Chapter 4
Captain’s Hall, Freedom
Eden
“You’re going to burn a hole through the kitchen door in a moment,” Shay points out.
He jumps off the marble counter.
I don’t look away from the door.
Robyn and Jude will be here for breakfast at any moment.
Sometimes, they don’t notice me in a room.
I like those times, when I’m in the shadows. I can watch them. Observe and listen.
But I always notice them.
Shay begins to hum the Arctic Monkey’s “Baby I’m Yours,” dancing around the kitchen like he has Robyn held in his arms.
I roll my eyes.
My brother loves dancing, as much as I hate it. In fact, he loves going to parties, the pub, and live music gigs, also as much as I hate them.
Shay snatches up the empty mugs, dangling them from one hand, and dances toward the dishwasher next to the fridge at the back of the kitchen.
My gaze darts away from the door to watch him. “I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”
“I know. But I would.”
“You like to live dangerously.”
“Guilty.” Shay yanks open the dishwasher hard enough to make me wince.
D’Angelo loves that machine. He’s the commander in this kitchen, as much as he is on the ice or in bed.
Is Shay testing him?
Shay stuffs the mugs — the wrong way up — messily into the incorrect section of the dishwasher.
He never can learn the right way to stack it.
“He likes it, when I tidy up.” Shay’s cheeks tint with pink. My expression gentles. I’ve misjudged my brother. “I promised that I’d be better about keeping this place clean and not making extra work for him. I am trying. I want to show that I care about… It was hard for him to admit about his OCD. You know that I don’t create mess and chaos on purpose. You always did call me the most forgetful person in England.”
“You’d lose your arse, if it wasn’t attached to you.”
“I wouldn’t lose it; I’d simply need you to find it for me.” Shay leaves the dishwasher open, leaning next to it. “We need our captain in a good mood, right? No hurt in earning some brownie points.”
“Then why not wash up? You’re banned from touching the dishwasher.”
“Am I?” Shay gives me a pretend innocent look that we both know I’ll never believe.
So, I didn’t totally misjudge my brother.
When the kitchen door slams open, my breathing speeds up. I force myself to relax against the counter.
I cross my arms and watch D’Angelo swagger into the room looking elegant in his suit.
I’m growing to like his suits. I wouldn’t mind dressing in one myself more often.
“Good morning.” D’Angelo looks more harried than I’m expecting. “Robyn is just pulling on some clothes. She tried to come down here naked.” I flush at the thought of her walking around the house naked, while the rest of us are dressed. My cock hardens. “You know, I may encourage that another day, but it turns out that coach has summoned her to a meeting. I’m crashing that party. We’re in a rush.”
I frown, looking at the food that I got up at dawn to prepare. “You’re not going to eat.”
D’Angelo studies the spread on the table. “We certainly are. Thank you, delicious as always, Eden. You could have been a baker or chef, you know.”
I glow at his approval.
I respect D’Angelo, and I want him to respect me.
Is the easy way that he talks to me friendship?
D’Angelo cocks his head, and his hair falls into his eyes. “Cucciolo, is there any reason why you’re looking like you can’t work out whether you’re about to be spanked or kissed?”
I’m not sure that my brother knows what he wants from D’Angelo.
I think that he may want both the scolding and the kissing.
Shay reddens, and his fingers edge, as if against his will toward the dishwasher. “Both sound like fun, darlin’.”
Finally, D’Angelo notices Shay’s guilty fingers. His expression clouds. He marches toward Shay, but I’m not flooded with my normal protectiveness.
This is their dynamic.
All’s fair in love and war. And their relationship definitely contains both love and war.
D’Angelo grabs Shay by the scruff of the neck. When he squeezes, Shay melts like it’s a caress.
D’Angelo pointedly drags Shay away from the side, then pulls open the dishwasher.
D’Angelo’s eyes widen. “You stacked it.”
Shay grins. “Surprise! I didn’t leave out the dirty mugs.”
D’Angelo lets out a long breath like he’s trying to calm himself. “In every relationship, there’s one person who knows how to correctly stack a dishwasher and one who does it like an over excited puppy. You’re the puppy.”
Shay looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “I got that. I’m your pet.”
D’Angelo turns the mugs the right way up with his free hand, before stacking them to his own precise system. “Are you ever going to follow my rules?”
