15. Chelsea
CHELSEA
Iget back to my apartment later that evening, feeling like I just got run over by a Mack truck. Work was exhausting. Not the actual working part, but the part of having to focus on work, while my brain was shooting every which way.
I can’t believe I blurted out that I was pregnant to Jake of all people.
To his credit, he took it well, or at least as well as could be expected.
A part of me thought that he would immediately jump into denial, trying to shirk all responsibility and putting it on me.
Or, if that didn’t happen, he would pretend that I did it on purpose or get mad at me for being careless.
It was how Eric would have reacted.
I was on the defensive, waiting for that.
But that’s not what I got. On the contrary, Jake was so gentle and apologetic, even in his shock, he didn't throw accusations.
He was calm and understanding, supportive even, assuming some of the blame himself.
I don’t know why, but I didn’t think I would get that from him or from any of them. In fact, the thought of them taking this well had never even crossed my mind, which is partially why I didn’t feel as guilty for hiding it.
But now I do, because now I realize that I was letting my own fear dictate how I treated them.
This whole time, I've been acting like they were guilty of something they haven't even done yet, as though they were these assholes that took advantage of me, when that has never been the case.
Heck, I was the one who pushed for what happened that night.
It’s actually very simple if I think about it.
I’m pregnant. The father of the child could be any one of the men.
If they choose to be a part of that child’s life, that’s fine.
It’s a new era, and people co-parent all the time without being together, so if we can co-parent amicably, that would be great.
However, if the father doesn’t want to be involved, then that’s fine too.
He can just sign away his rights, and I’ll be on my way.
We just need to handle this like mature adults, and that’s not what I’ve been doing so far. Instead, I’ve been running and lying and hiding. From what?
From myself? From the fact that I want them inside me again?
I close my eyes and lean my head back against the door, only to have it fly open, when I hear movement in my bedroom.
The bedroom door opens, and Jenna emerges wearing one of my ratty T-shirts, again.
“Jen, you’ve got to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Just sneaking into my place without warning.”
“I didn’t sneak. You gave me an extra key, remember?”
“Yeah, but calling out and letting me know you're here would be nice.” I gave Jen my house key for two reasons. One, in case I ever get locked out, and two, because for some reason, she likes to come over a lot, even when I'm not around.
I don’t know why. She has a nice penthouse right by Central Park, but for some reason, loves my cramped one-bedroom apartment in SoHo.
She throws herself on the couch. “Rough day at work?”
“Something like that,” I respond, slinging my bag onto the hook and toeing off my heels.
“You want to tell me about it? Or tell me about whatever’s been bothering you all week?
” Jenna is one of the people who reads my moods easily, thanks to how long we’ve been friends.
It’s too much to hope that I can lie to her for long; besides, I don’t think I want to.
I’m already keeping this thing a secret from too many people.
I’d like to have at least one person that I can confide in.
“We still have that Bordeaux, or did we drink it all months ago?”
Her eyebrows climb on her forehead. “That bad.”
“Yeah. That bad." I'm not going to drink any of the wine, obviously, but she might need it for what I'm about to say. "Just a glass for you, though. I have some work to do later."
She nods and hops off the couch and scurries to the kitchen.
Once we have our glasses poured–orange juice for me–we sit down, and I start from the beginning. “Okay, so you know that party I told you about that my brother was throwing? The one he insisted I come to, just to have fun and get my mind off Eric."
She makes a face. “We don’t have to say his name. But yeah, I remember."
I smile. “So at that party I met someone.”
“I knew it! I knew there was a guy involved somewhere! You were glowing."
"Actually, it's not just one guy. There were three guys, and I was with all three of them."
I hold my breath as she stares at me, waiting to see her reaction. I don't think it will be bad, and I don't think she'll judge me, but you never know.
She blinks, and then a slow smile spreads across her face. “You sly bitch.”
I laugh, and she shakes her head, slapping my thigh. “I didn’t think you had it in you! And here I was assuming that you were over here moping over that asshole, but you were getting it on with three guys instead."
"Well, I was doing some of that first one too, but then I saw them and..." I shrug. "Well, Eric was the last thing on my mind that night."
"As it should be. That stupid idiot probably didn't know what he was doing in bed anyway, and he was holding you back the whole time."
“Yeah. Anyway, I had a really great time. The men, they were hot. I mean, insanely hot, and that night with them, I don’t think I’ve come that many times in my life.”
