16. Adam
ADAM
Back and forth. Back and forth.
My feet wear a path in the rug, as I rip my hand through my hair, contemplating the results of our colossal fuck up.
"How long are you going to do that for? You're gonna make me dizzy."
I glare at Jake, who's still standing at the counter, balancing his beer bottle between his fingers.
I’ve been pacing for what feels like hours.
My entire body is coiled with tension, trapped in an infernal fight or flight.
My brain is clamoring, and nothing makes sense about what he’s saying.
Except it does make sense. It fucking makes too much fucking sense, yet I stop and face him anyway, resenting him for being much calmer now that he’s gotten the secret off his chest.
“You’re lying.”
He shakes his head, taking another swig of his drink. “I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re fucking with me.”
“I wouldn’t go this far just to fuck with you. I wouldn’t be day drinking if I were fucking with you, and I wouldn’t have come up with a detailed, elaborate story involving someone else just to fuck with you. That would be messed up even for me.”
Somehow I already knew that, but hearing him confirm it doesn’t make it any better, doesn’t make my chest any less tight. I shake my head.
“I can’t believe it,” I say.
“I couldn’t either when I heard it.”
“I mean, pregnant? How the fuck is she pregnant?”
“Well, I didn’t pay much attention in biology class, but it usually happens when a sperm meets an egg–”
He trails off when I glare at him, then he shrugs. "Sorry, but stupid questions deserve stupid answers.”
“We were careful. We used condoms.”
“One of which broke.”
Fuck. I forgot about that. I shake my head. “You sure it’s ours?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Not this bullshit again.”
“It’s a valid question to ask.”
“Yeah, because you’re so fucking sold on the idea that she has a boyfriend or some kind of fiancée somewhere that she cheated on and that’s the reason she doesn't want to talk to us.” He straightens. “I don’t think she has anyone.”’
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. If she did, she would have mentioned it when she was trying to brush us off."
“Or maybe she’s scared that you'll retaliate by telling the fiancé everything."
“Why are you so determined to think the worst of her?”
That has me rearing back in shock. “I don’t think the worst of her at all."
“Uh huh. You literally called her a cheater twice now without any evidence, and now you're suspecting that she's trying to pass off another man's baby as ours. Don't even deny it because I can see it clear as day in your eyes. And I know why. It's because you don't want us to like her."
"Nonsense," I deny, though his words ring with an uncomfortable thread of truth.
"It's not nonsense. You’re telling me that all this fiancé talk isn’t part of your sustained effort to prevent us from pursuing anything with her?”
“I think she’s already doing a bang-up job of that herself. How many times does she have to tell you she’s not interested for you guys to get the hint?”
"I guess she kissed you in our bathroom because she was uninterested, huh?” he says with a knowing smirk as my face heats up. “Oh, and that make-out session where she came all over Sam’s mouth…oh yeah, I could tell exactly how uninterested she was right then and there."
I hate him so much in that moment, because his words bring back vivid memories of watching her get out of the car, looking so deliciously rumpled, smelling of her ambrosia.
Even after she ran off, the air smelled like her, like her release. Jealousy filled my heart even as desire filled me, and it was all I could do not to just get in there and inhale it like a hungry beast. Which should tell you everything about my sanity level.
“She’s definitely interested,” he completes. “But she’s scared because of the baby.”
“And you’re sure–"
“Yes, I’m sure it’s one of ours,” he snaps. “I mean, she wouldn’t have even mentioned it if it wasn’t, and she seemed reluctant to even tell me that much. If it wasn’t ours, she would have told me that straight up, but she says that the timing works out.”
“Shit."
“Yeah. I believe her plan right now is to keep it, but she says that she doesn’t need anything from us in the meantime.”
“Bullshit.”
“That’s what I said. I don’t know about you, but there’s no way I’m just going to stand aside while my child is being raised without me. I'm not a deadbeat, and I don't plan to become one."
"Yeah." I feel the same way, even though I never wanted kids.
Here's the thing: I spent most of my life raising my younger siblings.
My dad was always gone, deployed, and my mother had enough on her plate, so it was usually left to me to watch my seven siblings.
By the time I grew up, I was convinced that I would never willingly put myself through that again, to be responsible for a bunch of tiny humans.
It was just so overwhelming. I had zero freedom, zero free time; every single thought and choice I made had to involve them in some capacity.
Joining the military actually gave me more freedom than that, and thankfully, by the time I got out, most of them were eighteen and could take care of themselves.
Nevertheless, that's never been something I wanted to repeat, and it’s one of the reasons my last serious relationship was in college, which I went back to after I was discharged. We broke up because she wanted to settle down and have a family, and I just wasn't sure I wanted any of that just yet.
But if you felt that strongly about it, you should have gotten a vasectomy. I didn't. So I guess the blame's as much mine as it is anyone else's.
If the child is mine, I have to step up and be a father, of course.
It's just that I never expected to face this so soon.
"I wasn’t supposed to tell any of you, by the way," he says, as he brushes back his hair. "She asked me to keep it a secret until she was ready to tell you herself, so can you pretend that you don’t know, at least for now."
