Nineteen
Now
Norah’s car rumbled down the winding country roads toward the farm.
It was an unusually chill drive for her. Being on the road with a full car tended to be a very different vibe. Max had the habit of monologuing about his minor work troubles while Norah was trying to concentrate on driving, which led to spats that poor Freddie had to listen to from the back, which, in turn, made Norah feel guilty.
But it was nothing but serenity in the car today. Poppy was staring out of the window while Freddie and Luna excitedly pointed out cows, horses, and the occasional rabbit darting across the fields.
‘Look!’ Freddie yelled, pressing his face against the window. ‘A tractor!’
Luna was fascinated. ‘It’s massive!’
Norah saw a sign for the entrance and turned up the road, approaching the farm. ‘We’re here!’ she announced, pulling into the gravel parking lot.
The kids cheered. Norah loved their energy. They lived for now, and if now sucked, there was always another now just around the corner. She envied them, truly. She must have felt like that once, but she couldn’t remember such a time in her life.
Well, maybe once.
The excitement in the car was hitting fever pitch as Freddie and Luna scrambled to unbuckle their seat belts, eager to get the fun started.
‘My belt is stuck!’ Freddie cried desperately.
Norah got out of the car and went around. ‘It’s OK, I got it, Freds.’
She unclipped him, and he launched himself out of the car. Luna was hot on his heels, moving around to catch him as he took off running.
‘Stop, Freddie!’ Norah screamed.
‘It’s a car park, Luna!’ Poppy added in a like tone.
The kids might not have been able to hear their parents’ words, but they both understood the tone enough and skidded to a halt.
Norah grabbed her bag and locked the car quickly. Poppy had already caught up to them.
‘What do I always say?’ Norah asked.
‘Don’t eat snails,’ Freddie responded.
‘Not that.’
‘Oh. Did you mean cars are big metal monsters that can kill you?’ he asked casually.
‘That’s the one,’ Norah said.
Suddenly, she felt embarrassed in front of Poppy about her aggressive phrasing. She turned to Poppy. ‘I know it’s a bit much...’
But Poppy was leaning down to Luna. ‘Did you hear that?’ Poppy said. ‘Big metal monsters.’
Luna’s eyes flashed fear, though she shook it off quickly. ‘I heard!’ she said angrily. ‘And I’m cold!’
Poppy, already carrying her coat in readiness, stuffed her into it quickly.
They continued walking, but both of them kept close to the adults now.
‘Thanks for that imagery,’ Poppy muttered under her breath. ‘I don’t want her to live in fear, but she’s got no sense of danger at all when it comes to cars. God knows I don’t want to spoil her childhood innocence too soon, but better I take a tiny bit than a car takes the whole thing.’
Norah nodded, pleased to hear her exact philosophy put into words. ‘Exactly.’
Norah wondered why it couldn’t be this easy to talk to Max. She’d always had this idea that when it was right, you didn’t have to talk. There was an understanding between you. But with Max, it wasn’t feeling so true lately. They weren’t in a peaceful, silent communion. They simply didn’t talk. When had it switched?
They reached the farm entrance, where a bored teenager ticked off the kids’ names on Drew’s guest list.
As soon as that happened, the kids looked at their parents with a question in their eyes, ‘Are we free to go nuts?’
Norah and Poppy nodded.
‘Head on in,’ Norah said.
‘We’ll be nearby,’ Poppy added.
They took off at a lick, running straight for an impossibly big trampoline.
‘You have to take your shoes off!’ Freddie said, already barefoot.
Luna groaned but did it anyway, and they were on the big trampoline, springing like they could reach the sun.
Norah and Poppy dropped off the cards and presents on the gift table and turned to watch the children. Norah realised she felt some sort of contentment for a change. And then Poppy asked if she wanted a coffee, and she was even happier.
Twenty Years Ago
It had been four weeks, and it wasn’t any better.
Norah couldn’t seem to get out of this pit of misery she was in. Though Norah was no stranger to misery, this romantic rejection was an entirely fresh kind of pain.
Whatever she could have said about losing her dad, it wasn’t like this. No one had said, ‘You don’t deserve a dad because you’re a total fucking loser, and we’re repossessing him.’
Terrible as it was, there was nothing malicious or vindictive about the way she lost her dad. His death from a tumour was impersonal. Though it had felt cruel, it was only in that ‘The universe is a chaotic bitch that doesn’t a give a shit about anyone’ kind of way.
But this was deeply personal. An attack at the core of her. She had shown just about every part of herself to Poppy, inside and out. And the response was, ‘You don’t hold my interest. Go away.’
Norah wished with her whole heart that Poppy could know how this felt. She wanted to hurt Poppy so badly, to make her know this agony. But she simply didn’t have that kind of power over her. That was the whole problem. Poppy didn’t care.
Norah did the only thing she could do. She worked. Her situation made the graphic novel take a hell of a turn. Dark moments filled the pages. She poured her resentment and anguish into every panel. The girl with the fresh superpowers was getting ever more bitter. She’d tried to help people, but it never turned out well, and it seemed like all she could do was accidentally hurt them. She was beginning to conclude that the only use for her super strength was to punish. She’d picked someone for retribution, a bully who had hurt her friend.
Despite this outlet, Norah’s wounds remained raw. She didn’t sleep well, and when she did, she dreamt of Poppy. In the dreams, Poppy was always laughing at her.
Just when she thought she was drowning completely, her phone buzzed one evening. She hesitated, heart racing as she finally unlocked her phone.
I'm sorry. Can we talk? Poppy asked.
Norah stared at the screen, her fingers trembling as her mind reeled with the possibilities.
Maybe it was all a mistake? Maybe Poppy was coming back to her? Maybe the love Norah felt was returned?
It didn’t take long for Norah to throw that fantasy out. She was a realist. Poppy had used her. To still cling to hope now was pathetic. She hated the instinct in herself.
Before she could weaken, she had to do something to make it impossible. She had to burn the bridge of any kind of chance for Poppy to come back into her life. Poppy was probably just hoping that enough time had passed that she could say, ‘Hey, let’s be friends again now, yeah?’
Fuck that.
No, she texted back. And then she added another message. Don’t contact me again.
It hurt like hell to press send. But there was no other way. That word was her only power in all this. What could she do but use it?