Chapter 17
Terra
I’m surprised to find Raine on the third floor of the library.
His white cloak contrasts brightly against the dark rafters and aisles. The rows are long and tall, filled to the brim with books, candles, skulls, and bottles filled with an assortment of things. The ceilings are tall and drafty, and the distinct scent of old pages gives me an odd sort of comfort.
Candles flicker with a warm glow and give off enough light to read without straining the eyes. It’s a magical little dark corner he’s found, and I wonder how he knew exactly where to look to find this section. I’ve been in here for hours, burning the midnight oil, trying to find anything remotely close to Shadows and blights with no luck.
Raine perks up as he hears my footsteps. “Hey,” he says with more life than I’ve heard in his tone all day. “What are you doing in here?”
I narrow my eyes at him because he’s anything but the reading type. “What are you doing here?”
“Just trying to learn more about this place, I guess.” He nods to the table and I take a seat next to him. The red rug beneath us looks old and worn. Two cups of tea are set on the table.
I raise a brow at him. “You drink tea?” He winks at me and I let out a short laugh.
He smiles and those beautiful teeth shine brightly as he mutters back, “Of course I drink tea. I expect you do as well, right? Two sugar cubes and a dash of milk?”
“Yeah, but how do you know that? You knew I was coming?” I ask. I take a sip of the tea and hum with delight as the warm liquid glides down my throat.
Raine shrugs. “I’m all-knowing now, remember?” he says with a cocky grin.
I nudge him with my elbow. “Since when did you get fun?”
He laughs and it draws one from my lips as well.
“I guess having the weight of Barkovah off my shoulders and my imminent death has made me want to enjoy what time I have left,” he says sadly.
“What are you really doing here, Raine?” I ask more seriously and pull my brows together with concern. He’s probably here trying to find answers, just as I am.
“I’m actually here because someone told me I might find something to lift the blight.”
Did Arthur tell him? It couldn’t have been Elias. “That’s actually why I’m here too,” I admit and he flashes me a thankful grin. I set my cup down and press my hand over his. He flinches at my touch and pulls his hand away, jaw clenching.
“Why do you always do that?” I ask in a soft, somber voice. He’s so reluctant to be touched and loved. It hurts to watch him pull away from affection. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”
He stares at my hand on the table and shakes his head. When he speaks, he draws out each word. I can hear the grief in every one of them. “I… don’t have a great past.”
“I think you’d be surprised at how many of us don’t,” I offer with a sad smile. It’s odd, isn’t it? Smiling when you’re hurting so deeply. I wonder if it is a coping mechanism.
Raine looks up at me and analyzes my face. “I think if we look for information about breaking curses, we’ll be able to try a few things.” He hands me a book and I take it, dropping the matter as easily as he did. I refuse to make him say what haunts him. He’ll tell me when he’s ready.
“There’s nothing specifically on the Shadows though, is there?” I ask, already sure I know the answer.
Raine’s eyes fall to the book in his hands as he mutters, “No, there isn’t. Not for the blights and Novas anyway. Anything on Shadow anatomy, casting, and forms is already in our class texts.” He turns a page and skims through it.
It’s weird to see him so still, reading, and not looking entirely drained. I think of Barkovah and the small boy who used to follow us around. My chest seizes and my lower lip trembles; I suck it in, biting down on the fat part of it.
I don’t remember who that child was. What was his name?
I’m forgetting, just like Raine said I would. The thought weighs on me as I flip through the book, searching desperately for anything that might lead to us breaking the blight. Because I won’t forget Raine—he can’t die.
After an hour of reading and skimming, I come across a handwritten note stuffed into the crease of the book. It’s hard to read, so I scoot closer to the lamp on the edge of the table and hold the slip of paper at an angle to read.
Elias accidentally blighted them, all of our friends, but I think I found a way to stop it. Our squad cannot lose another… Our hearts cannot bear it, especially Elias. He won’t recover from this. I just hope I’m not too late.
My eyes widen and I hold up the tattered note. Raine glances up at me.
“Someone left this here. They know how to stop the blight.” My voice is shaky with hope. Raine doesn’t smile, but he nods with determination.
“Let’s start there then. Does it say who wrote it?” He carefully takes the note from my hand and looks it over.
I shake my head. “No, but the handwriting might help us determine that. Where do we start though? The professors, castle staff, soldiers… I don’t know how we’re going to narrow it down. Assuming whoever wrote it is still alive.” I sullen and look back at the book the note was hidden in. Could it have been Arthur? He did send me to the library to find something; maybe he wanted me to find it and ask him.
“‘Our squad.’ Whoever wrote this was Elias’s friend,” Raine says as he narrows his eyes at the note. He has a point; the way the writer speaks of Elias is knowing. “How many of the Fernestians look like they’ve been here as long as Elias?”
