22. Jess
Afew weeks later, Jess sat alone in the kitchen of a strangely quiet house.
She had spent years back in the massive Victorian with only Silas and Glory, after the two older girls went off to college.
But somehow, in just a month, she had gotten used to the Seashell Lane house being full of hustle-bustle. Every day as she headed inside after work, she looked forward to the sound of her daughters cleaning, painting, cooking, laughing, or dancing along to the radio.
But today, Glory had off from work and the three of them had decided they would take advantage of the break in her schedule to borrow the car and head to Key West to go shopping.
They said they needed clothes, but when they hinted that it would be better for Jess to stay home and relax, she began to suspect they were really shopping for birthday presents. Or at least they were also shopping for birthday presents.
Though she’d had mixed feelings about turning fifty when she was back home, now that she was here in Driftwood Key, she had begun to feel nothing but happiness at the idea of celebrating half-a-century of life.
She still missed Silas from time to time, mostly when she wanted to share something about her girls. But she had other friends now. She’d pick up the phone and call Becca or even Marta or Nikki back home sometimes. Or she would stop by to see Mary and sit at the kitchen table with her to drink coffee and gab. And of course Clint was there to chat with almost every day after work and a lot of mornings, too.
Jess had found she liked being the one her daughters turned to for help and advice, or to decide what would happen next. She had always been more hands-on with the kids, but they had all just naturally looked to Silas as their family leader. That role was left to Jess now, and she was finding that the crown was not always as heavy as it had looked from a distance.
As for why Silas decided to leave—she was no closer to getting an answer to that question. And it was still the one thing that irritated her, pulling her out of her idyllic new mind frame every time she thought about it.
Who shared almost thirty years with someone and couldn’t spare them an explanation on the way out the door? And even if there had been some issue with her, how could he do that to the girls?
She started a fresh pot of coffee on autopilot and pulled out the tin of coconut chocolate chip cookies she and Glory had made last night.
There was a brief double knock at the front door and then she heard it swung open—Clint’s usual way of entering.
“Hey there,” he called out from the living room.
“I’m in the kitchen,” she called back to him. “Coffee and cookies?”
“Yes please,” he said, sticking his head in and smiling warmly at her.
The more time they spent together, the more the big man seemed to be letting his guard down.
He settled himself at the table and peeked into the tin.
“Coconut chocolate chip?” he asked hopefully.
“Yes,” Jess told him. “Glory and I made them last night.”
“Amazing,” he said, looking like he was going to have to sit on his hands to wait long enough for her to pour the coffee.
She handed him his mug a moment later and grabbed milk from the fridge to put in hers.
“Where is everyone?” he asked, suddenly looking up from the cookies suspiciously.
“They went to Key West,” Jess laughed. “Today is the big shopping day they’ve been planning. It’s funny for the place to be so quiet, isn’t it?”
“Sure is,” he said, looking down at his coffee.
“I’ve got chowder going in the slow cooker,” she told him. “And I’ll throw some cornbread biscuits in the oven when we’re ready for dinner. It’ll all keep for the girls when they get home.”
“Sounds good,” he said. “But, you know, I feel like maybe I should do some of the cooking, since I’m eating here almost every night.”
Jess was so stunned that she just stared at him for a minute. Silas had never offered to do any cooking, not ever.
Why am I comparing them?
“I mean, I don’t have to,” he said, lifting his hands. “I’m just saying I’m glad to help out.”
“You’re already helping out,” she said automatically. “You’ve done everything on our list, and now you’re helping with the other stuff, too. I didn’t expect all this, Clint. And I don’t want to take advantage.”
“You’re not,” he said gruffly, shoving half a cookie in his mouth, as if to demonstrate that the conversation was over.
“Well, all right then,” Jess laughed. “I guess you can keep fixing up my house and I can keep feeding you.”
That earned her a smile.
They enjoyed their snack in friendly silence after that. It was one of Jess’s favorite things about Clint. With him around she wasn’t lonely, but she could definitely hear herself think.
