Chapter 22
Edgar
The infirmary is simple. Enormous, with vaulted stone ceilings and large arched windows that pillar it, but simple nonetheless, empty of life. Dusk has fallen by the time the nurse finishes her scan on my head. Apparently, some Shadows can analyze damage to bodies. A gift, she told me, belonging primarily to lower-class Shadows, but that ability seems more than priceless to me. Every army needs medical personnel, no matter how invincible they may seem.
I sit up in the metal-framed bed, taking a second to recall everything that led to this moment. Kallos placed some sort of containment on me—I can feel some of his Shadow curled around mine, keeping it closed off and away from my mind.
Everything seems a bit clearer now without Sully looming over my every thought. I’m hoping it stays away.
I let out a long sigh and rub my temples to ease the pounding headache I’ve been left with. I’ve never felt so worn down in my entire life. It’s as if I’ve been awake for weeks, not resting even though my eyes are closed.
Kallos finishes speaking with the nurse at the far end of the room and walks back over to me, taking a seat on the stool next to me.
“How do you feel?” he asks sincerely, but I can only focus on the stabilizer bars on his face, making it look like he’s smiling. He notices and says, “Finn was curious about them too.”
“Why are yours the only ones on your face like that? It looks like you’re always smiling,” I say with a monotone voice.
He folds his hands over his knee and looks over at the entrance to the infirmary as another person enters through the double doors. “It was punishment for my defiance when I was a student like you; a reminder of my actions.”
I don’t show him any emotion. “Why make you a professor then if youre so defiant?” I ask, spotting Corvus walking toward us.
“Because I still have much to lose,” he whispers sadly before straightening and smiling at Corvus.
I study Kallos with new eyes. Does he still have much to lose? Like what… or who?
Corvus takes the stool on my other side and dips his head to Kallos. “I wanted to check in on him. I hope it’s okay.”
Kallos waves his hand dismissively at him. “I have no arguments about the matter,” he says with a mild grin.
“Why do you care?” I ask Corvus, staring at him with assessing eyes. I haven’t said more than ten words to him.
“I’d never seen such a malevolent creature before. I like learning and studying things. My apologies if that’s a bit callous, but I think you’re someone who prefers the truth.” Corvus’s dark eyes are as calculating as mine and there’s something my Shadow likes about his presence. I do enjoy brilliant individuals—Vinnie would probably be interested in picking his brain as well.
I give him a short grunt as a reply and a small grin pulls at the corner of his lips. The door opens again and the three of us raise our heads to see Arthur approaching. He doesn’t seem concerned, just in a hurry.
Kallos keeps his golden gaze even, balancing his emotions calmly as usual. “Sully.” Kallos whispers my Shadow’s name and Arthur’s eyes narrow at the sound of it. “We knew we would meet it again.” Kallos looks at Arthur with scrutiny burning through his gaze. “Do you care to explain to me why I was not made aware that this Shadow was in the castle?”
Arthur flinches under the weight of Kallos’s tone. “Apologies, Kallos. I should have informed you.” He sets his hand on Kallos’s shoulder. “I was hoping Edgar wouldn’t reveal Sully until after the second exam. I thought it might be safer for everyone?—”
“I placed a cast on him,” Kallos interrupts sharply and Arthur’s eyes widen with horror.
“You did what?” Arthur asks but it doesn’t seem like a question, more of an accusation. His gray eyes shift to me and I feel like he can see through me. Every fiber of my flesh and bones. Right down to the Shadow inside my veins.
Kallos stands—he and Arthur are eye to eye. The golden-cloaked professor explains, “Sully cannot be left uncontained?—”
Arthur’s jaw slackens and he lets out a deep, chilling chuckle. Is the cast really that bad? He’s acting like it’s the worst of his problems.
“Kallos, did you even think about how Edgar will be able to fight in the second-semester exam with a Shadow cast placed on him? He’s a lamb to the slaughter now,” Arthur says hopelessly and looks at me like I’ve lost all purpose.
Kallos looks from me to his colleague and flexes his jaw. “Shit. It didn’t even cross my mind.” Corvus shoots me a worried glance and I can’t help but feel damned. How am I supposed to have hope of saving what’s left of my nation if I’m dead after the second exam?
Arthur takes Kallos’s place on the stool and threads his fingers through his dark hair as he stares at the ground. “It’s fine—I’ll figure something out. We cannot lose any of the Novas.” He doesn’t sound like it’s going to be fine. The distraught way he’s acting leaves me with a heavy and unsettling weight in my chest.
It dawns on me that I’ve yet to thank Corvus for stopping my Shadow’s outburst. The thought of what could’ve happened if Sully hadn’t been stopped curdles my stomach. I look at Corvus. “Thanks for helping me back in class.”
Corvus’s eyes widen with my admittance, but he remains stoic. “I couldnt just do nothing.” He stares at the white sheets in front of him. He seems worried about something.
