Chapter 9
Edgar
Aervin and Lucina walk with me back to the Nova House. From the expansive bridge overlooking the lake, I spot Terra standing with Finn down at the edge of it. I stop to watch. The air is cold, the sky cloudless and filled with stars.
Aervin stops at my side. “So that’s your sister, huh? She seems?—”
“Off,” Lucina interjects as she slows next to us.
“Yeah—she seems off.” Aervin smooths his hand over the back of his head, his brows pulling down in concern. “You seem off too, Edgar.”
I look away from my sister and Finn, feeling more certain that none of this is a coincidence. What’s the likelihood that all three of us would survive and end up in the same place? Sully lurks beneath my skin and whispers dark things that twist and turn in my mind, making me more certain by the second that my doubts are valid.
I grin callously. “Off? Does your Shadow not tug on your insides and twist you into something more sinister, Aervin?” I tilt my head in his direction and he flinches.
“Um… No, it doesn’t,” he mutters hesitantly. Lucina’s brows pull closer together as she firms her lips.
Their Shadows don’t have the power I do. Sully’s voice curls into my spine and wraps around my bones. They will die, all of them.
My eyes widen at that. “Shut up. Shut up.” My hands shoot up to my scalp and I fist my hair. Lucina gives Aervin a worried look.
Aervin sets his heavy hand on my shoulder and pulls me in for a tight hug. His blonde hair brushes against my cheek as he mutters, “Don’t let it take you away from us, Edgar. We need you… and I hope you need us too.” He pulls back but keeps his hand planted on my shoulder. “Don’t let the Shadows drag you into the dark. We’re all still here, aren’t we? We’ll be okay as long as we stick together.”
I stare into his green eyes for a few moments before firming my jaw. “We’re going to end up like Ash.” My voice is raspy and low.
Lucina steps closer, her eyes calm but determined, as they always are. “We won’t.” Her smile is bright, and the white cloak clasped around her shoulders brings out her luminescent features.
Aervin grins and sets his arms over our shoulders as he guides us back toward the Nova House. “Let’s get the others and meet in the homeroom; we need a proper reunion with Ash. I have so many things I want to ask him.” Aervin’s voice deepens with pain.
I’m still uncertain what I think of him. Maybe if I met him back at the manor, I’d welcome him with open arms, but after remembering everything, I don’t think I’m capable of letting other people in anymore.
Lucina and Aervin decide we’ll meet in an hour, so I shower and get dressed in the evening attire provided. It’s inconvenient that Nova’s color is white, my least favorite color of all. I frown at my reflection in the mirror as I assess my lounging clothes, an ivory shirt and pants. At least they’re comfortable.
A familiar form peeks behind me, making my skin rise with goosebumps.
“Sully.” I stare at him in the mirror. He looks exactly like me but paler, more dead and sinister. He no longer presents himself as a ghastly boy but as a near-perfect reflection of myself. “Why do you hide in mirrors and in visions only I can see?”
Sully smiles, the edges of its lips curled but its eyes stony and lifeless.
It’s just how I am. Each of us is different in our own ways. I prefer to shadow my vessel’s subconscious. Trust me, you don’t want to meet the real me.
I narrow my eyes and turn to look over my shoulder but there’s nothing there. When I return my eyes to the mirror, it is closer, just against my back. I inhale sharply at the cold air that rolls off its fingertips.
“My subconscious?”
It laughs. The sound echoes as if we are in a cave. Yes, before you received your memories, you saw a shattered boy, traumatized and trapped in your mind. Now you are whole, somewhat, and I reflect that.
I shudder and shut my eyes at the memories of my parents, liquified and steaming into piles of mush and bone.
The homeroom is already filled with all my friends by the time I enter. Ash stands by the fireplace, indifferent. His eyes are gray, and I wonder if it’s from the Shadows. A lot of the instructors have gray eyes. It’s as if the Shadows are stealing something vital from us.
I take a seat next to Aervin, feeling a bit out of place. Ash was their friend and not mine. There’s a pained silence that floats in the air around us, making me somber.
Aervin threads his fingers together and grits his teeth. “I’m so relieved to see you, Ash. You’re… alive.”
Lucina shrinks back farther into the couch with her brows knitted. Her relief that he’s okay is evident, but there’s a deep confusion there too.
Vinnie adjusts his circular glasses and leans forward; he’s closest to Ash and speaks lower. “Are you truly okay?”