I nod. Only the professors, really. The Darkfly soldiers are far beneath the Bleeding Suns and I haven’t seen Elias so much as acknowledge them in passing. “Yeah, you’re right. So we’ll start with them. We shouldn’t keep our sights too narrow, but if we notice anyone whos been here for six years, they are worth looking into.”
Raine grins and somehow this castle filled with dread and malice feels less burdensome.
“Hey, Raine.”
“Yeah?”
“Once we get rid of your blight, we should try to escape this place, all of us. I think we could do it—I can talk Elias into it too. He acts tough and brutish, but I don’t think he really wants to be.”
Raine hands the note back to me and firms his lips into a thin line. “Don’t get your hopes up for either of those things. I don’t see a fate in which I survive—and Elias will never turn against Fernestia. His hands are too red.”
There’s truth in that. How does one turn back when they’ve already done so much damage? There’s nothing left to salvage. The debts are far too great.
We put the books back and head out of the library.
I consider how we’re going to check the professors’ handwriting. They each have studies like Elias’s, I’m sure, so we can sneak into them and compare when I find an opening. Arthur is the only one I think I can just ask. I’m not sure how I feel about the others and where their loyalties lie. Nekane is going to be the hardest one, and I can’t even think about Kallos right now without feeling his chest and erection.
I close my eyes and think about who to start with as Raine and I eat quietly in the mess hall. The other House tables are filled, chatter roaring into the arched ceilings, but the Nova table is empty for the most part. Edgar and his friends are nowhere to be seen, besides Tamaris and Alani. Ash sits close to them, making me wonder if they’ve gotten over their quarrels. Ash has been keeping to himself these past few days. He’s prickly and guarded, spending most of his time alone in his room or whisked away for portals. He is one of Fernestia’s main assets, that’s for sure. The Portal Nova.
Tamaris nudges Alani. “Your Shadow is worthless for riding.”
Alani slumps her shoulders and nods reluctantly. “Yeah. Of course I get stuck with the stupid Shadow.” She drops her fork and crosses her arms. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail with a pink bow at the band.
I tilt my head with amusement and ask, “Dare I ask what the form is?”
She glowers and shakes her head. Tamaris spits it out for her. “It’s a fucking salamander.”
Raine chokes on his drink and Ash cracks a grin. Alani looks mortified and pulls Tamaris’s long, black hair. Her head jerks to the side and the two instantly start bickering. Ash, Raine, and I laugh at the exchange. I know her riding form is important and can affect her performance in the second semester, but at least she can summon it. That was one of the requirements to avoid being sent to the frontlines, wasn’t it? Small win.
The doors to the mess hall swing open as a group of new students enter. These must be more from Barkovah—they’ve been coming in waves through the portals. I wonder why. Perhaps it takes a toll on Ash and he can only process a certain amount of people at a time.
Raine looks at the new students as well, his eyes cold and uncaring. “I don’t recognize any of them.”
Ash leans on his arm, palm pressed to his chin. “They’ve been moving people from Cyprin as well, so I’m not surprised you don’t recognize them.”
“You can tell where they’re coming from?” I ask.
He nods and looks without interest at the frightened students as they filter through the room. “My Shadow scans anybody that passes through.”
I give him a sympathetic frown. “Isn’t that tiring?”
Ash’s eyes flick over to me like he doesn’t believe my compassion. “Yeah, it is,” he says coldly.
The dense silence draws over our table as Tamaris and Alani take their arguing elsewhere.
I let my eyes trail up to the professors’ table at the head of the room. I think of the note we found as I look at each instructor. Raine can check Moss and Flick. I will check Kallos, Nekane, and Arthur’s studies. Hopefully we won’t have to wait too long for the opportunities to arise, but I might be able to recruit help.
I glance at the Cosmos table and quickly find Finn and Kai. They’re talking with their books strewn out in front of them, preparing to train after dinner. I think the easiest way to get into Kallos’s study would be having them distract him. Kai seems good at that kind of thing and Finn is so eager to be on good terms again I think he’ll do anything I ask of him.
Perfect. I’ll ask them tonight.
The courtyard stretches alongside the entirety of the lake. At the other end lies a smaller building that looks more like a structure I’d find in Barkovah. It’s single-story and bunker-like. Now that I think about it, it’s not on our maps.
I let my curiosity fade as Raine and I approach Finn and Kai.
Side by side, they raise their right hands into the air and continuously try conjuring their Shadows. Finn’s brows are pulled tightly together, irritated that he can’t seem to summon his.
“Terra!” Kai beams and Finn stiffens at the sound of my name, looking up meekly and giving me that same nervous smile.
“Hey, still no luck?” I say as I walk over and stand before them.
Finn shakes his head and Kai throws up his hands dramatically and says, “We’re utterly hopeless.”