I nod. Pretending I don’t know won’t be a problem. "I’m assuming that Sam doesn’t know?”
"I haven’t told him yet."
"Good. Let’s keep it that way." With how unstable he’s been lately, God only knows what he would do if he finds out that she’s pregnant. He'll probably go right off the deep end, get down on one knee, and propose to her, or do something equally embarrassing. Yeah, we don’t need that.
One week. That’s how long it takes for Jake to spill the beans.
Till then, we're all working normally. We have another meeting with her and, though it's awkward, I manage to hide what I know, what I feel. Jake manages to act normal, and so far, Sam doesn't seem to know anything is amiss.
Then, without warning, it's like DEFCON 1 hits.
It happens while I’m on the phone with my mother and she’s ranting about something my younger brother has done.
“Can you believe it?” she says. “Speeding on his motorcycle. He could have died. I’ve told him that he needs to be more careful when he’s on that deathtrap.
I didn’t even want him to buy it in the first place, but did he believe me?
No. And now look at him. He's in the hospital with injuries that could have been a lot more serious if he hadn't gotten lucky. "
“Right,” I say, “You want me to talk to him?”
“No. I doubt he’ll listen to you anyway. I wonder what devil is riding his ass so hard that he has to do such reckless things. Did you know he had a pregnancy scare just last month?"
That makes me almost choke on my saliva.
“No."
"Oh, absolutely. This girl came to my door and was practically throwing a fit at our anniversary party–which I'll never forgive you for skipping by the way–saying she was pregnant and Jason was ignoring her calls.
I almost skewered him myself that day, but then he calmed everyone down and told me that she wasn't pregnant.
He'd believed she was at first, too, but apparently it was a scam she'd been running.
Still, I tried to invite the girl over, willing to hear her out, but by that point, she'd skipped town and was accusing a different guy of getting her pregnant.
" My mother sighs, and I can almost see her shaking her head in her room.
"I don't know where he finds these people.
But I'm so happy I don't have to worry about any of that with you.
On the contrary, I worry about the opposite, that I won't get any grandkids from you at all. "
"Yes," I swallow my throat, suddenly feeling dry. "Mom, I gotta go meet the guys at the warehouse. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay. Say hello to them for me. Especially Jake. Tell him that I can't wait to see him on Thanksgiving."
"Alright, will do."
"Do you guys think you're going to get serious soon?"
I heave a long-suffering sigh.
Jake has been attending my family's Thanksgiving since we were in college, and he's pretty much the only one I've brought home with me, since Sam always turns me down, and none of my relationships have been serious enough to have them meet my family.
As a result, I'm pretty sure a few of my siblings think Jake and I are dating, and my mother has dropped a bunch of hints about her not minding it if I choose to come out of the closet for me and adopt children with Jake.
Jake plays into it too, because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious, while I find it annoying.
"I mean, I don't want to rush you out of the closet," my mother says. "But it's been ages now and I'm sure you know it wouldn't change how we see–"
"I'm not gay, Mom, and Jake is just my friend. Also, I have to go; they're expecting me on site soon."
"Okay," she sounds amused. "Love you."
"Love you too."
After I hang up, I shake my head, wondering how long my family is going to hold onto this belief. Probably until I introduce them to my actual partner, but there's no partner in sight.
An image of Chelsea rises in my mind again, but I mercilessly rip it away. Don't even think about it.
When I arrive at the site, an uncompleted building in the middle in Manhattan, it's just Jake and Sam there, on the first floor between the pillars. And they seem to be having a standoff.
"Good, you're here," Jake says, pointing at him like he's a bomb that needs detonating. "Stop him."
I raise an eyebrow. "From what?"
"From fucking everything up."
I turn to Sam and then back to Jake. Understanding dawns. "You told him?"
"It was an accident."
I pinch the bridge of my nose. "How do you accidentally reveal a secret like that? Twice."
He sighs and frowns. "You know I'm not good at secrets. And so I was basically telling my sister about it..."
"Someone else knows?!"
"Shush. I was just asking for advice. Then in comes this one, moving silently like some kind of assassin, and he overhears the whole thing."
"So it's true?" Sam says, glaring at me. "She's pregnant, and you both were just going to keep it from me."
"No, she was going to tell you, us, in her own time. Jake found out by accident."
Sam's lips fuse, and he shakes his head. "She was never going to tell us, because she doesn't trust us. She thinks we're irresponsible fuck boys, not men who will cherish and love her and take care of her."
"Love her?" I widen my eyes. "Are you listening to yourself? You've known her for all of a week, and you're talking about love? Jesus Christ, Sam."
"If you go after her and tell her you know, she'll be mad at me, and most importantly, you'll spook her," Jake says, holding his hands out placatingly. "You need to calm down."
Sam's jaw works, shifting starkly underneath his skin.
Then he gives a jerky nod, turning away to go back to his drilling.
We both exhale sighs of relief, and we continue as normal, exploring the house and seeing what needs to be done.
But after some time, we realize the noise stops. And the sound of a car turning on.
And Sam is gone.