Shay salutes. “Not a chance, oh my captain.”
D’Angelo tightens his hold on Shay’s neck, dragging him closer. “Still, you’re a good boy for trying.”
Then he kisses him, slow and tender.
I’ve always noticed my brother’s soul deep connection to D’Angelo (the way that he leaned toward him subconsciously, seeking his validation), before Shay told me that he was attracted to D’Angelo.
It wasn’t a surprise.
I hated the anxious way that Shay wrung his hands in his lap, ducking his head, as he told me about his bi-awakening.
Did he think for a moment that I wouldn’t accept anything that he told me about himself?
I’m happy, if he’s happy.
He’s my twin.
I’ve already died and risen from the ashes for him.
Once, when we were kids, I was thrown against the wall so hard that I cracked my skull and passed out.
When I came round, all I could hear was a frantic voice whispering: he’s not breathing, he’s not breathing, he’s not…
I don’t think about that time, which I call only The Room.
I remember that I put my arms out, however, as I was thrown and imagined that instead, I was flying.
I was a phoenix: I died and I was reborn.
I drop my gaze, grabbing a cloth and wiping down the top of the counter.
D’Angelo reluctantly pulls out of the kiss. Shay’s eyes look glassy, and his lips are kiss swollen.
D’Angelo is the only man who my brother wants to tame him.
I hope that D’Angelo knows that I’m watching, however, because if he ever hurts my brother, then I’ll bust his fucking balls.
D’Angelo releases Shay with a final stroke to his neck, as if soothing him. “We have your PA contract to negotiate, Eden. I would have gone through it thoroughly this morning, but coach decided to mind fuck us with a meeting of his own.”
I turn away from the counter and cross my arms. “We can delay it.”
Shay pushes back from D’Angelo, shaking his head. “Hey, hold up. Eden matters too. You offer him this job and then—”
“Have already drawn up a contract and sent it to his email…?” D’Angelo replies, smoothly. “I thought that it’d be easier for you to deal with as a written document, than talking about it directly for hours. You can look over it and then get back to me in your own time with any questions or things that you want to change.”
That’s thoughtful.
It’s like when D’Angelo realized that our contract negotiation and checklist with kinks and limits was too much for me. So, while the rest of them talked about it face to face, he sent it to me in a document to annotate by myself.
Shay rocks on his feet. “Are brilliant…?”
“Better, cucciolo.” D’Angelo smirks.
I tilt up my chin. “I want to negotiate my pay.”
“Done,” D’Angelo drawls.
I blink. “What?”
D’Angelo adjusts his tie. “I’m rather wealthy, even if I’m stuck in this mountain prison with you. I haven’t been able to show you my own mansion, or wine and dine you properly, which I promise that I will correct as soon as I can. I could afford twenty staff, however, if I wanted them. So, whatever figure is in that smart brain of yours, write it down on the blank space in the contract for pay, and it’s yours. Scratch that, whatever figure you’re thinking…double it.”
I stare at him.
Is he serious?
He’s serious.
A strange feeling soars through me.
Is this hope?
Trust?
“Best boss ever.” Shay whoops. “You’re a legend, darlin’. He’s thinking a million dollars a year.”
I stare at Shay, horrified.
I’m not.
“He’s not.” D’Angelo’s serious gaze meets mine. “Remind me never to write you a blank check, cucciolo.”
D’Angelo and I exchange a nod.
We both understand each other.
I’m going to be the best PA that D’Angelo could ever have. He’s saved both Shay and me with this offer, and he’s paying me whatever I think is fair.
I won’t let him down.
I love that I don’t need to say it. He doesn’t make me either.
He accepts my silence. He reads me well enough without forcing my voice from me.
“Who’s being given a million dollars?” Robyn says from the doorway.
Instantly, I swing to her.
My cock twitches.
Robyn is dressed in an ivory suit, which looks crumpled and creased. Probably because she rolls her clothes up and sticks them at the back of her closet.
I’ll offer to iron them.
Yet she still looks like the most beautiful woman who I’ve ever seen.
I love her curves, emerald eyes, and phoenix-red hair.
I love more that she’s interested in my ink, shares her favorite books with me, and has never made me feel like I don’t have a place that I fit in this relationship.
