21. Liberty
Afew nights later, Liberty came in from her shower to find Glory sitting in bed, reading a book instead of sleeping.
“Up late again?” she asked.
“It’s our last night,” Glory said sadly, placing the book on her bedside table.
“Oh,” Liberty said, surprised.
She had finished up the bedroom that she’d been working on all this time. It was completely cleaned out and painted pale blue now. She had even found some new white bedding and one or two nautical themed paintings at a local thrift shop. The room had exactly the lovely beachy feel that Liberty had been going for. She couldn’t wait to move in.
It’s only temporary,she reminded herself. Mom’s going to sell this place soon.
But it was strange to see Glory looking downcast. She would have bet that her little sister would have wanted her room back to herself by now.
“I’ll be right down the hall,” Liberty told her.
“It’s not the same,” Glory said. “It was fun to share a room. It really felt like vacation.”
Liberty agreed, pulling down her sheets and getting in bed.
“Can I ask for your advice?” Glory said quietly.
“Sure,” Liberty told her, sitting back up. “Always.”
“It’s about Tristan,” Glory said. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together at work, and that’s been cool. But he wants to take me out on a date, like officially.”
“That sounds nice,” Liberty said. “You need help deciding what to wear?”
“No,” Glory laughed. “I never need help with that. I just… I’m not sure about him. I mean, I really like him, and he seems like a nice guy…”
“So, what’s the problem?” Liberty asked.
“What if I’m wrong?” Glory said simply. “It’s so hard to know if someone is really special. I mean, how did you know Chase was the one?”
“It was the way he made me feel,” Liberty said without even thinking about it. “Like no matter where we were, I was home.”
It was impossible not to smile, thinking about that moment and the way Chase had looked at her like she was his whole world. She forced the memory down and glanced over at her sister, who was eyeing her with a strange expression.
“Wait a minute,” Liberty said, suddenly putting it together. “Wait, this isn’t really about your crush, is it?”
“It sounds like you still love him,” Glory said softly.
“You’re really not a little kid anymore,” Liberty realized out loud.
Her baby sister had been clever enough to have set a trap to get her talking. And she was mature enough to care what she had to say.
“I’m not,” Glory agreed, shaking her head.
Liberty sighed, trying to get her head together. She hadn’t really wanted to talk to anyone about her situation. And in her day-to-day life down here, she didn’t even have to think about it herself very often. But ignoring the situation wasn’t making it go away.
Maybe it was time to open up to someone.
“You’ve been paying attention,” Liberty began, trying to find the courage to say the words.
“I see the way you feel about him,” Glory said. “I know what Mom assumes, but she’s wrong, isn’t she? This… It isn’t really about him, is it?”
Liberty shook her head, suddenly fighting back tears. She focused her eyes on her hands, which were worrying her blanket.
“Then what is it really about?” Glory asked, moving to sit beside Liberty on her bed.
“I can’t have children,” Liberty said quickly, before she could lose her nerve.
Glory wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“I know you guys have been trying for a while,” she began.
“Two years,” Liberty said. “Since the moment we were married.”
“Oh, Liberty,” Glory said, holding her closer. “I’m so sorry. But you guys are going to be the perfect parents. You just have to be patient.”
“That’s the thing,” Liberty said, shaking her head. “I did some testing. It’s not going to happen, at least not for me.”
“Are they sure?” Glory asked.
“The numbers are pretty definitive,” Liberty said.
“Can’t you just adopt then?” Glory asked.
Liberty bit her lip. It was exactly the question she’d been expecting. And she couldn’t really blame Glory for it. She probably hadn’t spent much time, if any, thinking about being a mom.
“I know that seems like an easy answer from the outside,” Liberty said after a moment. “And it’s the same question I would have asked two years ago. But there are a lot of reasons why we weren’t adopting in the first place. I wanted to experience pregnancy, and we wanted to parent a newborn. We love the idea of a baby who looks like Chase and me. And beyond all that, adoptions can be very stressful and expensive, and even the ones that are more affordable can be riskier and involve a lot more legal stuff or years more of waiting.”
She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, organizing her thoughts. It was strange how she had been experiencing all these feelings internally. But now that she had to explain everything out loud, it felt more real and less intimidating all at the same time.
“Don’t get me wrong. I think adoption is wonderful. And it’s not necessarily that we wouldn’t be willing to adopt, Glory,” she went on. “It’s just that it’s a huge thing to get your head around, and a very big change from what we dreamed about. Does that make sense?”
Glory nodded.
“I would never want Chase to feel pressured to agree to adoption,” Liberty went on. “And I would never want to adopt a child until I was one hundred percent finished mourning what I wanted before, and ready to move forward with nothing but love and excitement. Anything less than that wouldn’t be fair to the child.”
“That makes sense,” Glory said, nodding slowly.
“And I don’t know if Chase would ever be on board,” Liberty said sadly.
“Is that what he’s saying?” Glory demanded, her voice filled with fury.
“No,” Liberty said immediately. “Not at all. He… he doesn’t know yet. His family is so important to him, Glory. I just don’t know how to even talk to him about it.”
“He doesn’t know?” Glory asked softly. “Wow.”
“I’m going to tell him,” Liberty said, feeling awful.
“So, you just left and didn’t tell him why,” Glory said.
Liberty nodded, knowing that it sounded dangerously like what Dad had done.
And Glory was furious with Dad.
“What do you think he’ll say?” Liberty asked.
“He’ll say he loves you and it doesn’t matter,” Glory said. “Obviously. Have you even been paying attention to him at all?”
“I know he loves me,” Liberty said. “I just don’t want him to go without biologically related kids just because he loves me.”
“So you want him to go without you?” Glory asked. “The person he loves most of all?”
There was more to it than that, but it all just felt so overwhelming that all Liberty could do was sigh and put her face in her hands, letting the tears come.
“You know, it’s funny,” Glory said musingly as she rubbed Liberty’s back. “I think Mary McKinnon’s two favorite kids might just be the two she didn’t give birth to. Have you noticed that?”
Liberty laughed a little through her tears.
“She loves them,” Glory said fiercely. “That could be you and Chase with your adopted kids.”
“Spending time with her helps a lot,” Liberty murmured through her tears. “But Chase isn’t here. He’s not seeing any of that.”
“Then get him down here,” Glory said.
Liberty nodded. Maybe that wasn’t the worst idea in the world. If he’d even agree to it.
“So, you’ll talk to him?” Glory asked. “You’ll tell him to come here? You can tell him all this in person, you know. He’ll come down the minute you tell him where you are.”
“Soon,” Liberty told her. “I’ll do that soon. I just need a little more time.”
Glory didn’t reply, but she pressed her lips to the top of Liberty’s head.
For a moment, Liberty was spun back in time to when she used to kiss the crown of little Glory’s head just the same way when she toddled into Liberty’s room.
“Love you, pumpkin,” Liberty whispered, calling Glory by Mom’s nickname for her. “You sure grew up wise.”