“Speak for yourselves,” Aervin mutters as he turns to greet us. I didn’t see him standing next to them; his Shadow is tall and has wings that curtain him from view. It turns its head completely around without moving its body and my stomach twists with the ferocity in those cold, soulless eyes. It looks like an owl, but longer, the head stretched long and slim, similar to Corvus’s crow.
“Shut up, show-off,” Kai growls, but that friendly grin is still on his face. Aervin shrugs and smiles, obviously proud of himself. “As if we aren’t stressed enough that we won’t be able to summon them.”
“Hmm,” I hum and press my hand to my lips, thinking of the circumstances in which I was able to let Amser flow from my body. “Well, when my Shadow first came out it was under duress and I had let it sink further into my consciousness.” What I don’t tell them is that I shut off my emotions completely in that moment, letting the darkness inside and giving Amser my woes.
Finn doesn’t look pleased to hear that, but Kai nods eagerly. His cheeky attitude is starting to grow on me. At least one person is keeping the hope alive inside us all.
“So, maybe if I attack you it will pull them out?” I say uncertainly. Raine shifts on his feet and grunts, obviously disagreeing, but he doesn’t bother saying it.
“Fine, let’s give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen?” Finn rolls his shoulders back and flexes his hands; his arms are veiny. He’s put on quite a bit of muscle mass in the past month. Not huge, bulging muscles, but lean and sharp. The kind that feel comforting wrapped around you.
I force myself to look away and clear my mind. This will be good practice for me too,I tell myself as I try to focus on letting my Shadow out.
Black dust spills onto the snow and takes the form of the small cat. I frown. I was hoping for the larger feline form Amser took earlier. It looks up at me, seeming to read my mind, and shifts, growing in size to the same height that Velis was in his riding form.
Amser’s presence is calmer than Velis’s. Not as greedy and starved. The sun has long since set, and yet it remains in control and not feral, as Velis becomes at night. Its skull is gray and the ribs and spine jut out prominently. The legs are black, only bright, sharp claws are visible, digging into the ground as Amser stretches. Cold black smoke rolls off my Shadow’s body and curls against the ground before wisping out.
Elias and I may be the Crescent Novas, but the differences between our Shadows are great. Mine seems to want to give—its body, power, everything—while his only takes.
Kai takes a sharp breath while Finn remains impassive. His eyes flicker with fire at my Shadow.
Amser waits for me to nod before it attacks Finn, knocking him ferociously to the ground. He hisses out in pain, sprawled out on his back with his knees up. “That didn’t fucking work, not even a little,” he croaks as he pushes himself back up and brushes the snow from his pants. Kai and Aervin laugh together while Raine watches with a scowl, his arms crossed.
Finn’s heated amber eyes stare through me, warming my chest as he gives me that same old smirk he’s been giving me since we were kids.
I crave his attention, but I want him to earn mine.
Amser knocks Finn over repeatedly until he can hardly stand back up. He bleeds from deep cuts on his arms, earned from blocking the hard blows, but there’s still no sign of his Shadow coming out. After a moment, the cuts heal and he wipes the excess blood off with his sleeves. Good thing we’ve got several sets of tactical clothing.
“Come on, Finn. You’re stronger than this,” I taunt him. He struggles to his feet and spits out blood off to his side.
“It’s not working; Laphia isn’t convinced that it is needed.” He shakes his head and a few strands of his lovely black hair fall over his forehead. He slicks them back with sweat.
Convinced it is needed… That ignites an idea in my head.
“Well, what if I was in danger?” I ask, looking around the courtyard for another student to spar with, one that Amser is unfamiliar with. I spot a well-built man training on a practice dummy and trot toward him.
Finn’s eyes grow wide. “Wait, Terra, not him!” he whisper-shouts after me, but he’s too late. I’m already approaching the man and he turns slightly to look at me. His eyes are feral, bloodshot and itching for something to stimulate his mind. His lips are reddened with what looks like blood and his grin spreads all the way to his ears, sending chills down my spine. He’s literally a snake.
I fist my hands at my sides and force a smile. “Care to practice with us?”
He observes me for a minute, watching me as if he can see straight through my skin to the Shadow within me. Maybe he can? I’ve seen weirder things.
Finn catches up and stops at my side, stepping slightly in front of me and drawing the man’s eyes to him.
“Finnick. What a surprise—I didn’t know you were friends with one of the Novas. How did you manage to catch this girl’s eye, hmm?” The man’s voice is sharp and deep, matching how he looks. His short blonde hair is slicked back. Even his dull eyes are reptilian.
“She’s an old friend from my hometown. Terra, this is Frederick,” Finn mutters without looking at me, keeping his amber gaze planted firmly on Frederick.
There’s obviously bad air between them. Maybe I made the wrong call, but this might actually be beneficial to getting Finn’s Shadow to come out.