Everything was chaos in that room. Kallos couldn’t hold back Sully’s sudden appearance. Does he have a weakness against my Shadow? I mean, he’s a professor. That would explain his anger at Arthur’s nondisclosure.
A shudder ripples down my back at the thought of my classmates seeing Sully. They all looked so terrified of… well, me.
It’s a terrible feeling, to be exiled just from a look. But I know deep in my bones that none of them will walk close to me in the halls again. Fear keeps people away, furthering the loneliness I’ve found myself in.
“How did you do that anyway?” I run my hand down the side of my face in an effort to calm the storm that’s building behind my eyes.
Corvus studies his hands closely for a few moments before replying, “I just… It was like instinct. I was actually hoping you could explain how I was able to do it, Kallos.” Both our eyes sweep back to the professors.
Arthur is still in doom mode with his face in his hands, but Kallos has been paying attention. His golden eyes narrow. “You were able to summon your Shadow in an extreme situation. Your rank is Ekko, isn’t it? Your Shadow is no doubt a bit shy compared to higher-ranked Shadows like Cosmos and Nova, but when it senses danger it can take the reins, so to speak, to protect you.” Kallos lifts his hand and flicks his wrist. Gold dust wisps in the air and forms a nearly translucent leaf.
My eyes widen at the display of gilded sand. Kallos’s magic is so… beautiful and steady. No signs of darkness or sinister intentions steep beneath the flow of it—much like Finn’s.
It hurts a bit, to think that I was not gifted with a beautiful power. Instead, I received a Shadow feared even among the professors. Something so malicious that I fear it beneath my veins. Am I that rotted? I once thought I had a strong heart, one that could persevere through anything no matter how awful.
But I can see it clearly now—I don’t have the heart of a hero. I have the heart of a weak man. One that craves revenge because it feels better. It soothes that gaping and starved darkness that only desires for others to suffer as I have suffered.
I was never meant to have a bright, beautiful god inside my bones. Only the darkest, most greedy deity would call my soul to its own.
“See this?” Kallos says. “My Shadow is ranked as Solas. It is a gentle one, but filled with immense power. It was shy too at first—it only appeared when my life was in danger.”
Arthur lifts his head and looks at Kallos’s hand, then to me, watching my reactions closely like he’s anticipating something.
Corvus nods his head. “So mine is shy?” He stares at his hands for a few moments. “I can summon it easily in the riding class, but other than that it is quiet and powerless.”
“Well, as I’m sure you’ve been learning in your other classes, you need a name to let it sink to a deep enough level inside your soul,” Kallos adds.
“How am I supposed to do anything with this cast on my power? It’s as if it’s… muted and out of reach,” I ask, teeth gnashing together with frustration as Kallos looks away with guilt.
Arthur stands and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Edgar, you won’t be able to summon Sully until the cast wears off. Until then, you’ll need to study harder than anyone else here. The next exam involves you going through a portal, and unless you can break free of your cast?—”
“Arthur,” Kallos hisses, and Arthur shakes his head. What more was he going to say?
“Gods, this is a mess. Forget what I just said.” Arthur shoulders Kallos aside as he stalks back toward the doors. “Just… don’t do anything stupid until then, Edgar,” he says with dread. The doors swing closed behind him and silence falls over the three of us.
Kallos walks towards the infirmary door after a moment. “I will see you two in class tomorrow.” He leaves with that, and I’m left with terrible thoughts, fearing what all of this means for me.
“Come on, I’ll help you back to the Nova House.” Corvus helps me from the medical bed. Once standing, I shake Corvus off me. I’m still a little dizzy but I can manage just fine.
“I can go on my own,” I snap. I don’t need his kindness. It’s better to keep everyone as far as possible. I only need Terra and my friends from Za’Afiel.
Corvus gives me a sympathetic look. “You know, you don’t have to fight your demons alone.” He raises a hand to his chest. “We have all been mortally wounded inside. We can try to heal together. You don’t have to?—”
“Shut up!” I shout, teeth bared and hands tightly clenched at my sides. “I don’t need to fight my pain. I don’t need to heal. I don’t want to heal.” I face Corvus with rage burning inside me. “I want to make them pay for what they’ve done.”
Corvus’s jaw flexes but he doesn’t say anything as I turn away and leave without another word. My white cloak flutters in my wake as I walk down the dark halls back to the bridge over the lakeside, only swaying a few times from the dizziness that still tugs on my body. I make my way back into my entirely too-large, empty room and stare at myself in the mirror. At Sully.
It stands there behind me, observing me in silence with the same shattered eyes I have—turquoise lines that etch over my irises.
It’s quieter after Kallos placed that cast on me, but Sully still whispers all the same. Fuck. I was hoping it was gone.
One cast cannot get rid of me. In fact, let’s put it to the test, shall we?Sully says as it grins.