“TMI, babe,” she grins, "But I’m happy for you. So what happened after that? Did you see each other again? Did they turn out to be jerks?”
“Neither. They actually turned out to be really sweet, but no, I didn’t plan on seeing them again. I mean, the night kind of just felt like one of those things you do once to cross it off your bucket list and never again.”
She shrugged. "Sure, but if you enjoyed it and everyone's game, there's nothing wrong with doing it again...and again and again…"
I laugh. "Nah. I didn’t want to get myself hooked on something that I can’t keep up with. And at the end of the day, they’re all way out of my league.”
She frowns. "You know I hate it when you talk down on yourself like that."
"I’m not trying to talk down on myself, I’m being totally honest here. Maybe you’d have to see them to understand, but they’re way hot."
"I don’t care how hot they are; no guy is out of your league. But anyway, I get the sense you're building to something, so we’ll talk about your tragic self-esteem issues later.”
I nod and swallow, preparing myself for the next part.
“Yeah, so the thing is, that I snuck out in the middle of the night, thinking that would be the end of it, and I would never see them again.
But then, as it turns out, their company is merging with my brother's company, and I'm the one in charge of marketing the merger.
So we did actually meet again right in my brother's conference room. "
Her eyes widen. "Shut up. It's like a romcom."
"And I’m pregnant."
That freezes the smile on her face. I think that's the first time I've stunned her silent, the first time the smile slides off her face.
"What?" she asks.
"I’m pregnant," I exhale. "I found out that week you returned, and I freaked out about it. That's what's been occupying my mind for days."
"That’s..." That renders her silent, and I nearly snort as her mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish. "Wow."
"Yeah. Wow."
"Okay. And it's from the guys? Not Eric?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, good. That makes things easier then."
I chuckle because it looks like she had the same thought I did. Great minds think alike.
She gives me a knowing smile. "I'm sorry. I know he was the love of your life at some point, but I've never liked him."
"Yeah, I remember."
She has another moment of silence. It takes some time to sink in, but once it does, she accepts it with a nod.
"Do you plan on keeping the child?" she asks.
"Yeah," I say. "I mean, I haven't made up my mind, but I think there's a pretty good chance that I will."
"Alright. Are you going to tell them?"
"One of them already found out. I kind of blurted it out by accident. I do plan on telling the other two, but it's just...it's messy."
"How is it messy?"
"Because I was making out with one of them today, and the last meeting we had, I made out with another one."
"Oh." Her eyes go wide.
"Yes. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never been that kind of girl, you know that, but it's like whenever they get close to me, my brain turns to mush."
"Okay, first of all, there's nothing wrong with you being that kind of girl. As long as you haven't made any promises to anyone, there's nothing wrong with you being sexually liberated and exploring your sexuality even if it's with different people."
"Yeah, I know that, logically, but this whole thing just feels out of character for me.
" I've was never the girl in college who went out and partied or had a good time.
I mean, I wanted to be her. I wanted to be carefree and just go with the wind and enjoy myself, but I never could relax enough to partake.
I was always in my head, always wondering who might be watching and letting my paranoia dictate my freedom.
Maybe that's for a good reason, too, because apparently, when I do give myself too much freedom, stuff like this happens, and I'm a mess because of it.
"It's more so the fact that I'm used to thinking through my actions, but whenever I'm around them, I can't think.
Something takes over me, and before I know, I'm....you know.... "
"All over them like a dog in heat?" A slow smile spreads across her lips.
I blush. "Yeah, pretty much. There’s just something about them that's magnetic.
And apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks so because they do this sort of thing with women all the time.
I thought that one time would be enough to get them out of my system, but they're still firmly in there, and now we're going to be working together, so it's not like I can avoid them either. " I sigh. "I don't know what to do."
"Okay, here's what you do. Do you like them? Which one do you like most?"
I don't think I can answer that. It's such a difficult question because they're all charming in their own way. Sam and his quiet and gentle spirit. Adam and his gentle dominance. Jake and his tendency to make me smile even when I'm frustrated.
"I think I like all of them."
"Greedy," she says, and I snort.
"It doesn't matter. It's not exactly like I can be with them, and I probably just need time to forget it happened."
"I mean, you had a month and change apart from them. Isn't that enough time?"
"Apparently not."
She sips her wine and brushes her chin on the rim in thought.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No, don’t do that. Just say what you're going to say."
"What if it's not a matter of forgetting it happened?" she says, and she gives me a look that terrifies me. "What if you're falling in love?"