Chapter 43
Terra
For a moment, we all stand paralyzed by what Elias made of the Darkflies. I’ve never witnessed such gore and complete disrespect for life. It’s harrowing and triggering, bringing me back to the night he killed the soldiers in the field. But before I can fall into ruin, I see my brother lying on the ground.
My hands shake violently above Edgar’s torn body. His chest and face are completely ruined. His organs, beneath the thin layer of charred skin, flutter weakly, moving the tissue with each pulse of blood his heart can manage.
Tears stream from my eyes, dripping onto Edgar’s pale face. He’s unconscious, thank gods. I can only pray he didn’t witness his friends being torn to pieces. My stomach curls; my intuition tells me he probably did.
None of what’s happening to us is fair or just, so why would that change now?
“It’s okay, Edgar.” I bite my bottom lip.
I’m not entirely sure how long ago this wound was inflicted, but I try to heal it, stretching my trembling hands over his chest and closing my eyes. I’m able to reverse time on wounds, but I can only go so far back. My skill is improving with training, but it’s still not perfect. I clench my fists and force myself to look back at his body.
Elias’s bloodied hands clasp around mine. I flinch at the cold wetness of them but meet his gaze. “I don’t think—” He cuts himself off and shakes his head. His gray eyes glimmer in the dark with remorse.
“I have to try,” I say with less determination than I was going for.
I let my hands fall to Edgar’s gaping chest, calling upon Amser. The Shadow’s energy swells around my brother’s chest. I seal his entrails back inside, but only with a thin wall of flesh. My Shadow whispers, Any more is beyond our ability. He’s been down for too long.
Elias leans by my side and firms his mouth. Then he mutters, “Eight minutes. Time to go.” Raine bends down and helps him lift Edgar’s limp body, dripping blood as they return to the portal.
Finn and Kai approach with two survivors: Lucina and Aervin. I can’t find the will to be happy about it, but a weight does lift a bit.
None of us speak as we cross the bloodied field of carcasses. We don’t speak when Corvus berates us with questions and panic as we cross back to Alkrose. We just continue steadily toward the infirmary with heavy heads and somber hearts.
I stumble into the corridor leading to the infirmary behind Raine and Elias as they deliver Edgar to the medical personnel. My vision is blurry and Finn’s hushed, comforting words don’t quite reach me.
“Huh?” I say, looking up at Finn’s sunken eyes.
He slows down, holding my hand softly so I stay behind with him while the others trudge into the infirmary. Aervin and Lucina were hurt, but they’re not anywhere near death. I’m sure Elias is going to question them after he gets Edgar sorted. My thoughts are scattered and all I keep coming back to is the awful image of Edgar’s disfigured face.
“Terra… I don’t know what to say.” Finn brushes dirt from my cheek. The worry in his eyes matches his voice. “You should get some rest. I can take you back to your room.” He gently guides me down the hall but I stop with both feet firmly planted.
Finn stares at me, looking defeated and tired, but despite that, he pulls me into a tight, gentle embrace. His cloak smells of blood and fire, but his pine scent still lingers somewhere beneath.
My lower lip trembles as I mutter into his chest, “Finn, I can’t lose him too. I’ve already lost everything else.”
He grips me tighter and rests his head on mine. “He’s going to be okay,” he says in a tight, uncertain tone. “It’s going to be okay.”
I pull away from him and look up at his somber face. His eyes are sad and weary, but his amber light hasn’t faded too much into the horrible gray. There’s hurt in his gaze and guilt tugs at my heart.
“I haven’t lost everything… I still have you,” I whisper as tears brim in my eyes.
His breath deepens and a weak smile spreads across his lips. “That’s one thing that will never change. I’ll always be by your side, Terra. I’ll catch you a thousand times if I have to.”
We sit on the floor of the hallway with our backs pressed to the wall. Medical personnel move in and out of the infirmary, sparing us timid looks here and there. It’s hard to say when our friends will be out. Raine and Elias have yet to emerge and the night is already waning into dawn.
My eyes burn with sleep deprivation. I lower my heavy head to Finn’s shoulder and he holds my hand, his Shadow circling mine warmly beneath his palm. I long to stay with him like this for a while.