“Frederick killed Martin in cold blood during the Culling Assessment.”
Finn’s words hollow out my chest. Pain tears at his voice and sinks into me in kind.
“Finn… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know?—”
“It’s fine. But I’m not training with him.” Finn turns his back to Frederick and as he does, bloodlust laces the air.
Blood spurts from the corners of Frederick’s mouth and it rips open like a snake’s. The skin tears and hangs loosely like uneven cloth. His teeth are razor sharp.
He lunges for Finn. It happens so fast that I’m not sure what else to do other than shove Finn out of the way, so that’s what I do.
Frederick narrows his eyes and lets out a loud growl of frustration as he closes his mouth and crashes into me. Was he really intending to bite Finn?!
Cold snow stings my back but I’m otherwise unharmed.
Finn shouts as Frederick grabs me by the arm, dragging me up in a bruising grip. Amser perks up from where Kai, Aervin, and Raine are standing. My Shadow charges straight toward us and fear slips into my veins. For once I wish that we weren’t separated.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I tear my arm from Frederick’s grasp but he doubles down by fisting my hair. I cry out as he shoves me down to my knees. He’s strong—really fucking strong.
“Let her go. Right. Now.” Finn’s words are heavy in the air and his eyes burn brighter than a moment ago. I was right—fire, actual fire, burns through his gaze and steam spreads in the air around him as if his skin is hot to the touch.
“Make me, you little bitch,” Frederick says coolly, his breath coiling in the air as his elongated tongue slides down my cheek. I shiver and try to fight him off but his grip is too tight; my scalp burns the more I struggle.
Kai, Aervin, and Raine run to us, just behind my Shadow. I’m not sure what Amser is going to do to Frederick but it won’t be good. Before they can reach us, Finn shuts his eyes and something magical happens.
Unlike the rest, Finn’s erupts from his chest. It’s not dark and smoky like the other Shadows. No, as Laphia emerges from beneath his cloak, it casts a warm, blinding light, chasing away the shadows of the trees and the night around us. The snow turns a lovely shade of orange, like a sunrise, or fire that scorches the earth.
Finn’s eyes flash with flames as enormous wings spread before him. I have to shield my face from the heat that sheds off the creature. Frederick releases me as he does the same. I fall to the ground and look up between my fingers, gasping as I fully take Laphia in.
It’s an enormous bird made of brilliant fire, wings long and thin with orange and yellows lashing together. Its tail is drawn out, beautiful and whimsical, flowing through the air like an iridescent ribbon twirling in the night sky.
His Shadow is a phoenix.
But that is no Shadow—it’s anything but. How is this possible? I watch in awe as Finn’s lips draw up into a malicious smile. His intent to kill spills from him and places a heavy weight inside me.
There he is. Finn. My heart aches as old emotions resurface inside me.
Amser grows increasingly curious and prowls toward him. I’m sure my Shadow can feel the ache in my soul yearning for him.
Frederick cowers on the ground before the phoenix and pisses his pants as the flames of the bird’s wings lick at his feet.
Finn’s going to kill him.
Kai shakes Finn’s shoulders but to no avail—he’s in a trance of sorts, or maybe this is him giving into his Shadow. Or perhaps it’s what he truly wants. For some reason, I can only hear Raine’s words about Elias earlier: “His hands are too red.” If Finn does this I’m not sure he’ll be able to forgive himself.
The fire crashes down around Frederick and the screaming that ensues is bone-chilling. Raine leaves my side and snaps his fingers in Finn’s face. Instantly, Finn twitches and looks at me with horror. His phoenix stops the assault and releases Frederick.
The smell of burning flesh surrounds us. I shiver as Frederick gets to his feet and flees, completely covered in burns. His tactical gear is almost completely seared off. I can’t help but wonder how long those will take to heal.
Aervin chases after Frederick, cursing at him. Finn takes a step to pursue them, but Raine blocks his way.
The phoenix flies high into the air, circling the lake and drawing people inside Alkrose to the windows. They gather and stare in awe at the great creature.
Finn trudges over to me and thoroughly inspects me, gently tilting my chin to either side with his soft hands.
“I’m okay,” I reassure him, and he stops searching me.
His eyes soften and vulnerability flickers across his face. “I was so scared he was going to kill you like he did Martin… Godsdamn it, I’m glad he didn’t,” he chokes out and slowly sets his head down on my shoulder. I brush my hand through his hair and pull him in close. “No more of us are going to die. I can’t take it,” he whispers. It’s evident, all the death he’s seen thus far. All the heartache that I’m without.
“Then will you help me save Raine from his blight?” I say weakly, too ashamed to give it any more voice. Guilt tries to seep up from within, but my Shadow guards it well.
Finn pulls back and looks down at me. “What do you mean, his blight?”