She’s made me an equal.
Yet I feel out of control, spiraling with emotions that I don’t understand but never want to stop.
My heart speeds up like it always does, when I’m with her.
My palms are sweating.
My expression, however, remains inscrutable.
Robyn smiles at me, and my stomach swoops.
Fuck, I love her.
“Eat,” I say.
She glances at the bowls of fresh fruit and plates of pastries and muffins that are spread across the table. Her nose wrinkles in a way I love at their sweet, freshly baked scent.
“Wow, this looks amazing. Thanks, Eden.” Robyn rushes to the table like the devil is after her and throws herself down on the bench.
She must be in a panic about this meeting.
Is it really that bad?
I frown.
Shay studies her. “It’s good to see you, love. I’d have preferred the naked version…”
Robyn twists to look at him. “I should have known that D’Angelo would snitch on me. How about you guys serve me naked tomorrow.”
D’Angelo snorts. “Only if it we wake up and there’s a pig flying outside our window.”
“How about if you win the three opening games?” She challenges.
“Why aren’t we the ones rewarded?” D’Angelo demands.
“You will be.” Robyn scans the breakfast, selecting a couple of rolls and a handful of fruit onto her plate hurriedly. “If you serve me well naked.”
D’Angelo looks like he’s about to protest, but Shay silences him by clapping his hands together, as if it’s an auction.
“Deal,” Shay exclaims.
“What just happened?” D’Angelo catches my gaze.
“We got played,” I reply.
Robyn looks amused. I watch her for a moment, as she snatches a blueberry muffin. She doesn’t hesitate, stuffing it into her mouth.
Then chokes.
All three of us rush to her, patting her on the back.
She coughs and splutters, red faced. “Stop beating me like a rug.”
Then she chokes again, gasping for breath.
“I’m going in for the Heimlich maneuver. Stand back,” D’Angelo orders.
I drag Shay back by his arm.
“Fuck,” Shay mutters, concerned.
I hold onto him tightly in case he thinks that he’s a Disney prince and a kiss of life will work better than first aid.
D’Angelo wraps his arms around Robyn’s waist, beginning to wrench her out of her seat.
I’m glad that he’s strong and can manhandle all of us, although I’d kick him in the balls if he ever tries that with me.
Well, apart from if he’s saving my life.
Maybe.
Robyn coughs, beginning to gasp in breaths all by herself again. “Get off me, white knight. I can breathe. I may die of embarrassment but not of choking on a blueberry muffin.”
D’Angelo clings onto her for another long moment like he doesn’t entirely believe her, before he lowers her onto the bench again.
D’Angelo’s arms are clutched around her middle like he still fears losing her. “Can you imagine the headlines? Bay Rebels Team Members Murder Coach’s Daughter with breakfast pastries?”
Shay shrugs. “It could be worse: Coach’s Daughter Chokes Rather Than Swallows.”
D’Angelo lets go of Robyn to cast Shay a quelling look. “You’re worse than the hacks. Are you looking for a job with that snake, Melanie, at Peninsula Daily News? She loved coming up with puns like Pucking the Playboy, which was me, of course. Being in the public eye is strangely like having people punch you in the dick, then ask you for an interview an hour later. I need to warn you that you’re signing up to a team that’s jeered at as both the Misfits and the Losers. Expect strangers to insult you to your face and haters to feel entitled to troll you online. Welcome to a world of being punched in the dick professionally.”
Shay blinks. “So, what you’re saying is that celebrities must sign up for cock and ball torture. Harsh.”
D’Angelo kisses Robyn’s head. “That’s why we need to stand together against CBT.”
“Plus, you have me,” Robyn declares. “I’m your PR Director. I’m here to shield and protect you. I promise, I will.”
She bravely reaches for the muffin again.
“Slow down.” I pin Robyn with a stern stare. “Be careful.”
“I got the memo from the near death breakfast experience.” Now, Robyn edges her plate away. “I’m just worried.”
Shay perches next to her on the table. “I’d better hand-feed you, love. It’s safer that way and kinkier. Two birds with one stone.”
He picks up a large, plump strawberry and hovers it in front of her lips.
Robyn blushes, adorably. “We don’t have time.”