“Guess I’d better get to it,” he said, getting up from the table and taking both their mugs and plates over to the sink.
Jess watched the big man carefully wash her china and stack it on the drainboard, then they headed back to the mudroom together. Clint had taught Jess to paint, but they were saving the living room and dining room for last, so that her skills would be in peak form before they worked on those important spaces.
Yesterday, they had prepped and taped out the tiny space on the back of the kitchen. It definitely needed paint. It was clear that generations of family had kicked off shoes and dropped backpacks there. The bottom two feet of paint seemed to be nothing but scuff marks, even after they’d scrubbed the walls last night. Jess liked to picture her mom and Uncle Brian as kids, flinging their stuff to the floor before running inside for an afterschool snack.
“So, how’s Stowaway Cottage coming along?” Jess asked.
Stowaway Cottage was Clint’s current project. He always had funny stories about the owner, a sweet little old man with more money than sense, who changed his mind so often about paint colors and finishes Clint had taken to bringing over samples instead of buying what he needed, just to be sure Albert was happy once the work commenced.
“Oh, I started on his powder room today,” Clint said, shaking his head.
“Did he like the periwinkle blue?” Jess asked.
“So much that he asked me to do the other bathroom in that color, too,” Clint said.
“Didn’t you already do the hall bath in yellow?” Jess asked, frowning.
“Buttercup yellow,” Clint said nodding. “After we tried Sunshine and Daffodil.”
“He wants you to paint it again,” Jess breathed in horror.
“He’s paying me,” Clint said, shrugging. “And he’s not hurting for funds, as he likes to remind me. So I went back and bought a couple gallons.”
“Amazing,” Jess said.
“If he changes his mind again, we can use it for one of your upstairs baths,” Clint said, chuckling.
They went on, chatting about their days and the painting they were doing, and the time just seemed to melt away. The next thing Jess knew, the mudroom walls were finished, and they were rinsing out the brushes in the utility sink.
“I’ll finish this up if you want to get cleaned up,” Clint offered, as usual.
“Thank you,” she told him, dashing upstairs to rinse off quickly.
Somehow, she always wound up covered in paint and Clint never got a drop on him.
When she stepped out of the shower, she pulled on a simple cotton dress and tried not to examine herself in the mirror. It didn’t matter if she looked pretty or not, she and Clint didn’t have that kind of relationship.
She hurried downstairs and grabbed the tray of raw biscuits she had thrown together this morning from the fridge and put them in the oven.
By the time the table was set and the biscuits were coming out of the oven, Clint had completed the cleanup and washed his hands.
“Wow, that smells incredible,” he said, shaking his head in wonder.
He said it just about every night, but somehow Jess believed him because it always sounded like he really meant it.
“It’s so quiet without the girls,” he said after a moment.
“Should we just eat in here?” Jess asked. “It does seem strange to take it to the big table when it’s just us.”
“How about we eat out on the back porch?” Clint asked. “You’ve got your little table out there.”
“Great idea,” Jess said, excited to take in the sunset while enjoying dinner.
They ladled out their bowls, threw a biscuit on top, grabbed a glass of tea each, and headed out back.
The heat of the day was lifting, and a refreshing breeze blew in off the water. The sky was already blushing pink, and birds sailed through the air, as if celebrating the sinking of the sun.
“Don’t forget to eat,” Clint teased, his blue eyes crinkling.
“Do you ever get used to all that beauty?” she asked him, looking out at the view.
“No,” he said simply.
She turned back to him, but he wasn’t looking at the ocean. He was looking at Jess. She could feel her cheeks heating, so she applied herself to her dinner, dipping a bit of biscuit in the chowder.
“You excited for your birthday party?” Clint asked lightly after a moment.
“I never thought I’d exactly be excited to turn fifty,” Jess joked. “But it actually feels pretty amazing. So… yes, I am excited.”
“Good,” Clint said. “Because everyone is making a real fuss.”
