Ember
Cassidy walks back into the apartment with our coffees. She hands it to me and I take it.
“Where’s my brother?” she asks.
“Gym.”
She nods. “Guess he didn’t want to stick around for this conversation.”
“Guess not,” I answer quietly.
I follow her into the living room, where we both take a seat. My heart is racing as I wait for her to speak.
She looks up, eyebrows raised. “So, rebound sex with my brother. Bold choice.”
I wince. “Cass, I’m so sorry. It was stupid. We were drunk. It won’t happen again.”
Cassidy takes a sip of her coffee, studying me for a long moment.
Then she lets out a soft laugh, shaking her head.
“Honestly, I’m more grossed out than mad.
My brother? Really? But I get it. And if anyone was going to help you get over Kevin, I guess it makes sense it was Sully.
He was always there for you when we were younger.
I mean, it’s not the first time I’ve busted the two of you. ”
She's talking about that moment when she and Trevor walked in on Sully declaring his feelings for me.
“It’s like we’re back in high school again.” She laughs.
Her words hit me like a punch. She’s right, it is high school all over again. I used Sully as an emotional crutch then, and I’m using him now. Every time Kevin hurt me, I ran to him. And now I’m doing it again. I swallow hard, tears pricking my eyes.
“Hey …” Cassidy says, looking at me with concern on her face.
“It’s okay, you don’t need to cry,” she says as she quickly gets off her armchair and rushes over to me, pulling me into her arms. “I’m not mad, seriously.
Will I have nightmares? Yes. But we’re good.
” She squeezes me tightly. “I never thought you’d move on from that toxic relationship with Kevin.
And I’m saying this as your bestie, you two were toxic when we were kids, and I was worried that you might not be able to break his toxic spell even though he is with someone else,” she confesses.
“Really?” I look up at her.
She wipes the tears from my eyes. “Kevin cheated on you all the time in high school, and here I thought it was just fucking Rachel Meyer who was the problem.” She scoffs.
“That would have made sense,” I mumble.
“Right?” She chuckles because we hated that girl, she made our lives hell in high school. She was the cheer captain, and she thought she ran that school. “You know she hooked up with Trevor too.”
I still. “What?”
“Yeah, I found out after we were married. He said something when he was drunk about Rachel being a slut and sleeping with everyone. He explained that when we were on a break, he hooked up with her. She caught him at a party one night when he was drinking because he was trying to get over me or some bullshit. And she was there to help him get over me.”
“No way. Why did you never tell me?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I knew she triggered you, and it was so long ago I just ignored it.”
“And to think those morons ended up cheating on us with each other, not Rachel Meyer. Now she would have made sense,” I say.
“Right? Fucking morons.” She chuckles.
“Do you ever wish you had made other choices in high school?” I ask her.
“Regarding Trevor?”
I nod. “Yeah, like I wish I had more confidence back then to leave Kevin.”
“Seeing where we are now, yes. My family hated Trevor, and even after all those years of marriage they still only tolerated him. Should have read the signs, but I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Maybe I wanted to prove myself wrong too.”
“We were dumbasses, weren’t we?”
Cassidy chuckles. “Yeah, we were, but that’s our karma for not reading the massive red flags the universe was giving us when we were younger.”
“Facts.” I smile. “I’ve been thinking back on my past, and I’ve realized that all the good times were because you were there.” Cassidy raises her brow. “All our holidays we went on. My happiest memories are of all the things we did together, not what Kevin and I did.”
“You’re right. This would have been so much easier if we were lesbians.” She laughs.
“Guess that’s why our husbands turned out gay then.”
“True.” She smiles. “This has been enlightening, hasn’t it? Like therapy.”
“It has.”
“Look, if you want to do whatever it is …” she shudders, “with my brother, then I’m okay with it. But please, I don’t want to know about it.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
“Also, just be careful with Connor. I know he’s my brother and I love him, but I love you too. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
Aw. I love her.
“You know he dates a lot, and I guess I don’t want you to be another notch on his belt. I know he wouldn’t do that to you, but …”
I reach out and squeeze her hand. “I promise, it’s done. I was falling into past patterns, and I need to break from doing that.”
“Thank goodness, I don’t know if I could handle walking in on my brother naked again.” She shivers.
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
“I don’t want details like ever, but, you know … it would be utterly embarrassing if he was all talk and no game. Don’t want that shame brought to the family.”
I burst out laughing. “It was amazing.”