“Terra.”
“Hm?”
“I wish I would’ve left with you that day. I regret so many things in my life, but none as much as that day. I should’ve taken your hand and ran blindly into the unknown. Love would’ve been all we needed.” Finn’s voice cracks.
Words evade me, and I’m not sure there are any that would suffice for the topic. So I settle on squeezing his hand tighter and leaning into him more.
The sun is rising above the mountain tops by the time Raine steps out of the infirmary.
Dark purple rings color the skin beneath his eyes. He looks at us in silence, his eyes landing on Finn’s sleeping hand clutching mine.
Raine offers me his hand, his once royal-blue eyes now a dark gray-blue. I slowly untangle my arm from Finn’s and take Raine’s hand. We walk down the hall silently. I only glance back to see if Finn is still sleeping. His head is leaned forward, arms resting in his lap. Alone, he looks like a grieving man who’s fallen asleep against a gravestone.
Once around the corner, Raine stops and looks at me like he has terrible news. I ready myself to hear the words that Edgar has passed.
“He’s going to live,” Raine mutters and pauses. The dread only grows as I wait for him to say more. “But his face… and his friends—” He cuts himself off and shakes his head slowly, not meeting my gaze.
I saw his face before he went in there… It looked like he was wearing a half-skull mask, his teeth bare and skin torn at the edges. So much blood. I swallow and nod slowly. “I know. How many of his friends died?” This is going to ruin Edgar.
“Tamaris, Alani, Rowan, and Vinnie. Four in total,” Raine says in a hushed tone.
My stomach curls. All faces that I’ve grown used to seeing in the Nova House over the past few months. “He’s already so lost in the darkness… This is going to destroy him.”
Raine firms his lower lip and looks away, unable to meet my gaze.
“We should get some rest. The second exam is only a week away and we’ll need all our strength,” Raine says as he combs a hand gently through my tangled hair.
I shake my head. “I’m going to see Edgar first. You head back. We can start training after we sleep.”
He seems hesitant but dips his head before pressing a kiss to my forehead and leaving. I make my way back to Finn and lean down, threading my fingers through his soft black hair and brushing it to the side. His amber eyes slowly open as if he was having a nice dream. I’m jealous of the small reprieve he’s had.
“Did someone come out?” he says in a groggy voice, rubbing the dreariness from his eyes.
“Yeah, Raine did. I’m going to head in and see Edgar now.” I don’t want to ask him to join me, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping he’d come anyway.
Finn stands, pressing his back against the wall to slide up. “Let’s head in then.” His fingers find mine and he gives me a weary, reassuring smile that bleeds into me.
“Thank you, Finn.”
He squeezes my hand and we walk through the infirmary doors.
Only three beds are filled: Edgar, Lucina, and Aervin.
Lucina and Aervin have smaller wounds, not life-threatening, but they’re bandaged nonetheless. They’re sleeping heavily, I suspect with the help of a potion.
Elias stands at the foot of Edgar’s bed and glances up at us as we approach. He doesn’t look bothered one bit, though his emotions have always been hard to read. His black tactical gear is drowned in red and his skin is sticky with blood. “If you look at him, you’re going to be upset,” Elias says without sparing us a glance.
I grip Finn’s hand and step forward anyway.
Edgar’s sheets are smeared with mud and blood. His arms are hooked up to tubes and bags of liquid. My throat is tight as I stare down at his fleshless jaw.
“Why won’t it heal?” I ask as metallic flavors bloom across my tongue. Shadows usually heal non-mortal wounds quickly.
Elias’s eyes drift up to me and Finn, resting on where our hands are clasped. “The black fire that Darkfly wielded was laced with his Shadow’s ability to stave off healing. We can recover from daggers and wounds from other Shadows, but wounds that are embedded with malice are different. A sort of poison for other Shadow vessels. Haven’t you been paying attention in Nekane’s class?”
I don’t respond—I only stare at my brother with a pit in my chest.
Edgar’s dark brown lashes are pressed tightly to his cheeks, fluttering with dreams.
I hope they are good ones. When he wakes up, I’m not sure what will be left of his heart.