Chapter Twenty
D ebs grinned at the sound of her phone chiming, breaking away from the email she was drafting to see whatever message Sienna had replied with. They had been texting back and forth all morning, ever since Debs had crept out of Sienna’s apartment at an hour, which was far too early, reluctantly leaving the warmth of Sienna’s bed in order to make it home with enough time to shower and change before having to be in the office. She was tempted just to not bother for the first time in forever, to call in with some excuse. Execute privileges of being the boss she had never used before just to stay wrapped around Sienna’s warm body.
Last night had been…everything. Sex in her marriage had become non-existent. Excuses of co-parenting and busy lives had been made, but really, it was the first sign that the parameters of her and James’ relationship had changed. But with Sienna… Just like everything with Sienna, it had been instinctual and natural. There were no nerves, no uncertainty or second-guessing. Even though she had never slept with a woman before, there was no hesitation or worry about what to do. The urge to touch, to discover and pleasure Sienna was overwhelming. And the desire hadn’t lessened with sleep; Debs waking and wanting to continue her exploration this morning. An exploration that had the very real possibility of her throwing her responsibilities to the wind.
I think I need a new plant xx
Another one? I'm not sure you have room xx
For work! Something brighter to liven up my cardboard box of an office! I was thinking of seeing if Max would come do a session with the kids. Do you think it’s a good idea? xx
Debs smiled to herself at the question. Just a few weeks ago, it would have been asked with a sense of uncertainty, a genuine question of Sienna’s faith in her abilities, but, today, Debs sensed something else in it. It felt as if she was just asking Debs’ opinion, wanting to make conversation with someone who would be interested in what she was thinking, whose input she valued.
I think it’s a great idea. You should ask them! A better idea than a new plant anyway. Any more and you’ll be fighting for sunlight! xx
So, does that mean you don’t want to come around again? If you’ve got to fight for sunlight? xx
Debs bit her lip, willing her body to not react in such a visceral way at the mere suggestion of visiting Sienna’s apartment again. There was nothing explicit in the message, but just the insinuation of another night like the last time she was at Sienna’s caused heat to rush through Debs’ body. For someone who had never even seriously considered being with a woman until a few weeks ago, the idea to her now seemed like second nature. As soon as she felt Sienna’s lips ghost across her jaw, immediately finding that spot that made her weak, Debs knew what she wanted. And the way that Sienna took control, delicate yet sure, giving Debs every opportunity to voice exactly what she wanted…Debs was gone.
I’d fight anything if I meant waking up next to you again xx
It was soft, so saccharine, that if Mica was to ever discover it, she wouldn’t hear the last of it for months, but it was true. And if being with Sienna made her a little softer around the edges, no one would complain, especially when she was certain that the only reason she was changing was because Sienna made her want to be that way. She wanted to be this person for Sienna, and Sienna made it easy for her to drop her guard a little.
The soft knock and familiar sound of her ex-husband’s voice was not what Debs was expecting and certainly not what she wanted to hear when her mind was currently occupied with Sienna Daly.
“Hey. How are you doing?”
“Hey. What are you doing here?” Debs asked, hoping she had covered her dreamy state. She paused, remembering that James had dropped the kids off at school this morning. “Are the kids okay?”
“Yeah, they’re fine. I was just settling a couple of accounts and thought I’d pop in.”
“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. How are you?”
“Good. Good.” Debs watched as James wandered aimlessly around her office, fingers tapping across every surface he walked past, in the way he did when he had something to say until he came back to her desk. “You got a plant?”
“I did.” Debs tried not to look at the Peace Lily James was referring to, not entirely sure her poker face could hold. Especially since she had apparently done such a poor job around Mica and Grace. But it was difficult, especially since she found her gaze drifting to it throughout the day more than enough as it was. She picked up her mug, taking a sip to give her something to do.
“Are you dating Joel Marshall?”
The lukewarm coffee shot down the back of her throat on a sharp inhale before shooting back out, drenching her desk. She spluttered, distantly grateful it was James she was having this coughing fit in front of and not anyone else.
“What?” she wheezed.
“Joel Marshall from Jenkins and Sons?”
“What the fuck makes you think I’m dating him?” She began to furiously mop at the liquid, which was now splattered across her desk with a tissue.
