Eighteen
Now
‘I don’t think it goes there,’ Poppy said, wiping sweat from her brow.
‘There’s nowhere else for it to go,’ Norah complained just as sweatily.
They were trying to put Luna’s car seat in next to Freddie’s, and though Poppy and Norah had clicked two straps in place, there was still a third with no apparent home.
‘Can we go yet?’ asked Freddie.
‘There’s a wasp. I think it wants to sting me,’ Luna added.
She was only wearing a T-shirt. Poppy had attempted to bundle her, too, but she wasn’t having it. Poppy decided to let her get chilly and then attack with the coat.
‘They don’t want to sting you, Luna. They won’t if you leave them alone,’ Poppy assured her.
‘What if I call it a dipshit?’ Luna asked. ‘Will it sting me then?’
Poppy stopped and turned, stunned. ‘Where on earth did you hear that word?’
‘You said it about that deliveryman when he dropped that big load of milk on your toe,’ Luna explained casually.
‘Oh,’ Poppy said quietly. ‘Right.’ She turned to Norah. ‘In my defence, I didn’t know she was around to hear it. And it was a bulk amount of soya milk. My toe was big for days.’
Norah laughed. ‘Sounds like a dipshit to me.’
‘Dipshit,’ Freddie repeated.
‘Freddie...’ Norah warned.
‘DIPSHIT! DIPSHIT! DIPSHIT!’ Luna started chanting, and Freddie was quick to join in, both delighted at the horror it was inspiring in the adults.
Norah sighed and turned away from it, placing her attention back on the chair. ‘If I say something, it will only get more exciting for them to say it. So I’m just gonna let them wear it out.’
‘Good plan,’ Poppy nodded. ‘Sorry,’ she added.
‘The blame for this splits pretty evenly,’ Norah said. There was a clicking noise. ‘Aha!’ Norah said triumphantly. ‘Just need to tighten it now.’
‘Let me,’ Poppy said, tugging and pulling at the seat belt with all her strength until it would move no further. ‘OK, I think that’s as good as it’s going to get.’
‘Let’s get ‘em in.’
Happily, the chant of ‘DIPSHIT’ was dying off somewhat by this point, but Poppy wanted to expedite its demise.
‘OK, kids! To the farm!’ she exclaimed with a lot more jolliness than she felt, trying to distract them.
The kids immediately forgot how fun it was to swear and scrambled into their seats with their hearts and minds all for the party. Poppy and Norah clicked their respective kid's seat belts into place.
Poppy was so grateful for the ride. The idea of trying to wrangle Luna onto public transport had not appealed. It was hard enough doing the walk to school now that she couldn’t chuck her into a vehicle and blast her there in two minutes. There was no doubt about it, broke-life sucked.
‘I’ve been to the farm,’ Freddie informed Luna. ‘It’s super good. There’s a massive sandpit with a pirate boat in it and a really big trampoline and ice cream.’
‘I like chocolate ice cream,’ Luna responded.
‘I like strawberry. No banana! No chocolate,’ Freddie said.
‘No, you can’t like chocolate. That’s my favourite,’ Luna told him firmly.
‘You can have the same favourite as someone else,’ Poppy told her as she went around to the front of Norah’s Honda.
‘Can we?’ Luna asked, slightly shocked. She nodded at Freddie. ‘You can like chocolate, then.’
‘OK,’ Freddie said, relieved.
Poppy knew Luna could be a bit of bossy boots, but she hoped she wouldn’t push Freddie around too much if he was a bit more laissez-faire in his approach to life.
‘Ready?’ Norah asked, clicking herself in.
Poppy belted up and nodded, and Norah pulled out.
Poppy was still working through her shock that this was happening. They’d barely been on speaking terms a few days ago. Now they were off on a jaunt together with their kids. Poppy had never really dared to dream it could get to this point. But she was truly grateful, and not just for the help. What an unimaginable gift from the universe—a second chance to know Norah Cauldwell.
Twenty Years Ago
Poppy closed the door on Norah, turned, and slid down the door, slumping onto the mat. She was in so much pain. Throw that in with the enormous amount of shame and guilt she felt, and she just about wanted to die.
She’d known she’d have to face Norah at some point, but she’d had herself convinced it wasn’t going to happen just yet. That she had time to figure out a way to end it that wasn’t completely fucking shitty. Like there could be some magic phrase that would make it OK.
Well, it had happened now, and Poppy had blown it. It had been way worse than she’d feared. In her most sweat-soaked fever dream, it hadn’t gone that poorly.
The one thing she could have done was tell Norah what her mother had said. That could have eased it somewhat. A real reason. But Poppy knew how selfish that would have been because Norah would say her mother was wrong, wouldn’t she? And Poppy would be tempted to let herself believe it because she wanted to.
She had to be stronger than that, for both of them. Ending it now—when it had barely gotten started—would give Norah the chance to get over it easily. She wouldn’t give a shit in a few weeks. She might even think, ‘What the hell, do I even like girls?’
Poppy didn’t think she’d fare so well. It was going to hurt, but Poppy felt that was a good thing. She should suffer. She was a selfish coward.
She felt lucky she had something she could move toward, a good distraction. She hadn’t lied to Norah when she said the band had a big opportunity coming up—a real showcase. She would focus on that. It was all that could save her because life was going to be harder now. She was in love with someone she couldn’t have, and that was going to hurt for a long time.
Poppy bitterly regretted the day that Norah had overheard the song. That had been the start of everything. The ripple in the pond. How far would the ripples travel? She prayed not far.