Ash stares at him for a moment, slowly blinking and looking distantly at the fire. “I am… I’m sorry you all worried on my behalf.”
Tamaris stands abruptly, angry and fueled with her usual spite. “Well, care to explain what happened?”
Ash closes his eyes and lets the silence hang in the room for an uncomfortable few minutes. “There’s not really anything to explain. Surely, you went through the medical exam the same way I did. Arthur brought me here after they confirmed I was Nova, and they forced me to use my abilities for Fernestia.” His voice shakes as he says the latter.
Rowan tousles his auburn hair in frustration and frowns. “Wait… you’ve been helping them? What exactly is your Shadow capable of?”
Aervin shifts beside me. His despair is palpable. It’s evident he really cares about Ash and now his view of his friend seems to be hanging in the balance. Ash doesn’t seem excited to see his friends or sad for the time apart. It’s odd. He’s cold, so unlike how they described him to me.
Ash’s eyes open and find Rowan’s. “Yes, I have. My Shadow can warp space.”
We’re all confused for a moment, but then it clicks in my head. My veins turn hot and I’m on my feet in a second, fists clenched at my sides. My emotions get the better of me. “Wait, you made the portals?” My tone is sharp and resentful.
To his credit, Ash doesn’t shy away from my lethal glare. His dull gray eyes linger on me with little interest. “I did.”
He made all of this possible for the Fernestians. Without the portals, they wouldn’t have been able to travel like they had. My gut sinks and twists painfully.
“It was to protect all of you,” he says softer, but my rage cannot be quelled.
“This—all of this—is your fault,” I say with venom. Aervin’s head snaps toward me; anguish and rage twist his features, but he remains silent as I continue, voice drawn low and deadly. “My parents are dead?—”
Ash takes four long strides toward me. My eyes widen with his icy confidence. His Shadow spills from the tips of his fingers in dark wisps, chilling my bones. “All of our parents are dead, dickhead. The only thing I did was speed up this shitty situation in order to save my friends.” His eyes flick to Lucina. “And it looks like you’ve already blighted one of them. As far as I’m concerned, you are the one killing the only people I care about left in the world.”
Vinnie and Alani share a concerned look before Tamaris glares at me and snaps, “What the fuck is he talking about?”
Blighted? What is he talking about? Lucina’s blue eyes have the fractures that my Nova Shadow imprinted on her—is that what he means?
I clear my throat. “I haven’t killed anyone.” It comes out more uncertain than I’d like.
Ash’s eyes remain cold and steadfast as he mutters, “She’ll die before the school year is done, and it’ll be your fault.”
My eyes widen and words escape me. No.
Vinnie pushes his glasses up and looks closely at Lucina’s eyes. “Is that what the fractures in her eyes are?” Ash nods and the rest of my friends look over at me slowly, judgment and disbelief replacing their former faith in me.
“How do we get rid of it?” Rowan asks in a voice that threatens to break my heart. I don’t want any of them to die, let alone Lucina.
“It can’t be removed,” Ash says plainly, looking at me with cold eyes.
The room quiets and Lucina just smiles bleakly at me. She must see the despair on my face, so why is she just sitting there looking at me like all of this is fine?
“It’s okay, Edgar,” she says softly and I know she means it. The dark circles beneath her eyes reveal her weary heart and it makes me sick.
“It’s not.” I shake my head.
A terrible pause follows until Aervin speaks up, his voice low in case anyone is nearby. “I don’t want to do things for Fernestia like you, Ash. I want to fight against them. Edgar and Lucina do too. That’s why I called all of us together.”
Rowan shifts uncomfortably in his seat but Tamaris and Alani look interested. Vinnie just stares at the coffee table, lost deep in thought.
Alani speaks up first. “I don’t want to help them either.” Tamaris nods beside her. Vinnie and Rowan seem on the fence about it.
“You’re just going to get yourselves killed,” Ash says vehemently.
“So you’re going to keep helping them?” Aervin says as his face twists in disgust. Ash nods, his face impassive. That seems to get the rest on board.
Vinnie clenches his teeth and mumbles, “It’s all the same either way. I’d rather die fighting for my country and what’s right.”
It’s difficult to watch them fall apart over this. I know Ash’s memory was something they all cherished, but now it seems like he was nothing more than a farce. So easily swayed by the illusion of safety, or perhaps it’s the power.
Ash takes notice of the shift in his friends and shakes his head. “You’ll all die. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He stands and heads up to his room, leaving the rest of us in silence with nothing more than the fire crackling.