Chapter 45
Elias
Terra’s been quiet since we brought Edgar back.
It bothers me, like a needle pressing into your skin over and over. I want to know what’s ailing her and causing her so much pain. Her brother, obviously, has gone off the deep end. But I think it’s more than that. I think she’s hurting from the loss of humanity she feels in the world around her.
I thread my fingers through her soft brown hair and she gives me a dull look in her standing mirror.
“What’s going on inside here?” I tap the side of her head and she sullens, pulling away. It’s been a few days since we brought Edgar back to Alkrose and she’s still like a walking corpse. The second exam is closing in and all the other students have been focused on training for the Blood Crowns exam. I take a long breath and sigh. “You know, you could just?—”
“I’m not turning off my emotions again,” she snaps, crossing her arms and sitting on the edge of her bed.
I raise a brow and sit next to her. “And why is that?”
She glowers at me and I laugh.
“If you want to suffer, then suffer,” I say with a shrug. Terra studies my features for a moment. She’s the only person I’ve ever let get this close to me before, and I can’t say I don’t admire the way she takes me in like I’m so amusing. There’s a distinctive trust in her eyes that makes me feel cold-hearted.
“How many times have you turned off your emotions completely?” she asks meekly.
I glance down at the floor. It’s not something I need to even think about because I know the answer. “Only once.”
Terra perks up and she leans closer to me. “Really?”
I nod. “I can understand why you don’t want to turn it off again. It’s hard to come back to your own mind after being numb to it all, isn’t it?” A forlorn smile spreads across my lips. Her hand reaches up and smooths across my chin. The feeling warms my chest.
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but after talking to Arthur, I think it’s okay. I’ve been helping Raine find a cure for his blight,” she admits. Terra’s gaze grows distant but she shakes her intrusive thoughts. “I’m going to speak with Kallos. He knows how to get rid of it.”
I flinch. I wasn’t aware she was helping Raine research a cure for the blight. Didn’t I tell him not to mention it to her? I lower my shoulders and groan internally. Good thing they didn’t run off telling everyone.
“Then go speak with him,” I mutter indifferently.
She shoves me and I play along, falling back on her bed. Terra stands and looks down at me with that serious look she gets when she studies. I’ve grown fond of it.
“Come with me,” she begs and I can’t help but laugh.
“No. I won’t be doing that. You seem reliant on Arthur though, have him go with you. He’s chummy with Kallos.”
Her brow raises. “Do you not get along with Kallos?”
I stare emptily at her ceiling, the stars and novas colliding and burning into the universe. Of course we get along. He’s one of the first Shadows, like I am, but I’ll always be the outcast. Always the burden. If he truly has the cure, it’s only because I blighted our comrades. It’s my fault and I don’t feel like facing those demons today.
I settle for shutting my eyes and muttering, “Don’t press me on this, sweetheart.”
She huffs but goes back to her desk to continue her studies.
I get up and leave after staring at her ceiling for the better part of thirty minutes. The homeroom has been empty since Edgar’s incident. It’s almost as if no Novas are here at all. Just like it was before.
My study is cold. I leave the fireplace off and sit in the dark for a while, thinking of long-dead ghosts and how I wasn’t there for Kallos after it all went down. I fist my hands through my hair and lower my head.
Don’t think about it. Don’t let them in, I chide myself.
I’ll never be able to make up for those sins. Not ever.