His voice was as gruff as usual, so it was hard to tell if he disapproved of all the fuss, if he was letting her know not to suddenly cancel, or if he was just saying what he was thinking.
“What?” he asked.
“It’s hard to tell how you feel about things sometimes,” Jess told him honestly.
“Then ask me,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“What do you think of everyone making a fuss?” she asked.
“I think it’s really nice,” he said. “Don’t you?”
Jess immediately felt terrible. Of course Clint would think it was really nice. She wasn’t entirely sure what had happened in his life before he came to live with the McKinnons, but she was pretty sure it hadn’t been filled with people making a fuss for his birthday.
“Yes,” she said. “I think it’s amazing. It’s so good to be back here.”
“The house is looking good,” he said. “You should be able to sell soon.”
His tone was light, but the words hit her like a bucket of cold water.
“What are your plans?” he asked when she didn’t make any comment.
“Well, Glory and I will head back to Aynwick, of course,” she said, repeating the rundown she’d had planned from the beginning. “We’ll find a cheap apartment, fingers crossed, and reenroll her at school. And hopefully I’ll find a job up there too.”
Oddly, she didn’t feel as enthusiastic about it as she once had. After all this time away, she thought Aynwick would feel flat and gray compared to Driftwood Key.
“Is there a reason why you feel you have to do that?” Clint asked gently. “Do you have family up that way, or…?”
“Not anymore, I guess,” she said.
It hit her suddenly that he already knew this, all of this. She’d told him her plan on day one, and he knew her Uncle Brian had passed.
Could it be that he was asking her to stay, without actually asking?
But again, she couldn’t really tell what he was thinking.
Then ask me…
Her eyes flashed up to meet his and it was clear he wasn’t expecting it. His blue-gray eyes were dark with interest, and for a moment, something electric passed between them. It was familiar, as if it had been there all along, under their comfortable routines. And at the same time, it was brand new.
Jess felt like someone who had been wandering around a room in darkness for months and the lights had just come on. All the things she had felt and imagined before were now illuminated.
Clint opened his mouth to say something.
But before he could, the back door banged open.
“They’re back here,” Glory yelled into the house. “Wow, guys, we couldn’t find you. What are you doing back here?”
“Well, it seemed kind of lonely in that big dining room without you girls,” Jess said honestly. “How was your day?”
“It was amazing,” Glory said.
Anthem and Liberty piled out the back door, their arms laden with bags.
“We found so many bargains, Mom,” Anthem said.
“All of us stayed under budget,” Liberty announced. “You would have been proud.”
“Look at these dresses,” Glory said, pulling out a handful of whisper-light cotton baby doll dresses.
“Tie-dye, huh?” Clint asked. “Mom might have a couple more like that in the attic. I can ask her.”
“Wow, go, Mary,” Glory said. “She was a flower child, huh?”
“Pretty much everyone was back then,” Clint laughed. “What else did you get?”
Anthem showed him a vinyl record she’d found heavens knew where.
The girls were really tickled at everything they had bought at a discount. It suddenly hit her that they had never really had to bargain-hunt before, at least the younger two hadn’t.
It made her smile to think about it, bargain-shopping had been one of her greatest pleasures at their age. It was nice that their unexpected turn of fortunes had some upsides and made them feel self-sufficient.
Clint was bent over the impressive collection of used paperbacks Liberty had fanned out on the table in front of him, pointing to the ones he’d read or wanted to, and teasing her for getting so many that she must have left the store half empty.
Even her ever-serious Liberty had to laugh.
It was so nice to watch him smiling and joking with her girls. It was clear that he genuinely liked them, and always seemed to get a kick out of hearing what they had to say. She wondered why he’d never had kids of his own.
A little voice in the back of her head tried to whisper something to her about destiny, and she did her best to ignore it.
I can’t have these feelings. My life is too complicated.
But she could feel her old crush resurfacing anyway, in spite of her reservations, a bright flicker of excitement dancing into the warm peace of her new life.