“I was over at Jenkins the other day, and he seemed to be making a point of talking about you. A lot.”
“I’m abso-fucking-lutely not dating him!”
“Good. I mean, good that you’re not dating him. Not good you’re not dating at all. Because that would be fine.”
“Well, thanks for your permission,” Debs snapped back, throwing her balled-up tissue in the bin. She placed her hands on her hips. “Why are you even asking about my dating life?”
“I’m not!” James insisted, holding up his hands in surrender. “I just think you can do a tonne better than Marshall.”
“Damn right I can!”
“Might need to let him know that, though.”
Debs took a deep breath, dropping down into her seat. Could that be what all this was about? The meetings, the delegation, his constant presence on Saturday evening?
“He’s been coming to our meetings as Jenkins’ delegate. But he’s been saying some things, mentioning the divorce and when we used to work at Gargrave together and after Saturday…”
“Why, what happened Saturday?” James said, a familiar defensive tone seeping into his voice. Debs softened at its appearance, remembering the way that James would get so protective over her, even though she didn’t need him to at times. People assumed that it was Debs who wore the proverbial trousers in their relationship, when in truth, James could just be as fierce and loyal as she could. It was a quality that hadn’t diminished, even as the boundaries of their relationship evolved.
“Nothing happened. He was just very…demanding of my time.” Debs’ mind flickered back to how she felt that night, frustrated at Joel taking her attention when she wanted to be with Sienna. Her gaze subtly drifted to the plant again, chest tight at the emotion which the mere thought of her evoked.
“Something’s different about you.”
Debs’ eyes snapped to James, trying to read his thoughts. She wasn’t sure she was ready to admit what was potentially happening with Sienna, not through any shame or uncertainty about it, but just because, for the first time in years, she had something that was solely hers. To admit it to James would be another step closer to revealing it to her children, and she wasn’t ready for that. She wanted to keep Sienna hers and only hers for a little longer.
“Think you’re going soft in your old age,” Debs retorted, sliding her glasses back into her nose and peering at James over the top of them.
“Are you dating someone?”
“James.” Debs sighed, tilting her head to regard him. “I love you. You’re my oldest and closest friend—”
“Apart from Mica.”
“Apart from Mica.” She rolled her eyes, knowing there was nothing malicious behind the retort. “You’re the father of my children. But I am not discussing my love life with you.”
“Fine. Fine.” He held his hands up in defeat before rising from his seat. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all I want. Are you?”
“Am I happy? Well, I don’t have to hear your snoring every night, so yeah. I’m fucking amazing.”
“Hey you.” Sienna smiled as she dropped down onto the sofa, throwing her feet up in the cushions on the other end and lying back. “How was your day?”
“Good. Janet thinks I’ve had some kind of personality transplant, though. She keeps asking why I’m smirking,” Debs said, the smile evident in her voice even over the phone.
Sienna snorted. “I would have thought you had a better poker face.”
“I do. But I only wear it when I need to.”
“And you don’t need to?”
“I don’t want to.” Debs paused. “Is that a problem?”
“Why would it be a problem?”
“I don’t know. It’s not for me, but I want to be respectful. It’s not like I’ve told anyone the reason why I’m happy, but I would understand if you wanted me to tone it down.”
“You don’t. I think Liz has noticed my mood has been significantly brighter today as well. And Max hasn’t stopped asking questions all day.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Like where we went on our date. How it went. What time did I get home…”
“If you went home alone?”
Sienna chuckled. “No. But that’s only because I don’t think Max would suspect anything different.”
“Why’s that? Was last night… I mean, I thought it was what you wanted. What we both wanted…”
The panic which laced Debs’ voice was uncharacteristic. Never in any of their interactions had Sienna seen something so uncertain. She’d always been respectful, a cautious consideration of Sienna’s emotions present but never unsure.
“Of course it was what I wanted. But…sex and attachment aren’t always the same thing for me. I…” Sienna considered how she was to explain this. “It’s not like I haven’t dated or slept with people before. Obviously.” She rolled her eyes, cringing at how bad she was wording this. “What I mean is, I never had an attachment with those people. I never do attachment with anyone. When it gets to that point, I pull away. I’m not used to having an attachment before dating someone. It’s different, and because of that, Max would probably assume that sex wasn’t on the cards straight away. But we already had both, didn’t we? An attraction and an attachment?”
