Chapter 3
Terra
Raine comes with me to shower. I don’t think he has any interest in seeing his own quarters at the moment. I must admit, I only let my weary eyes skirt my dark room before I’m walking straight to the bathroom. A bed, desk, and lancet window with a reading seat. Dust curls in the one stream of light that beams into my room. A stack of books that I’ll nosedive into later perhaps, but the only thing I want right now is to get all of this blood off my skin.
The octagonal white tiles make the bathroom practically shine. There’s not a spot of grime or dirt in here. Raine moves to the shower—only a wall of glass separates it from the rest of the bathroom—and turns on the water.
He doesn’t bother stepping out of the shower as he strips his matted jacket from his skin and unties his combat boots. I watch soundlessly as Raine’s muscles flex beautifully under the stream of water. The dried blood rehydrates like water paint, returning to its intoxicating color as it spills from his body and down the drain.
His pants are the last to go, sliding slowly down his legs, freeing his half-hard cock. My throat is dry and heat pools in my core as I watch my handsome, broken man tilt his head back in the hot water, parting his lips just enough to look serene.
I unzip my jacket and shed my ruined clothes, stepping out of my pants languidly and drawing Raine’s eyes back to me. Red streams of water glide down his face. He raises his hand for me and smiles. “Come here.”
He steps aside for me to submerge myself. I hiss as the heat stings my skin but it quickly becomes soothing and I let out a long breath. Raine stands at my back, his hands softly touching my skin and helping wash away the blood.
I could lose myself here and pretend I’m back at home. Pretend my life isn’t some far-fetched tale. The thought of Finn being as different as Edgar makes my stomach curl with dread. I lower my head and let the water run over my face.
Raine grips the base of my neck with one hand as his other smooths down my waist and cups my ass. He brings his lips close to my ear and takes a deep breath before whispering, “Want me to entertain you, babe? I know your head’s probably all fucked right now with the nasty things your brother said.” He pauses. I lift my head and meet his gaze. He sets both hands on my hips and guides me back until we’re both under the water. “Let me try to take it away?” he says sadly.
I stare at his weary blue eyes and let my gaze lower to his soft lips. “Raine, I know you’re hurting from everything that happened in Barkovah. Don’t hide your grief,” I murmur against his lips as he presses his forehead to mine. It’s then that I notice his tears, almost impossible to see.
“I let them all down; I let Bennie die.” The anguish in his eyes tugs on the emotions locked behind my Shadow. I don’t dare reach and find them. I can see, clear as day, how much he hurts, and I never want to feel that pain again.
“What happened at the hotel, Raine?” I ask in a soft voice.
His eyes well with emotion and he sets his head on my shoulder as a trembling sob leaves his chest. “One second everything was normal and then people starting fucking exploding. The ones that didn’t started to panic. There were so many fucking dark smoke figures.” He wheezes a heart-wrenching breath. “Everyone was confused and scared so they opened fire. Bennie—he was… He was right in front of me and took so many fucking bullets.”
I never thought hearing a grown man sob would be so sad. His shoulders tremble and all I can do is wrap my arms around him. “It wasn’t your fault.”
He stops shaking and stills, pulling away and looking down at me with realization in his eyes. “No, it wasn’t, it was Elias’s. I should’ve killed him when I had the chance.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think you ever had that chance, Raine. He was letting you torture him.”
He bites his lower lip, dropping his shoulders in defeat. I trace the scar on his neck and jawline. He returns the gesture, wrapping his thumb and forefinger around my chin and pulling me close. His breath is warm against my lips before he presses into me for a long kiss.
Raine deepens the kiss, urging my lips open with his tongue as he lets his hands explore my body. The evidence of his arousal is nestled between my thighs and he thrusts his hips softly into them.
I smile and whisper, “We have a million other things to do right now.”
He chuckles and kisses me fervently, biting and pulling my lower lip until I squirm in his hold. “Well, I was just sentenced to death, remember? So I don’t really care.”
My breath leaves my lungs and I jerk back, clenching my jaw. “Don’t say that.”
Raine arches a brow. “Why not? I don’t think that instructor was lying; I don’t think he’s even capable of it,” he says indifferently as he turns the shower off and grabs two folded towels perched on the edge of the sink.
He hands me one but I don’t unfold it. “There has to be a way around it. A loophole or something.” Inside my chest, the emotions are battling against Amser, trying to rise, but my Shadow prevails.
The way Raine watches me so carefully with his blue eyes knots my throat. His voice is raspy and low as he replies, “You don’t feel anything bad after you shut it off, do you? Did your Shadow truly steal all the emotions from your heart?”
I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want to hurt him, so I settle with: “I don’t want you to go anywhere, Raine.”
He smiles bleakly at that and nods with a small scoff. As he leaves me behind and shuts the door behind him, I’m consumed with an odd sense of emptiness. The longer I protect myself from my emotions, the more I dislike the lack of them.
My eyes lift to the foggy mirror. The girl I see, no longer stained by blood, is one I don’t recognize.