D’Angelo leans against the wall. “We do. Relax. I promise, we’ll get to the arena with time to spare. Well, probably not. But we won’t miss the meeting.”
I snag an apple off the table and toss it to D’Angelo. He catches it.
When he thinks of other’s needs, he forgets his own.
It could be a dom thing. On the other hand, all of us in this new found family do it.
We need to look out for each other.
D’Angelo gives me an inquiring look, before crunching into the apple.
I’m mesmerized by the way Robyn nibbles and sucks on the tip of the strawberry like it’s a cock.
I shift from one foot to the other, hoping that it’s not too obvious that it’s because my own cock is now uncomfortably hard in my leather trousers.
Perhaps, I should stop wearing such tight ones around Robyn.
Plus, if I wear joggers, then they’re loose enough for her small hand to slip in the front and…
I bite my lip.
Not helping with my problem.
“Like that do you, love?” Shay leans closer to Robyn, as his voice becomes deeper and like caramel.
She doesn’t respond with words but laps the remaining strawberry into her mouth with her tongue. Then she licks and sucks the juice off Shay’s fingers.
Shay shivers. “I didn’t know that I was into food play but I am now. I’m adding that to my list. Hmm, this gives me an idea.”
D’Angelo looks amused. “Sounds dangerous.”
“It’s how you like me, darlin’.”
D’Angelo doesn’t reply but takes a crisp bite of his apple.
I force my gaze away with Robyn, as Shay breaks off a bite size piece of muffin that hopefully won’t make D’Angelo repeat his attempted Heimlich maneuver and feeds it to Robyn.
Robyn chews and then swallows, before twisting on the bench to face the rest of us. “I meant what I said about my PR role. Now the season is starting, it’s more important than ever. We played the David and Goliath card, beating some of the biggest teams in the NHL in a scandalous game. This season will be the most pressured of your careers, along with the added difficulty of keeping our relationship secret from the press.”
D”Angelo fiddles with his cuff links three times. “Are we still sure that we want to keep our relationship secret?”
He looks to Shay.
I like that.
Shay bites his lip. “I’m not ready…”
“I’m not talking about announcing your sexuality,” D’Angelo says with a flash of steel. “You don’t owe that to anyone. The public’s not entitled to know that. We could even keep the poly part private. I know that some in the traditional press and sports world may not be understanding about it, and I won’t damage Shay’s sponsorship chances. He’s just starting out; it’s too important. You could cover for us by telling those sharks that you and I are dating.”
My hand balls into a fist.
Am Ithe dirty secret?
If it’s what needs to happen to protect the others, then I’ll accept it. It’s enough to know that Robyn wants me in her life.
But it’s hard.
Robyn firmly shakes her head, however, and her gaze meets mine. “It’s all or nothing. We’re equals in this relationship. We can either get to a position that I’m able to announce you’re all the men who I love, or we keep it secret and protect the most precious thing in the world to me. So, we’ll need to keep on secretly pucking.”
My hand relaxes, and I lean forward, tracing a finger down her cheek. “I don’t want the world to break what we have.”
I hope that she understands.
“I don’t want them to break our hearts. I won’t allow that to happen.” Robyn’s expression hardens, as she claps her hands. “So, that means I need to keep the press off our backs. As PR Director, I must spin PR disasters into successes, making sure that the Bay Rebels are not devoured by the world’s new interest in the youngest team in the NHL.”
Shay licks crumbs off his fingers. “You’ve got this, love.”
Instantly, Robyn points a firm finger at him, and his eyes widen. “I do, if a certain Terrible Twin learns to control his temper on the ice and adapts to playing without his twin.”
D’Angelo snorts. “Good luck.”
“And you,” Robyn’s scary pointy finger turns on D’Angelo, and he freezes in place, “will have to continue to reform your wild child, cocky playboy image and captain this new team to the playoffs. Dad has made it clear that this is your final chance.”
“I’ll never be reformed.” D’Angelo’s eyes gleam. “But I will get the Bay Rebels to the playoffs.”
Fuck, the finger is slowly turning in my direction.
Is it too late to run?
“And you…” Robyn’s lips twitch. “Actually, you don’t have to worry about anything but recovering from your injuries and learning your new role working for D’Angelo. Let us take care of you for once. I know that’s hard for you to accept.”