It was a lot to admit, a lot for Sienna to say out loud she was feeling something for Debs, even though she didn’t use those words explicitly. But today, that connection didn’t scare Sienna. Drifting on a sea of endorphins and emotions, she found herself unable to keep up her walls of protection.
“We do. And I think that attachment is apparent. Even James noticed it.”
“James?”
“Well, he asked me the weirdest question today.”
Sienna tried to ignore the irrational spike of jealousy that pulsed through her at the mention of Debs’ ex. There was no reason for it; she knew that they had been separated for months, and Debs herself had told Sienna that, in many ways, their marriage had ended long before they had officially split. Not to mention the fact that just this morning, she had woken to Debs pressing lazy kisses across her shoulder blades, hands roaming respectfully yet teasingly across her skin…there was absolutely no reason to be jealous.
“Oh yeah, what did he say?”
“He asked me if I was dating Joel Marshall.”
“Who’s Joel Marshall?”
“He’s this guy I’ve been working with. His boss owns a huge property company; they buy up old property or land and then hire us to do the development work. Joel is his second-in-command. He was at the auction.”
“Oh.” Sienna had a feeling she knew who Debs was talking about. Every time she looked for Debs in the crowd on Saturday evening, she seemed to be talking with the same tall, handsome man. She really hadn’t thought too much about their interactions, instead trying to ignore the fact that she was disappointed that Debs was speaking to someone else. Then, she had tried to tell herself it was only residual anxiety, that the presence of Debs would reassure her, still trying to convince herself there was nothing between them except mutual respect and friendship.
“Oh?” Debs asked.
“Yeah, I think I remember him. He was speaking to you when I tried to find you. It looked important, so I didn’t bother interrupting you.”
“I wish you would have. The man’s insufferable.” Debs’ voice dropped. “And I would have much rather spent my time with you.”
“Shut up.” Sienna could feel herself blush the way she always did whenever she felt Debs’ sole attention on her.
“It’s true. I spent every minute he spoke to me wishing I was with you instead. Looking for you, trying to find you…”
“Debs…”
“I think he would like there to be something else there, something more than business.”
“That would explain why he was like your shadow all evening…” Well done on keeping that jealousy under control.
Debs’ chuckle down the phone made it clear that she had picked up the undertone of Sienna’s comment.
“Is that a sign of the green-eyed monster I’m detecting?”
“No.” Sienna was too quick to deny it, and she knew it. “Maybe just a little. Which is stupid, I know.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever had someone feel jealous over me before. I’m also not sure that a little is necessarily a bad thing.”
“I do. It’s ridiculous. Isn’t it?” There was that doubt again. The reappearance of it was quicker than Sienna would have liked.
“I mean, a little, considering where I woke up this morning, maybe.”
“What did James say?” She tried to move the conversation on while hiding the bite from her tone, angry at herself for tainting what had been the second-best part of the day.
“He asked me if we were dating, then told me I was too good for him.”
“He’s right.”
“You don’t know Joel.”
“No, but I know you, and you’re too good for everyone.” There was a pause, a loaded hesitation, while the words settled in between them. Sienna felt it in her bones, and she cursed herself again for her apparent lack of filter this evening. “Why does James think that?”
“Because Joel is arrogant and overly sure of himself. He’s been making suggestions that me and him are getting on far better than we are, and in an entirely different manner than is truthful. From what James said, it’s nothing too offensive but enough to let people draw their own conclusions. The wrong conclusions.”
“And he said it to your ex?” Sienna didn’t like the sound of Joel Marshall.
“He’s entitled. And apparently holding a bit of a torch for me from when we used to work together. Which is ridiculous considering it was ten years ago, and I can barely remember the guy. But he clearly rates himself very highly, which quite frankly is an absolute turn-off, even if I was remotely interested.”
“He sounds like a right tool.”
Debs cackled down the line, the sound of her laughter making Sienna’s heart beat faster. Knowing she was the one to make the composed Debs Brannigan literally sometimes howl with laughter dampened the feeling of insecurity that had started to creep in moments before.
“He really is. But I really don’t want to waste any more time talking about him. Most definitely not to you. Tell me about your day?”
Sienna smiled as she sunk further into the cushions of the sofa, once again feeling swathed by the attention of Debs.