Chapter 46
Finn
Kai and Corvus leave for dinner. I wave them off and stay behind, lying back on the homeroom sofa and trying to decide whether I want to visit Edgar in the infirmary. Kallos told me that Edgar will be there until the exam. I’ve known him since we were children, yet I don’t think it’d be right for me to go. Fuck, what would I even say to him? “Sorry, you got all your friends butchered?”
The more we try to fix things, the worse it gets.
The door clicks and I lift my head to see who’s already back from dinner. Terra stands there, looking at me with the familiar kind eyes I remember from our time before the Skyfell. I smile at her and she walks over to me, sitting down on the sofa and hugging me tightly. I lower my arm around her and breathe in her pine scent.
“I thought we weren’t meeting until tonight?” I ask in a hushed voice. She nuzzles into my arms more and my smile stretches. “I’m not complaining.”
“Tell me everything is going to be okay.” She buries her face into my shoulder as I lean back more, letting our bodies rest comfortably on the couch.
I hesitate, squeezing my arms around her tighter. “You know I can’t lie to you. I wish more than anything that I could, but after Edgar—” I whisper painfully, letting the sentence die out because she knows as well as I do how it ends.
She lets a few sad half laughs out and pulls away slowly. Her eyes are rimmed with red, not from crying but from exhaustion. The love of my life looks so fucking tired.
“I know,” she murmurs and draws circles on my arm, resting her head. We cuddle for a while and discuss Shadows and what we’re expecting to come from the second exam.
“I wonder how many of us are going to be sent to Whales of Tauh,” Terra whispers. It’s morbid, but it’s very likely we’ll be sent there. “I don’t want to kill people, Finn.”
Her heart has always been her weakness. Aren’t morals what keeps us human and sane, though? I hope she never gives in to the darkness.
I think for a moment, rubbing my thumb across her shoulder. “I’ll kill if I have to. Even in the exam, we probably won’t have a choice.”
She stills beside me. “What if you get sent to Whales? Will you kill our own people in cold blood?” Her question is cruel but she doesn’t say it unkindly. She’s honestly asking.
My stomach turns sour. “That won’t happen.”
“Why?”
“Because Whales of Tauh is a fortress stronger than any other in the world. It would take an insane amount of power to get through their walls. And the fact that even Elias can’t get into the city speaks volumes. Even if Fernestia somehow breaks in, I wouldn’t fight.”
She sits up and her lips form a thin line. I raise a brow. Does she know something?
“What?” I ask.
“Elias is the one who summons the Skyfell; he’s like their beacon. So as long as he can’t get inside the walls to the city—” She pauses, taking in my horrified expression and swallowing hard.
“He’s the one who… caused the Skyfell?” My chest constricts. I know Terra didn’t do any of this and isn’t responsible, yet it still feels like she’s betrayed me. How can she even still speak to him? He’s a monster.
“Finn, I?—”
“Stop,” I warn her and she deflates a little. “Do you realize how many people he alone has killed?” I stand and walk across the room to look at her from a distance. Sweat is building along my temples and I feel like I’m going to vomit.
Her expression sullens with guilt as she says, “Anyone with gray eyes is being controlled by the headmaster. Even if he doesn’t want to, he has no choice but to obey.”
My eyes widen and I pace, thinking of all the times Nekane tried to coerce us into letting the Shadows sink in further until our eyes grayed. Is that why? Its yet another secret she’s kept from me, and it stings.
“But only Nekane and Kallos have colored eyes still,” I mutter.
She nods. “The headmaster has all of their hearts except them. They managed to keep theirs somehow. Kallos has the answers. All of them, I’m certain of it.” She stands and meets my anguished gaze. “He knows how to reverse the blight and maybe even how to stop all of this. Something tells me he’s been trying to hatch a plan all this time. Maybe he’s just been waiting for students like us to help. Ones he can trust.”
If that’s true, then… there might still be hope for us.
My fists clench at my sides and I look over at the door to his study.
“How could you keep this from me, Terra? What else do you know that you’re hiding from me?” I cross my arms and clench my fists where she can’t see. My jaw hurts from being flexed with rage. “I can’t believe you chose him over me. That’s really fucking low, even for you.”
Her brows pinch with regret and she lowers her chin. “Finn, I’m not trying to keep things from you. I promise I’ll tell you everything when you’ve calmed down, okay?” She looks over at Kallos’s study. I know she wants to skip past this so she can save her precious Raine.
“Fine.”
Terra blinks at me with gratitude. “We’re not letting him out of there without answers,” she says with determination. “The blight ends tonight.”