Cassidy tries not to hurl. “Okay. Good. I’m glad that you’re happy. That’s all that matters. Now, can we talk about me?” she says, changing the subject.
“Um, yes. What the hell?”
“I know, I know. But he’s a hot, younger man that basically wants to screw my brains out twenty-four-seven, no strings attached,” she explains. “I have never in my life been treated the way he is treating me.” I can hear the happiness in her voice.
“I’m happy for you.”
“Honestly, he is the greatest distraction, but it’s only until the end of summer, we both agreed. We both know what this is, it’s physical,” she explains.
I know what she means. “You’re not worried about catching feelings?” I ask her.
She looks at me as if I am crazy. “Oh hell no. I am in my single era, ready to mingle. I am not ready to settle down. I have too much life to live. We have a new business venture that we need to get off the ground, and it’s going to take up most of our time. I’m happy having fun with him.”
“But you’ve only been seeing Nelly?” I ask her.
She stills. “This is true.” She taps her finger on her lips. “But it’s only sex. My plan is to have all the fun with him now, then come the start of the season, when he is solely focused on hockey, I go and live my best life.”
“Sounds like you have it all figured out.” I laugh.
“Foolproof plan. Men have been doing it for years, so why can’t we?”
She has a point.
“Can I say something, though, and don’t be weird.”
“Okay.”
“You don’t have feelings for my brother, do you?” she asks.
“What? No.”
Her brows pull together. “I mean, I wouldn’t be mad if you two started dating, but not now.”
I shake my head. “You have nothing to worry about.”
“It’s just … you always ran to him when you were younger, and now, you’re doing it again, so there’s always been something there on both sides.” She muses.
I’m not sure what to say to that.
“Actually, the more I think about it, the more I hate Kevin.” Huh? “Because maybe if you hadn’t gotten back together with him, you would be my sister-in-law.”
“If Connor and I had gotten together when we were teens, I doubt we would be together now. He’s a hockey star, he would have eventually cheated with a puck bunny.”
“Hey, I know he has a reputation, but he’s not a cheater,” she says, defending him.
Maybe she’s right, but I don’t know if that’s true. “If we had gotten together and broken up, you would have sided with your brother, and we may not even have been friends anymore.”
“Hell no, you can’t get rid of me that easily. But I get what you’re saying.” She smiles.
“We good?” I ask her.
“We're good.” She reaches over and hugs me. “I love you, even if you have questionable taste in men.”
Cassidy went to bed ages ago, and I've been lying in my room, staring at the ceiling, trying to work up the courage to go over to Sully’s room and talk to him. It’s not going to be a great conversation because I don’t want to hurt him, but he deserves better than what I am giving him.
It’s now or never, Ember. So, I get up. I pad down the hall in my sleep shirt before I can talk myself out of it, and I stop outside his door.
There's a light shining under it. Okay, well, at least he is awake.
I knock so quietly that if he's asleep, he won't hear it, and I can go back to my bed and try another day.
“Yeah,” his deep voice calls out.
Dammit.
I open the door and walk into his room. He's in bed with a book, of all things, glasses on, which I didn't even know he wore, and something about that image, Sully in glasses reading in the lamplight, makes my chest ache before I've said a word.
“Hey.” He sets the book down.
“Can I come in?”
He nods, and I close the door behind me. I walk over and sit on the edge of his bed, close but not too close, and I make myself look at him.
“Things with Cass all okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, we’re good. And you?”
This makes him smile. “She gave me a grilling. Don’t worry, I told her it was a one-time thing. Actually, I blamed her and said that it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t skipped dinner. She looked so guilty, so it worked.”
This makes me laugh because I know why she is feeling guilty, but I don’t say anything.
Silence falls between us. “Look, um …” I try to find the right words. “I think maybe we should stop … you know …”
“I agree.”
I still. Oh, he agrees. “You do?”
He nods. “Yeah, I do.”
Oh, I don’t know how I feel about that. I mean it’s what I want, but …
“Look, you should be single. You should be out there exploring and doing whatever you need to do to heal from Kevin.”
“That's very mature of you,” I say.
“I have my moments.” He grins.
“No, I mean it.” I pick at a loose thread on his duvet because it's easier than looking at him. “That's the problem. You're always so … fine about everything. You never once made it hard for me, and I don't think I've ever thanked you for it, I've just taken it.”
He seems surprised by my words. “We’re adults, and you've had a rough time. I'm not going to add to it.”