Sixteen
Now
Poppy hadn’t even known she was going to address the eight-hundred-pound gorilla in the room until the words were coming out of her mouth. But she couldn’t dance around it like this any longer. They had a past, and now they had a present. And if there was one thing Poppy could never do, it was live in the dark.
‘So, can we do normal now, do you think?’ Poppy asked, framing it as a joke. But it wasn’t. She ached to be real with Norah. She didn’t understand how much until she had a true shot at it.
‘Yeah, I guess,’ Norah said, that old, familiar wry smile on her lips.
Poppy hadn’t seen that since they were teenagers. It was such a part of Norah that to separate it from her was to suck out her essential Norah-ness. But here it was. A fuller Norah, a realer Norah, a truer Norah. It was so good to see it.
Norah glanced at the kids. ‘Must be tough working around Luna? Freddie wouldn’t let me do that. He’d be hanging off my leg.’
‘Luna’s the same, which is why I never usually do this,’ Poppy said quickly. ‘My neighbour babysits her on a Saturday, but she had to get a flight to Cape Town at short notice.’
‘Your babysitter had to leave the country? Bloody hell.’
‘Yeah, her mum’s unwell. It’s Cherry. You remember her?’
Norah’s mouth fell open. ‘Oh my god. Cherry? I haven’t seen her in forever.’ She blinked. ‘Wait, her mum?’
‘Don’t. I was shocked, too. But I guess Cherry’s family has the secret of eternal youth.’
‘If she ever gives it to you, share it with me, would you?’ Norah said dryly.
Poppy chuckled. ‘No way. I need every drop for myself.’
‘Yeah, sure you do,’ Norah said.
Was that a compliment? Poppy wasn’t sure. Even if it was, she had to pretend she hadn’t noticed it, or she was gonna get all embarrassed and silly. She needed to make some attempt at seeming vaguely cool.
Norah suddenly pieced something together. ‘Wait, are you back on Orchid Road?’
‘Yeah, my mum’s old place. You didn’t know? I’ve seen your mum around. I thought she might have mentioned it.’
‘She never said a word,’ Norah said.
‘She doesn’t say hello to me,’ Poppy noted.
‘Don’t take that too personally,’ Norah said. ‘Her eyesight is shocking these days. She probably didn’t realise it was you.’
‘She looked in rude health to me,’ Poppy observed.
‘So, umm... Can I ask...’ Norah began, her voice wavering with slight anxiety.
‘Yes?’
‘How come you’re back?’
Poppy was glad of a chance to dispel whatever myths were in Norah’s head about her living some wealthy life. ‘I was renting in London, and I stopped being able to afford it. And I never sold my mum’s house, so it made sense to move back into it.’
‘You had to come back?’ Norah asked.
‘Yeah. I’m broke.’ Poppy gestured around her at the cafe. ‘You thought this was an eccentric hobby?’
Norah looked embarrassed. ‘Sorry. None of my business.’
Poppy actually wouldn’t have hated talking more about it. She’d been alone with all this, and it might have felt good to be able to speak to someone. But apparently, it was a dash too real for Norah. There was a limit to how personal they were going to get.
‘Hey, what time does your shift end?’ Norah asked.
‘We close at four.’ Poppy checked her watch. It was half two. Though things were quiet enough now, around three would come a last push of people. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do without Freddie to occupy Luna.
‘Well, if you like, Luna can come home with us,’ Norah offered. ‘You could pick her up after. We’re not far from you.’
Poppy was very careful about who she left Luna with, but she had no reservations about Norah. ‘That would be brilliant.’
Norah smiled. ‘Great.’ She drained her coffee. ‘Oh, you need an address, don’t you?’
‘Text it to me. I’m in the group chat now, so you can find my number there.’ She tried not to put her displeasure at that fact into her tone, but Norah heard it anyway. She rolled her eyes. ‘Get ready to put that on mute every day of your life.’
Poppy smiled. ‘I’m on it, trust me. I don’t need to know about every child-friendly event in a ten-mile radius.’
‘Yeah, it’s banal. But now and then, there’s a pretty entertaining drama.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah. Last time, it was because Susan’s kid’s very expensive water bottle went missing, and she went bonkers on the chat, demanding answers, pointing fingers, the whole thing.’
‘Did she find the culprit?’
‘Of course not. But that’s not the point for Susan. She’s just demonstrating her tiny amount of power.’ Norah immediately looked like she regretted her words.
‘She’s one of those, is she?’ Poppy said.
Norah relaxed. ‘Oh, I thought you were friends.’
Poppy shook her head. ‘I’ve been a bit busy to do the mum friends thing. And even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t choose Susan.’
Nora nodded with a small smile. ‘Me too. To both of those points.’
Poppy considered hinting that she wouldn’t mind being Norah’s friend, but she swallowed the words. What was the rush? If it was going to happen, it would. They were in each other’s lives now. And if a real friendship wasn’t on the cards, then Poppy couldn’t do much about that.
‘Right, better get this pair back,’ Norah said. ‘See you later.’
‘Yeah, see you later. And thanks,’ Poppy replied.
Norah gave her a shy shrug. ‘No bother.’
As Norah corralled the kids and led them out of The Sugar Cube, Poppy wondered if she had a shot at having Norah back in her life.
Twenty Years Ago
Poppy was late. Her late-night adventures with Norah had caused her to sleep in. Her composition class had already started, and she was harried as she stood on the doorstep trying to lock the front door, which, of course, was sticky and uncooperative. As Poppy wiggled the key, she wondered if she could find the time to go and visit Norah today at school.