She has no idea.
“She didn’t kick your ass, Dee.” Shay mock pouts, but I know that he’s teasing.
“She doesn’t need to.” I draw my thumb from Robyn’s cheek to her jaw, pushing up her chin. “May I kiss you?”
“Yes, please.”
I claim her lips in a chaste kiss that still sends chills through me.
Every time that I touch her, it lights me up.
When I draw back, I lick over her plush lips. She tastes sweetly of strawberries.
Her gaze meets mine, searchingly. “Okay?”
“Now that I’m with you.”
When I straddle the bench next to her, she grabs my hand, entwining our fingers. It appears to calm her.
Robyn’s expression becomes serious. “You know, I’m going to make good use of my PR knowledge to build my independence, career, and to protect our relationship. The only good thing that Wilder ever did for me was to pay for my Public Relations PhD. It’s why I don’t have that debt hanging over me. Did I say do for me? More like he couldn’t stop me studying, and I only spent the money that other wives paid out on million dollar house redecorations. As long as I still went to events as his trophy wife and it didn’t interfere with me supporting his hockey career, he didn’t care.”
My Robyn’s ex was an abusive, narcissistic cheater.
I respect her strength so fucking much.
We understand each other because we’ve both survived in different ways.
“I’m sorry that you were treated like that.” D’Angelo’s shoulders are tight. “I wish that I could knee him in the balls again.”
Shay’s expression is fierce. “I wish that I could rip them off.”
I wish that I could kill him.
Robyn’s fingers tighten around mine. “You have. After his actions on the ice, he’s been suspended. He’s also being investigated for stalking, harassment, filming without consent and blackmail by his own coach. He’s no longer the golden boy of hockey.”
“But we’re still the rebels,” Shay says, proudly.
Robyn smiles. “And that’s the narrative that we go with. Bay Rebels aren’t the losers. They’re the underdog rebels, here to take on the arrogant elites of the NHL. Privately, I’ve moved on from Wilder. I’m back in my home town with my family, friends, and new men who I love. I have a dream career. Whatever happens, I can face it.”
D”Angelo taps his watch. “Talking of that, it’s time to face the coach.”
Robyn pales. “Can I take back my rallying speech?”
“Too late.” Shay grins. “It was rousing. In more ways than one.”
“Should I get my sword?” I keep my face straight. My sword is already hard as steel and ready for action. Robyn’s glancing significantly at my pants and raises her eyebrow as if to say that she knows. “It’s like Queen Elizabeth the First herself is here to lead us into battle. You even have the red hair.”
“I’m not a queen. I’m the rebel, Robyn Hood,” Robyn replies, defiantly.
“You’re my Queen, love,” Shay murmurs, low and seductive.
I know my twin. He means it.
“Okay, I can’t put it off any longer. Dad hates people being late.” Robyn sighs, but then her eyes light up. “I did have one idea for social media this week, however, to start building some diehard fans. You know, fans who are invested in your journey this season, loving you as people, and truly being feral for the Bay Rebels. I’ll work on this angle but I’ll need someone to take some photos that aren’t the stiff, dead-eyed official ones. Something relaxed, at home and the rink. They need to be taken on phones or iPads, so they look authentic.”
To my surprise, Shay points at me. “Dee is brilliant at taking photos. I cut off people’s heads, take them just when a stranger walks in front of the picture, or forget that I’ve left the Fleshlight on the bed in my college dorm. That was an interesting picture to accidentally show poor Mum…”
“Eden will do it,” Robyn says, quickly.
“I’m not brilliant,” I protest. “I just didn’t own a Fleshlight to leave out.”
“Don’t minimize your talents.” Shay tilts his head. “You’re good at this like you’re better than me at reading and in the gym. You can do this.”
“Why don’t you take the first photo now, before I have to leave to face Dad?” Robyn suggests.
It’s the edge of hope and something else in her voice that has me standing up from the bench and backing across the kitchen, readying to take the photograph for her.
I wouldn’t do anything for her, in the same way that I know Shay would.
It makes him emotionally more vulnerable to her.
The hold that D’Angelo and Robyn have over my twin is dangerous. It’s why I’m keeping a close eye.
Shay’s always been at risk.
When Robyn looks at me in that way with her beautiful eyes and asks for help, however, I know that I’d never say no.
