships start with someone being a little desperate."
"That doesn't sound right."
"Trust me on this. You need to take action before you talk yourself out of it."
"But what if?—"
"NOPE. No more what-ifs. You're going. Now."
Jess starts pulling clothes out of my closet, which means she's serious about this plan.
"I don't even know what I'd say to him."
"You'll figure it out when you get there."
"That's not a plan."
"Sometimes the best plans are no plans."
"That's literally the opposite of a plan."
"Exactly. You're overthinking this. Just go tell the boy you like him."
Twenty minutes later, I'm standing outside Colin's dorm building in my favorite jeans and a sweater that Jess insisted made me look "approachable but not desperate."
I have no idea what I'm going to say.
My phone buzzes with a text from Jess.
Jess:
Did you do it yet?
Me:
I'm standing outside his building.
Jess:
GO INSIDE.
Me:
What if this is a terrible idea?
Jess:
What if it's the best idea you've ever had?
Me:
I hate you.
Jess:
You love me. Now GO.
I take a deep breath and walk into the building. I know Colin's room number because I helped carry equipment there once when he was dealing with his shoulder stuff.
The elevator ride to the third floor feels like it takes forever. My heart is beating so fast I'm pretty sure it's visible through my sweater.
I find his room and stand in front of the door for a full minute, trying to work up the courage to knock.
What am I even doing here? This is crazy. I should go back to my room and pretend this never happened.
But then I think about last night by the fountain, about how close we were to kissing, about the way he looked at me like I was the only person in the world.
I knock before I can chicken out.
Footsteps, then the door opens, and Colin's standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt, looking surprised but happy to see me.
"Savannah? What are you doing here?"
"I, um... I wanted to talk to you."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just... can I come in?"
"Of course."
He steps aside, and I walk into his room. Tyler's not here, which is either good or bad depending on how this goes.
"So," Colin says, sitting on his desk chair while I perch on the edge of Tyler's bed. "What's up?"
"I saw Jake's Instagram story."
"Oh. That."
"Was there... I mean, were you with someone tonight?"
"Define 'with someone.'"
"Colin."
"There was a team party. I went for like an hour. Some girl was talking to me, but I wasn't really paying attention because I kept thinking about last night."
"You were thinking about last night?"
"I haven't stopped thinking about last night."
"Really?"
"Really. Savannah, what's this about?"
I take a deep breath. This is it. The moment where I either tell him how I feel or chicken out and pretend I was just checking on him as a friend.
"I like you," I blurt out.
"You like me?"
"I like you. Like, I really like you. More than friends like you."
"Savannah..."
"And I know we've been dancing around this for weeks, and I know it might be complicated because of the team thing, but I can't keep pretending that I don't have feelings for you because I do."
"You do?"
"I do. And I know you might not feel the same way, but I had to tell you because?—"
"Savannah."
"What?"
"I like you too."
"You do?"
"I really like you too."
"Really?"
"Really."
We're both smiling now, and I realize I can't believe I was so nervous about this.
"So what now?" I ask.
"Now I kiss you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He stands up and walks over to where I'm sitting, and this time there's no Tyler to interrupt us. No homework emergencies or random phone calls.
Just Colin, looking at me like I'm something precious, leaning down slowly like he's giving me time to change my mind.
I don't change my mind.
When he kisses me, it's soft and sweet and absolutely perfect. Everything I imagined it would be and better.
When we break apart, we're both grinning like idiots.
"That was worth waiting for," I say.
"Definitely worth waiting for."
"So we're doing this? Whatever this is?"
"We're doing this."
"Good. Because I really didn't want to have to explain to Jess why I chickened out."
"Jess knows you're here?"
"Jess made me come here."
"Remind me to thank her."
"I will."
Colin sits down next to me on Tyler's bed, and I realize everything feels different now. Not bad different—good different. Like we've finally stopped pretending and started being honest about what we want.
"Can I ask you something?" Colin says.
"Always."
"What made you decide to come here tonight?"
"Panic. And Jess. Mostly panic."
"Panic about what?"
"About waiting too long and missing my chance."
"You weren't going to miss your chance."
"How do you know?"
"Because I've been waiting for you to make a move for weeks."
"You have?"
"I have. I was starting to think I'd have to be more obvious."
"More obvious how?"
"I don't know. Skywriting? Billboard?"
"A simple 'I like you' would have worked."
"Good to know for next time."
"There's going to be a next time?"
"There are going to be lots of next times."
And for the first time in weeks, I stop worrying about what might go wrong and start looking forward to what might go right.