She didn’t know her schedule, but there was only a handful of places she’d be. If Poppy wanted to find her, she could. And she wanted to find her. She wanted to hold her hand and gaze into her eyes and all that gooey stuff she’d never been interested in before now.
Poppy had to suppose that was simply because she’d never liked anyone properly before Norah. She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt such pure happiness at the thought of another person.
Poppy finally got the bastard door locked, but at the moment of the click, someone behind her coughed in a way that seemed designed to catch attention rather than release a frog from a throat. Poppy turned to see Mrs Cauldwell at the bottom of her path, standing behind the gate.
‘Poppy. I need a word,’ she said flatly.
Poppy was immediately nervous. ‘Hi, Mrs Cauldwell. Err, I’m running late. Maybe we could talk later?’
‘I need to talk now,’ the woman said coldly.
Poppy had never seen Mrs Cauldwell be so direct with her. She barely made eye contact usually.
‘Is your mother in?’ Mrs Cauldwell asked.
‘No, she left for work already.’
‘Good. Let’s go inside to talk,’ Mrs Cauldwell said.
Poppy considered saying no. But there was something in the woman’s tone that said that wouldn’t fly. Poppy opened the door she’d just taken forever to lock, making peace with being crazy late.
Poppy walked into the hall, Mrs Cauldwell right behind her in the small space. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ Poppy asked automatically, her mother’s training kicking in.
‘No,’ Mrs Cauldwell said, standing in the hall. ‘We don’t need to go any further. This will be quick. I want you to stop.’
‘Stop what?’
‘This thing. With Norah. It’s done.’
Poppy blinked. ‘What do you m—’
‘I know what you’re up to. It’s over, OK?’
Poppy had a lot of responses jump into her head, but in the end, she settled on a simple, ‘Why?’
Mrs Caldwell’s face shifted from cold to angry. ‘Don’t treat me like a fool. I’m much older than you, and I can see what you’re up to.’
Poppy was getting a bit angry now. ‘Mrs Cauldwell, what the hell are you talking about?’
‘I went to a grief group last night. My GP pushed me into it.’
‘That’s good,’ Poppy said, confused.
‘I won’t be going back,’ Mrs Cauldwell sneered. ‘Bunch of self-pitiers. But they did say one interesting thing.’
‘Yeah?’
‘That you don’t make decisions in the first six months after a bereavement. Because you’re not in your right mind.’
Poppy nodded. ‘That makes sense.’
‘I bet it does,’ Mrs Cauldwell said. ‘Because Norah’s not in her right mind, is she? And you understood that about her. You knew better than anyone. And you used that knowledge, didn’t you?’
Poppy didn’t know how to respond. Her mouth felt locked from the vile accusation. To be spoken to like this by an adult was new. People liked her. Parents liked her… but not Mrs Cauldwell. There was real hatred in her tone.
‘It’s because I’m a girl, isn’t it?’ Poppy was eventually able to say.
Mrs Caldwell’s face went red. ‘That’s not...’ She took a deep breath, gathering herself. ‘Someone who would take advantage of her now is not a good person. You’re not a good person. You’ve taken her innocence.’
Poppy almost laughed. ‘Innocence? Norah’s an adult. We both are.’
‘Don’t give me that. She’s grieving. And I remember what happened when your dad died. Your mum told me. You were feral, biting her and everything.’
‘I was ten.’
‘You were a mess. You know you were.’
Poppy felt suddenly aware that Mrs Cauldwell was Norah’s mother and all that came with that title. Norah complained about her all the time, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t take her side if it came to a choice. If Mrs Cauldwell decided to poison her against Poppy, it could ruin everything. She had to make an effort to turn this conversation around.
‘Look, I care about her. I... I love her,’ she said.
It was a bit weird that she was telling Norah’s mother that before Norah herself, but it was the only bullet in her gun.
A hard laugh escaped from Mrs Caudwell’s lips. ‘You don’t even know what that word means. Love is what I’m doing now. Protecting her from herself because she doesn’t know what she’s doing.’
That was an unfortunate turn of phrase, because didn’t it echo Poppy’s own words to Norah when they first kissed? Norah had assured her it was fine, and Poppy, wanting it to continue, had decided to believe her. She didn’t feel very good about that choice all of a sudden.
‘I care about her,’ Poppy said miserably.
‘If you did, you wouldn’t have done what you did,’ Mrs Cauldwell said without sympathy. ‘I know what you were up to last night. It was written all over her face.’
Something that had felt lovely and right last felt suddenly twisted by Mrs Caldwell’s words. Poppy hated her for that.
‘We care about each other!’ she nearly yelled.
‘If you cared about her, you would have just been her friend. You’d have known she couldn’t make a choice like that.’
Poppy felt sick. Was that true? It hadn’t seemed so before. It had seemed like it was love happening, as pure as it came. But Mrs Caldwell’s righteousness—her utter certainty that Poppy was some kind of manipulative monster—was affecting. Had Poppy done something wrong when she’d let things happen with Norah? Should she have stopped it when she’d first thought to?
Poppy truly believed that she loved Norah, but was it loving to let things get physical with her while she was grieving? Had she made a mistake out of selfishness?
Was it wrong?
‘I know you know what you’ve done,’ Mrs Cauldwell said, satisfied to watch Poppy spin out in front of her. ‘It’s in your eyes. You don’t have to admit it. Just leave her alone.’ She turned on that sentiment and walked out of the hall, leaving the door wide open.
Poppy shut it quickly behind her. She didn’t go to school that day. Instead, she went up to her bedroom, put on her headphones, and blasted the loudest, angriest rock she could find into her ears. She was doing everything she could to push out Mrs Caldwell’s dreadful words. But it didn’t work. Not even close.