I pull the phone out of my pocket, unlocking it.
I switch it to camera, then I point it at the kitchen, centering the photograph. Shay is perched on the table, smiling and relaxed. Not many people get to see this side to him.
Robyn’s idea is smart.
Who will be able to see him like this and not fall in love with him?
Want to cheer for him to succeed on the ice and off it?
D’Angelo is posed, appearing typically cold and elegant against the wall. He arches his eyebrow at me.
“Perfect,” I say.
He looks like the dominant captain as in charge at home as he is at the rink.
And Robyn…?
I crop her out of the photograph.
I’m going to take photographs of her though. But they’ll only be for me to look at and print out to pin on the wall beside my bed.
When I look through the camera lens on my phone, taking this happy photograph in the warmth of the kitchen, my hand tightens around the casing.
For a long time, I didn’t know what family meant. I felt constantly on high alert. I wore my silence as a thicket of roses with thorns around me like Sleeping Beauty to keep everybody out.
When I was twelve, I fell on the ice.
I hit my head and sprained my ankle. It wasn’t a bad concussion, although I hurled and my temples throbbed.
What I cared about was the way that Shay cried, when he was forced to go to school without me for the first time.
Dad insisted.
I propped myself up in bed, listening to Mum’s anxious voice on the phone outside my bedroom door.
“Sir, it’s only one day. There’s no one else to stay home with him, you see, and he’s my son…yes, my adopted son, but that doesn’t change anything… Please, don’t fire me. I need this job. I’ll work a double shift tomorrow.”
I balled my fists. I hated it, when her boss made her beg. He did it a lot.
One day, I was going to be big and strong enough to stand up for Mum.
For all women.
When Mum appeared in the door, she looked exhausted. Her black hair hung in a messy pony tail. Strands fell around her fawn, heart shaped face.
Her brown eyes looked tired.
She gave me a strained smile. “Always so serious, Dee. It’s not a problem for me to take time off to look after you, sweetheart, as I promised.”
I shook my head, which made me woozier.
Concerned, Mum sat on the edge of the bed. When she reached to stroke my hair, I couldn’t stop myself flinching.
Carefully, she adjusted the covers over me. “You’ll feel better soon. Shay and you matter more than anything and far more than some bloody cleaning job.”
I perked up at Shay’s name.
Was Shay coping at school without me?
He’d texted me six times already. I wasn’t telling Mum that because he wasn’t meant to be texting during class.
Shay was better at being sneaky than I was.
Mum arched her brow like she could already tell. “No worrying about your brother. He’ll be fine. Just rest. Later, I’ll read you another chapter of your new library book. Is it another one on myths? I don’t know, you two are so smart. Sometimes, I think that you’ll be professors someday. You’ll be the first in the family to go to college, I can tell. I’m so proud.”
The pain in my head and ankle meant nothing. I was used to pain.
There was a happiness surging through me, however, that I wasn’t used to.
Mum thought that I was smart, as well as Shay…? That I’d go to college?
She intended to keep me, despite knowing where I’d come from and everything that was wrong with me? Possibly forever?
For the first time, I dared to believe it.
I started to shake.
These emotions were overwhelming. My mind was buzzing.
Alarmed, Mum grabbed hold of my hand. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Should I call the doctor? Is it your head?”
How could I explain?
Even within my mind, I didn’t have the words.
I’d never spoken anything out loud.
My twin would understand. He must be feeling the same as me. Was that why he wept?
I needed Shay.
Shay. Shay. Shay.
“Shay,” I whispered.
My first ever word: My brother’s name.
Mum’s eyes widened, before she whispered, “What did you just say?”
“Shay,” I repeated.
Then Mum was pulling me up, dragging me to her chest and crying like she’d never stop. “Yes, sweetheart, you’re so smart. What do you say we have a celebration, the three of us, once your brother’s home from school? Cheer us all up and get us smiling again? I’m the luckiest mum in the world to have such incredible sons.”
Now, I stare at the photograph in this warm kitchen with Shay looking like he’s never been happier, and right here is what I’ve sacrificed for.
These men and women are precious.
My family here in America who think I’m smart and love and want both Shay and me.
I’ll do anything to protect it.
Whatever it takes.